55 - Something to Celebrate

Ailsa

The days that follow are much of the same.

I spend the daylight hours in Frasers arms, waking feeling fully secured and safe. I've never been so at ease in all my life.

When I was human, every new day brought new possibilities and more worries. I would wonder what my struggle for the afternoon would be. A beating from my father? Perhaps a scolding from my mother? If I were lucky, I would have a lung attack and no one would bother me besides my own, frail body.

Now, well now all I need to do is worry about growing accustomed to my new body, my second chance at a life. No longer will I exist to survive, but I will live and thrive and love.

I spend my days laughing with Gentry and Fraser's clan, watching as my maid becomes suspiciously close to the vampire named Gavin. He's handsome and dotting, seeming to stare at Gentry at any given moment.

Sometimes she would catch him, but most of the time he spent admiring her was when she wasn't paying attention.

I have the sneaking suspicion that he might fancy her. I can't help wishing her a happy future for her, a future where she will find love and happiness, as I have found. No one is more deserving than Gentry. But, knowing her past, it's likely that she will be a difficult woman to court.

She's mistrusting of the opposite sec, and I don't blame her after what she went through.

I, however, have never trusted someone as much as I trust my Fraser.

Tonight he took me out to tour his castle. It was a long trek over to it, but it was beautiful. The land he owns is magnificent, matching the land that my own clan called home.

The hills weren't as large and steep, but lower down. They're scattered with wildflowers and creeks, all combining into a grand lake in the center where the land slides down into a bowl.

We ran into a few people, vampire people, and once introduced I realized they were more members of Frasers clan. Men and women, teenagers and children. They kept to themselves, nodding politely to their leader who stood proudly at my side, introducing me as his mate.

That word became lodged in my head. Fraser's said it enough that I know it has to mean something important.

I wanted to ask him what that meant, but got distracted when he explained how vampire clans worked.

Vampires are more solitary than humans. They live on their own, but when they join a clan, or a coven, they appoint a leader to see to their protection.

Fraser is that leader, and his father before him.

After a long day of touring the panda, I grew tired. My limbs feel heavy, like they're made of lead.

That leads us to now.

I bid everyone good night through hooded eyes, and Fraser lifts me into his arms to carry me up the stairs.

Once I'm on my feet again, I blush as I pick up my night gown. I steal a glance at Fraser to see his back turned as he also prepares for sleep.

It's odd to sleep during the day, but not as a odd as sleeping in the same bed as a man.

Nothing about it feels wrong, even though I know it should be wrong. Maybe there's something wrong with me, or maybe seeing my parent's crumble has some power to defeat all that they've taught me. How can being so close to Fraser be wrong when they also thought being born with a disease was wrong? Nothing else they said was true, so why should I listen to this small thing?

Well, it's no minor thing, this I know.

Nothing about Fraser is insignificant. Everything he does feels bigger than the both of us. To be near him is all consuming.

I've been sleeping his arms around me every night. I haven't questioned it, at least not much.

As far as getting dressed and undressed, I still hold some modesty for that.

I was lucky that Fraser's mother had left behind a whole wardrobe when she died. At first, I was reluctant to wear them, afraid to disrespect Fraser and Alec by wearing the dresses. But, Fraser assured me that she died when they were young, and he had no memory of her clothing. It would be a waste, and no doubt ungrateful, if I chose not to wear them.

They were too long for me when I first tried them on, but Gentry was handy with a needle and thread, and scarcely a day went by before she had hemmed them.

The thoughtful service made me determined to learn everything necessary for day to day life. I am no longer a Laird's daughter, so I have no need for a maid. I don't want to be helpless anymore.

I run my hand over the silk night dress, glancing at the man, a few paces away, once again before slipping from my dress and into the silk dress.

Feeling much more comfortable, I lay down in bed, pulling the covers up to my chin and closing my eyes as I head Fraser rustle around with his own clothing.

He eventually slithers into bed beside me after extinguishing the candle. My eyes are still closed, but I can hear every little movement and picture it in my mind perfectly.

Big, strong arms slide around my middle, and I grin.

Several minutes pass. Neither of us speak. We breathe. Our hearts thud in union. Both of our bodies become synchronized.

After a few moments of falling into a sense of drowsy security, a warm hand comes up to cup my neck, sliding up to caress my cheek.

Fraser turns my head, holding my jaw firmly in place so that he can kiss me.

