Piece by Piece Part Two

Piece by Piece Part Two

Alex never thought he'd be the kind of guy to go to therapy.

Honestly, he never thought it would be an option for him. Because, for so long, society saw the people who went to therapy as crazy or weak and it just wasn't as acceptable for men as it was for women. So, while his mother had gone to see a therapist on a weekly basis after his father left, eventually getting so much better she didn't need her anymore, he had never had that choice.

Instead, Alex had been bounced around his mother's support network of other parents who would take over when his mother picked up another shift at the hospital or when she was too tired to cook. They were so helpful in those first few years, helping with the carpool or letting him sleep over during his mother's night shifts but they weren't his parents and it was never his home. For all they tried, it wasn't the same and these happy, whole families could never understand.

But it was what it was, and Alex couldn't ask for more.

He grew up as a well-adjusted child, bar the occasional tantrum when the unfairness of it all got to him, and he tried hard to be the model son so his mother wouldn't worry. It took him a while to realise that, maybe, he'd worked a bit too hard at that.

And it's hammered home to him when he meets Taylor's soulmate, Lloyd.

"You can't be weird." Taylor tells him. "You're the first of my friends I'm introducing him to. Please don't scare him off."

Alex holds up his hands, his face a picture of innocence. "I promise I won't."

"You better not. He's important to me."

"I'm important to you!"

She makes a non-committal sound at that.

"Hey!"

Taylor laughs, grinning at him. "I'm kidding. Obviously, you're important! I mean, I live with you so I have to stay on your good side."

He rolls his eyes. "You think you're funny, don't you?"

"Hilarious," she confirms before suddenly sitting up straighter and smiling softer when she sees Lloyd. "There he is. Now, Alex, promise me you'll act normal."

Alex thinks he's normal all the time but he shrugs and lets her eke a promise out of him.

"Hi," Lloyd says with a smile when he approaches their table. holding out a hand. "I'm Lloyd."

Alex stands up to meet him, shaking his hand and admiring his strong grip. It's a stupid thing to notice about a man but he thinks it's promising and tells him so. From the corner of his eye, he can see Taylor looking pleased at how the introductions are going. They make small talk about their studies and where they're from and, inevitably, they can't avoid talking about soulmates.

"So, Alex," Lloyd says, "have you met your soulmate yet?"

And he's promised Taylor that he won't be weird so he smiles and shakes his head, "No."

Taylor stares at him. "That's your lying face. You have met your soulmate!"

"No, I haven't."

"Don't lie to me, Alex!"

"I haven't." He insists, trying to school his face into something more convincing. He never knew he had a lying face, and he's not so sure Taylor is telling the truth, but it's useful to know if it's true.

She frowns at him, eyes shrewd. "Okay, I believe you haven't met them but you somehow know who they are."

On a normal day, Alex still wouldn't be fully comfortable having this conversation with Taylor. Today, during his first meeting with her soulmate, he's really sure he doesn't want to talk about it. "You know what, this coffee just goes straight through me. I'm going to go to the bathroom."

He could do better but, honestly, he's not too bothered about being subtle. When he comes back to the table, the topic's changed and he sits through another half hour of easy conversation before Lloyd has to leave to meet a friend. Alex genuinely means it when he says they should meet up again.

Alex thinks that it's enough to get Taylor to give him some space about the soulmate thing but it isn't. She's like a dog with a bone.

"I can't believe you know who your soulmate is."

"Soulmates gravitate towards each other." It's a true fact. The universe wants soulmates to be together and it's why, even though his dad moved away, his mum is still haunted with his presence. It sucks. "There's a ninety five percent chance we were going to meet sometime."

"But you didn't meet, did you?"

He laughs. "What, are you going to tell me the statistics for soulmates that never meet?"

She rolls her eyes. "I don't have to because there are so few known cases that there is no statistic for it. You're a medical marvel."

"I don't think that's the way you use that phrase."

"I think you're avoiding the question."

"I think it's none of your business."

He means it as a joke, a gentle way to get her to off the topic, but there must be something in her voice that gives her pause because she looks at him and her mouth softens.

"Maybe it's not," she says, "but I think you should talk to someone about it. Maybe you should see a therapist."

