33: Through Thick And Thin

❝ She knows what I think about, and what I think about, one love two mouths, one love one house, no shirt no blouse, just us you find out, nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about ❞

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The afternoon sun was beautiful, waving it's goodbye for the day. The golden rays splattered across the place, my window filtering patterns of it on the floor below. November was rolling around, and the air was getting a bit chilly, but not too much for it to snow. It never snowed around here, unless the weather conditions got extreme once in a while. The house was eerie, and quiet, but not the bad kind. Mom and dad were out of town to visit an old friend and I had the entire house to myself.

After the entire fiasco a few hours ago, we had all deemed it right to let Ray have a few private moments with his family and left them happy at the dining table. I hadn't done much talking with Ray to begin with, just a squeeze of his hand and a chaste kiss to his lips later, we were apart.

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to trace every line on his face. I wanted to kiss him without any time limit. I wanted to hold him in my arms. I wanted to be emotionally and physically close to him.

A sigh left my mouth, as I aimlessly scrolled through the numerous colleges I wanted to apply to. My parents had been very supportive of my choices, and had set it out that I was to make my own decisions and choose the college I wanted even if that meant it was across the globe.

UCLA had always been a dream. Other than that, University of Washington was an option I was considering, along with many others. I didn't know what it meant for me or for Ray; it was a sensitive subject for him and I understood that. It had been bothering me for the past few days because I didn't even know what was he majoring in. Did he see our relationship as another temporary one, or did he want to see me in his future?

The cold breeze brought goosebumps to my arm through an open window and I almost reluctantly got up to close the damned thing. Open windows were a blessing and a curse, but I always loved the fresh whip of air blowing in when at times my big room, that could fit two king sized beds and a few things more, got claustrophobic. It is never about the space, it's all about how much you like being trapped in a room with your itching thoughts.

Why was I overthinking things? What right did I have, in a relationship of two people, to decide for the both of us or even start thinking about the future? But I was utterly curious and anxious. What if he had absolutely no plans to go to college and just stay here to help his mom? I had no right to stop him, and of course it didn't change my perspective or love for him, but education and stability were some things I swore by and lived by. It was completely understandable with Sam's condition fragile and Susan's odd jobs, but was it alright if I was not okay with him throwing away his life when he clearly had talent?

The sun was almost gone, the remnants of its presence a faint glow across the dark indigo sky, a sight for the sore eyes. It was skies and nature and just simply days like these which gave me hope that things would be fine, if not now, but someday for sure. But it was also on days like these, a gloomy middle between the night and the day when all I could feel was how utterly lonely and sad I was. It was a me problem, a problem that was an obstacle between me and my self-growth.

Caffeine. I needed some caffeine if I wanted to stay sane tonight and let my mind be dragged into the destructive current of wild thoughts. The house was quiet. The soft drips of the coffee being churned out in the cup were the only sounds that fell on my ears and I couldn't help but close them. Just to feel, maybe? Just to keep up with all the shit that went down in the last few hours? I didn't know, anymore. I just wanted the comfort of the arms I had gone too long without. Well, in all honesty, 14 hours and 7 minutes isn't a number you can add after too long, but with all that went down today, it felt like eternity.

Just yesterday night, we were making love. Just a few hours ago, we confessed our love for each other. Just a few hours ago, I saw him on the porch trying to assure me that things were fine. But they weren't. I understood that Ray was selfless and that he wanted to keep me, his mother and his friends out of everything but he could have been in serious danger. Sometimes, asking for help is okay. Sometimes, we can't do things alone.

The living room French window looked over my mom's flower garden, as I made myself comfortable on the sofa. Coffee was dark, but sweet, just the way I liked it and there was nature out there trying to lift my spirits up. What else could I need? You know who you need, my mind whispered, but I shut it down because he needed his peace too.

I woke up startled to the sound of the front door bell ringing, and I hastily scurried down the hallway assuming it would be my parents. It was quarter past seven, the sky now transformed from an indigo blue to black. When had I fell asleep while simply looking out the window was something I seriously didn't know. Throwing open the door and bracing myself to the numerous questions mom would throw my way at seeing my bed head, I was surprised to see Ray standing there, in all his glory, a bouquet of lilies in his hand.

"What—" My words stayed in my mouth as I was silenced by a soft pair of lips pressed onto mine. His hand slipped behind the crook of my ear, angling my jaw in a way which made it easy for him to slip his tongue inside. I moaned, involuntarily, as he pulled me closer than ever. Oh how had I missed those lips of his.

"Hi." His forehead pressed to mine he whispered, as I collected my breath.

"What a hello." He laughed, the voice sending shivers down my spine.

"Couldn't wait to do that. You could say that is why I came over here uncalled." I hummed in reply, resting my head on his chest, the smell of lilies and his body scent making me lull in a high I couldn't quite put into words. My arms tangled themselves behind his front, and he rested his chin on my head sighing heavily. I knew we had to talk, I knew we had things that we needed to discuss immediately. But for now, this was the place and moment I wanted to stay in and let myself soak in the feeling I was deprived of.

