16: The Bitter Reality Check

❝ Yeah all alone I watch you watch her, like she's the only thing you've ever seen, how is it you've never noticed, that you are slowly killing me ❞

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The credits rolled up and the lights flickered on, signaling the end of the movie. Standing up, I shuffled down the stairs with Olivia close behind me who was teasing Simon over how he cried due to the emotional movie which he didn't even want to see.

"You totally liked the movie," Olivia smacked Simon's arm as he groaned. "I did not. It was just too emotional for my liking." Olivia burst into peals of laughter as I glanced over my shoulder to catch any sign of Ray but he was nowhere to be seen.

"What's wrong June?" Simon looked back to where I was staring and gave me a weird look.

"Nothing, just didn't catch a glimpse of Ray around, where is he, actually?"

Jason appeared out of thin air and wrapped his arm around Jack's shoulder who was walking beside Katie. Katie gave me a small smile. "Well, I think he's getting laid tonight," Pushing his hair back, Jason sniggered along with Simon.

"Guys, are you forgetting that Ray hasn't even looked at a girl for months now?" Jack informed in disbelief.

"But it's not just some girl, Jack. It's Kiki."

Kiki?

The snack counter girl!

No fucking way.

"When did he meet Kiki?" Simon's voice came out a little nervous and Olivia looked intently at Jason, as if she was frustrated.

"She apparently works at the snack counter right outside the theatre. I'm guessing they're talking and planning it all out right now. Ray told me in the interval."

I froze, and instantly Katie was beside me, squeezing my hand. Olivia looked at us, an unsettling feeling flashing through her eyes as she eyed me with a sympathetic expression.

I couldn't hear any of their banter or even focus on any of their conversation. My mind had pushed me into a hole so deep that I kept circling around and my inner voices kept reverberating in that hole.

And then I saw it.

Ray was leaning on the counter, his legs crossed as Kiki leaned forwards, flashing her chest area quite obviously to Ray. He didn't seem to mind it though, he was enjoying himself thoroughly, laughing at something she said as Kiki twirled her index finger around her rose golden locks.

Simon hooted which caught the attention of the flirting pair and their eyes flitted over to us. Ray's instantly fell on mine but I didn't look his way, turning my gaze to the night sky.

I couldn't manage to look. I didn't have it in myself to act normal while they flirted their asses off and the boys teased Ray about what a good lay he had caught. Based on Jason's statement, I gathered that Ray and Kiki had history.

Did they ever date?

Peripherally, I saw Ray walking back to us, but not before winking sexily at Kiki who blew him a kiss. Tears built up fast at the back of my eyes, and it took a lot of jaw-clenching, fist-clenching and lip-biting to keep them in.

"Okay, so now that Ray has found his lay for the week, we better get going. As decided, Olivia, Jack and I in one car, while Ray, Katie, Simon and June in another." Jason informed, nodding his way to the parking lot.

I could feel Ray's eyes on mine but for once I didn't look up. My heart beat hard and fast, as if wanting to break the barries of my rib cage. My palms sweat, and hence I slipped them out of Katie's hold who eyed me worriedly. Olivia seemed too interested in my sudden change of behavior, and unfortunately decided to ask the question which I was dreading.

"June, you okay there girl?" All eyes snapped to me, and I withered under their gaze.

My breath was caught up in my throat. My head was spinning from the overflowing emotions I was feeling at the moment. This huge space suddenly seemed claustrophobic to me and I knew only one thing.

I needed to get out of here.

"I—I just, I need to go," And without turning back once, despite the calls and shouts of my friends, I ran and ran until I reached the end of the street from where I hastily caught a cab home.

Slamming the door shut to my room, I crawled under the sheets and cried my eyes out. I wailed, I sobbed, I shook and shivered.

What was it to me if Ray hooked up with someone or not? What was it to me if Ray dated someone or not? What was it to me that Ray eyed someone or not? I, for once, shouldn't be bothered with it. I knew all along that Ray would never be that guy from whom I could expect a steady relationship. I knew he didn't do relationships.

