The Kiss

When one falls in love, certain chemicals known as norepinephrine, dopamine and endogenous opioids are released. With the cause of this, their hearts will beat faster at the sight of their loved one. The influence of all sorts of behaviour derives from love.

To put simply, love changes one's personality drastically. The outlook of their surroundings glistens. Their perception of the world illuminates. And above all, happiness is engraved to their hearts.

However, I feel nothing as of yet.

It is Saturday morning, around 6 AM, when I hear the recurring noise of a doorbell vibrating my eardrums excruciatingly.

If it was not obvious already, I had woken up to this noise.

I walk up to the door to cease the endless sequence of annoyance.

"Yes?" I say, opening the door whilst half awake. My eyes were still adjusting to the daylight.

The perpetrator stands with her hand on her hip, and the other covering the sunlight from beaming into her eyes.

"We're going on a date, Kiyotaka."

"..."

"..."

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now."

"..."

"..."

"I need to take a shower first."

1 hour later

With our hands embracing each other's warmth, we walk upwards from the dormitory towards the mall. It has been 4 days since Suzune first confessed to me, yet she accustomed to this relationship quite well. Holding hands were no longer a challenge, and talking to each other no longer felt forced or awkward.

I'm sure Suzune honed her behaviour to suit my tastes, which, I am beyond thankful for.

"Did you change your hairstyle, Suzune?" I ask, out of curiosity.

"Wha- not at all. W-Why do you think so? Is something wrong with my hair?"

Oh, she has not changed her hairstyle at all, huh. That's impressive.

"No, there's nothing wrong. It's just, you look cuter than usual."

"...Huh?" she stood still, as if an arrow pierced through her heart, "Y-You really think you're cool, don't you Kiyotaka? B-But I won't fall for such bait!"

"What are you talking about? If anyone, it should be you who knows that I never lie."

She looks at me with an unconvinced face, "You truly believe so? That I look cute?"

"Of course I do. Though, I must say... I have seen better around this school."

"H-Hey!"

"It was a joke."

"I thought you never lie... you liar."

The smile she displays reminds me of a face of an angel. Perhaps being by her side is a blessing alone.

We resume our walk after the brief conversation.

I may be drenching in lies and living under false identity, but I certainly did not lie nor jest when I say she looks cute. After all, everything I say is objectively said.

I take another glance at her and indeed, her physical appearance has not changed one bit; she looks the same as always. However, something about her has certainly changed from before.

That is, her expressions.

Her expressions are more elegant and softer than before, as if her life was illuminated from the darkness. Maybe falling in love has changed her mind, her behaviour, her heart? The effects of love, gifting her a broadened world. That is the love she has for me...

I pity you, Suzune.

"Kiyotaka, is there anything you'd like?"

"What?"

"You see, I'm asking you..." she moves her mouth closer to my ear, "If there is anything you'd like!"

I quickly move away whilst holding my right ear, "Was that really necessary?"

She sighs, "Then next time, how about you stay awake during my date, instead of dozing off? If you do it again, I will kick you."

"That's harsh."

"What choice do I have? It's my job as your girlfriend to reprimand you." I guess her point is reasonable, "Now, with that aside, is there anything you'd like?" She takes her phone out from her pocket, "I will pay for whatever it is you want."

"I can't tell if you are serious or not..."

"Are you saying you don't trust me? How rude!"

"The last time you did something similar to this caused me to get roped me into a troublesome job. It's only natural to feel some sort of unease."

For an unapparent reason, her face turned red, "Well, it is true that you will be obliged to repay me at some time..."

"Oh? Then, is it alright if I refu-"

"Nope! I'll force you to get something for yourself if I have to!"

She grabs my hand and forces me to run with her, sprinting towards the mall.

"S-Slow down, Suzune."

I could force her to halt if I use my physical strength, but I restrain doing so. Why? Because I can see the smile Suzune has on her face. I'm sure she looked forward for this date, so I'll allow her to take the lead.

"We're... here... ah" she says, panting for air with her hands holding her knees.

"I told you to slow down."

"Yeah... I know... ah... but... I couldn't help it..."

Seeing her in this state makes her look vulnerable. I can't help but produce an urge to protect her.

And so, I offer my hand.

"Ah, thank you, Kiyotaka."

"I heard today was to be the last day the sun would be up. Then, the cold will rush in."

"Huh?"

"And, if I were to be honest, I dislike having frozen hands during the cold."

"I... see."

"So, I was to say. I'd like two pairs of warm mittens for winter, if I'm not being too selfish, of course. Do you mind paying for them, Suzune?"

She widens her eyes, then subsequently smiles once again, "Of course I will."

She truly is cute. I can see why Sudo was so heartbroken to see this face taken away from him.

If only this face was enough to make me feel love.

"Then, let's go, shall we? You'd better not drain my points, Kiyotaka."

"I'll try... I guess."

And so, hand to hand, we walk together towards the winter store.

30 minutes later

"What? You're already wearing it, Kiyotaka?"