My eyes close as ohr lips press together, warmth flooding me when it progresses into something more. Fraser's tongue slips into my mouth, and I lean up and into bim, pressing and groaning as the kiss deadens further.

So far, our kisses have been mostly chaste.

My vampire has been a gentlemen, handling me carefully, keeping his hands to himself.

Now that we're alone, now that we're safe in his home, those manners are gone.

His fingers are rough as they explore my body, pressing and squeezing and familiarizing. Mapping my skin and flesh as if it were undiscovered land.

I allow it, welcome it, burning up hotter and hotter with each brush of our bodies.

Skin meets skin as his palm trails up my ankle and leg, parting the silk from my body to allow his access to what lies underneath.

I stiffen, and his hand stops it's pursual.

His mouth leaves mine, making room for words.

"We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, mo cuishle. Do you want to stop?"

I groan under my breath, face heating as the corners of my lips threaten to turn down in an ugly frown.

I decide to ignore that question for now.

"What does mo cuishle mean?" I ask instead.

His face splits into a grin, and the pad of his thumb brushes against my brow bone as he looks down at me lovingly.

"It's the old language. It means my pulse, or my heart, because that's what you are. My heart beats for you, because it's yours."

My blush flames impossibly hotter.

"Well, I'm sorry I don't have a sweet name to call you."

He doubles his effor to hold my head still so that he can maintain eye contact with.

"You may call me whatever you wish, as long as you continue to speak to me, I will be overjoyed. Now," Fraser somehow scoots closer, and we're nose to nose now, his breath fanning my face. "Would you like to stop? I will not push your boundaries. If you wish it, we will go to sleep right now."

I ponder this, chewing on my lower lip.

"Fraser, we're not married." I point out in a whisper.

I don't know what I expect his response to be to this, but a laugh was definitely not at the top of the list.

"No, no we are not." He admits, head cocked as he looks down at my hand, which I didn't realize is clutching at his elbow. He takes my hand in his. "We're so much more than that."

I sit for a moment, stewing in those words as I try to sort them out.

"Ailsa. You are my mate." Fraser says, as if that explains everything.

There's that word again. Mate.

I look up into his dark, brown eyes, searching their endless depths.

"What is a mate? You've said it before, a lot, but I never knew what you were speaking of."

His smile never falters as he tucks a stray hair behind my ear. My hair is down, blonde locks spilling across the pillows.

"A mate is a gift. The other half of your soul. Vampires have mates, werewolves have mates, faeries have mates. I suppose humans also have mates, but it must not affect them as powerfully. But for a vampire, well, it's obvious very early when they've found their mate. I knew quickly that you were mine."

I gulp, waiting for more information. Fraser seems to search my face for a moment before continuing to spill.

"A mate is the one you are destined to be with. You share your life, your feelings, your victories and your failures. There are many aspects to being mates, but what you must know first and foremost is that you are far more important than a wife. Mates means more than marriage. It supersedes it. So, as far as I'm concerned, we are married, or as good as that."

Nodding numbly, the pit in my stomach grows.

"My love, what's wrong? This is something to celebrate. I was overjoyed when I found out what you are to me. I would hope you would be the same."

I can hear the faint strain of fear in his voice, slight insecurities hiding under the surface of his cool exterior.

"Well," I start, not knowing how to phrase what it is that I want to say. "I suppose I just want to know that... that you only... that the only reason you..."

My eyes burn, the back of my nose stinging.

"Would you have left me if I wasn't your mate? Is that the only reason you care for me?"

Fraser's face goes blank, and I wonder if that's enough of an answer.

"No. Absolutely not. I love you because you're you." His smile is back. "I'm just that luck that you also happen to be destined for me, and I for you."

I let myself breath, thankful that my lungs work as they should now that in no longer human.

"I love you, and I will not do anything you do not want to do. If you want to be married before we proceed, then that is more than fine by me. You are the one in charge here. Alright?"

My whole body seems the vibrate in pure joy. This man is a saint, and he's all mine.

"Alright?" He presses.

"Alright." I respond somehow through my clogged throat.

We spend the rest of our time, as we drift off to sleep, looking at each other and basking in this special bond we have.

Maybe he wouldn't have looked twice at me if I weren't his mate, but maybe I'm okay with that. Because after all, it did lead us to this. This happiness. This love.

Yes, I think I am definitely okay with this.