61.

May

______

Y/N

"I know in my heart

I know in my mind

We were meant to be

Are you feeling me yo?"

I sung with Serenity as we were driving from our hair appointment. "You heard Coop going on tour and performing out in Vegas?" She asked. "Yeah" I answered "you should go I know coop wants all of us to be out there" serenity said. "Yeah but most likely Olivia is going to be there and I KNOW Layla will be there." I started off.

"I just don't want anything to pop off and ruin Coop's performance." I admitted. "Why do you let Olivia and Layla be that way and keep walking on eggshells-" serenity started off "so they won't make my life a living hell" I admitted. "Have you spoken to Spencer?" She asked as I simply just shook my head. "No after the talk Layla and I had, I stepped back" I admitted. "Y/N him getting shot wasn't your fault" she said as I parked my car in front of Rescue smoothies.

"Yeah but it seems like it on top of that when you got two people blaming you for it, it doesn't help" I stressed. "I just think had I left earlier or had just taken the bullet he would've never been shot" I expressed. "And who's to say had the bullet hit you, you would've survived?" Serenity asked as I just shrugged and took the keys out of the ignition. "I don't know I just know since the shooting I haven't been the same" I admitted.

"I can't sleep and when I do it's for like two, three hours. My anxiety is through the roof, I hear a pop and immediately drop to the ground, I constantly replay the conversation Layla and I had about him being shot is my fault" I explained. "It's not your fault" She groaned. "It doesn't matter how many times you tell me that serenity. That is how I feel" I simply stated. I then got out of the car as we walked into "Rescue Smoothies" going to pick up an order.

"Y/N?" I heard as I turned some seeing Spencer "hey" I greeted before turning fully around. "You got on some wedges and your make up's done, where you going?" He asked in a chuckle as He then looked over my whole body to my hair. I just smiled some "serenity and I are just having a girls day out." I informed as he looked me up and down once again.

"You look good, I like your hair" He complimented. "Thanks" I said before looking around "What's been going on with you? It's like you gave me a song then dropped off the face of the earth" He said. "Yeah I know" I started off then looked down at my hands I finally looked back up at him "I'm sorry about you getting shot. You should've never blocked me from that bullet" I started off "It should've never been you and I take full responsibility-" I started off as I felt my eyes water some.

"Y/N" he said as I looked at him "Spencer you should've never took that bullet for me" I said as I looked up at him. "Y/N anything that went wrong wasn't your fault. Coop was dealing with Tyrone from the jump. Those short amount of days that you two talked and you not dealing with him had nothing to do with me being shot" he explained.

"I'm sorry that you took the bullet for me" I apologized as he stepped up to me some and looked me in my eyes. "And I'd do it again" he assured.

We just stared at each other for a quick moment "I-" I started off then looked down and smiled. "I didn't mean to leave you in your time of need I just thought you needed some space" I admitted then looked at him. "Nah I get it, It's fine. I was just going through physical therapy trying to get ready for the upcoming season at south Crenshaw" he explained as I faintly smiled. "You made the decision" I brought up "yeah I couldn't let them do south Crenshaw like that, there's history there and all they're doing is trying gentrify that area kicking most of the kids that attend there out and they can't do that" he explained as I just smiled.

"Not on Spencer James watch" I joked as he chuckled "I like that a lot, I really hope all works out. How's your arm?" I asked. "It's good, I'm good" he said as I looked at him. "I don't want you going out there and hurting yourself making it worse. Make sure you're fully healed Spence" I expressed concerned as he chuckled.

"You haven't talked to me in about a month and you already voicing your concerns" he said as I just rolled my eyes about to walk away but he grabbed my arm. "I was just playing around" he started off as I fully turned back towards him. "I like when you voice your concerns for me. It shows you actually care" He said as I seen Olivia walk in with Layla. I just nodded "well I care for you but I got to go" I started off as serenity came back with a bag filled with our order to go.

"I'll see you later" I started off watching them talk and smile "I love yo-" I started off about to finish what I was about say but immediately caught myself. I just looked at Spencer as he looked back at me. "Um take care" I corrected immediately looking away from him "bye Spence" Serenity said as I hurried towards the door but was stopped by Layla and Olivia. "Y/N" I heard as I turned "what you doing this summer?" She asked.

