67: Her Moon

If Time were so generous as to give me a second chance, I promise I'd do things differently. Even if it meant I'd lose Philip and all the friends I'd made. I'd make sure my decisions only ever protected those whom I now care for. But that is no excuse for my sins, I'd accept my punishments to the fullest extent.

The forest at dawn is a chilly and quiet place. When creatures and people alike stir awake. And the first murmurs greet the day.

At the entrance, Philip and I stood peering into the forest under the early morning sky.

"We tell the truth," I said, inhaling a heavy breath.

"No going back now." Philip nodded. He raised the mini bell into the air, sending a jingle through the still air. But a moment and a few minutes passed and no one came out to greet us.

"Maybe they know?" I suggested, feeling the fear creep through me.

Philip's gaze swung from one end of the forest to the other, taking in our surroundings through slits. His jaw locked and his hand lingered on the hilt of his dagger. "Somethings not right."

"What is it?"

His free hand fell on the nearest tree, glowing green at the touch. "Someone's been here, someone unfamiliar."

That was when her cries cut through the silence.

"Brise." I took off running, Philip right by me. The forest is an easy place to lose your mind in if not to the wandering souls of giants then to the indistinguishability of every direction. But we made Brise our beacon and followed her the best we could.

Perhaps the souls were too busy being sacred of Death to bother stealing control of our bodies. Because we made it to the houses unbothered. But we'd been too late.

What was once a refuge for the outcast was now the ravaged shell of a sanctuary. Bridges broken. Walls falling apart. Scorch marks and smoke. But worst of all, the cries that replaced the cheers of children.

We stepped into the elevator. And the few minutes or so of standing idly was crushing. "What if it was...?"

"We don't know yet." Philip hid every bit of emotion behind a straight face.

I held my tongue, because guesswork was no help. The elevator halted, the door slid open and an arrow narrowly missed Philip and I. He was in front of me in an instant.

"Are you with them as well?" Xon demanded, his bowstring taut with another arrow.

Philip raised his hands but stood his ground. "What happened?"

"I know you aren't one of us," Xon sneered. His face had been sprayed red. The administration building was a mess. Crates turned over, holes in the walls, slashes across surfaces and stains of red in every direction.

"We don't want to hurt you," Philip said cautiously. "Let us explain."

"Why should I trust you!" Xon growled.

"Brise," I said stepping out of Philip's shadow. "Is she alright?"

Xon's harsh gaze mellowed, only slightly. "Are you even her sister?"

"I'm her friend." But the truth fell short. "I care about her. Everything about me might be a lie but if there's one thing I can say for certain is truly me are my feelings."

"I know that you're a spy and so is she. How do I know you aren't still spying? Making sure they did a job well done?"

"Because we want to join you," Philip said. Xon aimed for him instead. "We're on your side."

"Did you know this was going to happen?"

"No, of course not." Philip stepped towards him but Xon's arm pulled back further.

"Don't think you're so innocent. How do you think they found us? How would they have known if someone hadn't told them!" He bared his razor-sharp teeth. "I should just kill you both right here right now!"

Xon's words are something I will remember till the day I die. It became the burden I would carry on for a lifetime. Because how could it have been any less true. There isn't any amount of wealth, nor any one word or deed that will ever equate to my sins.

Her shrill cries filled the cavity of the building. Xon wavered. He lowered his bow and regarded Philip, his rage now tempered. "Can you heal?"

Philip nodded.

But Xon still seemed torn between sticking an arrow between our ribs and letting his guard down. "I won't hesitate to strike you down should I deem you suspicious."

Xon led us out, across restrung bridges, past empty ruins of homes and towards the community hall. Where Brise and I had been celebrated on our first night here was now crowded with herds of bleeding bodies strewn over beds, little and big, surrounded by teary eyed children and parents.

An older man came barreling towards us, anxiety obvious in his every step. "Have you seen Uta?"

"Was she not brought here?" Xon peered over the old man's shoulder.

"She was just resting a moment ago." The old man paled with every word. "If we don't find her soon both she and her child will be in danger."

"What's happened to her?" Fear snaked it's way into my thoughts. "She's alright, isnt she?"

Xon was conflicted but he didn't have the time to contemplate his choices. "Find her."

I went off without another word. I hoped and I prayed that she'd be fine. But as I called for her and searched every building I could, I started to lose faith. I began to hope for at least one of them to be safe. I willed myself calm enough to contemplate. Then it hit me.

The orphanage was the aftermath of an unrestrained disaster. Sadness crippled me but anger flushed right through when I realized this was no accident but a carefully orchestrated plan to demolish and disfigure. Then I heard the innocent voice of first breath and it tore me down from the inside out.

"UTA!"

She was cradling her newborn in her arms as she stared down at her wearing the sweetest of smiles. Her eyes met mine, and I found utter joy compounded with a despodence beyond measure. "December..."

I plummeted to my knees before her. "Uta, you, you're..." I was lost for words. I didn't deserve to face her. Then my sights fell on her baby, and I couldn't have felt any more undeserving. She looked so much more like Hoku than her own her mom, but she had Uta's jade eyes and green skin. "She's beautiful."

Uta smiled weakly. "Her name is Tsiho, my moon." Uta was pale, so pale I questioned whether that was normal.

"Uta, are you alright?"

Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, as her breaths grew heavier. The pool of blood beneath her grew. Green gushed from her hip.

"No, no, no." Under her shirt was a bandage, soaked through and useless. I forced the dread out my mind. "You're gonna be okay, you and Tsiho—" But my eyes were already filled with tears.

"December, " she said. I wish I'd told her my real name. I wish I wasn't a lie to her even to her last breaths. "You said Tsiho was precious. Do you still think that?"

"Of course." My knees were glued to the floor as I savored her every word.

"Then will you"—she took one deep breath—"tell her how precious she is everday when I can't?" She placed Tsiho in my arms. And I held her as carefully as I'd hold the moon itself. Delicate and dear, a source of light to the world.

Uta's eyes fell close and her body stilled.

"Uta?" Her skin was as cold as ice. "Uta?"

It didn't yet hit me that my friend was gone. "No, you're gonna be alright, you're gonna be the best mom to Tsiho. You're gonna write books for children. You're gonna—" I choked on my own words as my heart twisted itself into a knot. "My name is Mo. And it's my fault."

I wept. But wondered what the tears were for, loss or guilt. It must have been both because it couldn't have been one or the other. Either way, they were the tears of an undeserving woman. I didn't deserve to cry. I didn’t deserve to be the girl she thought I was. I didn't deserve to have her child nestled in my arms. I didn't deserve live and she didn't deserve to die.

A/n: I'm sorry...

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