15: I'm Hurting On The Inside

❝ Cause I have hella feelings for you, I act like I don't fucking care, but I'm so fucking scared ❞

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I sat in the cab on my way to the theatre. Adorning a flowy, blue summer dress and some flip-flops, I scrolled through Instagram, not being active for a while. Katie had already posted a picture with Jack and they both flaunted a peace sign.

They looked good together. Katie was outgoing while Jack was laid back. Katie couldn't anchor herself at one place while Jack would be totally satisfied to be by himself. They were quite the opposites but don't they say opposites attract?

The cab driver noted me of my arrival as I handed him some coins while jumping out of the cab simultaneously. I was excited for the movie. Running towards the entrance, I saw our group huddled close as Ray blew smoke out of his mouth and I crunched up my nose in disgust because the smell had already wafted up to my nostrils.

"June dearest has arrived, let's head inside and get done with this thing of a movie," groaned Simon as Olivia swung her purse to hit him on his head.

"OW! Ol, what the fuck?" Simon seemed frustrated.

"Then learn to keep your asshole of a mouth trap shut, shithead. There are actually people among us who are interested in the movie. Keep on the commentary and I'll have your balls kicked until you feel them in your mouth!" Simon nodded meekly, but still managed a small smile as he watched Olivia retreating back to stand beside me.

"This feels more like a circus than a movie theatre. Olivia, I gotta say, you're one hell of a sexy ringmaster though," snickered Jason as Simon sent him a harsh you-have-a-death-wish glare.

"Sometimes I think over my decision of befriending you guys," Jack shook his head amusedly, as Katie bit her lips to hold back her laugh, but stepped in before the matters got worse. "Let's head inside. June and Ray! Popcorn duty is on you both! We call shotgun!" And with that, they ran away leaving me with the hot, smoking beauty. Literally.

"This is a theatre," I started the conversation as Ray looked my way.

"It's pretty obvious," he smirked right back.

"The no smoking sign right in front of you is also pretty obvious," His gaze flitted to where I was indicating him to see and a small smile tugged at his lips.

"I've never been the one to follow rules, baby girl." The way the word baby girl slipped out of his mouth as smooth as butter itself had my insides tumbling for a while.

"Please throw it away," My voice came out tired not because he was being stubborn, but because he was making me nervous, clammy and anxious. His demeanor changed quickly from cocky to concerned, maybe because of my voice, but he threw away the cigarette in the adjacent bin that stood beside him.

"You okay?" His voice and eyes was soft. I nodded but his behavior would confuse me the more I spent time with him. "Something's up. What is it?" His habit of wanting to know things never failed to show up.

"I'm surprised by the way you behave towards me." He cocked up an eyebrow as I continued, "You are cold, cocky, arrogant and then the next minute you are caring, concerned and the like the real Ray I know. "

Something changed in his eyes and a defiant expression settled on his face. "There's no such thing as the real Ray. Let's get the popcorn, the movie is about to start," And without giving me as much of a second glance, he strode towards the counter as I struggled to keep up with his long steps.

The girl behind the counter lit up like a lantern in the dark as Ray approached her to voice out his orders.

"Yes? What can I get you, sir?"

Oh.

So she was on the sir game.

"Four tubs of caramel flavored popcorn, two plain one's and a single cheese popcorn please." It was a relief that our friends had made us aware of their popcorn preferences beforehand.

"Anything else, sir?" She batted her eye lashes like they were twitching but Ray didn't even look at her. He was busy checking out the menu.

"I'll have a coke. Anything for you, June?" I contemplated for a while before answering, "Yeah, a lemon iced tea." He nodded and turned towards the girl who was about to laugh.

"June? You have a funny name!" She bit back her laugh but her eyes remained stone cold. I tensed up because my name was something really personal to me.

I was named June by my father because he confessed his love for my mother in June. I was born on the 11th of June. My father always told me that I represented all the happiest moments in his life.

I really missed him.

Before I could say anything, Ray had interrupted the girl's own little laughter club.

"Got a problem with that, Kiki?"

She froze, casting her eyes down. I would have frozen too, for the voice in which Ray told her to indirectly shut up was so lethal and cold. But wait, did he know her?

"No Ray, have a good day." And with that, she turned back to go inside to bring out our orders but I clearly caught a glimpse of her burning cheeks.

So they knew each other.

Something heavy settled in my chest and I quietly picked up half of our order, without waiting for him. In that moment, I felt like I couldn't confront him or even talk to him. His footsteps were audible to me and I almost ran inside the theatre.

Climbing up the stairs, I let my eyes be accustomed to the dark and then started to look for our friends. Of course, Katie must have gotten good seats so I moved my gaze to the back, and sure enough, saw them all chatting away at the far left corner.

Heavy breaths were suddenly audible to me, as I felt a presence right behind me.

"Why did you run? Got anything to run away from?" I didn't dare turn back but made my way towards our friends who saw us and frantically waved their hands at us.

Idiots. But I loved them.

"Oh fuck, my caramel popcorn. Give my baby to me," cooed Simon as he instantly stuffed his mouth with a handful of popcorn. We handed out everyone their orders and finally settled down beside each other as there were no other seats visibly left.

