Rebound: Chapter 28

My brain freezes and time stands still. All I can do is stare at her. Finally, after what feels like hours, I find my voice. “He did what?”

“He assaulted me, Elijah. The man you’re so convinced I’m in cahoots with tricked me into coming up to his office. I was supposed to be meeting Martha for drinks, and he got her to ask me to meet her there instead. I didn’t think anything of it. I thought I was meeting a friend. Like I said, I’m stupid.”

She sounds pissed now, but with herself. Not even half as angry as I am with myself though. “You’re not stupid, Amber. Now tell me what happened. Please.”

“Are you sure you want to know?” she asks, a flash of emotion in her eyes and a tremor in her voice. “Are you sure you’ll believe me?”

This is a fucking shitshow. My wife is in pieces before me, and something horrible has clearly taken place. And now she doesn’t want to tell me about it because she’s worried I won’t believe her. I came here so convinced I was in the right. I’m such a fucking dick.

“I’m sure, Amber. And yes, I will believe you, I promise.”

She looks away from me again, squeezes her eyes shut tight, and starts to talk. “He said he wanted to represent me in the divorce. That’s why he got Martha to lure me up there. That’s how it started—he wanted to sign me, told me you were going to screw me over and only he could protect me. When I told him no, that I already had an attorney, he … he changed. He was so jacked up, so on edge. He took my refusal as some kind of personal attack and started saying all kinds of crazy things. Calling me horrible names. And then, he backed me into a corner, and … he … Fuck! Why am I crying again?” She swipes at her eyes, and I can almost hear the pep talk she’s giving herself.

Rage is eating away at my insides, but I force myself to stay calm. “It’s okay, baby. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

She runs her hands through her hair and takes a deep, steadying breath. “Okay. I can do this,” she mutters to herself before continuing. “He backed me into a corner. I tried to shove him away, but he pinned my wrists against the wall. He hurt me. Then he … He rubbed himself against me, and … ugh! He was hard. He made me touch it. He held my fingers there while he rubbed it into me. It was … God, it was disgusting! That brought me to my senses, and I managed to get away, but up until then, I was paralyzed. Useless. I can’t believe I let that happen to me.”

She shudders and closes her eyes. I know she’s reliving it right now. Today was probably one of the worst moments of her life, and I didn’t give her the chance to tell me about it. Instead of being there for her, I stood her up. Abandoned her when she needed me most. My stomach churns, and I can barely breathe through the fury I feel for myself. I’m going to fucking kill Freddie Kemp. But her needs come first.

I gently place my hand on her blanketed knee. She’s shaking, but she doesn’t pull away. “You didn’t let it happen, Amber. It was not your fault. You know that, don’t you? It was nobody’s fault but his.”

“I know that logically, Elijah. But I also feel like I should have stopped him. Like I somehow, I don’t know, asked for it.”

“No, baby, you didn’t. I’m so sorry, if I had known …” I don’t finish that sentence, because there are no words to convey how fucking wrong I was and how goddamn awful I feel that I let her down. Again.

She stares at my hand on her knee, and I wonder if she’ll let it stay there. She does. When she looks back up, though, there’s such pain in her expression that it feels like she’s torn my heart out of my chest.

“I wanted you to know, Elijah. The first thing I did when I got away was message you—after seeing Nathan, of course. That was lucky, wasn’t it?” She lets out a hollow little laugh, and I remember my brother saying she was pale and shaky and not herself. We both assumed it was because she’d gotten caught.

“It had just happened when I asked if you could meet me earlier,” she continues. “I was in the ladies’ room, about to throw up. It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about on the phone, and I was in shock. I was desperate to see you. Desperate to be with you and feel your arms around me and to feel … safe again. Like I keep saying, I’m stupid.”

No, it’s me who’s stupid. “And like I keep saying, you’re not. I’m the asshole here, not you. Fuck, when I called Freddie, he was so weird with me …”

“He probably thought I’d told on him and expected you to tear him a new one.”

I nod, narrowing my eyes as I replay the conversation. Yeah, that tracks. Technically, everything he said was true. He made implications that confirmed what I already feared, and like an idiot, I was ready and waiting to accept his lies. Primed by Nathan and my own underlying worries, I swallowed them whole.

Freddie must have known I’d eventually find out it was bullshit, but there was glee in his voice when he told me she’d been there. I gave him the opportunity to cause trouble, and he took it. He probably hoped it would scare her, show her how he could mess with her life. That he could distract us by setting up this conflict. The little shit is probably terrified of a visit from the cops. And that might still happen, depending on how things work out. Right now, though, I’m thinking the cops are too good for him. Justice might come a little more up close and personal. But that will all come later.

