God of War: Chapter 43

“Happy Birthday!”

A playful burst of vibrant pink confetti explodes into the air, filling the space with its whimsical tendrils that lightly tickle my cheeks and settle on my dress.

My parents’ elegant reception area is adorned with cascades of white and pink balloons as if this is my sixteenth birthday.

In the middle of it all stands a towering cake decorated with fluffy candy floss toppings, serving as the centerpiece for this special occasion. It feels as if I’ve stepped into a dream world and I’m surrounded by my favorite people.

Today is my twenty-fourth birthday, but it’s also the day I’m officially discharged from the clinic.

Not because I asked or because Papa put pressure on the doctors, but because Dr. Blaine decided I could function properly in society without posing a threat to either myself or others.

Apparently, I exceeded her expectations with the experimental therapy. It wasn’t all sunshine and roses, though. I felt like giving up on multiple occasions, and I cried myself to sleep more than I’d like to admit, mainly because it got so lonely and I was missing a certain Tin Man.

And while I’ll never live medication-free, my episodes are under control and can be managed. I haven’t had one in two months, and I feel reborn.

Like I can tackle the moon and hug the stars.

I can pursue cello professionally if I choose to. Sure, I’m slightly petrified at the thought of standing on stage in front of an audience and judges, but all this progress will be for nothing if I don’t take control of my life and make the best of it.

“Thanks, everyone!” I smile, accepting a massive pink dahlia bouquet from Papa and Mama.

Ari and Cecy strangle me with a hug.

Glyn pushes them away to hug me and I think I hear her sniffling in my neck. Then it’s Anni’s turn. She squeals. “I love the dress, girl!”

“Yours is stunning!” I touch the fluffy tulle material. “Why is the bow undone, though?”

She blushes.

“My bad.” Creigh pulls her toward him with a hand on her hip.

“Seriously, control yourself.” I roll my eyes. “It’s my birthday.”

“And?” he asks with a poker face.

“Creigh!” Anni scolds softly, her face still red, then she blurts, “We’re moving here permanently, so we’ll get a lot of shopping done. I can’t wait!”

“Finally, girl!”

“I’ll move back, too. Eventually.” Lan grabs Creigh by the shoulders. “No need to throw roses at my feet or be overly excited.”

“Excited?” Remi breathes heavily. “More like horrified. I can only imagine the drama you’ll bring and the lives you’ll ruin.”

“Maybe I’ll start with yours, Rems. How about that?”

Remi puts his phone to his ear. “Mum, come pick me up.”

“Cut it out, Lan.” Ari stands beside Remi and wraps an arm around his waist. “Or I’ll knock your teeth out.”

“Shaking in my boots as we speak,” Lan says in a dispassionate tone.

I can see Papa narrowing his eyes on Ari even as Remi attempts to disengage from her hold. Pretty sure they’ve become an item over the past couple of months, considering Ari’s changing mood.

My sister and I not only have synchronized periods but also, apparently, synchronized heartbreaks.

Though she seems to have found her happy ending recently, while I’m still attempting to put up a brave front.

Even now, as I’m surrounded by my friends and family and feeling loved, appreciated, and so damn lucky to have them, I can’t chase away the black pit that’s been growing in my chest.

I believed I’d get over him with time. Maybe not right away but eventually.

Surely there’d be a day when I’d go to sleep and not think about his warmth enveloping me. When I’d wake up and not picture myself snuggling impossibly closer to him or being served breakfast in bed.

I can’t take a bath anymore, can’t sleep, watch my films, or even read my romance books without thinking of him. He’s the hero of all my novels. I think he has been for a long time.

Hell, I’ve been dreaming about him reading those books to me as I lay my head on his lap. In the dream, Eli will stroke my cheeks, kiss my forehead, and tell me in a deep, soothing voice, “Sleep tight.”

And somehow, I end up doing just that.

It shouldn’t be this way.

So what if I’ve had a crush on him for as long as I can remember? I’m young and should have been able to move on by now.

