God of War: Chapter 40

I haven’t left my bedroom for a week.

Our bedroom.

The extravagant space now smells like her and has become the personification of her pink obsession.

Days turn into nights and I’ve been floundering and running empty baths just so I can saturate my nostrils with the smell of her shower gel.

At some point, I lose all logical thought and start contemplating ways to rewind the clock so she’s back where she belongs. By my side. But then I recall the last day I had her in my arms—broken, beautiful, and unconscious.

I cleaned and bandaged her wounds before I called her parents to come and pick her up.

Because I realized with looming terror that I’m a danger to her life. If she sees me again, she will act on her threats, and that’s not something I can survive.

Even if she was bluffing, which is highly unlikely, I can’t afford that risk.

Not now when she’s extremely volatile.

Cole nearly beat me with a baseball bat and Ari cried her eyes out telling me, ‘You should’ve listened to the doctor;. look what you’ve done,’ as she hugged her mummy-like sister.

Silver patted my arm, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to when I knew full well the decisions I had to make.

I realized that when my wife lost consciousness in my arms after announcing that death is a better option than me.

So I promised Cole to send him the signed divorce and guardianship agreements first thing in the morning.

Sam packed my wife’s suitcases and Henderson helped load them into the van as I stood by my study’s window watching my wife—soon-to-be-ex-wife—being carried, unconscious, in her father’s arms before she was driven away from me for good.

She signed the divorce papers with her father’s guardianship the following day. They’re just waiting for the guardianship transfer before their solicitor processes the divorce.

I told mine to give them whatever they wanted. Anything I own. Even though I doubt she’d want to take anything of mine.

She sent back all the dresses, jewelry, bags, and even cellos I bought for her over the years.

They’re stacked in boxes in her old room because I refused to allow even Sam to go inside and put them back in Ava’s walk-in closet.

Henderson asked me to fight the divorce through my lawyer, but it’s pointless. She can have everything.

Except for this house.

I lie on her side of the bed and stare at the stupid neon-pink stars dangling from the ceiling as I pull out my phone and dial the number I’ve called every day since she left.

“Leave me alone, Eli,” Ari snaps as soon as she picks up.

“How is she?” I ask in the silence.

“Fine.”

“Elaborate.”

“She’s been getting remarkably better since she left your toxic orbit, but especially since Cecy came by a few days ago.”

“And?”

“And that’s all,” she says with exasperation, then I hear a rustling sound, a door being shut, and she lowers her voice. “Listen, just leave her alone. I mean it. I think you trigger her. She was a crying mess when she signed the divorce papers, and she sometimes bursts out in tears for no reason and I’m sure it’s whenever she thinks of you.”

I’m supposed to feel good that she’s also suffering through this, but no joy sparks in me. If anything, a massive sense of bitterness and an all-encompassing loss seeps through the cracks of my armor.

“I am staying away. If I weren’t, I’d be there instead of talking to you on the phone. What does your father plan to do with her treatment plan?”

“That’s none of your business anymore.”

“Ariella, don’t fuck with me. I respected her wishes and disengaged from her, but that does not mean I’ll be gone completely from behind the scenes. Either tell me or I’ll kidnap the fucking therapist and make her talk.”

“Fine, Jesus.” She pauses. “Ava wants to be admitted to the mental institute.”

I sit up, my jaw clenching so hard, it hurts. “As in your parents convinced her to?”

“Not at all.”

“You mean to tell me she’d willingly go to the place she nearly killed herself to leave?”

“Yeah. She said that she was tired of running away. She’s also considering taking this new shock therapy method Dr. Blaine suggested, but Papa is against it. He thinks the chances of success are too low and the process is painful, and, therefore, we shouldn’t risk it, but you know how Ava is when she sets her mind on something.”

Clearly. Considering she got exactly what she wanted by threatening me with the only thing I would never sacrifice.

Her life.

“Anyway, got to go. Stay away, Eli. I mean it.” Ariella hangs up. I lie back on the bed and turn off my phone to avoid being bombarded by the outside world.

Dad probably sacked me from the project and downgraded my position as a tactic to force me back to the living world. But I couldn’t care less.

Life was bright for a moment, full of rosy colors and loud chaos, but now it’s back to being bleak, gray, and hauntingly silent.

And I can’t muster the energy to face any of it.

I’ve never wanted something and failed to get it.

Not a single thing.

And now that I’ve lost the one person who added equilibrium to my life, my world is tilting off its axis and creaking under the weight of depressing loneliness.

I can’t trust myself to live without my wife anymore.

She kept some of my darkness at bay by giving me purpose—her. Now that she’s gone, I don’t trust myself not to fuck everything up in a show of epic proportions.

A knock sounds on the door.

“Leave or you’re fired, Sam.” I hyperfixate on the ceiling. “You, too, Henderson.”

“It’s me, honey.” Mum’s soft voice filters through. “Please open the door.”

