Chapter 8

Zithanial opened the door to his room and stepped in, pulling me behind him, our fingers intertwined.

I look around the room, or floor I should say. The whole top floor is, just that, a floor. There are only two doors, one leads to the bathroom and the other to a wardrobe; I think. When I walked into the room I was looking at the right half of it. Two dark blue sofas, small coffee table all facing a giant LCD HD TV. The wall running along the edge of the house, is another floor to roof, wall to wall glass wall, with two pairs of double doors leading out. One down the TV end, the other down the bed end.

Zithanial leads me to one of the sofas and sits down, pull me down next to him. I am sitting sideways facing Zithanial and he is sitting forward with is hands on his knees. I look to my left over the sofa; down the other end of the room is The Bed. It is huge, at least a king size with a dark blue, silk sheets; I think they are. All the walls are bare and you can tell no one has been living in here for a while. It just doesn’t have a ‘lived in’ smell to it, also there are no other scent in the air.

I face back to Zithanial and see him in deep concentration.

It looks like he is trying to go to the toilet but nothing is happening. Oh that is a strange mental image to get to myself. Especially about my Mate, I would think that others in this situation would be imagining having sex or something.

But here I am thinking that he looks like he is trying to go toilet. I am strange.

Because of the mental image I am giving myself, of a full grown man, going toilet. I feel a smile trying to escape. I bite down on my cheeks wanting to stop the smile coming through. But it is no good, I have to turn my head away so Zithanial doesn’t see me smiling. I don’t think I could explain this every well.

“Amelia, is everything alright?” Zithanial asks with concern hinted in his voice.

With my head still turned, I nod.

Apparently that isn’t good enough for my Mate, that word still takes my breath away. I hear Zithanial move, then he appears in front of me. He brings his hand up to my chin, lifting it up until I look into his amazing green eyes.

Grown man. Toilet. Flashes through my head once again, making it even harder to look at Zithanial without smiling.

But I am not aloud to smile. Or talk. Or be happy.

The thought brings me back to reality. After everything that has happened. After everything that has been said. After what everyone has told me. How could I, the fat, ugly, worthless werewolf, get her Mate? Everyone has said at that to me all my life. And suddenly my ‘Mate’ comes, in the form on an amazingly, handsome Alpha and I am supposed to do what?

Love him. Let him love you. My Wolf whispers. He is our gift and you are going to let him in or so help me. I will take over and mark him myself.

Along with theses lovely words, my Wolf also dents a ‘pleasant’ imagine of how she plans to mark him.

But what if this is just a joke? What if this is just a dream? What if this is just me in a coma after Saxon has beaten me senseless? I tell my Wolf. I don’t think I could live if this is all it is.

It isn’t! She yells. This is the most real thing you have had in a long time! Now stop talking to me and talk to our Mate, who has been trying to get our attention for the past five minutes!

My eyes come back into focus and see Zithanial’s face hovering above me. “Baby? Hey, come back to me. What is the matter?” He asks with concern written over his handsome face.

I feel softness under me and as I run my hands across whatever it is, I realise that I am lying down. I rip my eyes from the green Mate’s to discover that I am lying on a bed. My Mate’s bed. With my Mate sitting beside me.

How did I get here?

I turn back to Zithanial with questioning eyes.

Zithanial looks down with a slight flush in his face, “You arh … Started to— Your eyes glazed over and I figured that you were talking to your Wolf. And I was worry that you might do something.” Zithanial pauses and laughs awkwardly. “I don’t know why, but I thought it would be better if you lied down. You know, just in case … I have been trying to get your attention for a little while. You must have a very strong bond with your Wolf to be able to do that.” He finished explaining as he rubs the back of his neck.

“But, Baby, are you alright now?” Zithanial asks as concern graces his features once again.

I start to sit up slowly, Zithanial is quick to place his hand on my back and help me. I freeze for a second, fearing that he might touch some roll of fat, which disgusts him.

Zithanial takes his hand off my back and I relax a little. My Mate shifts and he is in front of me once again.

“I don’t know what is running through your little head right now. But I am going to take a guess and say it is about what just happened down stair?” Zithanial says with angry face, only this time I can tell that it is not directed at me. For once.

I look down to my lap and start fiddling with my fingers. How do I do this? How to I tell my Mate my feelings and thoughts, when I can’t speck to him.

What happens if this is just a sick joke?

No! Stop with those thoughts, please. No More!!

I saw the look in his eyes when he first saw me. No disgust. No horror … Just pure, slightly animalistic, want. Need. Love.

Zithanial’s hand comes under my chin and brings my face up so I am looking at him, again. He gently rests his forehead against mine, previews angry replace with love and care. I look into his sparking green eyes, close up they are liquid pools of emerald. Within the emerald I see the same feeling in his eyes that he showed me when we first met. Want. Need. Love.

I have made up my mind. Whilst I know this will not happen over night and I will have many break downs and lost thoughts, along the way. I will show my Mate, the first man to show me any interest other than hate. I will show him I am a worth Mate and Luna. I will fight to be the women I know I can be. For the first time, in my 18 years, I will fight my inner demons. I will talk again. I will smile and laugh again. I WILL be the women, I know I can be.

But for now, I will start with writing down my words. I will start to fight, to be myself around my Mate. Maybe others, but that will be later, for now, my Mate will be the one seeing the real me.

Maybe. I just have to fight my inner demons for it.

I stand up suddenly, causing Zithanial to lean back onto his heels, to look up at me.

From this position I know that he can see every lump, every bulge, every roll. Every imperfection.

I pause for a second, trying to stop my thoughts from traveling that way. But I stop, theses thoughts are not going to be going away anytime soon. I will always have these thoughts, but I know one way to ease my mind.

And he is sitting about waist height.

One look in Zithanial’s eyes, my Mate’s eyes, and those nasty thoughts disappear. How could I think down of myself, when Zithanial is looking at me with the most concern and love, I have ever seen in my life.

On the table beside the bed, I see a notepad and pen. I need over and pick it up, I don’t think I am going to be able sit on the bed and talk, well write, to Zithanial on it. I look to the left and decide that sitting on the sofa is the best plan.

I look down, to the still kneeling Zithanial, and incline my head to the left. Indicating to the sofas, hopping that he will get the message. Zithanial slowly stands up, keeping his eyes on me the whole time. He reaches down and inlaces our fingers, Zithanial stands waiting for me to make the next more.

I grip tightly on his hand, praying to the Gods and Goddesses, that my hand won’t start sweating. I walk towards the sofas, dragging Zithanial along with me. I have to pull a little and put some weight into my walk because Zithanial is walking slowly but surely behind me.

I let go of his and sit down on the couch. Putting the pen in my left hand I write, ‘Ask.’

A simple word, but one that Zithanial will take full advantage of. I can imagine the amount of questions he must have.

I plan to answer as many as I can.