We settle inside a cafe within Keyaki Mall, each of us with hot chocolate in our hands.

"Isn't it etiquette to wear the piece of clothing your girlfriend buys for you in front of them?"

She giggles at me like a young girl, "You're a weird guy, you know?"

"I guess."

It feels like Suzune exposed more of her hidden side today. As if I had never seen enough from before, she acted more like herself: a lovebird with wings. And with those wings did she fly from the cage she kept shut in her heart.

But it feels as though I cheated on her feelings. Never to return her love, never to say the phrase 'I love you' once, even if it were for a farce. Someday, sometime, the same face I see today -the face of a happy young girl- will be overflowing with tears. The tears of a broken heart.

"Kiyotaka?"

I forget once again, that I cannot lose focus on this date. Or, I will. indeed, get kicked.

"Wait, don't tell me you doze off again-"

"What about your brother?"

I quickly change the subject. A subject that had been on my mind last night.

"Huh, my brother?"

"Yes. Horikita Manabu, the student council president. The brother you look up to."

"O-Oh... big brother... eh?"

She trembles at the use of his name. Was her fright for his brother this immense? Though, I do not blame her. She was totally powerless that night, when I went to the vending machine. She simply lacks the status or competency to stand up against her brother. And now, she will have to dread the moment she will confess the truth, that she is in a relationship. Who knows what Horikita Manabu's reaction would be when he hears his little sister 'is not taking her position in class D seriously'?

"What shall we tell him about our relationship? That his little sister is dating someone?"

She squints her eyes, as if there was no hope, "I-I don't know... m-maybe we should-"

"We can't afford to keep it a secret. Piling up secrets is what we will soon regret. We have no choice but to tell him now. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do... it's not as if I'm trying to run away, okay? Don't get the wrong idea, it's just-"

"You're scared."

"Huh? Of course not!"

"Then, what is the reason?"

She keeps quiet. I simply leave her to think. After all, it is time for her to face the problems that arose from the love confession she had declared to me. There was no way she had thought it would be easy to get into a relationship in peace.

"Perhaps I really am scared..."

But she is not alone now. I was the one who accepted her honest feelings.

I hold her trembling hand, and share the warmth of my mittens with her.

"I'll talk to him tomorrow. Believe it or not, I am somewhat a decent character in his eyes, so I doubt he will mind."

She still was not convinced.

"But-"

"I said it before, didn't I? On that island, when you were down and hopeless. I said to rely on others, or you will suffer."

All organisms rely on others to survive. The same applies to humans.

"You must've known that you are not alone, especially right now. You have myself."

No one deserves to shoulder the problems of the world by themselves. Everyone except me.

"You're right..." she loosens herself. "Thank you, Kiyotaka. I feel better now."

I take off my mitten and feel my chest, then start to measure the rate of my heart.

Not yet... looks like I still haven't achieved that feeling yet.

"Hey... Kiyotaka... I said you have to repay me for whatever you buy with my money, right?"

"Hm? Ah, I do recall that," I prepare for whatever she asks for, "Then, what is the compensation, Suzune?"

She takes a deep breath, and exhales. Whatever it is, I just have to pull myself up and strive until I fulfil her desires.

She brings her head forward, and whispers in my ear:

"Kiss me."

"..."

"..."

"Kiss, huh?" I never kissed anyone before. This would be a nice experience, feeling the lips of a female. "Fine, I'll kiss you. Then that will be the compensation, right?"

"Y-Yeah, it will..."

"Why are you turning red?"

"Wha- H-How can I not turn red? I-I mean... I've never kissed anyone before... it will be a first..."

I imagine to myself, the possibilities of truly experiencing it. A feeling I lack, yet is natural to all.

"Then..." she closes her eyes, and slowly leans forward.

I place my bare hand onto my chest again. For now, my heart rate seems normal.

She leans further forward.

My heart rate still has not changed.

She leans further forward.

I don't have time. Her face is centimetres from closing in.

I, too, have to face reality.

Suzune will not make me fall in love.

I have failed to experience such feeling.

I just have to follow through with her ideals, and then crush it agonizingly in the future. Then, I can move on again.

And so, I also close my eyes, and lean forward. These few seconds of impact will have no effect on me. It will change nothing. My world will still be a lump of ice in my eyes.

...

...

...

So these are the lips of a girl, huh? It feels somewhat smooth and delicate. I must admit, it has a nice feel to it. But it still will not change a single thing.

My world remains black and white.

Finally, she moves back.

"D-Don't look at me yet!" she screams out of embarrassment.

It's a shame. Though feeling nice, love still remains a mere word in my eyes.

I feel my chest once again, just to reaffirm my disappointment...

Mm?

Huh?

What is this?

My heart is racing?

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This took way too long to make, I hope you enjoyed it... though, I'm sure I made a few mistakes. I kind of rushed it...

BY THE WAY, I only have 11 followers! It would be nice to gain a little bit more lol

(Sorry this was long! Next part will be shorter I swear!)

Thanks for reading!