(Chapter 5)

Araan

I wasn't always a cold person.

I used to be cheerful, the heart of every crowd and party till my mind was too alchohol induced to make a rational decision. Well, guess that's what cost me my happy go lucky personality.

During my college year, I met her. Lydia Anderson. She was beautiful, yes. But more than that, she was so kind and opinionated. She never feared to put her voice out, fight for what was right. Her outspoken and vibrating aura pulled me towards her and within a month of knowing her, I found myself asking her out on a date.

Everything was fine for the first few months. Our bond only progressed and thrived, growing day by day and I felt like the most lucky person on planet. I believed she was it for me.

And then she got pregnant.

I was stunned. Obviously I was, because I never had any physical relationship with her. It wasn't my culture to sleep around with girls, and I was waiting for the right time to do it with her. Losing my virginity to her, I was ready for it. Only after we both had uttered the three magical words to each other.

But it all came crashing down the moment I found the pregnancy kit in her dorm's sink. There was no doubt that she had cheated on me. She promised me she was fine with waiting, she assured me our feelings were mutual and nothing would ever taper with our love.

Guess, she wasn't as patient as she initially believed herself to be. But she had no right to lead me on and break me like this, it felt like my heart had crumbled into pieces and it was hard to breathe all of a sudden. That day, I first experienced my panic attack, and also realized how deep into the relationship I was. But it was only unreciprocated.

After ghosting her for weeks, I finally gathered enough courage to confront her. And she had the audacity to blatantly accuse me of being not enough, for being boring and lousy.

I had moped over her words for days, her harsh words echoing in my head over and over again.

You're not enough! Boring boys like you should be alone! Stop being so lousy and whiney!

Months of therapy finally helped but left me only a shell of what I used to be. I graduated with flying marks and became the youngest business tycoon. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I only agreed to marry because my parents insisted, they hated to see me become a robot. So, to satisfy their parental distress, I married.

Only to realize later that I was hurting an innocent girl when she had no idea what is her fault. That she is not the one I'm angry at. My life's messed up, it's not her fault. I was successful in pushing her away till I got a freaking stomach bug and my life turned on its axis all over again.

The way she had taken care of me—so kind and soft—my frozen heart melted into a puddle. It started beating again, sparks flew and I was luring in the cocoon of her warmth.

It won't be easy to forget the betrayal, the pain, the trauma. But for Syha, her innocence and genuine patience, I am willing to try to make everything right again. For her, I can try and do better.

After my marriage, I had talked to my therapist again, and he had told me that if I was betrayed in the past doesn't necessarily mean I'll be hurt again in the future. That Lydia and Syha aren't the same person. I have carved those words in my heart and hoping to keep them in account in my future endeavors.

__________________

After our wonderful date night, we went strolling around the park. It was quite late and gentle autumn breeze blew past us. It was chilly but the coolness also feels easy on the skin. I was enjoying the small goosebumps but Syha seems to be feeling cold.

Wordlessly, I remove my overcoat and drape it over her shoulders. A beautiful blush spreads across her cheeks as she mutters a small thank you.

During the past month, I have barely ever looked at her. But now that I am actually giving this relationship a chance, I am seeing her. Really seeing her. Inside out.

Not only does she have a kind and soft heart, she also is really beautiful. She's got slightly tanned skin which looks golden under the sunlight, jet black hair with slight wave at the bottom and the most attractive part of her body, her eyes. They are such a dark shade of brown that one would assume there's only pupil. But actually, if you look close, there's a light orange ring around the brown which seems to have a strong pull over me every time we hold eye contact. It's maddening how deeply she affects me.

She also has really pretty, plump lips. So full and pink, with a mole on the upper right corner. Everytime we talk, my gaze keeps drifting to that mole shamelessly.

"You come here often?" Her question brings me back to reality and I notice we have come across a lake with a few benches nearby. "It's peaceful here."

I nod, taking a deep breath of the cool night air. "I've come here a few times. Mostly at night so there's less crowd."

She hums. "Do you like the body of water or mountains more?" She asks, looking up at me through her lashes.

"Bodies of water more. Not ocean, but small lakes or maybe river." I answer. "What about you?"

She thinks for a second, "Neither. I love jungles more." We both chuckle at that. "What about your favorite hobby?"

And our conversation just flows, effortlessly. As if we never had been strangers and our souls know each other more than our minds do.

Never have I felt so strongly for someone so fast. Not even Lydia. It's weird yet gives a different kind of thrill that makes my whole body jolt. In a good way.

__________________