23: This Feeling's All We Know

❝ I like me better when I'm with you ❞

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It rained the whole of yesterday, and today morning, so I was a bit thrown off. I was anticipating clear skies and cool winds, as I had a date with Ray today, but thankfully, the rain stopped mid noon.

Katie had come over, squealing that we had a lot of catching up to do. She wanted all the details, which I gave to her, and she was a happy mess.

"I can't believe you both are together! I mean, who would've thought Ray and you?" She gushed, as her hands simultaneously worked on my hair. I hummed, still living in that ecstasy.

"Where is he taking you out? We need to know in order to pick up the correct outfit!" Hangers and clothes were thrown aside as she skimmed through my wardrobe.

"I don't know, he told me to dress comfortably, whatever that means." With zero knowledge in dressing up, my go to stylist had always been Katie.

"Hmm, something comfortable. How about a plain white shirt, over which you can wear a black sweatshirt, paired with washed blue jeans and sneakers? It'll be cute and comfortable." She seemed happy with her choice and immediately, the clothes are thrown in my hands.

"Dress up, I'll pick out some accessories to go with till then." I nod at that, heading to pull the clothes over.

When I come out, a black purse and white sneakers are laid out for me, as Katie busied herself in tidying up the mess she made. It was almost cute, how invested she was in everything related to me. I couldn't imagine my life without her. Yes, I had new friends— friends who loved me and cared for me but Katie was Katie.

No one knew me like her. No one knew why my wardrobe was filled to the brim with black, and why I was the way I was. Those few secrets were always hers to keep, and hers to have.

"You look cute!" She rushed and sat me down in front of the dressing table, pulling my hair into a cute French bun, and secured it with a clutcher. She purposefully plucked a few strands out and let them fall over my face.

"And viola! Here you go, all ready!" She stood behind me, her hands squeezing my shoulders as we both admired my makeover. I looked as fresh as a daisy, and cute too, with the outfit and the light makeup. The eyeliner was drawn to perfection! I could never.

"Thank you for this, I—whenever you do this, I become unsure of myself, and get to meet this new side of me, which I often try to conceal." I pull her in for a hug, but she tsks, wagging her finger all over my face.

"I wouldn't want to mess up all that. Now go slip into your sneakers. He should be here anytime!" She almost pushed me downstairs, as we both chuckled.

Mom was out, luckily, and hence we didn't have to explain anything.

"I need the details June. Call me up after you come back, okay?" I nod and we giggle like thirteen year olds again. It reminded of middle school times when we used to gush over boys and stake our claims on the one's we liked. And if we happened to like the same boy, we would drop him, for our friendship was more important than a boy. It was kind of a girl code.

The bell rung, and we abruptly froze. My heart rushed as Katie violently flung her arms towards the door, whisper shouting to me to go and open it. We both were at it for a while when the bell rung once again.

I sighed, and got up, walking slowly towards the door, nervous but excited at the same time.

Was he nervous as well?

What was he wearing?

Should I have wore a more revealing outfit? No, but I wasn't wearing short clothes to get his attention? What was I—

"JUST GET THE DAMN DOOR!" Katie's scream rung in the air, and I hastily opened the door only to have my breath knocked off.

Ray stood there, hands in his pockets, in all his glory. But that hadn't knocked me off.

He was dressed in an olive Nike sweatshirt, a colour on him other than black?!, paired with light washed blue jeans just like mine and black converses. Multiple rings adorned his right and left hands, and a singe silver chain hung from his neck.

He looked so breathtakingly handsome, pulled together and beautiful.

He didn't even have to try.

"Hi baby," He smirked, his head tilting to the side, teasing me and sizing me up as usual.

"H-Hi," I managed, my hands clutching to the door for support. I felt like my knees could give away anytime.

"Breath, June." He tapped my nose and then did I take a breath, realizing how long I'd been holding it in.

"Haha, the cold, you know." Embarrassed, I decided that the tree in distance was suddenly very beautiful. His index finger gently turned my chin to face him and I almost stumbled back at the intensity of his gaze.

