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A/N: The longest chapter in this book💕-Dajah💕

Spencer

I was at my therapist as we were talking I kept thinking about Y/N and how she's been acting lately. "What's going on?" Dr. Spears asked as I shook my head. "Nothing I'm good" I assured "you're not it's written all over your face" he said as I looked at him. "I'm just thinking about Y/N she's the one I took the bullet for" I admitted. "Ever since the night of the incident she's been different, she even gave me a song and still avoided and didn't talk to me" I said.

"She kept apologizing saying it was her fault why I was shot and I- I don't know-" I started off as he looked at me "what did you say?" He questioned "I said I'd do it again" I admitted. "And you meant it when you said it?" He asked as I smiled fo myself and nodded "yeah" I assured as he faintly smiled.

"You think she's my stick point?" I asked curious.

"No but what is it about Y/N to where you would do that whole cycle again?" He questioned as I just smiled and shook my head. "I don't know we just vibe differently, I can tell her everything and vice versa it's like she automatically knows and picks up when I'm not myself when something is going on" I explained.

"I don't know that's my best friend on a different element from Coop and I" I admitted then looked at him.

"Well she may need to see someone herself but You're in love with her" he started off as I chuckled then shook my head. "Nah. Nah. Y/N's just my friend" I assured sitting back on the couch as he simply just smiled and nodded.

"Now Olivia and I are trying to I guess do something, well at least Y/N wants us to work out issues with each other so Olivia and I can be together" I explained. "Well a traumatic experience can bond two people like that for life." He brought up. "Yeah but we tried and we, well she ended it now I hear from her every once in a blue moon" I said.

"Why did it end?" He asked as I shook my head "Olivia started drinking and blamed Y/N and I being together for why she was doing it and Y/N felt like it was her fault and that she can fix it by us breaking up" I started off and chuckled some.

"We broke up and she came up with a list of rules we didn't need to break as friends like holding hands, kissing each other" I said then shrugged my shoulders "things like that" I stated. "So she came up with a list of rules for you twos friendship after you two broke up?" He asked as I chuckled and nodded "I know it's-" I started off shaking my head.

"She still wants to be in your life" he said as I shook my head "so why is she so distant? For the past month we are nothing like we used to be. Almost as if she's pushing me away" I said. "What happened leading up to you being shot? And days after that with her? He asked. "We we're at her and Olivia's cotillion we were originally supposed to do the dance routine they had everyone do together but we broke up" I said as he interrupted .

"Because of Olivia not because of anything you two did" he interrupted as I nodded. "She told me to be Olivia's partner so I did and Darnell took my place being hers. We did the routine and as soon as it ended we talked for a bit and I asked if she wanted to go dance, she declined saying that I should go dance with Olivia and she sat at her table basically all night either eating or talking to Patience or somebody." I started off.

"Darnell finally asked her to dance as Olivia grabbed me to go dance with her and we were dancing to "Talking to the moon" by Bruno Mars. I remember me just listening to the lyrics and staring at her as she did the same continuing to dance with who we were dancing with. And I just seen tears run down her face." I said then looked down and back at Dr. Spears. "She then tried to leave out early but I stopped her and I told her how I wanted to dance with her and the last song of the night I got my dance" I said excitedly as he chuckled.

"What you two dance too?" He questioned "Die for you" by The Weeknd" I answered "wow that's crazy because moments later you jumped in front of a bullet for her" he started off "what happened once you were shot?" He asked "it went in and out, I know Y/N was applying pressure to my chest while screaming for help and she rode in the ambulance with me to the hospital." I started.

I was being rolled back as she was holding onto my hand walking beside me. "Where was Olivia? Or Layla?" He asked as I tried thinking about it but I honestly don't know. "I'm not sure I just know she was beside me." I admitted as he nodded.

"I pulled my oxygen mask down saying her name as the doctors automatically pulled it back up and I heard the nurse telling Y/N that she couldn't go beyond the doors and that I was going to be okay. They told her about three, four times before she finally let go and everything just went after that." I explained.

