48 - My Light

Fraser

We travel throughout the night, moving through the limbs of the trees. The forest is wide awake even with the sun gone and asleep. Small animals chatter and move away from us, sensing predators in the darkness and wanting to preserve themselves.

I jump to the next tree, making eye contact with with my brother and looking away quickly as my jaw turns to steel.

It didn't take much to figure out that Alec is to blame for this whole predicament.

It was he who made the decision to leave her behind. The others didn't do anything to help him move towards that choice, but they didn't exactly fight him on it.

Part of that is because when I am gone, the leadership position falls on my kin. Alec made a plan to rescue me, doing what he thought was best along the way, and they followed without question.

Just because he had the right to lead doesn't mean I have to be happy about what he did. It's my mate's life that's in danger now.

The thought makes a sudden sickness surge inside of me, and it's Nairn that calls out through the silence of the night air.

"Let's take rest." I grumble at the offer, keeping my eyes forward, ignoring my throbbing back.

My friends made good time dragging me away from the Sinclair clan. They had two whole days to travel with my unconscious body as I healed under their care. We are now forced to make up for that mistake.

Despite my injury, we are moving swiftly to return to Ailsa. I don't care what excuses any of them have. They insist my injury is still grave and I need frequent rest, but I don't heed those useless claims. They're just senseless words.

And now that I am awake and aware, I am the one that makes the decisions. I take any opportunity I can to remind them of that.

"We keep moving." I say, and Gavin shakes his head, shoving a pouch of blood into my hands, eyes desperate as he silently pleads with me to take my fill.

It's something they've often been attempting to push on me. Truth be told, I can't. I'm too disgusted with myself to take even a meager sip.

I haven't even tried. The mere thought of blood turns my stomach, igniting my mind into a wildfire of white hot memories.

That night has become clearer over the hours of silent travel, it's not completely crystal, but enough to despise myself.

I don't respond to Gavin's offer, I just push the sloshing bag away with a grim shake of my head.

I continue on, jumping from tree to tree, my hands clenching and snapping the branches and bark into shards that stick to the skin of my palms and fingers.

They follow far behind, giving me the space I crave.

It remains like this for hours as the sun rises, the sky flashing brilliant pink over the tree tops. I ignore the bird calls and the stinging sensation across my cheek from the beams of sunlight streaming in through the green leaves.

"Fraser." I don't look over as he stops me, physically blocking me with his body. Alec. I can't stand the sight of him. "We must stop. Gavin's too young, he can't handle the sun as well as us. Please."

I glance up, and then down when I realize that our companions aren't in the thick of sticks and leaves with us. Nairn and Gavin are at the base of the tree we cling to, looking rather worse for wear.

Gavin is panting, sticking to the shadows and eyeing the sky warily. Nairn is standing off to the side, looking unbothered but his face is slightly flushed. We've been moving all night without stopping and we have a few hours more before we get the Ailsa.

"Fine." My voice is clipped, foreign even to my own ears.

Younger full blooded vampires are more delicate to the sun. Age brings resilience, and although the solar rays are uncomfortable, I can't move through them with little to no repercussions. The worse I've dealt with is a splitting headache, but it's a small sacrifice at times.

So, I allow it, but I don't follow Alec down when he tries to coax me from my branch. I stay where I am, letting the slight fizzle of painful sun keep me pinned to where I crouch.

My little brother doesn't wait long before scampering back up when he realizes I mean to stay put.

"Brother, why torment yourself?" He sighs when I ignore him. "Please, come find shelter with us to wait out the daylight."

"I deserve this, Alec. You do not understand." I try to reason, keeping my sleepy voice even.

He makes and exasperated sound, throwing his arms over a tree limb and sitting across from me, legs swinging over the ground far below us.

"I don't understand? You're torturing yourself on purpose. What is to be gained from such a thing?" He presses, and that makes me snap, finally.

"I hurt her. I hurt my mate, Alec. If I don't deserve to be in pain, then I don't know what else to do with myself." I grit each word through clenched teeth, refraining from raising my volume.

His face falls, eyes brimming with shame.

"You're not the same. That place changed you. She changed you."

"Nothing will be the same until I have her and she is safe." I insist, wincing as an imagine of her floats in past the defenses, slipping through the cracks.

I'll be seeing you.

"You don't like her." I guess, and he appears startled before being quick to cover it up.

"I can't say I'm particularly fond of her, but I don't not hate her by any means. For goddess's sake, she's your mate."

I laugh, shaking my head.

"You have no idea what she is, what you almost destroyed." I inform him, not shying away from speaking down to him. He needs to know how idiotic I think he is. "She was more than willing to give her life for mine. I remember, I may not have been aware of what I was doing to her, but I remember what she said to me while I killed her."

"You didn't kill her..."

"You saw how much I took from her, it should've killed her, i'm not sure how she survived. I'm grateful, but it shouldn't have been possible."

Alec and I sit in silence, his expression pensive, thoughtful.

"Well?" He prompts.

"Well, what?"

"Well, what did she say to you?"

My throat works around the lump lodged there. I'm unsure for a moment if I can even speak.

"She told me I need my strength, told me I must take all I need." I pause, eyes stinging. "She told me how she loves me. It's the first time she's said it out loud. I could hear it in her voice, Alec, she knew I was going to kill her and she didn't mind. She didn't fight me off once she realized I could very well be the one to end her life."

I groan, putting my hands in my hands as the images overwhelm me.

A warm moves to my shoulder. A small comfort, a sign of peace and acceptance.

"She wanted to come with us. Told me as much. Made it seem like you wanted her to come with. I thought... well I just thought.." He shakes his head. "I should've considered, should've known it was a possibility that she was your mate. She just seemed so small, so breakable and damned disposable."

He shakes his head at my glare.

"Do not look at me like that, brother, we both know you always felt the same thing of all humans for years. The only reason you've. anged your mind if you found your soulmate in one."

"It's more than that. She's special."

Alec raises his eyebrows.

"You're telling me. When I first found her she was talking to a slug in the woods. A slug, Fraser, as if the creature even had ears to hear her."

I laugh, as does he, but the pain is here and stronger than ever.

"That's my Ailsa." I muse, thinking of my mate and her insistent need to read to me each night.

She was my light through all of that darkness.

Have I failed her? I believe so, but it might be too early to know for certain.

"I must admit something to you. I am certain that you won't be pleased, but it will weigh on my shoulders if I don't release it to you now." Alec says, voice tentative.

The words have me tensing, and I don't know how to respond, so I simply nod once.

"I brought her to you, I saw how far gone you were and I left her. I left her at your mercy, and I knew what would happen."

Alec goes tumbling down from the tree, and my arm sticks out, fist first. I hardly felt the impact of the collision.

I don't remember hitting him, but I don't regret it.

I quickly descale the tree, aiming for Alec before he has a chance to recover. I grab him by his collar and haul him up, pinning him to the tree so hard that the trunk shudders and groans.

"You fed my mate to me like a lamb to a lion?" Someone gasps behind me, I reer my brother back, slamming him down again. His back takes the brunt of the impact, and he winces.

"Please, Fraser. I'm sorry, more sorry than you could ever know." His pleading doesn't cool my temper, not even a little.

I laugh at him, letting him drop but not stepping away. I lean down into his face, making sure to get my point across.

"You will be. Trust me. You're lucky my energy is being put into finding her." I narrow my eyes. "I'll deal with you later. We're heading out. I don't care how bright the sun is. You'll all bear it. Am I understood?"

I look around, waiting for their reluctant, and silent, nods of approval before stalking away, leaving Alec to trail behind with his tail between his legs.

Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you all soon :)