I should be able to recognize the toxicity and choose to run away from it.

From him.

Yet I keep being tugged back in with an invisible string. And the last thing I wish for is to cut it off.

After I put my bouquet in a porcelain vase, I go to the kitchen to grab a drink.

What I find, however, is Jeremy caging my best friend against the wall and eating her face.

“You guys are not helping at all,” I grumble as I swing the fridge open, grab a can of lemonade tonic, and mix it with a Diet Coke in a glass.

“Sorry,” Cecy whispers.

“She should apologize to me for stealing you all this time,” Jeremy shoots back as he hugs her to his side.

“Jer!” She hits his chest. “We talked about this.”

“I’m sorry,” I say after a pause. “I know it was hard for you to let her go, and if you didn’t love her and respect her wishes, you wouldn’t have allowed this. So thank you. I promise not to steal her time too much in the future.”

He raises a brow. “Apology accepted.”

“Ava…” She swallows. “You’d do the same for me, so don’t make it sound like it’s a hassle.”

“I don’t take you for granted, Cecy. I know I’m lucky to have you.” I sigh. “Now, I have to stop before I start crying.”

“Please don’t,” Jeremy says. “Or she won’t leave with me.”

“I won’t, you oaf.” I glare at him. “You hurt her and I slice your throat. Got it?”

Cecily laughs. Jeremy’s eyebrows are nearly touching his hairline by this point.

“Instead of worrying about her very happy relationship, why don’t you talk to that husband of yours and fix your own? We’ll all be a lot more relaxed.”

I take a sip of my drink and add more lemonade, just to turn it as bitter as my insides. “There’s no relationship to fix. And he’ll be my ex-husband soon.”

“How soon? Because his nightly visits to you don’t imply he’s considering you an ex.”

“Jeremy, why would you tell her that?” Cecily scoffs. “I told you it was a secret.”

“She deserves to know.”

“W-wait.” The glass shakes in my hand. “Eli visited?”

“Every single night,” Jeremy says. “Like clockwork.”

“Cecy?”

She puffs out a breath. “He didn’t want us to tell you and even the doctor thought it was a bad idea in the beginning because he might trigger you.”

“W-was he there last week?”

“Yeah.”

“The week before?”

“Yup.”

“The month before?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Did you miss the ‘every night’ bit?” Jeremy asks with drawn eyebrows. “Here I thought I had a bizarre best friend, but yours could compete with Nikolai’s level of weirdness, Lisichka.”

“Stop being mean.”

“I’m not mean. I’m truly concerned.” He waves a hand in front of my face. “Are you all right? Blink if you can hear my voice.”

“What did he do when he visited?” I ask Cecily, or more like blurt it out in a rush of words.

“In the beginning, he stood outside the entire night. Then he sat by your bedside and read books to you.”

“Oh my God.” I thought I was dreaming about him all this time, but he was actually there.

I was hurt and conflicted, and immeasurably heartbroken that he’d never visited, only to find out he did it religiously.

He’d come to see me for five whole months.

Every single day.

I thought maybe he’d moved on while I was floundering in my permanent feelings for him, but that couldn’t be the case if he was there all this time, right?

A weight lifts off my chest and crushing hope rushes through me as if someone has breathed new life into me. It mounts, coils, and whispers tunes of expectation into my bruised heart.

As absurd as that sounds.

For the rest of the evening, I keep thinking about him—more than usual, I mean.

My pride forbids me from going to him. Or perhaps it’s fear that this is all just wishful thinking. What if this entire thing backfires and I end up being the one who’s hurt?

I’m listening to Remi and Lan talk nonsense when my phone vibrates.

My heart nearly spills on the floor when I see his name.

‘Tin Man’ surrounded by two hearts.

I’m such a hopeless case. I didn’t change it after I left the house, probably because he never called or texted.

My heart falls as I read and reread his words. I type ‘That’s all?’ and then delete it. ‘And here I thought you forgot I existed,’ then delete it. ‘Why do you still have the ability to break my heart, you damn twat?’