The earnest look in her eyes is the only reason why he doesn't immediately brush off the suggestion but, in his mind, it isn't an option. Not for him. He isn't crazy, he doesn't need therapy, and he doesn't spare it another thought.

It isn't until a year later, when the mental health movement really gets going around campus that he revises his opinion on therapy. Because, all of a sudden, people are saying that it's like going to the doctor but for the mind instead of the body. It makes a lot of sense when they put it like that and he starts thinking he might need like to go to therapy, after all.

Because Alex has issues, lots of them, and talking might help.

He takes his time looking for a therapist, settling on an older woman called Linda who looks a bit like his grandma before she passed. She's nice and she doesn't push him before he's ready but she lets him know quite firmly what she wants him to get out of their therapy sessions and that she can only help him as much as he lets her.

Linda's really good for him and she's the one who pushes him to talk to his soulmate, to reach out.

So he does, I'm getting therapy.

And his soulmate says he's proud of him. It means more than it should.

Alex doesn't really keep track of how long he's been going to therapy but, before he knows it, it's been a year of on and off sessions. He doesn't see Linda during the holidays but he reckons he must've had at least thirty hours in her office. And, eventually, he feels better for it. He doesn't think he'll ever get over his daddy issues entirely, he can't when they're such a big part of him, but he can't say he cares as much as he used to.

It doesn't mean that he falls in love with the idea of soulmates but he moves forward with his life. He starts dating, travels more and he writes to his soulmate.

I submitted an application to study abroad a few months ago. I'm going to Asia this summer, part of a summer school programme. I'm looking forward to it.

I met a girl last night at a club. She was nice.

I've had burgers four times this week because of McDonald's Monopoly. Marketing really gets to me.

Taylor stares at him. "Are you for real?"

Alex looks up at her. "What?"

"This is your soulmate you're writing to! How can you tell him things without telling him anything at all?"

"I told him I'm a sucker for marketing! That's sharing, isn't it?"

She scowls at him.

The truth is, Alex knows what she means. He knows that the things he writes to his soulmate are boring and dry but he also can't help it. He's spent pretty much his whole life not writing to his soulmate and he can't change who he is that quickly - he can't suddenly start gushing about stuff just because society expects him to. It's not him, he doesn't think it ever will be.

But his soulmate, well, he's a whole different kettle of fish.

I wish I could travel more. I've only ever been to Europe and it's amazing how culture is so different just across the pond but it's so fascinating, too! I'd love to join you in Asia but I'm currently applying for internships. The job market is intense for Econ grads, you know? J

J, or Jay as Alex has taken to calling him, is a sharer. He likes to tell Alex all about himself, and Alex doesn't know if he does it deliberately or because he's just that kind of person. Flashing back to the memory of him leaning back on the grass with his head tilted back as he laughs, Alex could believe he's that kind of guy. And Alex is working hard to believe he deserves him but, in truth, he's not so sure.

Because one thing he learnt when he started talking frankly about soulmates was that soulmates aren't always perfect for each other. He'd known it, had seen it, but it was still startling to hear it said out loud.

"How does that happen?" he'd asked. "Aren't soulmates meant to be, fated by the universe?"

"Do you think people have free will?" Linda had asked.

"Yes."

"Then why would you believe it's any different with soulmates?"

"You mean we choose whether or not to fall in love with our soulmates?"

"We're the product of our own choices, Alex, and the universe can't predict that."

It made a lot of sense. The universe might pick soulmates at birth but there was no way that everything that happened in the world was predestined, Alex refused to believe it, which meant his choices had changed things. He was no longer the same soul the universe had picked for Jay, and Jay didn't need that.

So, no matter how much the universe wants them together, Alex won't let that happen.

Which is how he ends up on the wrong side of twenty, working too long hours and single again.

"I can't believe Olivia dumped you." Christian, his roommate, says in what is meant to be a supportive manner. It falls a little flat, though.

"I could believe it." Taylor says, because she doesn't pull any punches. "I mean, you stood her up on date night for the third time in a row."

Alex rolls his eyes. "I didn't. I actually cancelled one of those dates three hours in advance so I didn't stand her up three times, only two."

"You left her a voicemail when you knew her phone was broken."

"And she broke up with me through Facebook. We both made mistakes. The end."

