✨ A better human ✨

Abhimaan

She fell on me, her legs were wobbling and I took no moment to catch her before she hit the ground. I knew she fainted but there was a part of me which concerned this fact too much.

Does it happen because I told her those things?

I carried her to my room when everyone gathered around. "Ruhaan, call the doctor, now", I said, my voice showed more distress.

I watched the other family members gathered inside my room and I didn't fail to notice the concern over Dad's face. I realised by then, how much he cared for Samantha. No matter how forced this marriage is on me, the more happier my father is with his decision.

God knows why he likes her so much?

Because she is worth of that?

Even you feel so....

Shut up!

As I laid her back on the bed, I checked her forehead and the temparature felt normal. Meanwhile her mehandi was spread all over my kurta but I barely did care. Taking the tissue from my table, I wiped off her mehandi as it was already dried up not so that it won't stain her dress.

After a few minutes, Ruhaan came with a doctor, "Doctor, please check if she is fine or not", I rushed to her but giving her the space while she did her work.

She checked on Samantha for a few minutes making my heart beat so fast, I doubt if people around me could hear it.

"Doctor, is my daughter alright?", I heard my father asking in concern.

Daughter.

"Mr. Malhotra, she is totally fine now. There is no need to worry. These days with the functions are hectic and usually leaves the bride to focus on her diet. I think she must have skipped her meals which caused her weakness", she explained while I glared at the girl sleeping in peace while giving a heart attack to me.

Wait, it's not because I was concerned. I doubted if Dad would blame me for not taking care of her, you know.

Anyways.

"I have given her some medicines. Don't let her skip her meals and take extra care of her", the doctor said, turning back to me while I simply nodded.

"But she barely listens to anyone. Apni mann ki karni hai usse", I blurted out, receiving random looks from the family members.

Dad furled his eyebrows at me.

Ruhaan suppressed his laugh.

Amaira looked everywhere but not at me.

Chachi fake coughed.

That's enough for me to realise my depth of words.

"She will be fine, right?", I looked at the doctor ignoring everyone like always.

"Yes, she will be awake anytime. Don't worry. Just take care of her, Mr. Malhotra. I will take my leave now", she said, leaving when I gestured Ruhaan to drop her to the gate.

"Thank you, doctor", I nodded.

I stood there like a fool waiting for her to open her eyes and when she actually started coming back to her senses, an urge of throwing her with the loads of questions crossed my mind.

Khana khana bhi bhul jati ho kya?

Apna khayal rakhna nahi aata tumhe?

Doodh peeti bachhi ho kya?

Khabardar jo ab khana miss kiya toh!

Ignoring the random thoughts my mind was filling up with, I better choose not to be there at the moment and I walked out from the room.

Taking my clothes, I went to the next room beside mine and changed into a t-shirt and my sweatpants not before cleaning up the mehandi stains from my hand. It barely left any mark, thank God. After changing, I returned back to my room when I saw everyone was leaving already.

"Abhimaan, take care of her", I faced my father's concern face and nodded in return, not leaving any chance for further arguments.

Despite our countless disagreements, I never liked arguing with my father until I'm forced to do so. A part of me still knows it's wrong but the major part of me is left with scars and somehow it grows deeper and unhealed when I see him with some other women, which he calls her his wife now.

This is the reason I have hated the idea of marriage since I learnt the depth of it. It's ironic how I thought about love and marriage when my Maa was here with me and how drastically my perception changed after she left me.

And at the end of the day, your perceptions are your true beliefs no matter how bad it hurts the people around you.

I failed to ignore how Samantha's eyes dropped in something I was unable to deprive (accept). She was hurt by my words.

So, now you are able to read her eyes.

No, she just made it so obvious.

After everyone left and we had major snap backs, I didn't miss the opportunity to apologise.

Yes, Abhimaan Malhotra apologized.

Ye din itihas ke panno pe likha jayega, her words not mine.

Dramatic!

___________________________________________

"Maa, aap ye kya likh rahi ho? Aapko bhi homework mila hai kya?", I asked curiously keeping my head on Maa's lap. She chuckled at my words and kept her diary aside.

"Tumhari Mumma ko likhna bahut pasand hai, Maan", my Dad said coming inside the room.

"Acha, aap kya likhti ho Mumma?", I asked making a pout face.

"Bas jo dil mein aata hai", she smiled ruffling my hair with her soft hands.

"Aap mujhe bhi padhao naa.... Aapne kya likha hai", I said innocently.

"Abhi tu bahut chota hai, Maan. Jab tu duniya ko jeena sikhega tab shayad ye tere kisi kaam aa jaye", she said, smiling back at me.

"But abhi toh main sirf 6 saal ka hu, itna wait kaise karunga?"

I watched Dad sitting beside us, "Tab tak tu apna homework kar", he joked.

"Aur kya pata teri Maa ki ye diary ek din kitaab ban jaye", he said looking deeply into Maa's eyes.

"Offo, aap bhi naa. Waisa bhi kuch khaas nahi likha hai isme", she said shyly.

"Ab woh toh aap mujhe bhi nahi padhne deti, bhagwaan jaane bete ke liye kya chupa rakha hai iss diary mea?", he chuckled as I didn't realise when slept on Maa's lap.

___________________________________________

I closed the diary and laid my head back on the chair. It was midnight and I was sitting in my study room. After Samantha left which Dad asked her not to but she refused saying that it would be one of the last days in her father's house and she wanted to spend some time with his memories, Dad agreed but suggested she might need someone as she is not well today so, he sent Amaira with her.

