39: When Life Happens

❝ And you're gonna be happy, turn this all around when everything is new, zero o'clock ❞

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The hospital corridors were a blur of whites and blues, tinged with soft sniffles and loud wailings as we ran down them. My hand was captured in Ray's, as we navigated our way to the critical and emergency care center operation theatre, where Sam was currently being operated on.

The assistant doctor had babbled something about a sudden heart stroke and fainting and the fast need to be taken into surgery and that they were doing everything they could. Words were a buzz around us, our eyes falling helplessly around the area to try and make sense of what was happening and trying to gather the energy to speak up anything else than what the fuck happened? People watched us, sympathy in their eyes, some sharing the same sentiments as us but the unvoiced words hanging around like a death's trap in the air that buzzed in our ears.

The donor heart was going to come in a day or two, as we'd been told and Susan had come over to personally thank my dad the day before. How things had spiraled out of control and that life chose this particular time to put Sam through a stroke, right when things were looking good was annoyingly frustrating and tense. Ray's palms were sweaty as they left mine to collapse in his mother's arms, whose face was streaked with mascara and hopelessness. The mother-son duo cried and cried as I watched them, standing away, trying to give them privacy yet wanting to comfort them with whatever I could.

"Is dad inside?" Tapping Susan's shoulder lightly, I asked, as she pulled away and nodded slightly. I gripped her arm. "As long as my dad is inside, nothing will happen to Sam. Have faith in him." She slid against the metal chair, burying her face in her palms, sighing heavily.

"He immediately called to send over the donor heart today itself." Her watery eyes met mine. "The transplant must happen today, they said, if Sam is to survive." More tears fell down her eyes and I bit my lip; Sam's giggles running through my head like an old record. "My poor boy." Her voice was barely a whisper now, the hope in her visibly floating away.

My eyes flitted over to him, his gaze stuck on the operation sign which was bright red. His face broke into tears, his shoulders sagging and shaking uncontrollably. "H—He doesn't d—deserve any of this." Pulling him in my arms, I sat us down on the chair as we three sought comfort in tears and faith. In love and hope. Dragging my fingers along the spine of his back, we kept still in that position until Ray's shaking and shivering had faded away. His arms remained wrung tightly around my figure, holding onto me with all his might.

As we tried to gather ourselves, three doctors clung in blue clothes threw the OT's door open with a bunch of papers in their hands, as one ran down the corridor to the main entrance. We all stood alert, watching him pant heavily, our hearts hammering in our chests.

"Mrs. Rutherford, I need you to sign these papers as the sole and legal guardian of Sam Rutherford." He pushed the papers in her hands and handed her a pen. "These are the agreement papers that if something happens to your son," he gulped, "we will not be responsible for it." Susan's eyes widened and Ray growled, stepping beside her.

"What the hell do you mean by that? You tell me how my brother is right fucking now!" The assistant doctor stepped back, raising his hands in mock surrender.

"Sir, calm down. These are the basic SOP's of any operation to be performed. Your brother isn't stable, but we are handling it." He jerked his thumb backwards towards the corridor. "My co-worker ran down to bring the donor heart which has arrived right now. We'll be proceeding with the transplant in a moment under the guidance of Mr. Ashton Williams." He smiled. "Your brother is in good hands, do not worry." Just then, the other doctor walked fast, but carefully towards us, a portable freezer in his hands. He motioned over to the doctor with us, who nodded and pushed open the door for him. "Ma'am, if you'll please sign these fast." Susan nodded and quickly signed the papers, but not before confirming the details.

"We'll keep you updated. Mr. Williams has told you to not worry much and that he's doing his best. The little guy is a fighter." Nodding, he left us standing there, as the door swung back and forth, the silence drowning us yet again.

"He'll be fine." I whispered to the both of them as we sunk back in the seats, Ray's head falling against my shoulder. "Sam is so brave. You have to have faith in him. He loves his brother so much." Whispering the words in his ears, I raked my fingers through his hair as he sniffled lightly.

"I love him so much, too." His fingers fiddled on his lap. "I don't know what I'll do without him." I kept patting his shoulder, seemingly the only thing I could do in the moment then. No words could ever help comfort him, rather, keeping him company and praying to whoever was up there that Sam came through healthy and alive was the only priority.

"He has the world to see yet. He'll be just fine, you see." I said, swallowing heavily.

Susan stood up, throwing back her shoulders and mustering a hard stance. "I'll go fix coffee for us." Her fingers glided over Ray's cheeks, as he shut his eyes. "We'll be okay." With that, she turned away as we watched her footsteps fading into the distance.

The golden hour was always beautiful, and it was today too, but somehow it felt as if it knew that the day had been anything but golden for us. The rays patterned over our bodies, all bundled up and tangled in each other's seeking physical warmth. Our breaths were coordinated, chests rising and falling together, bodies numb and mind on a race. Major surgeries like transplants took many hours, with the complexities it presented and the sensitive care it was to be done with, so it was no mystery as to why it was taking so much time for the OT door to open and give us an update. We'd probably be sitting right here until the early hours of morning tomorrow.

