Chapter 22

He knocked the door. It was Garima who opened the door.

"Hello aunty . Is khushi here? I need to talk to her"

"No bitwa .She is there in her shop. Do you want me to call her here"

"No Aunty I will go there ".

When he went there ,Khushi was on a phone call with Gautham. He waited patiently till she finished that.

"you... here?" Khushi asked seeing Arnav.

"I wanted to talk to you" Arnav came and sat near her without bothering for her invitation

"Isn't about the engagement?" Khushi asked

"No" Arnav answered

"Then there is nothing for us to talk" Khushi tried to dismiss him

"I want to talk to you. I won't go anywhere without talking to you" Arnav too said adamantly

"What is with you? Why do you always try to force me in to something I don't want? Khushi questioned

"Please Khushi. I need to talk to you. I can't go on like this. It's hurting Khushi. Please hear me out once" Arnav requested

Khushi know she can't avoid him for a long time,Now that their siblings marriage is on card. So she nodded agreeing.

"Khushi ,I am really sorry for the things happened. But I couldn't go on like this Khushi. I realized lately how important you are to me. How much I need you in my life. I use to come to Lakshmi nagar every night just to get a glimpse of you. I realized you are the only one who could bring happiness in my life. You are the only one I needed in my life." Arnav said looking directly at khushi's eyes. But what he didn't expect was her reaction.

Khushi busted in to laugh...After sometime she composed herself and then said

"I can understand Mr. Raizada your impending need for someone to went out your anger. A punching bag. Someone whom you can constantly show her place, abuse, manhandle. A source of entertainment in your busy schedule .But you shocked me is with your direct acceptance of your need. Sorry to disappoint you. I am no more available for such entertainments.

"Really Is that what you think about what I said? Khushi,I want to you know why I have been like that."

"No need Mr.Raizada. Your life...your way. That is not my concern "

"Please Khushi. Hear me out once."

Khushi wanted to refuse his request but ASR and requesting are not something that end up in one line. so after a quick thought she decided to hear him out.

"My ma caught my father cheating on her. She couldn't handle the betrayal .She loved him too much to think about anything else .She suicided on the day of my Di's marriage. Papa must have felt guilty for his actions and mama's death. So he followed her. Di's marriage was called off. Our Chacha threw us out from our own home. We spend days in road not knowing where to go. It was after few days Mamaji found us and brought his home.

I loved my ma the most. She was everything to me. That day it was not just my parents I lost Khushi, it was also the ability to trust someone. The warmth in every relations ,My faith in god .How could a boy trust anybody when his mother's trust was payed back with betrayal ,His trust on his relations brought him on roads. I lost mu childhood. I was forced to grow up in a day. I started to hate the emotions of love and institution of marriage because my mother's love for my father brought her death and the institution of marriage was just a convenience and even after being married my father betrayed mother.

Khushi I was in fix to win the world. I wanted to gain back everything me and di lost. I wanted her happiness. I started working at the age of 14.I couldn't burden mamaji and mami .They were doing so much for us. It was my responsibility to take care of Di. I wanted to make sure we never face such situation ahead.

When you came in my life ,I started feeling many things I don't wanted to feel. You made me desperate, you evoked emotions that weere not known to me. You challenged my ego. You literally threatened my existence as ASR.

I have been running away from my feelings that you evoked in me. You always had a unique way of getting on my nerves. I never felt those feelings until I met you. So I fought back those with many things which I am disgusted to even think. I did many things to you ,just to ensure myself you mean nothing to me. But I failed Khushi. I failed ...

It was not just my insecurities about di's married life that made me say those things, but also my jealousy. I was so jealous when your name is liked with some other man's name .l couldn't tolerate that. So I decided to punish you but ended up losing the only hope of happiness in my life."

Arnav said everything he had to. He couldn't go on like this. He thought just seeing khushi from far was enough but how will he make his heart understand .Khushi could only imagine how a 14year boy must have dealt with cruelty life played. She cried for the lost childhood of a 14year boy, the lost innocence of him. She understands where he comes from .what made him ASR, but is that enough to forget everything she went through. Probably not.

After a wiping silent tears Khushi said "I can understand what you may have went through. I am so sorry for your lose. "

Then after few moments of silence she asked

Arnavji tell me one thing. "Does all that give you a free pass to behave the way you did to me? Play with my life, emotions, abuse me, call me names, and accuse me of things? It was you who felt the loss of control on your life. It was your call to deal with. You always says you write your own destiny, But who give you the right to write mine. You besmirched me just because you couldn't handle your emotions.

I accept I too have done many mistakes. I should not have forgot my status and challenged you. If every employee started challenging you, you couldn't run a firm. I understand that that was foolish .Then when your di blackmailed me ,I shouldn't have given into that. Then when you and your girlfriend fought, that was not my place to patch you up. I didn't had the right to force you or your GF into my Ideologies, my beliefs. It was your life, I didn't had a say in that. But the fool that I was, I tried to force Lavanyaji to see things from my small frame .Then I betrayed her and my own self when I let you near me, let you touch me. You were right that day....It was a mistake which should never have happened. And last when you and your family raised figure against my character ,I should have slapped you right in front of them for raising you like this. A man who couldn't behave well with a girl, Forget being a girl, even a human being.

With her words Arnav really felt he has been slapped his face. He was too ashamed to even look at her.

"Just know this Khushi,I will never ever repeat them. It was foolish of me. I didn't know how to deal with those feelings. I was attracted to you like mouth to flame. It took me time to realize those feelings. I didn't know you are my solace. I didn't know why you and everything related to you mattered to me "Arnav said with at most sincerity.

"Why does it matter to you Mr.Raizada? Why are you here asking apology? Why are you giving me detailed description of your of your past?" Khushi asked Arnav with genuine curiosity. It's not every day the great ASR gives explanation and apologizes.

"I love you Khushi...I love you. I need you in my life. If at all anyone deserve to know what made me ASR , then it is you. If I am guilty of something, then it is only for hurting you, being cruel to you. I know Khushi, I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better. But I am selfish Khushi. I want you...I need you in life. I know I have done so many mistakes that I couldn't even count. Punish me in whatever way you want. But after you think I had enough punishment , forgive me and accept me." Arnav confessed everything he wanted. His eyes glazed with tears. He was desperate to have her in his life .He couldn't continue to live like a corpse. He wanted a life where he could be happy; feel loved which will only happen if she gives him a chance.