Chapter Two

By the next morning, his head is at least slightly clearer than the previous day. Sarah and Ny had stayed for hours, Mitch had arrived sometime around mid-day and the four of them had lounged around in the warmth of his home, ignoring the dreary rain that had been a constant presence outside. They'd only left after ordering a large amount of food to be delivered to Harry's home later that day and played several rounds of scrabble. A steady presence of music had played through the speakers and the four friends had enjoyed spending genuine time together that didn't involve being shuffled around various venues and expectations weighing heavily on their shoulders.

He'd managed a full twelve hours of sleep that night too, so by the time he'd been driven to the main headquarters of BBC Radio One before seven thirty the next morning, his head was clear and eyes bright.

He was ushered into the building, through the ever present presence of drizzling London rain. He made his way through the somewhat familiar building, several people surrounding him from security, to show assistants as he was lead to one of the dressing rooms.

Jeff walked into the room when he was just finishing buttoning the black silk top tucked hallway into his trousers. The look was far from the outlandish ones he wore on stage, slightly more him, and the thousands of pounds price tag of the clothing labelled as Gucci still was something he had to wrap his head around. Coming from where he'd grown up, even after nine and a half years, the sheer wealth in his industry took him by surprise sometimes. Let alone that the slight fact that he himself was a multi-millionaire.

"Morning." Jeff said, a bright smile upon his face and Harry groaned.

"How are you so chipper?"

"Been a good week, can't complain."

"Whatever sleeping pills you've been taking I want some." Harry replied and Jeff laughed at that.

"Might take more than some sleeping pills to get us through these next few months. No but seriously, you'll be happy come Friday, negotiations are going well. This tour is gonna be something else."

"It's not run under Syco and Modest, that's why." Harry replied half heartedly and Jeff paused from where he'd moved to snatch a strawberry from the dressing station table, giving him a knowing look.

"That's exactly why. I just got off the phone with Niall's manager, she's great you'll like her."

"Five minutes before air Mr. Styles, you've been asked to make your way to the studio." A young female assistant said from the open doorway, he glanced up, nodding once at her.

"Last interview, for this year at least." Jeff said to him with a smile as he clapped Harry on the shoulders before the two of them made their way back out into the hallway and towards the main morning show both.

They arrived just as a song began playing, one Harry had not heard, and he spotted Nick rising from his chair behind the main panel controls. It took a moment for Nick to spot Harry but once he had a smile broke out across his face as the older man made his way over to Jeff and Harry. He pulled Harry in for a hug.

"Good to see ya Harry." He said with his signature accent pulling away from him and turning to shake Jeff's hand. "How's things?"

"Not too bad." He says with a smile.

"Hey congrats on Fine Line man, album is bloody incredible!" Nick says as he turns back towards the main desk, gesturing for Harry to take a seat as the song plays quietly in the back ground.

"Thanks man." He says, taking a seat. Despite much public speculation, he'd never shared a romantic interest in Nick. It had certainly been implied by the older man way back when, but Harry had been so lost in Louis that he'd firmly shut down any advances and that had been that. Nick had taken it like a champ, but Louis had never fully trusted Nick around Harry. Despite himself, Harry had always liked a jealous and protective Louis.

Shaking himself from his thoughts he pulled himself closer into the desk, resting his forearms on the table as he watched the countdown to air slowly narrow. 30 seconds.

"Not forgetting you owe me a drink Styles." Nick said, pointing an accusing finger at him whilst also sporting a wide grin.

A blinding flash registered in his periphery, the final five seconds flashing on the time display as Nick switched into his professional persona and Harry pushed any lingering thought of Louis from his mind, aware of the camera about to begin recording.

"Welcome back, we're delighted to have the one and only Harry Styles here joining us in the studio this morning."

"Thanks for having me." He answers with a small smile.

"First off, congratulations on the album mate, you must be pretty happy with it!"

"Yeah, the response so far has been overwhelming, it's certainly something I'm really proud of and it's incredible to see just how well its being received so thank you to everyone who's supported me so far."

"Now you played at The Forum in California just like week, how was that?"

"It was incredible, such an amazing show and it's certainly made me really look forward to the tour coming next year."

"Speaking of tour, it's been very secretive about tour dates so far, is there any development you'd like to share with us for those listening about when we can expect to hear something?" Nick says to him.

"Ah, can't go spilling all my secrets, now can I?" He answers tactfully instead.

"You artists and your clever responses." Nick gibes at him and his smile grows at the playful banter.

"So tell us Harry, inspirations behind the album, any favourites? What songs are you really looking forward to performing again?"

