Eighteen

Basirexia

(N.)

The overwhelming desire to kiss.

They hadn't said much when they got back into Isaac's car and started to drive away. All that happened was Isaac interrupted the silence after the sun had disappeared to ask if Jess was ready to go and after his nod they got in the car. Then Isaac started pulling out of the parking lot and Jess stared out the window.

"Do you have to go home tonight?" Isaac asked.

Jess thought about saying yes but paused. Kleandra was going out tonight and would be out for awhile. That usually meant she'd come stumbling in sometime past one smelling like alcohol and unable to think straight. That made him want to say no.

"My little sister is coming over tomorrow. Her dad usually drops her off around ten so if I weren't to go home tonight I'd have to be back before then." Jess answered after about a minute of thinking.

"I can get you home whenever in the morning." Isaac promised.

"So... can you take me home around nine?"

"Yeah." Isaac flashed him a smile.

"Okay." Jess smiled a little back.

The rest of the drive was quiet. The background hum of the radio kept it from getting too quiet and Jess noticed the way Isaac's finger would tap along to the beat of some songs on the steering wheel. He smiled to himself at the observation.

It didn't take long for them to reach their destination of the familiar house. Jess looked up at it with a smile. He's been liking this place more and more lately. He noticed that the driveway was empty other than Isaac's car so Dave must've been at work.

He stepped out of the car after Isaac and followed the taller boy into his house. Jess knew the drill by now so he slipped off his shoes by the door. They were left on the floor next to the spot Isaac had left his and both boys had moved over to the couch.

Jess had fallen down on it first, sighing as he leaned back into it and stretched out his legs.

Isaac must be more comfortable around him now because the boy reached down and picked up Jess's legs so he could sit as well. After taking his seat he dropped Jess's legs back down and they rested over his lap. Jess smiled at the familiarity of all this. Taking his shoes off, sotting on the couch, this position, it was all slowly becoming a regular in his life.

He liked that. He didn't want this place to ever not be familiar to him. Not now after it's become something he's leaning on.

Jess reminded himself then that he shouldn't get too attached. He loved it here but he could live without it if he had to. He had to remember that nothing lasts forever.

This can't be my favorite place in the world forever.

He can't be my favorite person forever.

It's not possible. If he believed that than it might get him hurt. Getting attached to people lead to easily getting hurt.

The reminder didn't help though because Jess's stomach still filled with that butterfly feeling when Isaac's hand started rubbing up and down his leg.

"Do you wanna watch something?" Isaac asked, turning his hazel eyes over to Jess.

Jess loved his eyes. Every time they looked his way he had to force himself to pay attention because it was just so easy to zone out while looking at them. It happened again because he had to think to realize what it was Isaac was asking.

"Or we can go to sleep if you're tired."

"No, we can watch something." Jess said.

Isaac nodded his head over to where the remote on the table sat. It was closer to Jess so the darker haired boy assumed Isaac was motioning for him to pick it up. Jess did and when he tried to hand the remote to him Isaac just smiled.

Jess pulled the remote back and clicked the TV on himself. He looked through the streaming services before asking Isaac which one to pick.

"HBO Max. Kung Fu Panda is on there."

Jess looked over at the boy, searching for the humor on his face. It wasn't there. Isaac wasn't joking.

"You want to watch Kung Fu Panda?"

Isaac shrugged. "I don't see why not. It's your favorite movie isn't it?"

Jess smiled. "Yeah."

"Then let's watch it." Zack said like it was the most obvious thing ever.

Jess bit back the massive grin that threatened to overtake his face. He clicked onto HBO Max and once it loaded up he scrolled over to click on Isaac's profile. He went to the search immediately and typed out part of the name before seeing the movie he was looking for.

As it started, Jess sat the remote back on the table and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch. He spread it out over himself and nibbled on his lip as Isaac started to help him spread it out.

They faded into quiet while the movie played. Neither of them talked a whole lot during the whole thing. Jess appreciated that Isaac was actually paying attention to the cartoon. He appreciated the fact that Isaac wanted to watch it at all and didn't laugh in his face because that was his favorite movie.

The movie was a safe space for Jess. It was his favorite as a kid and therefore he watched it anytime something was wrong to cheer himself up. All the good memories it brought with it made it remain his favorite movie throughout the years.

Isaac got up once to get water out of the kitchen. He returned soon after and sat down by Jess. After he took a drink of his water Jess raised his head in a debate about whether or not to ask for a drink. Isaac caught on and offered the cup to him. "Want a drink?"

"Yes, please."

Isaac passed Jess his cup and Jess held it with both hands. He only sat up slightly to take a drink of it and Isaac thought it was adorable.