Delete.

He knows it’s my birthday, and instead of offering a present like everyone who’s sane, he chose to send me a dry text.

Noted? Noted?

What the hell is wrong with this damn Tin Man? The realization that he might be done fighting for me sends nausea down my throat.

Still, after everyone leaves, I ask Papa’s driver to drop me off at what I used to call my home.

As the car rolls to a stop in front of the house, my lungs fill with melancholy, and I struggle to breathe. Memories I experienced in every nook of this house engulf me, and for some reason, they’re all happy ones.

They’re all about the precious feeling of being safe and protected. Treasured and adored.

As much as the first couple of years of marriage were filled with paranoia, the period after I woke up with amnesia was the happiest time of my life. Which is why the thought of losing it makes me tremble in dread.

My inhales turn deep and sharp when I find Sam and Leo waiting by the entrance. They both smile as I step out of the car.

I jump them both in a hug. “You guys! I missed you so much.”

“We saw you last week,” Sam says with her usual snobbishness, but she pats my arm affectionately.

“That’s a week too long.” I grin as I pull away.

They both visited me regularly but often replied to my question of ‘How is everyone in the house?’ with vague answers that never included their precious boss.

“Happy Birthday.” Sam points behind her. “I made you a very pink crochet blanket for when you snuggle to watch your films.”

“I saved your ‘ugly plants,’ as the gardener calls them, from being axed,” Leo says.

“Aw, you guys are so sweet!”

“You mentioned a few things you wanted to pick up?” Sam asks with a hint of curiosity. “I don’t recall missing anything important.”

“Uh, you did,” I say distractedly, peeking behind them as if I might catch a glimpse of their boss.

“What?” Leo asks.

“Um…you know, those potted plants. I want to take them.”

“I see,” Sam says with a raised brow. “We can ship them to you.”

“Sounds good.”

“Perhaps you’d want to take a look at them first?” Leo says.

“Fantastic idea!”

Sam stays behind because she needs to tackle some chores while Leo accompanies me. I physically stop myself from asking whether or not Eli is in the house.

Don’t tell me he left once he heard I was coming over?

As soon as we’re inside the greenhouse, my lips fall open. The cross-bred plants I thought would be long dead by now have grown into these exquisite beds. Not only that, but they’ve multiplied to occupy the entirety of the greenhouse.

Their long leaves and colorful roses make the space look like a small paradise.

“Oh my God, Leo! Did you do this?”

“No.” He scratches the back of his head. “I only had to stop the gardener from axing them one time. In truth, Boss saved them and made this happen. When the gardener disagreed, he fired him and got another one who grew them into what they are right now.”

My chin trembles. Why does he keep doing this if he refuses to see me?

“Is he here?” I whisper.

“In his study.” Leo pauses, then hesitates. “Do you want to see him?”

“No. He didn’t come to greet me, knowing I’m here.”

He releases a heavy sigh.

“What?” I ask, playing with a petal.

“It’s just ridiculous at this point.”

“What’s ridiculous?”

“You came all the way here for mythical missing things, but you refuse to go to him, and he’s made men disappear from your surroundings since university instead of admitting he has feelings for you.”

“Eli’s had feelings for me since uni? Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack. He was confused about said feelings, so his solution of choice was eliminating any competition.”

“He was just being petty.”

“Were you also only petty when you sabotaged all of his possible relationships?”

“No,” I admit aloud. I truly didn’t like the sight of him with anyone else. Besides, he encouraged me by doing the same, so soon, we fell into that toxic pattern.

“Which is why he allowed it, even knowing full well you were behind all those abnormal actions.”

“H-he knew? How?”

“Landon.”

“That damn traitor!”

“He said he was being Cupid.”

“A grotesque one.”

“If you say so.” Leo shakes his head. “I’ll be outside if you need anything.”

After the door closes behind him, I stand there for what seems like forever, staring at the house through the glass.