"Hmm, what were you going to say to her when you pulled your mask down?" He asked as I just sat there then looked down and soon back at him. "I thought in my head it was going to be the last time I seen her and I was going to tell her that I loved her" I admitted as he smiled and I faintly smiled.

Y/N

"Y/N Y/L/N" I heard as I finally started going to therapy and today was my first day. I got up and finally looked at the woman. "Nurse joy?!" I asked as she looked ay me and immediately smiled. "You were the girl from the hospital that night when your friend was shot" she said as I nodded "yeah you're a therapist also?" I asked as we walked into her office and she nodded. "Yeah on the weekends" she started "have a seat" she said as I sat on the couch.

"How's your friend doing?" She asked "he's good and I just want to say thank you for fighting for him in the hospital" I thanked "like I told him if we don't fight for each other, who will?" She said as I smiled. "What's been going on why are you here?" She asked. "I honestly don't know where to begin" I admitted. "Well what's bothering you right now?" She questioned.

"Well I'm frustrated" I started off "why?" She asked "I'm frustrated because I'm tired of feeling like everyone else gets to be happy and then there's me." I admitted "wait is this the same girl who danced back up to Beyoncé at Coachella and reportedly had a deal to dance with her on her and Jay-Z's upcoming tour?" She asked jokingly as I let out a small laugh.

"I'm not even doing the tour, I decided to stay and enjoy my summer and the start of my senior year. the tour starts next month and goes all the way to October I'd be missing out on my summer with my friends along with most of my first semester of senior year. So I'm staying out here" I explained.

"Is that tour something you wanted to do?" She asked as that was a hard question "yes and no. I wanted the experience to travel and do all those things dancing back up for Beyoncé who wouldn't?!" I started off "but then I think about my friends and how much senior year is important and either way I'm missing out on an experience" I expressed.

"So aside from dancing how's your happiness?" She asked "okay before I say this please don't think my happiness is centered around this guy?" I asked as she laughed. "If it is I'm going to let you know" she said in all seriousness. "When I first got to LA I at first I didn't want to deal or be bother by this guy. He was my cousin, Olivia's ex and I just didn't want to be bothered. It slowly but surely turned into a friendship and it was strictly that." I assured. "We talked for hours somehow bonded over everything then My father passed away and he and I shared a kiss" I started off.

"And it just hasn't been the same since?" She asked as I agreed. "His girlfriend at the time didn't like me along with Olivia as soon as they laid eyes on me. I was nice and cordial to them and to everyone else they just always have something to say. I tried to distance myself from him because I wanted to go through junior and senior year not being seen and not in any conflicts" I admitted as she nodded.

"But it seemed like every time I distanced myself from him we would become closer every time we got back in each other's spaces and it's constantly like that and Two biggest pieces of my frustration is because of Olivia and Layla and because I can't be with him" I admitted. "It's sounding like you're here for a boy" she started off as we shared a small laugh. "Oh no just keep listening.

"Well let me ask you this. Have you two tried?" She asked as I nodded "yeah my cousin said she was okay with it and she said she was good so we finally got together earlier this year and then it just went left" I said shaking my head some. "Was if you two that went left?" She asked. "No we were fine I was happy, he was happy we were good. My cousin started drinking alcohol again and acting differently. I sat down and spoke to her and she told me that I was the reason why she was drinking because she wanted him" I explained as I looked down in my lap.

"She told me she loved me but hated the fact I was here, I  didn't want her to hurt herself  or be the reason why she was unhappy so I broke up with him" I admitted as I felt tears roll down my cheeks and she handed me a tissue. "I went back to distancing myself as the cotillion came up and I was originally supposed to dance with him but I just told him to dance with Olivia." I said.

"I sat down basically the whole night like I also did for homecoming because everyone was dancing with their dates and there's me. But it's fine because I'm used to it and my best friend as everyone else was happy" I cleared up as I wiped my tears.  "So why are you crying if you're okay?" She asked as I shrugged and looked down.