"Cold? In California? It's cool, but not cold." He seemed to know the effect he had on me, for his lips were pulling at the corners.

Huffing, I pushed past him, and leaned on his jeep. If he wanted to tease me, and not acknowledge me, fine he could do that. I heard him chuckle as he opened the door for me, making me comfortable, as he seated himself too.

"Let's get going then." I merely nodded at his words and he laughed again. God, how I loved that sound. It resonated right through my chest to my core.

The ride was silent and calm, the wind flowed and made up for the exemption of noise. Some way through the ride, his fingers crawled up my thigh and settled on mine, as I blushed but reciprocated.

"I dont think I told you, but you look beautiful today." I turned around to look at him, to already see his gaze on mine. I smiled at that.

"You don't look bad yourself too." He smirked at that, and shook his head amiably.

"So you weren't ogling me out the minute you opened the door?" He asked as I immediately turned to look out of the window, red colour creeping up my neck.

"You're adorable." He whispered, his thumb drawing circles on the back of my wrist. The car soon came to a stop, as I tried to figure out where was he taking me.

I stood there, trying to understand the location. Meanwhile, Ray proceeded to fish out various types of snacks out of the car's trunk. I think I smelled pizza too.

"Let's go." With his left hand intertwined in mine, and right holding the snacks, we started our climb, it seemed, up a small hill. The place felt eerily familiar, and I tried to go through my mind as to when had I been here.

It was deserted too, though we saw two people descending as we ascended. Soon, a clearing came into view and it instantly struck me where we were.

"You didn't—" I couldn't even finish, as he pulled me and we stepped out of a few bushes to stand in front of the most beautiful view I'd ever seen in my life. My words were left strangled in my throat, as I took in the cliff and the view it presented.

It was so thoughtful of him to bring us here for our first date.

"Why did you bring me here?" The nagging curiosity refused to keep the words inside.

He smiled and looked off into the distant, as if he was recalling something.

"When we came here with our friends, and as I sat eating onion cheese pizza with you, I realized how I was myself around you. How comfortable and safe you made me feel. I know its usually the other way around, but your presence makes me calm; makes me feel like there's still plenty of good in this world." His arm was wrapped around my shoulder, but I pulled him in for a hug.

"I love it, I love this." I sighed into his chest.

"Let's eat." He sat us down on a makeshift carpet and laid the snacks. We munched on it, and shared the pizza, which was delicious.

"Let's play 20 questions. That okay with you?" I rubbed my hands excitedly as he nodded. "Okay then, I'll go first. What's your favorite colour?"

He laughed. "Classic." He thought for a while, then replied, "Black."

"I expected that. But why black?" I pried.

He shrugged. "It makes me feel bold, unbothered and strong. Which I try really hard to be. I guess it's just stuck with me, trying to make a statement of its own."

I nodded at his response. "Your turn now."

"Why did you keep on dating Stefan, even if he didn't treat you right?" His eyes were unwavering, and unmoving, fixed on my every move.

I fidgeted. "You dived straight in." The silence was defeaning. I sighed, deciding to give in. "I didn't think anyone would want me, you know. He was my friend and he asked me out. I wanted to give it my all at being a normal teenager, I guess."

The memories rushed back, and the insecurity filled every corner of my body. His soft, but rough edged fingers made their way over to mine and entangled themselves.

"He is a douchebag. Or in simple words, an attention seeker. I don't know what's wrong with such people, but these issues usually stem from something traumatic or simply because they love to be assholes. Maybe he loved the reputation he gained by dating you, or maybe he wanted to fuck you over. You should only remember that such people are worth nothing, while you and your goodness is worth everything." He blurted out in a single breath, and my heart fluttered, flapped its wings furiously, wanting to escape the cage.

He only smiled, and then turned to look at the now setting sun, his hazel brown eyes now reflecting the golden rays of the sun.

"My turn." I turned to face him, and said. "Was there something between you and Kiki?" I didn't want to accept it but the question had been swimming around in the depths of my mind for a few days.