For some reason, I can feel an invisible thread tugging me with relentless ferocity.

Perhaps I should see Eli one final time just to curse him and get this load off my chest.

You know what?

I storm toward the door.

How dare he ruin my birthday and my new beginning?

How dare he act so considerate if he’s going to hurt me⁠—

My hand freezes on the handle when I open the door.

An electric buzz streams beneath my flesh and my heart beats so loud, I’m surprised it doesn’t fall out at my feet.

Eli stands before me in his tall, intimidating glory.

He’s wearing black trousers and a white T-shirt that doesn’t quite strain against his shoulders like before. He’s lost weight, but his face has somehow become more beautiful.

Or maybe that’s just because I miss him.

I want to kiss him.

To drown in the edges of his deep-gray eyes again. To start anew.

Despite everything.

But I force myself to remain still because I’m not that desperate.

Actually, I am that desperate. For a touch, a skim of his fingers, even.

I want him with everything in me. I love him with my incomplete sanity and my heart that he broke once upon a time, which only mended itself because of his unconditional care and protectiveness. The last five months were an atrocious hell because I couldn’t touch him.

I couldn’t bury my face in his neck and fall asleep smelling him.

I couldn’t see the look in his eyes when he stares at me.

All this time, I’ve been starving, pining, completely and utterly lost and heartbroken, and defeated.

And yet it was the thought of him that made me work harder on myself. I wanted to be whole so I’d no longer hurt him or be his weakness.

I wanted to get better so all his sacrifices for me wouldn’t go to waste, but I can’t admit any of that aloud out of the fear of making a fool of myself.

Again.

“What are you doing here?” I ask in a low murmur.

“Henderson said you fell, but he clearly lied.” His eyes taper as he runs them down the length of me with observant intensity. The moment ends too soon when he releases a worn-out sigh and turns around. “I’ll be out of your hair.”

His back muscles strain against his shirt as he walks across the cobbled pavement with firm steps.

Wait.

I take a step forward.

Wait.

I scream in my head.

“Wait,” I whisper, but he doesn’t hear me and keeps drifting away.

Out of reach.

Out of my life.

“I want my things back!” I shout at the top of my lungs.

He comes to an abrupt halt, but he doesn’t turn around. “Ask Sam and she’ll get it sorted for you.”

“My watch. The one that you’re wearing,” I blurt. “I bought it, not Aunt Elsa, and now, I don’t want you to wear it anymore. Give it back!”

He glances back at me, his voice deep, smooth, and cryptic. “No.”

“I told you I’m the one who had it made.”

“I know. Mum mentioned that a couple of years ago. It’s mine now and I don’t give away what’s mine.”

“I thought I was yours, too, at some point, but you had no issue giving up on me.”

I hate the tremor in my voice, in my limbs, in my insides.

But what I hate the most is the possibility that I can never be with him again.

I don’t need doctors to tell me that I would’ve never fixed myself if it weren’t for him. He gave me purpose, something to fight for. He also fought for me so many times during the years of our marriage.

After I calmed down and recalled everything he did for me, and after Sam told me all the sleepless nights he spent, all the sacrifices he made for my comfort, I knew that I had to fight too.

It’s not fair that I ended things before I cleared my head.

I don’t want to leave him. Not when I need him more than air. I need the unconditional comfort and safety he offers. Even if he doesn’t love me, he cares. And that’s enough.

For now.

He faces me fully, a muscle working in his jaw. “I never gave up on you. I only presented you with what you asked for.”

“Divorce?”

“That’s what you wanted, Ava.” His voice darkens. “May I remind you that you held your life in the balance for it?”

“That was before I learned about what you did for me, how you took care of me all this time, and how you visited me every day. You did everything to make me happy and asked for nothing in return, and I know how uncharacteristic that is for you. How I’m an exception. I don’t take your sacrifices for granted.”

“And that changes something?”

“It changes everything.”

