Chapter Seventeen

Arriving to the album release party, Mitch and Sarah either side of him feels like transporting back in time. How many events like this had he arrived to over the past nine and a half years, but this one was different, because it was Louis' album release he was here for tonight. He hadn't the faintest clue what to expect from tonight, wasn't sure he'd manage to hear a majority of the songs from the album tonight without feeling like he was suffocating.

He'd been so grateful when he'd asked Sarah and Mitch if they'd like to accompany him and they'd both agreed without a moment's hesitation.

The venue was somewhere he knows he been to before but can't quite remember. It's lit with a number of fancy, sparkling decorations which light up the space. Harry can only think of how un-Louis like it seems. At least it was for the Louis he'd once known.

They make their way inside, the security team outside barely needing a moment before nodding them through inside. Eager to calm the storm of photographers waiting outside who'd gone ballistic the moment he'd stepped out from the backseat of the vehicle.

This was the private release party for the album. He knew Louis had been caught up in the public release of the album, the parts which the fans would see only because of the bickering which had occurred all day on their group chat. Niall had been teasing him constantly after a fan had captured an off timed image of Louis with a hilarious expression on his face. Of course, this had provided endless entertainment for the Irishman until Louis had retorted by bombarding the group chat with screen shotted photos of some very unflattering expressions of Niall's over the years. Things had only progressed from there and it had become a full-on battle. None of them had been spared from the onslaught.

It was already crowded inside, the evening had started over an hour ago now. He'd gone with one of his more outgoing looks for tonight. The fact that all five of them were here celebrating the album release, the first time all together for such an occasion in years, was drawing in a tonne of media attention. Especially as it fell just three days after the reunion announcement which was still very much global news. Wearing one of his now signature 'Harry Styles' looks would only draw in more attention, or so Tilly had tried to tell him that morning.

Allesandro had sent him over three options, he'd gone sheer black long-sleeved lace top that was mostly unbuttoned and tucked into deep blue dress pants decorated with swirling white splotches down the material.

His hair was also slightly shorter than it had been for his own album release, somewhat resembling halfway between how he'd had it for the shooting of Dunkirk and how it had been in December.

"Good of you too show up!" He heard a familiar voice from his left and suddenly there was an arm thrown heavily around his shoulders.

"Fashionably late right?" He said as he shot Niall a grin, who had definitely already had a drink or two.

"Niall this is Sarah and Mitch, guys, Niall." He said vaguely gesturing between the three people.

"Ah! Your two of Harry's band joining us for tour right?"

"That's us, it's nice to meet you." Sarah said with a bright, warm smile. Mitch nodding towards Niall in acknowledgment.

"Likewise, well enjoy your night I'm sure we'll bump into one another again during the night." And just like that he was gone.

"He means that." Harry only said as the three of them made their way further into the venue.

They'd been there for perhaps an hour when he finally caught sight of Louis. He'd caught up with Liam already for a bit earlier and got had caught sight of Zayn and Gigi twenty minutes ago. Sarah and Mitch had dutifully stayed by his side so far, despite his protests that that should go out and try meet some people. Mitch had shot him one look and Harry hadn't mentioned it again.

The three of them were sat around an open, wide booth. A dozen or so people around them and Harry honestly didn't know who he was talking with. Only that the man before him was in some movie coming out soon. Still, he sat with feigned interest as he heard about the fourth, or was it the fifth, scene the guy had done which had involved highly technical stunts the guy had apparently spent months learning how to perfect. He'd try on any other night to be invested in the story, but not this time. His mind had been running rampant all evening, not able to focus clearly on much beside the man who he now spotted across the room surrounded by a bunch of people Harry didn't know and the words he'd sung on his album.

"Sitting here sneaking glances at him all night is going to amount to nothing H." Sarah said to him when his new acquaintance finally turned away to talk with someone else.

"Duly noted."

"Come on," She said suddenly standing, drawing Mitch's attention also, "You can introduce us too him, we are going to be touring with him this year after all."