His face fell, though a determined expression settled over his features.

"She was just... a girl." He sighed. I rolled my eyes at the obvious fact he thought I didn't know.

"It's okay if you don't want to share, I respect that." Though I was a little dejected, I wouldn't force him into telling me anything.

"No, it's not that." His hands ruffled through his hair. "Okay, we dated for a while. She was supportive about the whole thing, and I thought maybe– maybe that I had finally found someone who saw beyond my anger issues and butted cigarettes." He huffed, and shook his head.

"But I was wrong. She cut contact once she saw where I lived. For a few weeks, she'd stay away, while my mind convinced me how pathetic my life was. I blamed everything on me. She came back though." He laughed—the wicked, maniac kind of laugh. "Said she wanted to be just friends with benefits. I understood then that no person would want to associate with me emotionally; it was always physical."

My heart clenched at that. Empathy was the emotion, not sympathy. Ray was never pathetic. He was human.

"And so friends with benefits it was. We continued for a while, until it started to drain me out. I realized I was sticking around her in hopes that she'd change her mind. I finished it then." He muttered a few curse words as his eyes fixated on a distant tree, maybe reminding him of his past.

"She's a bitch." I beamed. He looked at me like I was crazy, which I was.

And then he laughed.

My insides screamed and I was suddenly proud of making him laugh.

"You never fail to surprise me baby." His arm pulled me closer, as his chuckles resonated through every fiber of my body. "And I'm sorry too."

My smile dropped. "For what?"

"In the theatre, I flirted with her on purpose. I wanted to get you out of my head. I wanted to push your fucking beautiful mocha eyes, and your breathtaking smile out of my mind. It was what I could think of every night. It was a pathetic attempt, really. I should've known I was deep in." He sighed, yet again.

I rubbed his arm, as he looked my way, probably thinking why was I not mad. Or sad. Or disappointed.

Well, I was.

"It's okay. As long as you're sorry and honest, it's all in the past. I was hurt, yes, but I realized what happens, happens for a reason. In the meantime, we both realized the depth of our feelings." My eyes stayed glued on the brisk of the horizon, the colors almost a smudged vermillion now.

He placed a chaste kiss on my cheek, as we both took in the magical show of nature, trying our best to make the most of this moment.

He stood up, almost suddenly, as if he had remembered something urgent. His hands roamed his lower half, as he tried to spot in which pocket his phone was tucked in. When he finally found it, his fingers scrolled and settled over something. He then placed the phone on the ground and tugged me up.

"What's going on?" I giggled, as he brushed his shirt to remove any creases and make it look as ironed as possible.

"Dance with me." He breathed out.

"What?" I croaked, but by then he had already placed his hands on the lower part of my back, and mine on his shoulders.

"We didn't get to dance at the party. Because of my stupidity, of course. I want to make up for that." His face was barely visible to me now, but I didn't mind, as long as he was close to me.

The music flooded my ears as if on cue, and a big smile etched on my face at the song he picked.

Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars played softly, as we danced clumsily, laughing and cursing when our feet got caught in each other.

It was then I realized that humans didn't need materialistic things in life to be happy, even if they convinced themselves they did.

These small moments—which were so very underrated were often the fresh breath we all needed in our lives.

As I danced under the bright wonders, all I knew was that this was it.

This feeling that was slowly blooming in my heart like a rose, wonderful but harmful at the same time, was what I wanted to cherish my whole life. This feeling was something I wanted to feel over and over even if the road towards it was bumpy and puddle-filled.

At the end of the day, this feeling and the person who made me feel that way mattered the most and meant the most.

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Updated! Sorry for the late update, my lack of motivation is a bitch :(

One more thing I felt that it was necessary to be addressed. If you're liking the chapter or the story, I'll request you to leave a comment below. I won't force you, but only request of you. Appreciation fuels motivation. It probably doesn't make sense for some of you, but even the smallest compliments or corrections can be that pushing factor for us.