Chapter Twenty Seven

Make Sure to read chapter twenty six first as this is a double update !!

Their final interview ended exactly a week before proper tour rehearsal began. They'd added a total of twelve more shows for the tour due to the absolutely overwhelming demand, especially after their 'surprise' performance in the venue in London two weeks ago.

They'd all been stuck in London, shuffled round various interviews, both in person and over the phone and the week off before the true mayhem set in felt like a final lifeline.

Zayn had been the one to suggest the 'retreat'. The five of them already packed, bags stuffed between the two cars they were taking to partake on their getaway for the week.

Bonding time, Zayn had aptly named it.

Despite his initial thoughts that the five of them were about to be stuffed together for months on end, they were still lacking the sync between them which they'd once carried so easily. It had dawned in him over the past few days that this was exactly what they all needed to get back on the same page before they were expected to travel the world together again performing on some of the biggest stages in the world.

Liam had been the one to suggest they head towards the sea, enjoy the gradually warming whether that the UK was starting to offer. He'd been the one to suggest the same, reclusive village located in the north west of Wales, he'd visited PortMeirion once as a child with his mum and Gemma and had been longing to return ever since. It was almost five hours by car to the village but it had only taken one website depicting the small, idyllic village for all the boys to readily agree.

He'd managed to get Jeff to pull some strings for them, the houses usually booked months in advance for guests to come but they'd secured a luxury, five - bedroom house all the same for six nights.

Things between him and Louis were progressively getting steadier. They hadn't spoken properly again but the times they'd all gone out; first to a bar with their band and the other lads where they'd all sat around and shared tour stories, family updates, tour expectations before moving onto topics such as exotic animals and safari trips in Botswana, then a dinner at Liam's where Harry had finally been able to meet his son Bear. Followed by a movie night at Nialls and a friendly (or it started that way at least till Niall tried to steal one of Louis' specially signed balls) game of football at Louis' private backyard. It had gone well. All of it. They'd both been able to openly talk about everything asked in front of one another and that feeling of tension which had been rippling between them since they'd first met up in December had slowly ebbed away. They had a long way to go, but he was grateful they were both trying.

That's how he found himself waiting beside his car for Liam and Louis to arrive on a Thursday morning, a few hours following their final promotional interview. Niall had offered to drive with Liam, had practically shoved Louis and Zayn towards Harry when they'd discussed their travel options. The five of them would be far to crammed to squeeze in one vehicle so he and Liam had offered to drive their own cars. It also meant they had more space for their luggage.

Zayn and Niall were sat on Harry's front steps leading up to his private London home, talking between them with laughs emitting from both of them occasionally.

He'd excused himself from their conversation several minutes ago when a phone call had come through from Mitch, wanting to go over some final suggestions for their set before Harry would officially be going 'off duty' for the next week. He'd spoken with him for a couple minutes before Mitch hung up and had been stuck absentmindedly through Twitter ever since.

Their social media interactions had increased dramatically over the past couple of weeks. Since the whole 'fruit debacle' back in January, the reunion announce, tour dates, numerous promo interviews and most recently their performance, social media had been a craze of interest around them. Their accounts had all risen drastically in their followings now they were back together which had come as somewhat as a surprise seeing as they hadn't really suffered as solo artists, but he supposed people still found it overly exciting now they were back together again. He read through their most recent social media debate, this time a passionate debate between who Zayn and Niall dubbed as the top British R&B acts, safe to say Niall was severely under educated in the topic than Zayn. It had eventually ended when Niall made the comment that his actual favourite was Zayn, sending fans into a flurry of gooey comments and the conversation had moved no further.

Pushing himself off the hood of his car he began making his way back towards Zayn and Niall who sat comfortably leaning back on the steps. A sleek black vehicle rounded the corner down the street, pulling to a stop behind his own car. He watched as Liam got out from the drivers seat, glasses pulled down over his eyes to shield them from the sun which surprisingly shone bright above them in the fading mid - afternoon.

Whatever comment he was about to make in greeting was abruptly cut short when Louis stepped out of the passenger side however. He was dressed in tight black jeans, something which had once been a staple part of his outfit but now seemed as though it was for the pure purpose of causing his heart to flat line. He wore a simply white shirt, a faint design over the breast pocket but it was the way the material clung to every inch of his body that made him fumble to a stop, let alone the aviators he wore to shield his eyes. He looked like he'd just walked off the set of a photoshoot.

There was no way his self-restraint was solid enough to be spending a week with his ex – boyfriend, who he very much had decided he still had feelings for, if he was going to spend his time dressing like this.

No fucking way.

"Finally, you boys ready to go?" Niall said as he stopped beside Harry placing a hand down on his shoulder. He hadn't even heard Niall approaching him.

"I reckon." Liam said with a slight smirk in Louis' direction. Harry was sure that behind the aviators Louis was glaring daggers at Liam. Ok, whatever that meant.

"Lou, you're with us." Zayn said as he opened the backseat door to Harry's car.

This was a bloody set up. Harry decided as he turned without greeting Liam or Louis and clambered into the driver's seat. Focusing heavily on getting oxygen back into his lungs. He was vaguely aware of Zayn settling into the backseat and braced himself for a minute later when the passenger door opened and Louis pulled himself into the seat.

"I'm on music and don't either of you fuckin' argue." Was Louis' way of greeting them and he couldn't help the bark of a laugh that escaped him, because of course that's what Louis would open with. At least the sound meant he was breathing again.

They set off through the streets of London, none of them really engaging in any form of conversation but sang along to the songs which played from Louis phone through the Bluetooth system.

It wasn't until they were far outside of London, into their second hour of the journey that Zayn actually started trying to make conversation.