"I don't know." He said, sparing another glance at Louis, "He looks a little busy right now."

"Harry." Sarah said leaning down and resting her hands either side of his legs on the sofa, "It's his album release party, he's going to be busy all night. So man up, and lets go say hi." She finishes with a smile and he lets a few more seconds pass by before he nods and stands from the sofa.

"Perfect." Sarah says with a smile and he briefly considers finding better friends before the three of them are making their way across to the other side of the room.

The man standing next to Louis is mid-sentence when he spots Harry. His eyes locking on to Harry's and he gives a soft smile, the drink in his hand half empty.

"Thought you were avoiding me for a moment there." Louis says to him as he feels Sarah and Mitch stop just behind him. And Louis is definitely tipsy, if not verging on drunk by the slight way his words slur and blend into his northern accent.

"Wouldn't dream of it, congratulations Louis." He says and before he can lose any of the courage that he's built up inside over the short walk from across the room, or perhaps its simply from the two drinks he's had, he reaches for Louis and pulls him in for a short embrace. He feels Louis' arms wrap around him, and the tightness in his chest eases slightly at the lack of hesitation in the gesture.

"Thanks H." Louis says before he steps away.

"Louis this is Mitch and Sarah, guys this is Louis." Harry says after he's planted himself firmly between them both, noticing the men Louis had been with have wandered off so it's now just the three of them.

"Good to finally meet ya." Louis says shaking both of their hands.

"You too, congratulations on the album it's very powerful." Sarah says with a bright smile and Louis' grin widens.

"Cheers, appreciate it. Would be a bit unfortunate if you didn't like it considering you're stuck now playing it for months." Louis comments with a light, teasing tone.

"Ah, but I said it's powerful, not that I liked it." Sarah retorts in an equally teasing tone and Harry sees the exact moment Louis' eyes light up in delight at the friendly banter.

"That's it, you're off the tour."

"You'll just have to have Mitch play drums for you then."

"Yeah I don't think so," Mitch comments, "I'm not sitting on stage whacking sticks against different shaped objects."

"Hey!" Sarah says whirling to her partner and playfully smacking his arm, "Don't be rude."

"Oh you two can definitely stay." Louis remarks, laughter evident in his voice.

"Mitch would you come with me to grab a drink for a moment?" Sarah suddenly said, practically grabbing for his arm and towing him away from where he and Louis stood startled from the sudden action, and watched as she dragged him through the bustling crowd.

It was painfully silent for a moment, despite the time he'd spent with Louis this past month it was still so awkward between them, neither quite sure where the boundary currently lay between them.

"So what did you think of it? The album I mean." Louis finally offers and Harry freezes.

"I'm not quite sure you want me to answer that Louis." He says honestly.

"I wasn't sure I'd get through listening to it with you there." Louis was definitely drunk if he was being this open to Harry's face.

"I wasn't sure I'd make it through it all, but thank you," He says meeting Louis' eyes, "For playing it for me, I think I needed it."

"We have a past, we can't change that."

He didn't know whether Lois meant he didn't want to change what they'd been or wish he cold. It was all so bloody confusing. He didn't know what the extent of his feelings were towards Louis, but he definitely cared about him, a lot.

"No, I guess we can't." He answers quietly, wishing Mitch and Sarah would return.

Louis' gaze flickered past him then, snagging of something behind him.

"I'll catch up with you later alright, have a good night H, and thanks for coming." Louis said as he went to step around Harry.