We'd long by forgotten the conversation we were having in school and were aware that what was needed right now was each other's support and physical comfort.

Everything around us was cold. But when his body twined with mine, I burned hot.

By midnight, we'd consumed almost five cups of steaming hot coffee and an abundance of chocolate cookies, giving us the very much sugar rush. Mom had been kind enough to go over the Rutherford's household to bring over spare clothes and some other necessities. She'd sat with Susan and talked to her separately, both the women arriving after fresh and determined. They'd made us eat sandwiches and tried to convince us to go home but that was where our limits stopped.

We weren't going to budge an inch.

We'd stayed there, curled up in each other's arms, sniffling and sobbing together, being silent and calm together; the need to touch each other and just be there constant throughout everything. We'd understood when had we wanted to hold hands, or when had we wanted a bit of personal space, or when had we wanted to do nothing but cry. We worked like two arms on a clock; ticking, walking together, a coordinated effort to stay sane and stay put, which we were far from.

So when at around four thirty in the morning, Ashton Williams, clad in surgeon's clothing emerged out of the OT, we four shot out of our seats, crowding around him.

"How is he?" Susan's voice cracked, her hands wrung tightly around Ray's whose breathing was uneven.

Dad pulled off his mask only to reveal a big smile underneath. "The transplant was a success. Sam is stable but unconscious. We can go over the details later." Susan collapsed on the floor sobbing loudly, while Ray buried his face in his palms crying as well, as I pulled him in for a hug. "Why are you guys crying? Oh c'mon!" Dad crouched down and pulled Susan up on her feet who leaned into mom for support. "It's time to celebrate! He's okay and he was such a brave kiddo throughout the whole process. As much as the doctor's skills matter, the willpower plays a huge role in the wellbeing of any human being."

"You saved him. Thank you. Thank you so much." Ray stumbled onto dad, who laughed and steadied him, patting his back. "I don't know how to pay you back for everything you've done for us." Tears spilled down the corners of my eyes as my dad wiped his own, trying to laugh it off.

"Now, now son. What have I told you about calling me Ashton and not sir?" That cracked him up and he walked over to stand beside me, his hand gripping my waist and pulling me into him. "He'll be up after the anesthesia wears off. We've shifted him in the ICU and he'll be there for a good few days." Upon seeing our worried expressions, he waved his hands in the air. "There's nothing to worry about. Heart transplant is a complex surgery and we need to monitor him to see if he's functioning well. You can meet him tomorrow, though he won't be able to talk much. I'll be there to guide you through the entire process." Pressing a chaste kiss onto mom's lips, he left us to change and check on Sam.

"Congratulations. I told you, he'd be okay, right? Sam is a fighter." I paused, to see his eyes transfixed on mine. "Just like his big brother." I whispered the last part, my index finger tracing his jaw, smooth and sharp.

"I'm sorry. For everything." His face neared mine, his nose drawing a line down my right cheek. He sighed. "I love you."

My voice wobbled. "I love you. And I always will no matter what." A smile pulled on his lips and he shook his head amusedly, his eyes flicking behind me where our mom's were silently sobbing in each other's arms. "I'm so glad Sam is okay. I promised to take him to Disneyland."

"What?" He laughed throatily, reminding us how much we'd cried, and sat us down. "Disneyland? When did this happen?"

I scowled. "We have our secrets. Plus, the little guy was so curious about my experience from when I went to Disneyland with my parents that he wanted to look at the pictures right then and there." Smiling slightly at the remembrance of Sam's excited jumps and happy giggles, I sighed. "So, I ended up promising him that I'd take him there."

"It's not fair that my little brother likes you more." Pinching my side, he huffed, though playfully.

"It's the way the world works sweetheart. Accept it."

"Am I included in the Disneyland trip?"

"Well, we'll think about it." And we ended up laughing on the cold metal chairs of the hospital as the morning sun peeped over the horizon, our mom's watching us and smiling to themselves.

And that is why sunrises were always so beautiful; the golden rays splattering over the indigo, pale pink sky, a new hope for the deranged. It was as if the world was washed off of all it's darkness and given a chance at lightening up. When you lost all hope, there was sunrise to give that to you; the birds chirping and the wind whistling through the leaves; an enchanting silence upon life, marking the start to a day.

World relied on hope and the rise of sun the sun proved that. People needed hope. People needed people.

And today, when I sat amongst the people I'd like to call mine after a night when we'd given up on hope, I was reminded yet again what it felt like to not just be in love with others, but yourself and with life.

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sorry for the late update! this one's a bit short but the next update is coming soon ;) lemme know how you liked this chapter! <3

ALSO 50K WHATTT?????!!! I'd never imagined I could gather so many reads and today, I'm so thankful to everyone who's been reading this book; silently or loudly. Irresistible helped me a lot in lockdown, mentally, and I was glad I could put down my emotions over here.

To everyone who's reading this book, thank you for helping me stay sane ❤ I love you and I'm so glad you exist x