“I want to be alone,” I grumble. The last thing I want is to hurt Mum, but I’m not in the mood to speak to anyone.

“How dare you turn away your mother, you insolent punk?” Dad’s voice booms on the other side. “Step away, sweetheart.”

Bang!

The door comes undone, literally hanging off its hinges. Dad shoves the thick curtains open and I squint as the strong light nearly blinds me.

I’ve been cooped up in here for far too long.

Sitting up, I release a sigh. “I appreciate the visit, but I still prefer to be alone.”

“You look like a caveman with that unshaven face.” Dad stops in front of me. “And you stink.”

“Thanks for the unconditional support, Dad. Really appreciate it.” I release a long sigh as I continue in a deadpan voice, “I’m just going through an annoyingly peaceful divorce. Nothing to see here.”

“Oh, honey.” Mum sits beside me and strokes my back in soothing circular motions. “You’ve always kept your emotions and thoughts to yourself, but it’s okay to let go sometimes.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re anything but fine.” Dad sits on my other side. “No need to pretend you’re doing okay after Cole got his wish.”

“It’s her wish, too.” The words are exceptionally hard to spit out. “She wanted the divorce enough to put her life on the line for it.”

Mum continues caressing my back softly. “I’m so sorry. No one deserves to go through that.”

“I do. I lied to her, knowing full well the consequences wouldn’t be pretty once she found out. And I was proven right, yet again.”

“You did what you thought was best for the both of you.” Dad squeezes my knee. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and you’ll not blame yourself for choosing to save your marriage. Blame Cole. That motherfucker should be blamed for half of the world’s problems. The other half are on Ronan.”

I smile despite myself.

From all the things Dad taught me, being unapologetic was always at the top of the list.

I also know how protective he is of his family, which is why I hid the fact that Ava stabbed me from my parents. I refused to muddy the relationship between Mum and Ava or, worse, have my dad put her on his shit list for daring to harm his son.

Mum would’ve understood that Ava wasn’t in her right mind, but he probably wouldn’t have.

Not that it makes any difference now.

“Her father will admit her to the mental facility, where she might spend the rest of her life,” I speak in a low tone. “The one thing I fought against is happening and I have no power to stop it, and even if I were to come up with a plan to, I could destroy her for good.”

“This might not be for the worse, you know,” Mum starts. “Remember when I often asked you to follow the therapists’ suggestions? Well, that’s because I experienced what it was like to live with someone like Ava.”

My head tilts in her direction. “You…did?”

“Yes. When I was much younger.”

“Sweetheart…” Dad says in a soft voice.

“It’s okay.” She smiles, but a wave of sadness saturates her voice. “I think he’s old enough to know. You see, my mother was also mentally unstable, and unlike Ava, who went through rare episodes, my mother’s episodes were much more frequent and violent. Dad was advised to admit her to the hospital, but he felt sorry for her and got her out almost immediately. That was a huge mistake. Not only did she hurt me, your father, several other children, and your grandfather, but she also hurt herself. I loved her so much, but at some point, that love was overshadowed by fear. If I could go back in time, I’d beg Dad to lock her up. For everyone’s sake. I’m not saying Ava is the same—God no, that girl is so self-aware, it’s heartwarming. She called to say she wanted to do this for herself and everyone around her. You know how proud she is, how she hates it when people babysit her. Before any of this happened, she was singing your praises because you treat her like she’s normal. I know you can be as rigid in your ways as your father, but this time, maybe you need to bend slightly so you don’t break.”

“I’m not rigid,” Dad says as if he’s butthurt.

“You taught him bad habits,” she shoots back.

“I taught him all my superior ones.”

“Including arrogance and stiffness. I should applaud you.”

“Are you picking a fight, sweetheart?”

She smiles mischievously. “You think you can handle a fight, Aiden?”

As I listen to my parents bicker, Mum’s words keep playing over and over in my head.

I’m reminded of why I made this choice I hate more than if I were strapped to a bridge as every car in England rolled over me.

For her.

For her sanity.

Her well-being.

Her future.

I sacrificed my peace of mind for hers, and I realize now that I would do it again in a heartbeat if I ever got a redo.

Because I care about her, more than I even realized. I wouldn’t have done this for her if she hadn’t already carved herself a hole in the blackness of my heart.

“Dad?” I interrupt them before they end up in the guest room ripping each other’s clothes off.

“Yes?

“She wants me completely out of her life. I can’t and will not accept that, but I also don’t want to be the reason behind her worsening state, so what do I do?”

“Easy. You wait.”

“For how long?”

“As long as it takes. You’ll lay low and keep an eye on her until you believe she’s ready.”

“What if she’s never ready?”

“She will be. Ava’s strong and will bounce back. Besides.” Mum pats my shoulder. “She’s worth waiting for.”

She is.

Since she waited years for me to come around. I can do the same.

For as long as it takes.