"Olivia was a nice girl as well." Taylor says, because she has to get the last word in. "And now I'll never be able to go shoe shopping with her again."

"You still could."

"No," she sighs, "and there goes yet another friendship I've lost because of your inability to commit. I don't know why I like you so much."

"But you do!" And he reaches over and grabs her in a tight hug that leaves her squealing and flailing out at him. He thinks he likes this more than anything he could ever have with Olivia. It's great.

Things change, however, and it seems like no time at all before Taylor and Lloyd get married and it's him and Christian sitting on the singles table as they watch the happy couple at the wedding reception. Honestly, for all Alex doesn't believe in soulmates, he's always believed in Taylor and Lloyd, and he's so indescribably happy they made it down the aisle and to here.

"That's my girl up there." He says, proud.

Christian laughs. "Yeah, I heard you the first ten times."

He doesn't remember saying it earlier, let alone that many times, but he's had a bottle and a half of wine and a few glasses of champagne, too. His head's far too muddled for him to properly think, and he's long since resigned himself to sitting down instead of trying to get his heavy limbs to dance, so he supposes Christian might be right. It doesn't negate the facts, though, and Taylor's still his girl.

"You know, when I first met her, she was shy as hell and we were just a bunch of assholes, drinking and talking too loud, who needed another person to play cards with. I don't even remember the name of the guy who asked her to join us, he dropped out a few months later, but my life would be so different if he hadn't."

"Nah," Christian says, shaking his head and then stopping and grimacing at the motion, "I think you guys would've met anyway. Universe and all that."

"Doesn't that only happen with soulmates?"

"Yeah," he agrees, "but you and Taylor are so close you might as well be soulmates. Platonic ones."

"That's the best kind, you know."

"I think Lloyd might disagree with that."

"Then he can fight me."

Christian had necked a bottle of wine as well, and he'd also been taking full advantage of the open bar, so he thinks the idea is hilarious and they call Lloyd over for a punch up.

"You two are sloppy drunk." Taylor says, but she doesn't sound disapproving.

"We," Christian corrects, holding up his glass in a salute, "are drinking to love."

"Specifically our love," Alex says quickly before they think they're drinking to something ridiculous like marriage, "yours and mine, Taylor. You're the one girl I love the most in the world."

She smiles at him, soft and sweet. "I know. I love you, too, Alex."

Alex beams, shooting a smug look at Lloyd. "She loves me."

Lloyd barks out a laugh, but nods along. "Yeah, she really does."

"You have to take care of her." Alex says to him in a moment of sobriety. "You have to keep each other happy."

And Lloyd looks solemn when he says "I promise I will" so Alex doesn't end up punching him. He would, though, if he'd looked anything less than sincere.

As it is, the newlyweds make it out of the reception unscathed and Alex and Christian don't stay much longer after that, calling a taxi to get them home. Alex has the presence of mind to take off his suit before he crashes in his bed and that's where he stays for the next twelve hours. It feels weird for him to spend so much time doing nothing after the busy run up to the wedding but it's also nice to have a long bath and a pub breakfast.

In the days that follow, he takes a lot of time for himself. Because, all of a sudden, it hits him that he's almost thirty and, when he comes home from a long day at work, he's got no one there waiting for him. Alex has never been the kind of guy who cares about that, content with his friends and his freedom, but he wants it now.

Which is how he meets Cody.

Initially, he just knows her as the dogwalker who passes him when he takes his lunch break in the nearby park. They don't talk, though she smiles at him and he smiles back, and one day Alex is feeling stressed from work and just needs some kind of outlet and he thinks petting her dog might do. So he asks her his name, Bear, and he spends five minutes getting dog fur all over his suit. It's great, and he misses him almost as soon as Bear is brought back to heel.

"I walk him every day around noon," Cody says, seeing the look on his face. "He's a friendly guy and he loves greeting people and playing with them but he's just a bit too big to let run off the lease. He'd bowl everyone over!"

"I'll come see him tomorrow, if he wants to play."

Cody smiles at him. "Great! Bear will love that."

