Chapter One

December 17th 2019

The problem with London in winter wasn't the bitter chill, it was the prospect of light temporarily being a void concept. With the high of finally releasing Fine Line still coursing through Harry, he'd barely had a moment in the past few weeks to press pause. He'd spent the past few nights with friends celebrating the release and performing in a number of venues and interviews he'd long lost track of, but as he walked through the front door into his private home in London, the sudden feeling of loneliness flooded into him.

Weariness threatened to overwhelm him for a moment but he sighed and pushed through it, his sluggish movement leading him through the narrow corridor that lead down to the spacious living room and adjourning kitchen. It had been several weeks since he'd last been here and he doubted that there was any edible food actually in the kitchen. Judging by the brief glance he spared towards the fruit bowl and very dehydrated potted plants beside it, he thought better than trying to rummage through to find some form of sustenance. Instead he turned away from the space and headed towards his bedroom on the second floor.

His phone vibrated somewhere in a coat pocket, one of the three he'd thrown on as he'd left the plane at Heathrow. He'd landed an hour or so ago, the bitter night air had grabbed at the oxygen in his tired lungs, pulling most of his remaining strength from him as he'd stepped from the plane and had been headed through the gathered crowd that had awaited him despite the late hour. He'd smiled, the gesture practically automatic after nine and a half years but he'd still stopped for several photos and had politely, and genuinely, thanked the four girls who'd been a mess of tears over congratulating's him over the album. It meant the world to him, the support, no matter how much time had passed, and the experiences he'd had, there was nothing quite like people connecting so deeply with the words he wrote and sang. To this day he had to pinch himself at moments that this was actually his life, and despite the heavy exhaustion and overworked schedules he'd followed for nigh on a decade, he still wouldn't change any of it.

His bedroom door, firmly closed, greeted him at the end of the hallway. He managed to push his way in, dropping the large brown and gold Gucci duffle bag barely in the entrance of the room as he trudged towards the large king sized bed, adorned in dark grey sheets, and promptly fell sprawled upon the covers. He was more than content to simply fall asleep where he lay, fully clothed and figure disheveled but the blaring sound of his phone ringing startled him from his state of semi unconsciousness.

His hand slipped beneath his top coat, finding the side pocket of one of the three coats and pulled the small device free. One look at the caller ID and he knew this was perhaps one of the few people he couldn't avoid till morning.

"You are aware you're calling me after a twelve hour flight at 11pm?" He said the moment the call connected, his own voice startling him at how slow and slurred his words were due to his overtiredness.

Gemma's laugh greeted him, the smallest hint of a smile gracing his lips at the familiar sound, "I just wanted to check you'd got back alright?"

"Yeah, mh' all good. Just got home."

"How you doing?"

"Honestly? I feel like I've been repeatedly run into a brick wall, "He said with a huff, "One that refuses to give any ground." He could almost picture Gemma's smile through the phone.

"Poor little rock star." His sister said teasingly, and he supposed that some things never change.

"Mhh." Was his only grumbled reply.

"Ok, you sound barely awake so I'm gonna let you get some sleep, but I'll see you on Thursday ok? Love you H."

"Love you too Gem." He mumbled in reply before the line went dead.