She’s rubbing at bruises on her wrist. Bruises put there by Freddie Kemp. I bite down my fury at the thought of him touching her and take her hand in mine. I raise it up to my mouth and gently kiss the discolored skin.

Not only did I not show up for her today, but I deliberately left her there on her own. I knew what I was doing. I was torturing her, getting petty revenge for something she didn’t do. I wanted her to suffer. And I got what I wanted

“I messaged you … on the burner phone. I told you something terrible had happened. I told you I loved you. That I needed you. You never replied. That was … This will sound silly, but that hurt more than what happened with Freddie.”

My heart cracks in two. I let her down in the worst possible way, and I wouldn’t blame her if she never forgives me for it. I will never forgive myself. “It doesn’t sound silly. But I didn’t get the message. I … I was so angry, so upset. I destroyed the phone.”

“Oh. Well. I hope that made you feel better.” The hint of snark in her tone actually does make me feel a little better. I fucking deserve it.

“It didn’t. Look, I’m so sorry, Amber. I’m so fucking sorry. About everything. I had no right to treat you like that. I listened to Nathan, and I listened to fucking Freddie, and I listened to my own insecurities, when I should have been listening to you. I know it’s not an excuse, but I was so damn broken, baby. I was planning to ask you to come back to me. I wanted us to get back together. I was terrified you would say no, but I was willing to risk it. I hated being apart from you.”

She nods and lets her hand stay in mine. “That’s what I wanted too, Elijah.”

“Wanted?” Past tense. My heart, already broken, shatters. “Is there no way past this? I know I was wrong. I was the world’s biggest jerk. Something awful happened to you, and I wasn’t there when you needed me—but I love you, Amber. With all my fucking heart, I love you.”

“Maybe you do, Elijah, but …” She squeezes my fingers and pulls her hand away, back under the pink blanket. “Nothing is ever going to change. You’ll always have Nathan and the others pouring poison in your ear. You chose him over me, again. Do you know how that makes me feel? It makes me feel small and pointless and pathetic. I’ll always be second best, and I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve it, and I won’t take it. Not anymore.”

Her words are strong, but her voice is not. She still sounds shaken, and her lips are trembling again. She’s clinging to her self-control, forcing herself to be brave. She’s also right. About everything.

“No, you don’t deserve that, Amber, you really don’t. And believe me, I wish I could go back in time and change the way I handled everything. I can’t. All I can do is apologize and tell you I love you and promise you I will never ever react like that again.”

“Oh, honey.” She manages a small smile. “I know you mean that now, I do. But I’m not sure I can trust you to remember that promise. I think maybe too much damage has been done. On both sides. When Freddie …” Her voice cracks. She clears her throat and continues. “When he touched me like that, my instinct was to reach out to you. To rely on you. You let me down, Elijah, and you know what the truly sad thing is? I wasn’t all that surprised.”

Fuck. She couldn’t have hurt me more if she’d stabbed me in the heart. And I can’t dispute a word of what she said.

I kneel on the floor beside the couch and take her face in my hands. Her skin is soft against my palms, and her eyes meet mine. There’s still no anger there, and it kills me. She should be furious. She should be raging and ranting and calling me every name under the sun. Instead, she seems resigned. As if this is the only reality she’s ever known. All the fight has gone out of her.

I kiss her very gently, a simple touch of my lips on hers, slow and cautious in case the trauma of the day makes even this delicate contact too much for her. We lean our foreheads against each other and stay like that for long moment.

“I did let you down, Amber. And I have no idea if there’s any way I can ever make it up to you, or if you’ll let me try. Believe me, I am willing. I will do anything I need to do to prove myself to you. Whatever you want. Whatever you need. I know you might not be able to see a future for us right at this moment. I understand that. I fucked up. There isn’t a quick fix for any of this, but tonight, I’d like to stay here with you.”

“Why?” she asks.

“Because I can’t stand the thought of you being alone, and truthfully, I don’t want to be alone either. I’ll stay on the couch if that helps, and if you say you don’t want me here, then hell, I’ll sleep on the front stoop. But I need to be near you. I’m not asking you to make a commitment or a promise, and you’d be within your rights if you wake up in the morning and decide you never want to see me again. But for tonight, please, just let me take care of you.”

I feel her tremble against me and wait with my heart pounding as she considers it. Finally, she gives a small, shaky nod.