Jess handed the cup back and Isaac sat it on the table in front of him. Jess nestled back into his place and Isaac started rubbing his leg again. He loved the way Isaac did that.

Once the movie ended Isaac stretched his arms and Jess moved to sit up. He moved his legs off Isaac but only to prop them up on the couch next to him. He stayed facing the brunette boy and pulled the throw pillow out from underneath him to set it above his thighs instead.

"What time is it?" He asked Isaac and the boy looked at his phone which had been sitting on the coffee table for who knows how long.

"Nine. Are you getting tired?"

"Not really." Jess answered honestly. "Are you?"

"Nah."

"Do you want to watch another movie?" Jess didn't care what they did but he didn't really know what else to ask.

"We can, if you want. We could also just talk, or go back to my room. I don't really care, it's up to you."

Jess thought about it. He smiled, small but most of his usually were. "What do you wanna talk about?"

Isaac shrugged. "Anything."

Jess thought for a minute. He wasn't sure what to talk about, usually conversations with Isaac just kinda happened. "How was your day?"

Isaac smiled teasingly. "That's the best you got?"

Jess chuckled and shoved his shoulder. "Just answer the question, dick."

"It was good." Isaac said. "Slow. Very slow."

"Why's that?" Although Jess already knew why, or at least a thought. His day had been insanely slow as well. He kept just waiting for the day to be over so he could spend time with Isaac.

"I wanted it to be over so I could hang out with you."

Jess smiled. He had guessed but it felt so much better hearing it. Isaac wanted to see him as much as he wanted to see Isaac.

"The guys gave me some shit in the locker room for rushing but I couldn't slow down." Isaac admitted with a nervous chuckle.

"I was anxiously awaiting the end of the day too." Jess said, only to calm down the shyness displayed on Isaac's face. However, even if he was only doing this to calm Isaac down, it wasn't a lie. "I had to physically restrain not to run outside after the final bell rang."

It was embarrassing to admit but the chuckle Isaac let out made it worth it. Isaac looked at him when he finished laughing and he was looking at him with those eyes again.

"In all seriousness, was the park totally lame today? I didn't think about how lame that might've been until now." Isaac asked him, leaning over a little bit.

Jess smiled a little wider and shook his head. "No. It wasn't lame at all."

"Really?" Isaac looked at him like he didn't believe him.

"Yes, really." He said, trying to smile to convince him more. "It was actually a lot of fun. I've never really just spent a few hours walking around with someone but it was really, really fun. You also reminded me how much fun climbing a tree can be."

Isaac chuckled lightly, seemingly relieved. "Floating above all your problems, right?"

"Yeah." Jess smiled. "It was really nice."

"Good." Isaac said with a small sigh. "I was a little worried."

"Well you shouldn't have been. Pretty much anything I do with you is nice." Jess answered honestly and his ears turned a little red at the confession.

Isaac smiled, brightly, like that made him the happiest ever. It made Jess happy too, seeing how happy it made Isaac.

"Why did you watch Kung Fu Panda with me?" Jess was suddenly asking. It wasn't even that big of a thing but it still felt special. To him it did at least.

"Why did you climb a tree with me?" Isaac countered.

"Because I like spending time with you and you wanted to climb that tree." Jess answered honestly.

Maybe it was the fact that they were alone or maybe it was that the house felt dark which made them seem even more secluded but Jess felt like being honest. No beating around the bush tonight.

"I have the same answer to your question. I like doing things with you that I know you'll like too, and I know you like Kung Fu Panda."

Jess's mind faded away. Their answers were similar but were they really the same?  Jess liked to do things with Isaac because he liked Isaac. He doubted the boy felt the same way.

you could've watched whatever you wanted tonight, would it have been Kung Fu Panda?" Jess asked seriously, even though he wasn't serious about this topic anymore. He just wanted to talk and talking about nonsense seemed like a good idea at the moment.

"If you were here, yeah."

"What if I wasn't here?" Jess asked, still sounding more serious than he was.

"Then I probably would've anyway to be honest. I've been wanting to rewatch it since you said it was your favorite movie, I just thought I'd wait until you were here too."

Jess had a hard time beliving that. "You're not serious."

"I am." Isaac replied with no delay. "I'm actually very serious when it comes to you."

What did that mean? Why did it have the butterfly feeling returning to his stomach? Jess tried to think about it, maybe search for some hidden joke there, but he came up with nothing.

"That makes no sense." Jess looked at him like he expected him to explain but Isaac just smiled.

It wasn't any help to Jess figuring out what he meant but it still felt good. Seeing Isaac smile at him always felt good. It was one of the many things that came with having a crush on him.