"Wouldn't have missed it." He replies but Louis is already gone.

~~~~

He doesn't know what time it is. Sarah is on a makeshift stage, microphone in hand as she and three other woman sing along to a karaoke version of Livin' on a Prayer. Mitch is by his side, absentmindedly tapping along to the beat of the song. He's pleasantly drunk at this point, before he transgresses over into being flat out drunk, when words blur together and his head begins to spin slightly.

He'd spent an hour outside earlier with Zayn and Liam, most of it he'd spent trying not to inhale too much of whatever it was Zayn was smoking. It had too much of a comforting aspect to the smoke as it had wafted around him, and he'd made himself a promise back in November after a certain incident that he wouldn't touch an form of drug for at least six months.

Now as he sat inside, the party shifting from the initial excitement and people caught up at being at an important event into a comfortably relaxed occasion where people were either in a state like Harry now found himself in, had found someone to spend the night with, were too far gone to now be conscious or had already left. There was still a good number of people here however, the speeches of the night well and truly over and everyone seemed to be drifting around the place in somewhat of a haze. Niall had slipped out earlier Liam having followed not much later claiming to go home to Maya.

When the singing got a little too much he found himself shifting away from Mitch, who gave him a curious look before deciding Harry was likely well enough to manage walking on his own.

He made his way out onto the small balcony which looked out over a small creek and more fancy venues lining their surroundings. Hands stuffed into his pockets to fight off the cold bite in the night air.

"I didn't realise you were still here." A voice behind him said and he didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"You sound slightly more sober than you did earlier." He comments not turning from his position leant slightly over the railing.

"Stopped drinking a while back." Louis says as he comes to rest his forearms over the railing, standing beside him with enough space for it to convey that the two of them knew one another, but enough to guess they weren't close. The distance felt like a mile that pulled at Harry's heart. The fact they'd come to this, awkward, stilted conversations and unease at being close to one another. He kept feeling they'd have moments like they were getting closer, like the photoshoot, but then he'd see Louis again and it would be as though they'd tumbled back into a never-ending cycle. It was exhausting.

"Thought you were meant to be celebrating."

"I was... I mean I am. I just know I don't want to wake up in a few hours with a hell of a hangover only to get on a long haul flight." And, oh. They were headed to LA in little over twenty-four hours.

"Wait, I thought we were all going tomorrow?"

"I'm going early, got a few personal things I need to see too before we're just there for business."

"Oh... ok."

"About what I said earlier," Louis starts, "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, showing you the album. I know I put a lot in there about what we had, and I don't think I considered your feelings about that enough."

"No, I'm really glad you played it for me Louis, truly. It's like you said, we have a history, we shouldn't have to go the rest of our lives edging around that, especially not with each other. I don't think we could, even if we wanted too with the tour and everything."

"We haven't been succeeding all that much with our whole 'friends' strategy have we."

"Not gonna lie, it's not the easiest trying to be friends with someone you loved like I did you." He says and Louis is quiet for a long time but doesn't move away from him.

"I'm sorry Harry, really fuckin' sorry for how I ended things. You didn't deserve to be treated like that."

"It's not that you handled things badly Louis, it's that you broke my heart." He says and sees Louis flinch at the words, but he needed to say this, needed to say a lot more, but now really wasn't the time, not yet. "That's what hurt. That's why listening to your album hurt like fucking hell."

"I just wish you told me earlier you didn't want to be with me, that you weren't happy." He whispers, eyes stinging. He hears the sharp intake of breath from Louis, but refuses to turn and face him, he doesn't think he could without letting the gathered tears in his eyes fall and he really doesn't want to cry right now.

"Haz," And his breath stops, "It wasn't... I never... It wasn't like that I just needed..."

"To live a life without me, I get it Louis. I got it back then and I really don't need to be told again now. I get it," He forces the next words out of his mouth, knows he doesn't mean them, "I've moved on, we're fine. It's just confusing being around you again now that things aren't how they have always been between us."

"Look, I think we both know we aren't in our right minds to be having this conversation with each other whilst we're like this. We'll talk about this, but not here." Louis finishes, going quiet towards the end and he wants to protest with the sudden anger that courses through him, turn to Louis and demand for a proper explanation, but hadn't he just said he wasn't ready for this yet? And Louis was right, they weren't in a good state of mind to be having this conversation, especially not with so many people who could walk out onto the balcony at any moment.

"Fine." He says with a long drawn out sigh. He turns away from the railing then, not sure he can be so close to Louis after those few words between them, so much left unsaid. Instead, he makes his way back inside, forcing his memories of Louis Tomlinson away for another day.