Despite his protesting limbs, he dragged himself upright. He may be a brand ambassador, but Gucci suits hardly make for comfortable sleep wear. The tight fabric would feel like a suffocating grip when he woke up in the morning he knew, having experienced just that once before and made a mental note never to do such a thing again. So he stood from the bed and shrugged off the layers of fabric covering his tattooed skin. With him being absent from London for so long, and telling his usual house care taker to forgo preparing the house for his arrival, the house was barely warmer than the outside temperature and goosebumps arose over his skin the moment it was exposed to the night air. Shrugging his loose white flare pants from his hips and throwing them over the back of his comfortable blush blue armchair near his bed, he pulled back the covers and sank beneath the cold sheets. His head barely hit the pillow before he was pulled into a deep sleep.

~~~~

The shrill sound of his door bell grabbed at Harry's attention as he left the kitchen bench and wandered towards the front door. He pulled it open without bothering to glance at who awaited him, Ny and Sarah smiled tiredly at him as they stepped past him and into the warmth of the house.

"Fucking freezing out there." Ny mused in her still thick New Zealand accent. Harry smiled at her as the two women comfortably settled into one of the sofas in front of the elegant electric marble fireplace in the living room.

"It's London in December, not sure what else you expected." Harry mused to her as he made his way back to the kitchen bench to grab the still untouched tea he'd made for himself almost twenty minutes ago, sure it had now gone cold. "Want anything?"

"Already covered." Sarah said holding a spotted black and white flask in the air above her head. A similar cup grasped in Ny's fingers. "Mitch was still asleep when I left, I didn't want to disturb him but he mentioned calling round later."

"He's fine, it's our day off." Harry said as he made his way into the living room and pulled his legs under him as he sat opposite Ny and Sarah. Cradling the indeed cold tea in his lap between his hands.

"You must have got back late last night." Sarah said, taking a small sip from her flask, her phone beside her lighting up with a message.

"Around ten or so, it was all a bit of a daze by then." Intense travelling had become normal from his years with the band, their crazy schedule had had them flying across the globe on what had often felt like a daily basis. Sometimes he thinks the only thing that had kept him sane during those five years was the four boys he'd been with. But the moment his thoughts drifted int hat direction he halted, he really couldn't deal with those kinds of intruding thoughts when he was still recovering from the past few days.

The rest of his band had flown back into London mid-morning yesterday. He'd been delayed by a final two interviews in Los Angeles before he'd made his own way back to his home country.

"Did you reply to Liam's message?" Ny asked and Harry got caught in her words for a moment before he looked up at her with a frown.

"Shit, I completely forgot." Liam had messaged him the morning before he'd flown out from LA, he knew the meeting with their managers was set for Friday, but he'd conveniently chosen to bury that piece of information for the time being, until the actual day arrived that is. With July now only seven months away he'd known for over a year that the planning of the reunion to tour Made in the AM would begin with their involvement in the early days of January 2020, but that did little to settle his nerves for the situation, especially as the date drew rapidly nearer. The meeting on Friday, as he'd discussed with Jeff, was for the sole intent of sorting through NDA's and agreeing on the broader terms of the reunion tour. Still, the thought of it sent unease rocketing through him. He'd been longing for the tour these past five years, as much as he adored the freedom of a solo artist, he'd missed the familiarity of the group dynamic. The shared experience, that not even his current bandmates, whom he considered each close personal friends, could fill. Not after the monumental things he'd experienced with One Direction. That didn't make this any easier however, not at the thought of reconnecting so closely with his band members. But this wasn't 2010. And he wasn't sixteen anymore. Wide eyed and unaware of the grueling industry he'd been thrusted in. The lies, manipulation, backstabbing and utter hurt that went with being the face of a worldwide brand.

He forced his thoughts away from there, realising he'd completely missed most of what Ny had replied to him as his eyes snatched back to her. "... what a way that would be to start!"

"I'll reply to him later, just... not right now." He answered, running a tired hand across his face. Glad that he'd not put on any of his signatures rings when he'd pulled himself out of bed only an hour ago in desperate need of a shower and food.

"You look like you could spend the rest of the day asleep H." Sarah mused to him, her eyes darting away from her phone screen.

"The adrenaline high is certainly worn off that's for sure."

"What do you have to do tomorrow?"

"Interview with Nick at eight. Then Jeff wants to meet up afterwards to discuss our conditions before Friday. Then I'm meeting up with Gemma for the afternoon."

"So not too bad?"

"Better than our hectic schedule from LA."

"Ok," NY said as she pulled her legs up to her chest, "But The Forum show is honestly something I'm never gonna forget, that show was just magically. Having the audience not know most of the album and seeing everyone's reaction was just incredible. I still get goosebumps just thinking about it."

Harry smiled, his thoughts tumbling back to last week as he'd performed for the first time through Fine Line. It had been such a moment for him, performing on that stage in front of all those people, pouring his heart into each of the agonizing words he'd written over the past few years combined and fine tuned into those songs. It was a feeling he'd certainly never forget.

"Have you thought over the songs you'll perform for the reunion tour?" Sarah asked him before he had a chance to reply. His entire band knew about the reunion tour, how could they not with tour dates needing to be scheduled around his own solo career as well as the other boys. It had been on his mind for a while now, choosing which songs to perform.

"Uhm," He started, pulling his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger, "Watermelon Sugar just seems fitting because of its tempo, and it will be widely known so I guess that's kind of a shoe in, I'd like to do Fine Line and Golden too but until we properly go through things I'm not sure what the rules are about personal song choices, might get to do however many I want, change them up each time you know?"

"What about One Direction songs, have you given any thought to which ones you'll personally put forward? From any of the albums?"

"You know, always thought Hey Angel and Infinity would make some of the best stadium songs, I know we've done Infinity a few times but with the boys, in a full stadium environment, I don't think it would get much better. I'm not so bothered about the songs chosen from the other albums, ones we didn't get to perform as much maybe, change it up a bit? But I reckon that's for us to decide all together.

"And any more news of Zayn joining you guys?" Ny asked, and Harry knew she'd been wondering it for a while now, they all had been. Technically, Zayn had officially been removed as a member of One Direction, but with their ten year anniversary held next year and the reunion tour being such a focus in their minds, it had only been right to offer Zayn a position back for the tour. Harry had heard little from the three individual mangers of the other boys who'd been leading negotiations and planning.

"I'm still reasonably in the dark about it, I guess I'll find out more on Friday."

"And have you spoken to Louis yet?" Sarah braves and Harry swears his heart nearly stops just at the mention of his name. Pathetic. He thinks briefly to himself, that after all these years just his name still sparks a physical reaction from him. He's acting like a child, not a twenty five year old man.

"No." He breathes out, averting his gaze from the two of them.

"Harry..." Sarah starts after a slight pause, and he knows they're only trying to help him. It had taken the better part of two years for him to finally come clean to them all about his relationship with Louis, how it began, what they'd been through, why it had ended... He was glad he'd told them, knew he could trust each and everyone of them whole heartedly. It had made it somewhat easier having them all know, so that they knew when he was in certain places which held treasured memories of his time with Louis, why he sometimes went silent, would fall into a daze as they travelled the world.

"I know... I know I should speak to him before Friday, I'm just... It's been chaotic recently and that kind of emotional strength isn't quite there at the moment."

"Ignoring it is only going to make it harder H, I know you don't want to hear that, but this is Louis. Seeing him on Friday isn't going to erase these past few years, and it's going to hurt regardless, but don't you think it would be easier if you two at least spoke before going in for that meeting?"

"You're right, I know you are Sare, it's just... it hurts you know."

"I know," She says, reaching across the space to give his folded knee a reassuring squeeze. "And we'll be right here beside you the entire time ok."

"We're here for you H, always." Ny chimes in, eyes intently focused on him and he fights the rising tightness in the back of his throat. He's always valued their friendship, in his life where he could so easily, and has done in the past, be betrayed by others, they have stuck relentlessly by his side, and he appreciates it more than they'll ever know.

"Thank you." He manages to choke out, finally settling his still untouched tea down on the table beside his arm chair.

~~~~