He strides toward me, his emotions spilling from him with every step. It’s a vortex of passion, adoration, desire, but mostly hope.

As crushing and grandiose as mine.

“Don’t fuck with me.” He stops in front of me, his chest rising and falling with his harsh breaths. “If this is your method of revenge⁠—”

“Tell me you’ll love me. You’ll try to, no matter how long it takes. Tell me your care, adoration, and protection will develop into love someday and I’ll forget about the divorce.”

He shakes his head.

My heart falls.

“There’s no need to wait.” He strokes my cheek and my skin ignites at the contact. “You have already captured my heart, body, and soul, Ava. I have no clue when it started, but at some point, my possessiveness and obsessiveness with you turned into this inferno of emotions where I was prepared to lose you if it meant protecting you. That’s when I realized I was in love with everything about you, whether it’s your obsession with pink, candy floss, or cheesy books and films. The lack of you has stripped my world of color and made me realize you’re my sole light in the darkness. It’s why I killed for you and would do it again in a heartbeat. I’d kill everyone if it meant I’d get to keep you. Perhaps that’s not the healthiest form of love, but it’s all I have. The heart you slowly awakened is entirely yours to do with as you please.”

I stare at him through blurry vision as tears well up in my eyes.

Eli loves me.

All this time, he’s been in love with me. The truth is, I’ve suspected it since I learned about all he did for me, but I didn’t dare hope. Now, however, all my little girl dreams are bursting at the seams.

“What if I break your heart?” I whisper in a brittle voice.

“You already did, five months ago when you said you’d rather die than be with me, but by all means. If you wish to do it again for when I broke yours all those years ago, this is the time to go for it.”

I shake my head frantically. “I’m done carrying pain and heartbreak. I want a clean slate and a new start. Besides, I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain. Yes, I did think about revenge at one point, but I never got to the point of executing it. I couldn’t bear it. The reason I came undone that day was because I didn’t know about your sacrifices for me and was terrified that all your actions in recent months were a lie or that you were pitying me.”

He wipes a tear that falls down my cheek. “I never pitied you. I might have hidden things from you, but that was because I refused the very notion of triggering you or pushing you toward the very episodes you were experiencing before falling down the stairs. I was sincere in everything we did together.”

“I know that now.” I reach my hand out and palm his face. “I’m sorry I stabbed you.”

“You didn’t mean to.”

“I still stabbed you and it hurt me as much as it hurt you, if not more. So I couldn’t see you unless I made sure I’d never cause you pain again, whether consciously or unconsciously.”

“I’m proud of you, beautiful. I know these past five months were hard, but you did so well.”

A rush of endorphins flows through me, but I force it and the flood of tears down. “I did it for me, but also for you. For us. Thank you for being there every night. For being so supportive even when I pushed you away. It means so…so much to me.”

“I’ll always be there.” He strokes my cheek, my nose, the corner of my mouth, wiping all my tears with eyes so soft and loving, I want to drown in them.

“Even if I get worse?”

“Especially if you get worse.”

“Even if I don’t want you?”

“Even then. Though you wanted me since you were a kid. I doubt that will ever change.”

“That’s true.” I chuckle through my tears before it slowly dies out. “I’m sorry I threatened you with committing suicide. It’ll never happen again.”

He nods, a flash of pain passing behind his eyes.

And this is when I know I hurt him so deeply, probably as much as he hurt me in the past.

The Tin Man feels, and it’s because of me.

“I love you, Eli. I’ve been in love with you since I was a clueless little girl. What started as a naive crush deepened into this uncontrollable love where I’d do anything for you. Including forgetting about all the pain in the past.”

“You’d do that?” he murmurs.

“In a heartbeat. We’ve been apart for far too long. We misunderstood each other for such a long time, too. I think it’s time for us to start a new life together.”

“Together,” he echoes, and then his lips brush against mine.

It’s a sweet kiss in the beginning, but then he deepens it, stealing my breath and my future.

The love of my life might not be conventional, but he’s all mine.