"So will both of you snap my head off if I ask what's going on or can we have a discussion around what's going on between you two like grownups?"

Definitely a set up.

"What do you want us to say Zayn?" Louis replied without hesitation.

"Look, you're both two of my best mates, despite the past few years and besides, I spent years with the both of you when you were together. I know you've both tried talking to each other but at this point I literally feel like I have no choice but to intervein here."

"Not gonna lie, thought that Niall was going to be the one to do this." Louis said under his breath and Harry's eyes flickered to him briefly.

"I know you're both finding this uncomfortable and difficult to deal with but if it hasn't already sunk into your heads yet, you have months literally about to travel the world together. I just want you both to talk about what this is gonna be like before you plummet into this head first.

"So that's what this week is about?" He finally asked, catching Zayn's eye in his mirror.

"I may have conned Liam into suggesting this..."

"Bastard." Louis muttered.

"You love me." Zayn said matter-of-factly.

"Maybe."

"But I mean it, we're having this conversation seeing as you two keep either putting it off or skirting around it. You've got the hardest bits out of the way."

He had a vague sense what Zayn was suggesting, but he wasn't giving in that easily. Somewhat repeating Louis' earlier remark, "What exactly do you want us to talk about Zayn?"

"How are you going to do this tour? On the bus, in hotel rooms, when fans ask you what your connection has been over hiatus, in interviews? I know management made sure those sorts of questions were not allowed in everything we've just done but people are really pushing this all now. It's almost getting bigger than it ever was when you were actually together, people genuinely believing that you two are in a relationship.

"We could tell them the truth." Louis suggests, looking out the window.

"Louis..." Zayn starts but Harry beats him too it.

"You're not out. I don't want you to have to feel you have to come out just to appease people. If, when, you come out, you do it for you, and nobody else ok." Voice stern, this wasn't something Harry wanted to negotiate, he'd come out because he'd been wanting to for years. It was a way that he could finally feel after so many turbulent years that he owned a part of himself. That he could show so much support for others around the world was certainly an added factor, but he'd ultimately done it for himself. He didn't want Louis coming out for any other reason.

"It would make this all a lot easier..." Louis tried again, still refusing to look at him as Harry's fist clenched around the steering wheel.

"This isn't about what's easiest, this is a part of who you are. You let the world know because you want to, because you want that part of yourself to be expressed and known so you can take ownership of it. Not because a bunch of imbociles in the media are making up stories. This is something you do for yourself."

"Harry's right Lou." Zayn says softly from behind him.

"I don't want to, at least... not right now." Louis eventually says, the music in the car the only thing filling what had been a very charged silence.

"Then you don't have too."

"I would have done it, back then. If we could have. Wanted too." Harry knew this. They'd spoken about it more times than he could count. "But it doesn't seem right without somebody beside me."

That hurt, hurt because that had been the only factor which had made him hesitate before he'd come out himself. That Louis was no longer by his side and he wouldn't be able to do this with him now that they were free. Hearing Louis hesitate for the exact same reason Harry had was a hard thought to process.

"I know it's not what you mean," Zayn said leaning forward and placing his hand on Louis' shoulder, "But we'll always be here by your side Lou."

"When this whole idea of us getting back together was in fruition I wanted nothing more than to say not to it." Harry's eyes darted to Zayn's, his eyes brimmed with confusion as that's almost the opposite of what he'd been saying for the past two months. "Because I knew this would be fuckin' hard, all the questions, rumours and accusations, expectations so fuckin' high it sometimes feels like they're too far out of reach and then there's being back around you Harry who is the love of my life when I've betrayed and hurt you so badly." He pulls over to the side of the road, the narrow country lanes quiet around them. "I'm so sorry Harry, I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you what was going on, why I was getting scared when you've always told me you'd stand by my side no matter what. That's why I was so glad when you got mad at me, when you asked for space, because I felt like I deserved it. I want to be around you, want you to feel like you can talk to me, trust me, and I know that that's asking a lot but I'm not going to fuck this up, not again."

He didn't make a sound, clicking his seatbelt off he reached out to Louis and pulled him as close as physically possible with the center console between them. He caught a flash of Louis' eyes, rimmed red and tears threatening before he buried himself in Harry's chest. He heart was pounding in his chest, all pain he'd held in seeping out as a new pain filled him with realising the extent Louis had punished himself for the past four years over his actions. He didn't want that, not at all. He knew now, had accepted that it wasn't really Louis. Their relationship was so strained by their management in terms of their public appearance around one another that a few too many carefully placed words and forced stunts they'd both had to pull had been the finally factors needed to create a wave of doubt. It wasn't a lack of strength. It was loving someone so completely and utterly that being told you were the one holding them back, keeping them from being their true selves, was enough to feel as though you were the problem.

Harry couldn't believe he'd ever been mad when this was the reality Louis had faced.

"I know you're sorry." He says pressing Louis closer into him. "I'm sorry for reacting how I did when you told me the truth, you were really brave admitting that and I threw it all back at you."

"You've already..." He hears Louis say quietly, "You've already apologized for that."

"And you've apologized profoundly for everything you've done, so we're even." He pulls away from Louis, catching everything from the tears which are slowly coming to an end, the remaining tremor still slightly visible in his lips to the overwhelming emotions evident in his blue eyes.

Louis' eyes flicker down to the now damp fabric of the shirt stretched over his shoulder. "Opps."

He leans back over the console of the car, delicately placing his hands on either side of Louis face as his eyes dart up and linger.

"Hi."

His voice is low, brimmed with emotion as they both sit staring at one another with the words which started it all. Zayn all but forgotten in the back of the car. And for the first time, he feels like he's truly ready for this adventure to begin. But this time, they're finally starting over again.