In Good Company: Chapter 45

My mind races with different ways I can answer Cal. Whatever I was thinking he was going to ask me, this was not it.

I wish I knew what to say back to him, but my mind is at a loss. Tonight has been so perfect I don’t want to ruin it. But I also don’t want to lie to him. Not when he’s staring at me so vulnerably, almost like it killed him to even ask me the question to begin with.

“I wish that were an option for me,” I whisper, not knowing how to tell him that I can’t change my future, no matter how badly I want to.

How horrible would it be for me to admit that I don’t want to take over my family’s store? It’s everything my father has worked for. It’s his legacy. He literally almost worked himself to death, working so hard that he had a heart attack, to keep the store afloat. It was his dream to pass it down to his sons. When we lost my brothers, I knew whatever future I saw for myself didn’t matter anymore. I had to take over so we could keep the store in the family despite not wanting to.

But I can’t tell that to Cal. Even admitting that I don’t want it makes me feel horrible, and I don’t want him to see me as a bad person.

Cal sits up as his eyebrows draw together. “Why isn’t it an option?”

“Because I have to go back to Virginia. I’m the only one left to take over my family’s store, and it’s time to give my dad a break. It’s time for me to run it, not him.”

His lips press into a thin line as he thinks about my answer. I hate that I can tell I’ve hurt him. He’s normally full of confidence, his head held high and his shoulders pushed back. Right now, it’s the opposite. His entire posture is stooped as his facial features set in a grimace.

“Is that what you want?” he asks, his eyes pinned on me.

I nod, unable to speak the words and lie out loud to him. “But if I had the choice, if I didn’t have to go back, then the answer to your question is yes. I’d want to be with you after the summer, Cal.”

A sad laugh escapes him as he runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t know if that answer makes me happy or incredibly sad.”

I slide out of my chair and close the distance between us. I hate the sad, pained look in his eyes. I never thought I’d be the one to make Cal feel that way, but I hate that what I’ve said has hurt him. He’s quickly become one of the last people I’d ever want to hurt, and I don’t know what to do to prevent it from happening again.

I tried telling him all we could be was temporary. I tried telling myself the same thing. But whatever’s happening between us, it seems that our hearts haven’t paid heed to the warnings from our heads.

And I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to stop the pain that is inevitably coming at the end of the summer.

“You have me for the summer,” I tell him, not knowing what else to say. I straddle his legs and lower myself onto his lap, my eyes searching his face for any sign of what’s running through his mind.

He leans into my touch when I grab both sides of his face, needing to feel his skin against mine. “That won’t be enough for me.” His voice is hoarse and filled with emotion, hitting straight to my heart.

I stroke his cheek, savoring the feeling of the scrape of his facial hair against my fingertips. “It has to be,” I whisper.

Cal shakes his head. “I wish you’d be honest with me, baby. I know there’s more to why you need to go back to Virginia. You’re just not telling me what it is.”

I swallow, my eyes searching his. There’s so much pain in the blue eyes staring back at me that I almost tell him everything. I almost tell him how devastated both my parents were when we lost Luke and Logan. There were times I would sit at the top of the stairs and listen to my parents sob into each other’s arms. Often, they’d fall asleep right there on the couch, their bodies so exhausted from the tears that they couldn’t even make it to their room. I’d tell him how the lawsuits against the drunk driver completely drained the little money my parents had and that we almost lost the store in the legal process just to be able to pay the bills.

I’d tell him how the night before I left for college, my dad sat me down at the table and told me he needed me to be the one to take over the business. He cried in front of me—something he’d never done. He always saved those moments for times he thought I wasn’t around. Tears had run down his face when he said he couldn’t lose the store on top of losing my brothers.

The moment I arrived on my college campus, I changed my major to business. I swore I’d do whatever it took to never see my father that defeated again. I got the degree I needed to make sure I did all his work justice when he passed down the company to me. I thought I’d be well into my thirties before I was ever faced with having to actually take it over, but then the heart attack happened.

I’m having to take it over far sooner than I ever imagined, and I almost confess to Cal that despite all of that, I still wish deep down I didn’t have to. I’m terrified I’m going to fail and ruin the legacy my dad so desperately wants to uphold. From the moment we got the news of the accident, I’ve tried doing everything possible to take care of my parents and be the perfect daughter.

They’ve gone through enough. I never want them to worry about me.

If I could, I’d admit to Cal that I feel guilty for not wanting my father’s legacy and that, because it isn’t my dream, somehow, I’ll mess it all up. That I’ll let him down, and he’ll have not only lost Luke and Logan, but he’ll have lost his store too—because of me.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Cal asks, his words breaking me from my thoughts. I hadn’t even realized I’d been so lost in my head that I hadn’t responded to him.

I lean in and place my forehead against his. For a moment, we just soak each other in. His eyelids flutter shut, and so do mine. Our breaths fall in sync, and I don’t know how much time passes while we stay like that.

Eventually, I let out a long sigh. “No matter what I tell you, it won’t change anything, Cal. I have to go back to Virginia, and you’ll go back to Manhattan, and what I want won’t change that. It wouldn’t work.”

I expect him to argue, but when I open my eyes and find his already on mine, it seems like he doesn’t have it in him to argue anymore. We stare at each other for a few seconds before he lets out a long sigh.

“I’m going to spend the rest of the summer trying to change your mind, baby. You’ll see.”

Before I can tell him it’s no use, his lips are crashing against mine, and his fingers are tangling in my hair.

The moment our lips collide, I let out a satisfied moan. Nothing has ever felt more right than when Cal’s lips are on mine. I know for a fact no kiss in the future will ever compare unless it’s from him.

Because of that, I throw myself into the kiss. I greedily push my tongue into his mouth, wanting to deepen the kiss as much as possible.

My hips grind against him. I search for some kind of relief for my throbbing clit. The possessive way he kisses me and keeps my mouth pinned to his turns me on. I can’t get enough of him.

Cal rips his mouth from mine. His fingertips press against my scalp as he makes sure I can see nothing but him with his next words. “You’ve ruined me, Lucy baby. I need you to know that.”

He leans in to kiss me again, not even giving me the chance to respond. Maybe he does it on purpose. Maybe it’s that he thinks he can’t handle my answer. Whatever it is, I welcome the distraction.

It’ll just hurt us both if I admit to him he’s ruined me too.

I think I’ll spend the rest of my life comparing every kiss—every man—to the one holding me right now.

Cal’s hands move from my hair. They slide down my back before cupping my ass. He continues to prove to me that no one else will ever kiss me as well as he does as he stands up. I don’t ask where he’s leading us because it doesn’t matter.

I’ll go wherever he leads as long as he keeps kissing me just like this.