"Uhh, this album is really just a reflection on a lot of emotions I've been sorting through, especially these past few years. It's about being sad, and trying to find a way of sorting through it all I think. But I'd hope that everyone takes something away from at least of the songs that they can personally reflect upon. As for performing specific songs from the album, I loved Falling and Golden, they're definitely two of my favourites from the album."

"Now Harry, as I'm sure you, you have some very dedicated followers, so I thought we'd do something fun this morning and go through some comments from fans who have picked out some particular lyrics and moments in the songs?"

"Sounds good." He says, leaning back in the chair as Nick is handed a sheet of paper.

"Ok, more of a question than an observation, but what was the inspirations behind the ending vocal add in's in Sunflower Volume. 6?"

"I really just wanted something a bit different, something that was a bit whimsical and different to portray the kind of flexible nature of a relationship. I don't think, well I certainly didn't intend for the outro to have any specific meaning so I guess people can think what they will about the ending vocals." Liar. He tells himself, he knows exactly why he put those in, but it certainly wasn't something he was willing to share. Not when it held such a personal meaning, not when it all linked back to Louis.

"Alright then, next question. People are quite caught up in the music notes in the interlude in Golden, again an unexpected feature to the song certainly not unwelcome, Ellie, on Twitter has asked 'Golden seems to tell the story of reminiscing of a positive relationship, but I want to know the relevance between the lyrics and the 28 musical notes in the song?' Any comment Mr. Styles?"

He paused, if only for a moment under the persistent red light that signaled the recording camera and weight of knowing that thousands of people were likely listening to his next words.

"I wanted something, again, that would spice up the song and introduce a new element to my music. I think one of the beautiful things about the album, and it applies to practically all the songs on it, is that it can be interpreted in whatever way the listener likes. I wouldn't want to define someone's experience of the songs by giving it a definite meaning." And ok, fully skirt around a straight answer to the question. But it would do, in the heat of the moment that was the best possible response he could think of.

"Cryptic but we like it." Nick said, nodding his head as is eyes dropped to read the next question. "Moving on, Viviane wants to know 'Who are the main musical influencers behind the album?'"

Now this one was easy, something he could answer honestly. "I think a few people know this now, but I had the privilege of having Stevie Nicks listen through the album, I've always been a huge Fleetwood Mac fan so that was truly something special. Ah, I love Pink Floyd, perhaps some of the more unique sounds and style of some of the songs could be linked back to their influence, ah, Rolling Stones, The Beatles, listened to a lot of their music during the writing process. Some Van Morrison, Paul Simon, Mick Jagger, those kinds of figures." He trails off towards the end, not wanting to ramble but struggles to contain the slight joy in reminiscing hot summer nights in California with writers and his bandmates as they'd sung through hundreds of those artists songs.

"Ok, some great musicians in that midst that's for sure. Now last fan question here Harry, Olivia wants to know, 'What is a special memory you have from the writing process of Fine Line?'"

"Ah, biting off the end of my tongue certainly wasn't one of the greatest moments. A lot of people have made sure to bring that up, especially this past week!" He begins and a few laughs from behind the camera can be heard, Nick flashing him a wide grin, "But one particular moment would be the writing of To Be So Lonely when my good friend, and guitarist, Mitch Rowlands, sent through a voice memo of him strumming this melody and I got hooked on it right away. He came over after he sent it and we wrote the entire song just based off that melody. That was a pretty cool afternoon."

"Ok well we're going to have a short break now and play for you a very special, radio premier of one of the latest non-single tracks from Fine Line. This is the infamous, Sunflower Volume. 6! We'll be back soon for more of a chat with Harry Styles!" The recording lights switched off the moment the opening chords of the song began and Harry slumped down in his chair just slightly, raising his hand to run it through his styled hair. "You minx!" Nick called across to him, that same wide grin plastered across his face as Harry met his gaze, "Dodging those questions like that."

"It was partially true." He mumbles back, a twitch arising in the lower corner of his mouth that he firmly tells himself not to let break out into a smile.

"Uhh huh, all those years of media training and that's the best you can come up with?"

"I may not have spent a lot of time reading through the questions in the dressing room." He mutters back and notices Jeff smiling at him encouragingly from  behind the various camera equipment.