Jess hated it but loved it at the same time.

"What would you have watched tonight?" Isaac asked. "I mean like, if you weren't here with me."

"Peobably some bullshit TV show I would pay no attention to." Jess said after only a second to think. That's what he spent most Friday nights doing. Isaac chuckled a little at his response.

"So, only I get your attention then?" Isaac propped, sounding like he was completely joking but there was a look in his eyes that said otherwise.

"Yeah, pretty much." Jess shrugged nonchalantly. Isaac chuckled again but it was much softer this time.

When Isaac met eyes with Jess he was looking at him differently now. His smile had faded with his chuckle so he looked more serious. "You're not alone there. You're pretty much the only thing that gets my attention too. You're really the only one I like giving most of my attention to."

Jess's mind went blank. He didn't know how to respond to that, so he didn't. Instead they both sat there in the quiet and stared into the other's eyes. They sat there for what felt like one long minute to Jess.

Jess's body moved before he could stop himself. His brain hadn't fully processed what he was doing until he was doing it. He pressed his lips against Isaac's.

In the moment he couldn't think. He pulled back as soon as he realized what was happening, scrambling off the couch to stand and put more distance between them. Unfortunately that was also the same moment he thought he felt Isaac return the kiss.

He couldn't think about that now though. "Holy shit I am so sorry. I didn't think- I was just- I- I shouldn't have done that."

He faded quieter when he noticed Isaac wasn't responding. The boy's head was down, facing the floor. He wouldn't even look at him.

"I'm sorry." He tried again but still no reaction. "Isaac." The boy was frozen in place. "Please, at least say something. Anything, please. Kick me out, or tell me you don't feel the same way. Just say something."

Isaac looked up then. He met eyes with Jess but he was silent. Slowly his arm reached out and grabbed a hold of Jess's waist. He gently guided the boy over to where he was standing in front of him, in between Isaac's legs that were planted firmly on the ground.

Jess wasn't sure what was going on but he went with it. It's not like he had the willpower to pull away from Isaac's touch anyway.

Hazel eyes were looking up at him from Isaac's seat on the couch and Jess really wished he would say something. He was giving off mixed signals with their positioning.

The dark haired boy couldn't quite understand what was happening when Isaac started leaning up. He didn't know what was going on but on instinct he started to move his head down. Isaac was the one to catch his lips in a kiss this time.

Jess was surprised but it didn't last long. He got caught up in the feeling of Isaac's lips against his own. He kissed back with as much passion as he could muster.

Isaac kissed him. Isaac was kissing him.

There was hope.

When they pulled away it was so they could breathe. Although while he was still trying to wrap his head around the situation Isaac let his hands travel. His other hand went up to hold Jess on the waist just like the one from before and then they slowly made their way up the sides of his body before coming back down. Isaac's hands rubbed his sides up and down and Jess couldn't believe what was happening. Before he could ask anything Isaac was kissing him again. His hands went up on instinct and one held Isaac's face while the other cupped his neck.

They kissed for even longer than last time and when they pulled away this time Isaac's face lit up into a smile. After seeing the look Jess's face was quick to copy it, his bright smile carving it's way onto his expression.

"I'm so glad you did that first because I'm not sure I ever would've gotten up the balls to do it myself." Isaac's voice was partially gravelly and Jess felt goosebumps go up his arms at the sound of it.

Jess grinned at his words. He had been wanting to kiss him? That's what that meant right? Isaac liked him too?

"I really like you." Jess whispered into the air and Isaac's face lit up a little more.

"I really like you too, Jess." Isaac leaned up again and met Jess's lips with a short kiss. It was sweet even if it didn't last long and Jess smiled after it like he had done before. "I don't know my sexuality yet but I do know I really, really like you."

The words made Jess's stomach do flips and his smile had never felt so bright. Isaac liked him. Really, really liked him.

The hands on his waist pulled at him and soon enough Jess was straddling Isaac's lap. That position didn't last long though because Isaac twisted over quickly and Jess dropped so he was laying down on the couch. Isaac wrapped his arms around the boy in a hug and rested his face in the crook of Jess's neck.

Jess laughed. "Eager much?"

"Yes. I've been waiting to do this for so long."

Isaac pulled back to move his head just so he could peck Jess on the lips once more. Then he kissed Jess's cheek. Then his jaw. Finally his head rested back where it was and Jess felt completely calm in that moment.

Isaac likes me.

•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•

AHHHHH IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!!!

I've had the kissing scene written down in my notes app for a very long time just waiting for this chapter when I could finally copy and paste it.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed!

Love you ♡

- Z