"You know why" she said as she motioned for me to continue my story. "He wanted me to dance with him but I told him to go off with my cousin once again. I ended up getting a dance with my friend Darnell and as we were dancing me and Spencer just locked eyes, just staring and all I could do was cry" I admitted. "I tried to leave out the cotillion early he stopped me and stressed that he wanted the last Dance of the night to be with him" I said as she smiled.

"Awww That's sweet" She expressed as I continued to smile. "We left out after our dance and that's when he took the bullet that should've hit me and we ended up at the hospital" I brought up. "If he jumped to protect you why should it have hit you?" She asked. "I don't know I keep blaming myself for that. I just look at him not knowing if he's going to play football the same and think I'm the reason why" I explained.

"I felt I was the reason why already but It was to the point Layla said to me that I needed to leave him alone because I was the reason he almost died, my cousin co-signed it and I believed exactly that so I've been MIA since hoping everything was better for him." I admitted.

"I felt that Spencer and I's first kiss, our friendship, issues with him, Olivia and Layla, Olivia's Alcohol usage, Him being shot, even my father passing away is all because of me. So I tend to push myself away and go into my own exile" I expressed wiping my tears away.

"And that's your problem right there" She pointed out as I looked at her. "You think everything is your fault when it's not. If you keep walking around thinking what you could've done to fix it you'll never be happy. You pushed Spencer away constantly because of everyone else and their personal issues. When You push him away you two build a bond a hundred times stronger each time and you're in love with him" She explained. "I like him a lot but I'm not in love with him" I assured.

"That's what you tell yourself because you want to get rid of him" she said as I just looked at her. "I told you Imma be real with you. You don't have boy issues at all" she started off. "Your issue is blaming yourself for things that have nothing to do with you, not being honest about your true feelings and the fact that you need to learn how to pick and choose who to care for and be cut throat" she said. "Which brings me to your stuck point" she started off "it's not Spencer, it's not his ex Layla, it's not even your father, baby it's Olivia and it's you and your thoughts and feelings " she stressed.

"Once you let go and realize she's going to do and say whatever she has too to get you two apart and alcohol being her issue THAT IS HER ISSUE" she expressed. "She blames you for an addiction she's not over so how dare you place that type of burden on yourself." She said as I wiped my tears away.

"I hate to say it that shooting all it did was bring you and Spencer closer and you need to let him in because you find comfort in each other. The shooting was not your fault he took that bullet for a reason" she started off as I spoke lowly "and said he'd do it again" I said. "He said what?!" She asked shocked. "He'd do it again" I said a little louder. "There you go" she said. "You're dismissed" she said as I wiped my tears.

I stood up "and before you go look yourself in this mirror" she said I went to the mirror and I sniffled some looking at myself.

"Repeat after me and I want you to mean it" she started off as I nodded. "I think I'm abundance not scarcity" she started off as I repeated "my black is radiantly beautiful, my hair texture is beautiful and unique" she said pushing the curl from my braids out of my face some as I smiled and repeated what she said looking down some." Aht, Aht!" She said holding my chin back up "Don't you ever look down, you hold your head up high everyday, you are royalty she stressed as I nodded.

"I am filled with positive energy and I'm evolving with purpose everyday" She said as I repeated word for word. "I attract happiness and joy into my life" she added as I repeated. "And today I choose me" she stated as I looked at her. "And today I choose me" I said to myself.

"Now it's going to take some time but you're okay baby" She assured as we shared a hug. She walked me out of her office as I seen Spencer shaking a guys hand. He finally turned and looked at me as we shared a small smile and I immediately looked down before I heard nurse joy clear her throat loudly.

I instantly picked my head up and said my goodbyes to Nurse joy before walking out to the car.

As I was walking out to the car I heard Spencer call my name "Y/N" I heard as I turned around and looked back at him. "Yeah" I answered about to open my door. "You in therapy too?" He asked "yeah I started today I didn't know we were in the same building" I brought up. "Yeah me either" he said as we just smiled at each other I then looked back "I uh have to get back to the house I got to brush up on a couple of things for finals and serenity wants me to pick her up something from Rescue smoothies." I answered "aight well" he started off then looked me up and down "I'll see you around school" he said as I smiled. "Okay" I said before getting in the car.