It becomes a regular thing and, every weekday in his lunch hour, Alex meets up with Cody and her dog, Bear. It gets to the point where Bear's running up to see him as soon as he catches his scent, dragging Cody's slight frame along with him. Alex loves it, loves him, and buys him so many treats and toys that Cody begs him to stop, scared he'll get fat and spoiled.

"He's the best boy, though," Alex says, kneeling down and giving him head scratches, "and he deserves the best things. Yes, you do, Bear, yes, you do."

"You spoil him more than my mum."

"Because I love him."

She rolls her eyes. "You haven't even taken him out on a date yet. It's a bit early to be throwing the love word around."

"I would be so up for a date with Bear."

And that's how he ends up in a movie theatre for a special dog-friendly showing of an animated film. Bear is ridiculously excited, sniffing around and playing with everyone who will let him, and there are so many dogs Alex can barely concentrate. He honestly believes it's the best date he's ever been on.

"We should do this again." Alex says when the movies ends, genuinely meaning it.

"Yeah," Cody says, smiling at him, "let's do that."

He likes hanging out with Cody because, with her, things are easy and there's no pressure. If he has to work later than expected, missing a date with Bear, she understands and she doesn't make a big deal out of it. Still, he hates disappointing her and he starts putting his foot down at work more, letting them know he has plans that he can't skip. It makes him feel a lot better having clear boundaries between his work and social life and he feels more positive about work as well.

"You look happier." Christian tells him, a week after he's started being more assertive.

"Happier?" Alex asks, surprised.

"Yeah, you seem more relaxed now. I wasn't going to mention it but, a month ago, you seemed really stressed. I saw so many takeaway containers in the trash and I know you weren't sleeping. I worried."

"Huh," Alex says, "I guess I just turned my diet and sleeping schedule around."

"Yeah?"

"I met someone." He says because he knows Christian is expecting something. "I guess they're good for me."

As his roommate, there's no way Christian could've missed Alex going out more in the evenings and he doesn't look surprised to hear it's because he met someone new. In the same way, Alex expects the invitation of a double date and he's too curious about meeting Christian's new guy that he doesn't really realise what he's agreeing to until it's too late.

"Bear's well trained and all," Cody says, when he tells her, "but he's not 'sit in a restaurant for two hours and make conversation' trained."

"I would pay good money to have dinner with Bear."

"But I'm guessing the restaurant won't want that." She says, sadly the voice of reason. "How about you ask me to come to dinner with you?"

They've hung out a lot in the recent months, filling a Taylor-shaped hole in his life now she's married and settled with Lloyd, but they've never discussed what they are. He wants to be her friend, definitely, but he's so bad at relationships and he doesn't want to lose her like he knows he inevitably will.

"Um."

He must look panicked because she laughs. "Relax! I'm kidding, we'll go as friends, that's what we are."

"I like friends." He tells her, testing the waters carefully. "I think we make really good friends, you know, and I don't want to lead you on."

She rolls her eyes. "It's okay, Alex, I know that. Besides, I can't see you ever cheating on your boyfriend, Bear."

Bear, who's rolling around with another dog, sits up and takes notice when he hears his name, tongue lolling out. He's beautiful and exactly what Alex needs right now.

"You're the best, Cody."

She smiles at him, "Remember that when you pay for my dinner."

Dinner comes quickly, as the weeks seem to fly past in busy season, and it's no time at all before Alex is pulling up outside Cody's mum's house and picking her up. He's met her mum before, a surprisingly active woman despite the stroke that had Cody moving back in, and she's a little sweet on him.

"You kids have fun." She tells them, walking to the door to see them out. "Bear and I will have a lovely quiet night in without you."

"I reckon it'll be a quiet night for us, too," Alex admits. "I can't see us doing anything after dessert. Christian isn't the kind of guy who goes out drinking anymore."

Alex is also driving, which means he's limiting himself to two glasses of wine, but he chooses not to mention that. He's still young, damn it.

Traffic is good through town and, after parking up, they enter their restaurant around ten minutes before their booking. Christian is ever punctual, a trait Alex likes, and he's already sat at the table the waitress takes them to. There's a man with him, and Alex registers broad shoulders and blond hair curling at his nape, before the guy turns and Alex just stops.

Because Christian might know him as his current boyfriend, but Alex knows him as Jay.

The universe works in mysterious ways! Vote / comment if you liked it