Chapter Five

•Chapter four•

*Alexanders pov*

The sound of a couple knocks comes from my front door. Nadine and I look at each other before I get up. It's likely Matthew. Once I reach the door, I look through the peep hole.

"A tall blonde guy?" I say to Nadine. Lets hope that describes him well enough.

"Matthew" She smiles.

I open the door and peek my head around as I do so.

"Hello." I say, slightly shy.

"Yo I'm Matthew." He says before stepping in.

Matthew was certainly attractive. He had dirty blonde hair, pushing the ends, near his face, to the left. While the other parts were tousled, like he been running his hands through his hair or someone else has. I run my eyes over his outfit. A nice black fitted shirt and a pair of shorts, paired with regular Nike shoes. Looking back at his face, he has very deep brown eyes. They could be mistaken for black if you didn't look close enough. His skin was dark enough that it seemed as if he had been tanning for hours but could never burn.

Matthew coughs.

I focus my eyes back to his and then look away. "Sorry." I mumble before closing the door.

Matthew removes his shoes and heads towards Nadine.

"Hey!" He smiles.

She rushes up to hug him. "Matthew!"

As they pull apart they smile at each other and then turn to look at me. I stand awkwardly in my own home.

"Matthew this is Alexander, the one you're helping. Alex, Matt." She gestures to the both of us.

"Yo." Matt grabs my hand and pulls me into one of those bro hugs.

I force a smile. "Hey."

"Ah man. Don't look so uncomfortable. I'm not gonna hurt you." Matt rolls his eyes but smiles.

"He's very outgoing and open." Nadine pitches in.

"So tell me a bit about yourself?" He sits down on my couch, making himself at home.

"Uh.. well.. I'm Alexander Pierce. I'm in love with Ethan Ezell who is in love with August Adams. I moved from Seattle to here to try and be with Ethan. They get married in less than a year I'm pretty sure so I have to split them up and thats all my life depends on." I sum up.

"Okay.. Well I'm Matthew Harris. I don't fall in love due to being asexual. I've lived here my whole life. Nadine is basically my sister." Matthew sums up.

"Asexual?" I ask, not being familiar with any part of the LGBTQ+ community.

"Asexual, by google definition its a person who has no sexual feelings or desires. I sum it up as I don't want to have sex.. with anyone." Matthew shrugs.

"Oh. Huh. Nice." I say. "Wait not nice as in like oh wow so cool should try that. I mean nice as like. I-"

"I get what you mean, Alex." He smiles.

I relax and look at Nadine.

"What you two already know me. Moved here from Albany. Matt is like my brother. Basically no other family at this point." She shrugs.

Matt pulls Nadine aside quickly. If I were human, I wouldn't be able to hear. I know I shouldn't listen in but I'm curious.

"Are you going to tell him?" Matt whispers.

"What if he thinks I'm weird. I can't get rejected again." Nadine whines.

"I'm sure he won't think you're weird. I'm not making you come out to him. See what feels right." Matt pats her shoulder.

The both of them turn back to me, smiling.

"I want to tell him." Nadine speaks up, looking between Matt and I.

I look at her confused.

"You've got this." Matthew gives Nadine a genuine smile and rubs her arm.

"Please don't look at me any different?" She practically begs.

"I won't." I give her a reassuring smile.

"Promise?" She asks.

"Pinky promise." I hold out my pinky.

She grabs mine with hers and gives me a small smile.

"I just don't want you to look at me differently. I don't like outting myself sometimes but I trust you. I'm trans. I was born male but I'm not. I. I'm bad at explaining. You know what it means?" Nadine asks.

"One, yes I know what it means. But two, I wouldn't look at you differently for that. If you killed someone? Maybe. But this? No way." I open my arms to hug her and she takes a few steps and hugs me back.

"Oh wow. I wasn't even included. How rude of you two." Matthew fakes a hurt look.

"Oh come here!" Nadine smiles and opens our hug up for Matthew.

We stand there for a few seconds, in each others arms before backing away.

"Why did you move here for that Ethan guy anyways?" Matthew says as I sit on the couch, Nadine sitting beside me and Matt sitting on the other end.

"When he told me he was coming home I was planning on coming back here with him. But then he introduced August and August proposed. I decided I'd still come, in hopes maybe I'd win Ethan back. But I don't really know if I can now. He kicked me out of his apartment because of August." I sigh.

"But he did come back to check on you." Nadine says, giving me a small smile.

I shake my head.

"Hey man. Even if Ethan decided to fully go through with it, you could find someone so much better." Matthew suggests.

"But I don't want anyone else. Ethan is like perfect in my eyes. He is smart, sarcastic, funny, kind and very attractive. He has a heart of gold and doesn't back down. He is like everything anyone could ask for. But August gets him. And I don't like that. I want Ethan to myself. I miss cuddling with him. Hugging him, sleeping next to him, kissing him. I miss all of it. I even miss our friendship. It's real shitty right now.

And even worse, I feel like a shit person for wanting to break up August and Ethan. If I were a good friend, I'd let them be together because it would make Ethan happy. But no I have to be selfish and try to have Ethan all to myself. Which sounds absolutely amazing but what if I hurt him. What if I try to break them up and he realises and then he hates me? I don't want to risk that. But I love him.."

I bring my knees to my chest. I hate how my walls have come down. I hardly know Matthew and I've only known Nadine a short while yet here I am ready to cry and ranting about my ex boyfriend. My first boyfriend. I let my walls down to Ethan, too. What happened to the badass I was? Why did I change for him? If I hadn't bought him maybe I'd still be with my family and I wouldn't have to worry about love.

"Alex.." Nadine mumbles and puts her head on my knees, looking up at me. "We will work this out. Ethan won't hate you."

"You don't know that for sure." I whine.

"I'm 99.9% positive." She grins.

I roll my eyes and put my head back.

"I'm gonna run and get ice cream. Pick a movie. What kind do you guys want." Matthew smiles, clearly trying to fix the mood.

"Chocolate ice cream but make sure its vegan?" I ask.

Nadine looks at me weird.

"Listen, I like the taste of vegan ice cream more."

She rolls her eyes before saying. "Chunky Monkey"

"Okay. I shall be back. It better not be a shit movie!" He says before walking out.

"I vote Sixteen Candles." Nadine says.

"I've never seen it."

"Oh my god! Seriously? It's an amazing movie. Sam is literally so relatable. And Jake Ryan is so hot." She fans her face with her hand as if it were actually hot in the room.

"And you are so weird." I say in the same voice she used to talk about Jake Ryan.

"Oh hush up." She smiles and pushes my arm slightly.

********

"I am back with wonderful ice cream!" Matthew walks through my door, kicking off his shoes and setting the bag on the coffee table.

"Chunky monkey for you." He says and hands the container to Nadine.

"And chocolate vegan ice cream for you." Matthew hands me mine.

"Forgot spoons." I say and get up, going to my kitchen and getting a couple of spoons.

I hand them to my friends and sit back on the couch. Nadine hits play on the movie and it begins. We all begin eating our ice cream and staring at the screen.

A couple days in and I already have two amazing friends. But I still miss Ethan.

**A/N

IM WAY LATE ON AN UPDATE I AM SO SO SO SORRY OH MY GOD. NEXT WEEK WILL BE A LITTLE CRAZY TOO WITH FINALS AND ALL BUT I SWEAR I WILL TRY. ON THE 29th I HAVE AN 18 HOUR CAR RIDE SO I WILL WRITE SOME THEN FOR SURE!! IM SORRY. xoxox kat **

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