But I had totally ignored the warnings that my mind gave me every once in a while when my heart took a leap everytime he laughed. I ignored it when my mind told me to stay away from him, instead I let myself be consumed by him. I let him physically, emotionally and mentally affect me.

And how has that ended up?

I like him.

I can't deny that anymore. I get jealous when I see him with someone else, I rush to help him when he's in trouble, my heart swells with an unsettling feeling whenever I don't see him for days.

I absolutely fell for him.

I fell for his mysterious ways, I fell for his hideous smirk, I fell for his nervous behavior, I fell for his gorgeous smile, I fell for his hazel brown eyes, I fell for his warm arms, I fell for his selflessness towards his friends, I fell for his soft heart which he showed only to a few, I fell for his everything.

Unknowingly.

All along the way.

Maybe, the day I met him, that day when he locked his gaze on mine and held my wrist ever so tightly yet lovingly, I was marked his. I should've not underestimated the pull between us and not have disregarded it. I should've stayed away from him for all I know because now there's no coming back.

I never felt this way for Stefan. I never had this wild urge to kiss Stefan, I never wanted to take Stefan's worries away. Sure, I cared but I didn't meddle in his business. With Ray, everything was different and everything was double the passionate.

Wherever he touched me, it seared, it burned but now I was a goner. I had stepped into the wildfire itself and now I wanted it to consume me. I wanted it to destroy me sexually, I wanted it to eat me away.

Crying into my pillow, I turned to face the window. Millions of lightening wonders littered across the dark sky and for a moment I got lost in them. I was reminded of the night when Ray told me his secrets, when Ray stripped himself of his layers as we sat beneath the starry sky.

Sleep consumed me as I slept to the thoughts of a boy who didn't like me back.

××

Keeping my head low, I walked through the hallways right through the middle, for once, and decided against sticking to the walls in hopes of no one spotting me.

First three periods had passed by peacefully for I was assigned competition work by the principal and hence was granted the permission to sit in the library and research.

Lunch was something I was dreading. This morning, I woke up to dark bags under my eyes; and eyes which were red swollen. God knows how much I cried, for I let out a lot of pent up emotions yesterday. I couldn't let anybody see me, or else they'd ask questions.

My eyes caught the boys turning around the corner and heading to right where I was standing. For a moment they all saw me froze there before I dashed out and ran straight for the washroom.

The look Ray gave me had my insides tumbling. Now that I had accepted my feelings, it was hard to be around him knowing that I didn't have a chance with him. For all, he must've had a good fuck yesterday.

Splashing my face with water and looking twice before exiting the washroom, I paced to the library and was about to celebrate reaching there uncaught before a hand stopped me.

I knew that rough, huge hand too well.

"Why are you running away?" His deep, husky voice questioned. I shook my head as I freed myself from his grip.

"Nothing...just rushing because I have a research to complete," I said, pointing to the library.

"You've been acting weird since yesterday. What's up?" He tilted his head as his eyes bore into mine.

"Nothing." He was about to say something before Jason joined us.

"Yo Ray! Had a good fuck yesterday? Bro it's been a long time since you got together with Kiki. I thought it was done and over?"

I wanted to cry.

Ray's jaw visibly clenched before he mouthed a fierce go to Jason who shrugged and walked off.

"So—" He started but I cut him off.

"I've got to go." My voice was surprisingly cold.

"Why did you run off yesterday?" How damn ignorant could he be?

"Well, what's that to you? Had a fun night with Kiki?" I bit back, as Ray wore a surprised expression, which turned into a frown but nevertheless he stayed quiet.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." And then I turned and walked away.

I know it was selfish of me to blame him just because he didn't reciprocate my feelings but I thought I meant something to him. That night, the trek, those subtle glances and hidden care, I thought that maybe, maybe I had a place even as a friend in his heart.

But he threw it all away yesterday.

Stuffing my face in books, I made myself lose in the world of books. A world which never left me. A world which never scared me away, but embraced me as it's own.

It was always a safe, better and the best choice to fall for fictional characters.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

poor June :( next chapter is a bit...😔 hmmmmm.