Chapter Twenty Five

Alright - Triple update so make sure to read chapters twenty three and four before this one !!

Anne settles down into the outdoor lounge chair beside him. He looks up from where he'd been scribbling random thoughts down into his personal journal, Paris spread out before them on the particularly warm afternoon. There's a haze over the city but the sun is bright above them and his eyes take a moment to adjust from the cream paper to his mum. His mum would be leaving for a three-week holiday to South Africa tomorrow morning, she'd flown over with them to spend some time around them all. It felt like the early days of the band, when all their parents had taken as much time as they could to be with the boys as they'd travelled.

"Are you finally going to tell me what happened or are we going to keep pretending nothing happened sweetie?" Anne suddenly says and he just stares at his mum. She has always been one of the kindest, most gentle people he's ever met so the fact she's being so blunt with now must really prove that he is moping.

"I spoke with Louis."

"Obviously."

"Back in LA, and yesterday, and... he told me some things."

"That's usually what people do when they have a conversation." And he really wishes he could find the humour in this situation but he was still just too confused by everything. "Oh sweetheart." Anne's face falls at his lack of reaction to her comment and she stands from the seat and comes to sit beside him, wrapping him in her arms.

He's quiet for a long while, taking the time to shift through his next words. He tells her everything, every part of the conversations, the album shoot, the Brit awards, and seeing Louis for the first time, all of it. Recounts all of his confusion and anger, bitterness and longing and his wish that none of this had ever happened. It takes him over an hour of him rambling, all the while his mum sits patiently by his side and listens to everything he has to say. He doesn't think he's ever loved his mother more in his life than he does right then.

"And I'm just lost. What do I do?" He asks, turning to face her with pleading eyes.

"I don't think I can answer that darling. That's only for you to decide."

"I look at him and I know I still have feelings for him, I want to throw it all away and try win him back but I don't even know if he wants that, if it's healthy for me to want that. I've been so caught up in Louis for so long that I don't know if what I feel for him is pinning over something lost or if it's real."

"Harry." His mum says flatly looking him square in the eye. "I can't tell you what to do, but I know you, and I'd like to think I know Louis well enough too by now. You love him Harry, you never haven't and you never won't, that's not something that you can ever change. What you had together was very real, I don't think I have ever seen two people more in love with one another. I don't know whether you are still in love him, but you certainly still love the person he is."

He goes to speak but is interrupted by the sound of knocking on the apartment door. His mother gives him a long look before he moves to stand and head towards it. He crosses back over through the open doorway into the spacious living room and stops before the door.

He pulls open the door the moment he sees Zayn waiting patiently on the other side. He flicks Harry a smile as he walks passed him and into the living room.

"I thought we were meeting at six?" He asks Zayn as he trails behind him.

"We are, but I wanted to talk to you." This can't be good.

"Oh, hi Zayn!" His mother says as she wanders back into the apartment with their two empty glasses in her hands.

"Anne! Didn't realise you were up here, sorry I can come back..."

"Don't be silly, I'd better go start getting ready for tonight, I'll see you both later." She says as she sets the glasses down on the kitchen bench and gives Harry a kiss on his cheek and walks out of the room, the door closing behind her with a soft click.

"So..."

"You look miserable." Zayn comments as he takes a seat on one of the smaller lounge chairs in the living room.

"Feel it too." He answers honestly, knowing Louis has probably been talking with him and that's why he's here in the first place. "How's he doing?" He gives up keeping up any form of pretense. He and Zayn had never worked like that before and he doubted things had changed since.

"About as well as you. I'm glad he finally told you though, you deserved to know."

"I just don't understand why he didn't tell me this at the time! We were so fucking good at communicating with one another, had worked through so much shit and just this one thing gets to him."

"It's more than that Harry you know that. You'd both been worked down for years with our old management and this woman was a proper psychologist, trained to work her way into people's heads."

"Strong enough to tear us apart." Harry murmurers more to himself but Zayn catches the words regardless.

"Look man, I know you're mad at him, we all are, but you're both just making this worse. I get you both need time to do this and I not at all saying you need to get back with him if that's even what you want. But the two of you have always been drawn to each other, I don't think I've ever seen two people who have such a connection as you two did despite your differences." He thinks back to the words him mum had only just told him. "Friends would be a good place to start, otherwise you're both just tearing yourselves apart. It's hurting you both so much and honestly it's fucking hard to watch H."

"I don't know how to forgive him, hell I barely know what to do around him at all Zayn. We spent years together and now we have to act as though our entire time in the band was platonic when there's millions of fans who think otherwise and an entire media industry just waiting to pounce on our history."

"You don't think you've had enough time to sort through this? Honestly I think you're holding onto your own pain here, it's doing nobody any good, least of all you." Zayn says with a pointed stare but continues before Harry can speak.

'I'm not saying you need to do anything for the public, though the album promo photos certainly sparked a fair wad of interest but when you finally get your thoughts together about all this find a way to let it go alright?" Zayn interrupts him when he goes to argue, "Fine, poor choice of words. But just, move on from it yeah? He's really fucking sorry, I've been there to witness it tearing him up for four years, you're my friend too H and seeing you both like this is painful for everyone."

He's been moping ever since that night with Louis, barely able to look at him during interviews and plastering a fake smile on his face each time someone asks how he is. This tour is a chance for him to relive the start of his career, him, the boys and the fans. Touring and doing what he loves. He can do this with Louis by his side now the hurt inside of him has lessened somewhat.

"I'm trying Zayn, really."

At this point he wonder's whether Zayn is right, maybe it is time he stops holding on and just lets things go to start a fresh.

"What are you going to do on tour?"

"Move on, I hope."

"We're all here for you, we know this isn't going to be easy for the two of you."

"I lost it at him this morning." He admits, risking glancing up to find Zayn's eyes already trained on him.

"I know." Zayn answers with a slow smile, "He told me."

"I'm done venting at him at least. Think I needed to get that part out of the way. And I think we are ready to get passed this. You're right, I am just holding onto my pain now."

"He said you'd needed too, was getting worried that you hadn't blown up at him before then actually. Relieved to know there's still some real, human Harry Styles underneath all that Gucci." Zayn said with a smirk, humour had never been a particular strong point for him but Harry was glad he was trying all the same."

"He's always known how to get through to me." Harry mutters more to himself than too Zayn.

"It's one of the reasons you two fitted together so well. None of us could ever get you to do what Louis could with barely any effort. But that's what your love was."

Is.

His mind immediately thought but pushed it far from his mind, he'd deal with that particular thought another time.

"I know you've always been a bit of an overthinker when it comes to these things, especially without Louis to confide in considering he's the cause of all this, but I think you know you're ready to move past this Harry."

"I'm scared of ending up in the same place I was when he left me." He admits, out loud for the first time instead of just his own head.

"I know." Zayn says and he feels a steady hand grip his knee tightly. "But it's worth the risk."

"Yeah. He is."