Armaan dropped them home as Dad asked him to. I checked on with Amaira if they reached safely to which she mocked me of being caring and all.

Damn, it's better to ask Samantha directly.

I came back to my room when I saw the side of the bed recalling her as she was laying down there moments ago. I felt her scent in my room as something caught my eyes. I marched towards the bed where a piece of an earring was stuck in the bedsheet.

"It's hers", I said recalling her wearing it today when my mind didn't fail to remind me of every detail of her.

"She is beautiful, isn't she?", something inside me echoed, leaving my lips to press into a soft smile. I remembered her nose getting red while she showed her anger to me.

Challenging her soft side means getting into her fiery side.

"Tu toh nafrat karta hai naa usse?", this voice, again.

"Bilkul"

"Toh phir maafi kyu maangi usse?"

"Kyu ki usse meri baaton ka hurt hua tha"

"Usse yaa tujhe?"

"Huh....?"

Evidently, this room wasn't going to give me the right sleep which I need today. Keeping her earring back in my closet and taking my phone with me, I went to my study room which is on the same floor of my room but on the other side of it.

The voices kept echoing inside my mind until it pushed me to a level where I was getting frustrated. I always thought about ignoring this idea of marriage even after getting married, after all I was forced to do this. And now it's the third day of meeting her and I'm already frustrated with the mixed emotions happening inside me.

I pulled out the drawer on my table and took out Maa's diary. It has always helped me when I don't trust my own self anymore and today feels that day. The way she has poured her heart into it makes me feel that she is talking to me back.

I remember Dad giving it to me on my 16th birthday, "Ye tera hak hai, Abhimaan. Teri Maa ki sabse keemti cheez. Umeed karta hu isme likhi Hui har baat tujhe teri Maa jaisi sikh de", he said, with tears in his eyes.

I flipped back the pages of it when I read beautiful lines.

"Khudgarzi ki raah pe tune apne andar ki aawaz ko daba diya hai. Tera jawab tu apne sawal ke sath liye ghum raha hai"

It felt like Maa's lines has started taking place inside me as if only she is saying each one of it to me. "Maan, jab dil aur dimag ki ladayi ho aur baat kisi ko paane ki hai toh humesha apne dil ki sunna...."

"Ye bewajah hai unki baatein jo aurton ko naa samjhne ki shikayatein karte rehte hai,

Kitabon ko paas rakhna aur uske panno ko palatne mein bahut fark hota hai"

I closed the diary sighing with the calmness of the chaos happening inside me. I rested my head on the table as I kept looking at something which might have a presence. I closed my eyes as her face flashed in that darkness.

"Abhimaan, she is the one for you and I truly believe in that"

"Tu Samantha ko ek mauka toh de"

"Dhyan se dekh iss ladki ko, jisne apni zindagi mea itna kuch khoya ho woh kabhi tere pariwar ka galat nahi kar sakti"

___________________________________________

Next morning

I woke up with a headache, of course. I didn't realise that I slept in my study room, digging my head on the table. My cheeks burned slightly because the bruises brushed over it.

Despite the headache, my head felt free not from the pain but from the knot of thoughts rushing inside it. When I realised that Mumma helped me again with her words.

I switched on my phone scrolling the WhatsApp group when my fingers tapped on the notification of new messages.

And guess what? It was the photographs from our Mehandi function which Armaan has sent on our family gorup. After scrolling down a little more, my eyes fell on Samantha's pictures. Some were her single pictures while some with the family.

Wait, what's that?

There are few pictures of me and her while I was sitting beside her which I have no idea when Armaan clicked it. They were clearly the candid pictures but they felt right popping on my phone's screen.

My lips pressed into a soft smile as I saw her. Her curled up lashes, puppy doe eyes, those soft pink lips, the smile appearing on it, I mean the idea of her felt good. I don't know why but it felt right, for the first time.

No, Mumma. I didn't want you to clear my head like this.

What am I even doing? Staring at her picture? Explaining her detailing.

I rubbed my face in yet again some self embarrassment, I put the phone aside, "What's all this for? Is it a sign for me? Should I consider this marriage? Why in the world when this marriage is forced, the person doesn't feels so?", my mind started again.

"Why her sad eyes sends me a sign to make her smile?"

"Why my eyes only wants her to smile and never shed a single drop of tears?"

"Why her presence inside my house feels right?"

"Why does Samantha is doing something with me, which my mind might not like the idea of?"

Maa ne kaha hum aurat ko naa samjh paane ki shikayatein karte hai lekin kabhi unke kitaab ke panno ko palat kar padhte nahi....

What if I give a chance to her? Will she never break my heart? Will she never be the woman I hate?

But you are Abhimaan Malhotra, right? No body can break your heart!

At least, I can respect her presence. I can respect her values, beliefs and dreams. If not the right husband, at least, I can be a right human to her.

That's what Mumma has taught me.

I was wrong to think about the idea of manipulating her. I was wrong in those ways.

Ruhaan was right. This is not me.

I can't do these with someone who barely has anyone left in her life.

I'm sorry, Maa. I have let you down.

It was the moment of my realisation, no matter how hard I try, I'm getting back to her. Because at the end of the day, you can't bleed on someone who didn't give you a pain.

Samantha, I might fail in being a better partner in the future but failing as a human is not something I would prefer.

The least I can do, is to co exist with you without any manipulations.

And that would be a real 'Abhimaan Malhotra' for you.

********************************

This realisation is hitting me hard. I just wish he could be a better human for her. 🥰

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