Katie caught my attention and winked at me. I didn't know for what, but I decided to ask her in the interval.

"I'm only here for the popcorn," Ray crunched down on his plain flavored one while simultaneously taking gulps of his coke. I watched in awe as his heavenly Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

Oh how bad I wanted to kiss him there. And everywhere.

Bad idea, June. That's not going to happen.

"I doubt you're only here for the popcorn. You were quite reluctant to come to the movies. What made you change your mind?" I decided to ask the million dollar question.

He went quiet for a while before mumbling something along the lines of for no reason.

The movie started and I found myself focusing on it. Ray's frequent loud crunches of popcorn were audible and in any other situation I would have told the person to shut the fuck up but I surprisingly found it cute coming from Ray. And god, he even ate like a child.

I loved rom-com movies but I didn't find myself focusing on it. My attention started flitting and after staying up for the whole night the day before to complete the neverending Calculus homework, I had finally fallen asleep at 4am. Tiredness kicked in, and the last thing I remembered was falling asleep on Ray's shoulder.

××

"June. JUNE!"

I woke up startled to see a furious Katie looking down at me.

"What?" I mumbled, still too drowsy to even process anything.

"Movie theatres are not meant for sleeping," She sighed while shaking me lightly again. "June wake up. It's the interval. Let's go to the restroom."

Fine. I needed to go to the restroom anyways.

I got up, stumbling a little as Katie held me by my waist and guided me to the restroom outside.

"Where are the others?" I saw no one around from our group.

"Olivia is out buying some more snacks while the boys are probably goofing around in the washrooms," Giggling she set up her purse at the counter and started to fix her makeup.

"What's with you and Jack?" I decided to confront her about it.

She froze, her lipstick hanging mid air a few inches away from her lips as she looked at me through the mirror. She regained her composture quickly, waving it off like she hadn't been taken aback by my question.

"What about us?" She was onto her compact now.

"Well, I see you both have started spending much more time together. Do you like him?"

She sighed, and put her essentials away, turning to look at me.

"Not yet, I mean—I don't know June. He's sweet and all, but you know my fear of commitment. I'm scared." I instantly went ahead and gave her a hug.

I understood how she felt. Katie's parents had been so in love with each other that she looked up to them as her model couple. But when they divorced, she was broken and she completely lost her faith in love and commitment.

"It's okay. I'm sure you'll come around. If he's the right person, you'll know for yourself how far you want to go," I said, rubbing her back while she silently hummed at my words.

"Okay. Enough about me. What about you?" She wiggled her eyebrows and started laughing.

"What about me?"

"Oh you wouldn't know, you were asleep. Right." She started laughing yet again.

"What? What happened?"

"My hairpin fell down so I had to bend to pick it up when I saw that you were curled up in Ray's arms. And you won't believe what he was doing!" My heart was hammering and I was being impatient.

"Damn it Katie, what was he doing?"

"He was stroking your head, weaving his fingers through your hair. He had this small smile playing across his lips that I found so adorable. And he had totally lost his focus on the movie."

I was at a loss of words.

Ray did that?

A warm feeling erupted in my chest like a volcano erupts, and the hot lava spread throughout my body. My heart beat even faster, and I felt heat crawling up my cheeks.

"Y—You gotta be kidding me." I mumbled, not sure what to say.

"I'm not." Katie was genuinely smiling at me and had a glint in her eyes. I know she wouldn't lie to me about things like this.

"He likes you," she declared, shrugging her shoulders. "And you like him too."

Did he?

Did I? Yes. Maybe? No.

"I don't know," Groaning, I leaned on the counter while rubbing my forehead.

"You'll come in terms with your feelings soon. It's okay babe!" She pulled me in for a hug, and I melted into her. "Come on, let's go. They must be waiting for us. And you better watch the remaining movie, lovebird!" I laughed and nodded.

Sure enough, everyone had already taken their seats.

But then I saw it.

Ray had exchanged seats with Olivia and was now sitting beside an ecstatic Jason and a grumpy Simon. Olivia was sitting where Ray should've and was waving us over. Ray hadn't even seen me coming and was completely lost in a conversation with Jason.

I gripped Katie's hands tightly and she squeezed back, letting me know that she saw it.

It hurt.

Why did he do that?

Was laying my head on his chest that uncomfortable for him?

Avoiding him, I quietly sat in my seat and clenched on my iced tea cup, gulping down the cool liquid to keep myself calm. Olivia tried to engage me into a conversation but my mind was elsewhere. After a while, she gave up, letting me know that I could have my space and that it was okay. I apologized to her.

Firstly, I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be feeling things for Ray just after I got out of my previous relationship. Secondly, I shouldn't be having feelings for him when he doesn't reciprocate them. Thirdly, after everything that happened, I still wanted to sit next to him.

The second part of the movie was quite emotional and I heard sniffs coming from Simon's seat. I myself had tears running down my eyes.

But I was sure that, while 2% of those tears were because of the movie, the other 98% were definitely not because of the movie.

The volcano in my chest had died down and was left barren now.

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Early update! I had this sitting in my drafts, so why not? Thankyou for 1.24K, I'm seriously honored <3

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