"Here." He gently pulled me back, his coffee brown irises never leaving mine, and presented before me the bouquet wrapped in a lavender paper. "For you. I saw it and I saw you next. Just knew I had to buy it." My heart warmed and I grabbed the bunch from his hand, walking into the kitchen to put them in my favorite vase. The fall of steps behind me told me he was keeping up with me.

"What brings you here?" I questioned, turning to face him. He looked tired. Tired, but happy. There was a glint in his eyes, and an energy that told me he was okay. The baggy sweatshirt on him looked comfortable and my mind drifted to a situation where I could be happily snuggled in it like a burrito. The grey sweatpants left little to imagine, fitting him like a glove.

"I wanted to see you." Was his only reply, his eyes almost sad and eager, a longing in his tone which melted my candle of a heart into hot wax. I closed the distance between us and kissed him again, languid and slow this time. Hand in hand, we walked up to my room which was still a mess from all the research papers and college admission notes lying around. I pushed it all back and made space for us on the bed, as he quickly pulled me in his lap.

A heavy sigh left my mouth and I held his face in my palms, inspecting the, now purple, bruises on his face. They were nasty and some looked almost green but I still loved him so much. Silently getting up and fetching the first aid box, I took my earlier place in his lap, gently dabbing the antiseptic on his untended cuts. It had to sting, but he didn't as much as blink; silently looking over my movements, only squeezing my hip once in a while.

Could I fall in love anymore? Because I felt as if my heart was about to burst.

"All done." I announced after washing my hands and taking my place in his arms back again.

"What would I be without you? Probably a nobody." His eyes closed shut, as he snuggled in my chest, forcing my hands to rake through his hair. It made me smile and I gently scratched his scalp, inciting a moan out of him. "Please, it feels so good. God, I needed that." Continuing to weave my fingers through his dark brown locks, I soaked in the feeling of him against me because I needed his touch more than ever now.

"Is Susan okay now?" He nodded, not opening his eyes, and held me tighter. "We need to talk Ray." I hated to do this to him, but communication was absolutely necessary for us right now. There was no point in stepping around the curb anymore.

"I know. I had it coming." He sat up straight and cradled my hands in his. "I'm sorry and I shouldn't have lied to you and mom and our friends. But it was dangerous business. I couldn't afford having you on knife point or anyone close to me for that matter. I wanted to oust them out, and I was planning to do that even before we met each other. But still, I'm sorry and especially for leaving you the next morning. I'm sure you would have felt something off about me, and I shouldn't have left after we gave ourselves, body and soul, to each other." Regret and guilt settled on his face, and I felt so sad in that moment.

It was no quantum physics to figure out that Ray blamed himself for a lot of things that weren't in his control. It was a constant battle between him and his mind, and he tried to distance himself from anything he legitimately thought was good in his life, not because he felt he too good for them, but because he thought they were too good for him.

"It's okay." Is all I said when I hugged him, because it was okay. He did what he thought was right with the only intention in his mind to get lost in the sea himself, if that meant his loved ones could enjoy the setting sun from the safety of the beach. When people hated you, you got over that. But when you hated yourself, there would always remain that part of you which continued to live inside of you no matter how hard you tried to push it away.

"I just hope you know that you don't have to fight battles on your own. There are people who want to be your armor, who want to fight beside you. Let people in, love. There's as much good in this world as there is bad." I whispered in his ear, as he kissed me on my throat.

"But there is someone who fights my battles for me, who pushes me to be my best. Even though I'm still a fuck up, I like to believe I'm much more less fucked up than I was before. I'd be lost without you June Williams, and it scares me so much but yet makes me so happy at the same time." My eyes welled up because I was so shook by his words. The intensity of the feelings I had for him were no joke, because I clashed my lips against his with such a force that I propelled him backwards on the bed.

The kiss was salty due to the tears flowing down my eyes but it was everything I wanted to convey and it was everything he wanted to hear. We always knew how to fill in spaces with actions due to the dynamics between us. Words weren't always fulfilling and physical intimacy was always needed. It was funny, but it was so us.

"I love you. Je t'aime. Aishiteru. Ich liebe dich. Ti amo. I don't know, I only know these languages, but does it tell you how much I want you, need you, crave you?" His minty breath fanned my face and I blushed, pecking his nose.

"Wo ai ni. Eu ti amo. Mai tumse pyaar karti hoon. There you go, three more languages. Does that tell you how much I love you?" He laughed at that and simply traced his thumb along my bottom lip as we both sighed.

Oh, to be young and in love.

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a sweet, endearing chap of my two babies for y'all <3 tried to make it as beautiful as possible and give it the same vibes as sweater weather :p

my favorite chapter till date, tbh

lemme know your thoughts on this one <3