"Why?" I simply questioned "we were just asking because we heard rumors about you going on tour with Beyoncé" Olivia said "they're not rumors they're literally on every news outlet or magazine page you can search" I started off about to walk out but I heard Layla call my name once again. I then turned back around "wait you're going on tour this summer with Beyoncé?" I heard Spencer ask as I looked at him then Layla and Olivia.

"What is this conversation about?" I simply asked "I thought Coop was your girl? You can't make it?" Layla questioned. "She will forever be my friend and even if I was to go, thing one and thing two would have a problem." I started off referring to Layla and Olivia. "So no I'm not going and i bet you two are very happy about that" I simply said trying to walk away.

"You think you're different and better because your Beyoncé's back up dancer you can't even be with your friends?" Layla asked as serenity was about to intervene but I stopped her and turned around. "You know I do think I'm different and better but not because of Beyoncé" I started "I am better than the person who I used to be. Because had you got the other version, I would've fucked you and her shit up, word to my motha'" I honestly said pointing between Olivia and Layla.

"So with that being said, stay out of my fucking business. It's none of your concerns" I stated then looked over at Spencer "bye spence" I simply said walking away carrying the bags out to the car. Serenity finally got in the car placing her seatbelt on. "That was good but hear me out" she started off "I still think you could've chucked a couple of salt shakers at they heads" she said as I couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

I just placed my seatbelt on about to back out but there was a knock on my side window. I looked seeing Spencer as I rolled down the window. "Spencer what?" I asked "so you just wasn't going to bring up that you're leaving away for the summer to perform for Beyoncé?" He asked. "Spencer please?" I asked trying not to talk. "You made a whole song about you being there and you don't even want to talk to me. What changed between that night and now?" He asked as I just looked away.

"She's pregnant and she needs to eat can we not?" I asked Spencer as he leaned off the car. "And since you're so concerned ask Layla and Olivia why I'm like this and acting this way" I said before rolling the window up and beginning to drive off. "Bro they be on your ass like white on rice damn" serenity joked. "Now you see what the fuck I go through all for him and the crazy thing is I like him so much-" I started off.

"No you love him" she corrected "serenity no I don't, let me finish what I got to say" I said frustrated as she threw her hands back some. "I like him a lot and he's such a good guy, he was the perfect boyfriend for the time span of me being with him, but with Olivia abusing herself because of him and I being together, Layla's hate for me and that shooting, it fucked up everything" I admitted.

"Did those things fuck it up or are you letting it?" She asked as I just sighed "here we go, therapist Serenity" I sarcastically said. "First off get real with yourself"she started. "You love him" she said. "He's just a friend" I stressed. "Whatever. That shooting wasn't your fault Y/N and I'm tired of them making you feel like you don't belong, like you're not worthy, like you're not beautiful, like this whole shooting thing is your fault because you talked to Tyrone a handful of times and I'm tired of them getting in the way of you and Spencer being together" she stressed.

"Stop because if your water breaks in my mothers car" I warned "Y/N I'm being dead ass. It's clear that there's something deeper that's going on with you and Spencer. You need to go see someone and talk to them" she stressed. "You have PTSD, Your Anxiety is an all time high, you're holding in shit and carrying burdens you don't have to carry. You think every thing is your fault. You're not okay with your happiness but you want everyone else to be happy" she explained.

"I do not think everything is my fault" I interrupted "Y/N you say sorry for shit you don't need to say sorry for!" She stressed "you sat there and broke up with Spencer to make your cousin happy just for her ass to still be single!" Serenity said clearly fed up. "If you don't get a fucking handle on this shit you're either going to go back to those pills, spazz out or try to Kill yourself and I'll be damned if you do any of those things" she expressed as I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"Serenity right now I'm worried about you and the baby, I'm worried about college, the dance team at the school and senior year-" I started off "as a way to not deal with your real issues, you taking all of this shit on, for fucking what?!" She asked as I just sighed. "You're hurting and all you do is place a smile on your face and keep moving. You have to stop" she said as I parked the car in the drive way.

"You keep it up and you'll start doing things far more worse than what you did at your aunts place" she said as I finally looked over at Serenity. "It's okay to not be okay" she assured grabbing my hand as I felt tears roll down my cheeks.