He barely gets a moment to take a sip from the bottle of water an assistant hands him, which he promptly thanks her for, before the warning lights for returning to air comes on and he's back into the media trained Harry Styles mode.

~~~~

His meeting with Jeff following the radio interview doesn't last very long. Jeff receives a call barely fifteen minutes in and he has to leave to deal with a situation across London. It doesn't bother him that much, apparently the meeting set for tomorrow mid-day isn't going to be all that important, more just a catch up of sorts, so there wasn't much to go over anyways.

It does however, mean that he can text Gemma, who'd driven down to London early that morning, and say that he's free for the rest of the day and asks her where they want to meet up. Her reply comes back moments later, the small café she mentions barely a ten-minute drive from Jeff's work place where'd they'd gone to have the supposed meeting. He wanders outside into the still drizzling London street, his car parked just across the road on the side path but he still runs across the empty street in hopes of not getting too wet.

He makes it to the secluded coffee shop before Gemma. Inside he can see about a dozen people seated already, milling about their day. Reaching behind him he pulls out an umbrella he'd been wise enough to through in the back seat of his Range Rover earlier that morning before stepping out onto the side walk.

A bell rings above his head as he pushes the door open into the main room. He's been here once before, early last year he thinks but he barely remembers anything more of the small shop aside from the cute little section in the upstairs seating area.

While his dress is perhaps a little more flamboyant than most other occupants in the room, he'd thrown a big black coat over his silk shirt, he barely receives a glance from anyone as he orders and makes his way upstairs. Pulling out his phone he sends a quick message to his sister telling her where he'd headed so she wouldn't be left searching for him when she arrives. He figures she must be driving as no reply comes as he settles down into a small booth near the large windows at the front of the story, a level above the sidewalk outside.

He remembers then that he'd yet to reply to Liam yesterday, so he goes to grab his phone from his pocket once more and rests his forearms against the wooden table with a glass coating as he opens the messenger app on his phone.

Have you spoken with Louis yet?

And... right. This is why he hadn't answered. He didn't exactly feel like rehearsing what he admitted to Sarah and Ny yesterday, especially when he'd yet to actually reach out to Louis still. But he knew that Liam deserved an answer.

Not yet. Will do so later today, have been busy.

He sends it before he can chicken out and change his mind but then reads through the text and feels slightly guilty.

Look forward to seeing you tmrw though, need to catch up properly before next month.

He quickly shoots off before Liam can see the previous message. Because despite everything between Louis and him, he misses the boys, Zayn included. The easy going nature that had developed over the years that they had spent together.

Sounds good, make sure you do contact him – see you tmrw H!

Liam's reply comes back swiftly and he just has enough time to read through the message when Gemma slips into the booth beside him.

He glances up, startled by her sudden arrival as he looks up to find a wide smile gracing her features. "Hey stranger!" She says as she pulls him into a hug and he quickly wraps his arms firmly around her.

"Long time no see." He says when they finally pull away from each other.

"I saw you last week!"

And she had, he'd flown her out to California, her and his mum, to watch his first live performance of the show, but the both of them had had to fly back to the UK the following day because of work.

"True, but doesn't mean I can't miss my favourite sibling." He answers back cheekily and she lightly hits the back of her hand against his arm.

"I'm your only sibling you twat!"

"Exactly." He replies with a grin as a waiter  arrives at their table with the drinks they'd both ordered.

"So how are you feeling about tomorrow?" Gemma asks him after they'd both taken a long sip from their smoothies. Somehow both of them had managed to order the same smoothie.

"Mixed emotions I guess." He admits honestly, and that's one of the things he's always valued the most about Gemma. That he could be undyingly honest with her about anything and everything, and that he knew she'd sit and listen to everything he had to say. She'd been one of the only people he'd opened up to about the full truth of Louis and his break up, her and his mum. "I'm not quite sure yet. Sarah and Liam want me to contact Louis tonight though. So we have a chance to talk before we see each other tomorrow." Because he and Gemma both knew that whilst he'd exchanged the odd text message with Louis in the past three years, it would be the first time they were actually going to see each other in person since 2016.

"I think that's really good idea H. If you go in tomorrow with zero communication, I think we both know it will end awkwardly. I know it's been a while, but he was your best friend, for years, even when you were together, you told each other everything. You both know each other so well; I don't think it's fair on either of you to suddenly race back into each other's lives when things are so distant between you two. Even just a simple conversation before tomorrow. I know it's going to be hard H, but I think it's something that just has to be done."

"I know you're right, Sarah practically said the same thing but just... what do I even say?" And he thinks for a moment how much he hates that one sentence. That Louis was the love of his life and his best friend and he couldn't figure out any words to say to him. He'd written countless songs about their relationship, framed multiple things in his life around moments and things about Louis, despite how much he tried to convince himself weren't because of him. Yet, the thought of ringing Louis in just a few hours sent him into a state of near panic. How on earth was he going to actually face him tomorrow?

"I don't know H, you'll figure it out. It's Louis we're talking about here." She says with a kind smile.

"I just... can we change the topic. I don't want to think about this all right now."

Something in Gemma's eyes change, and Harry hates that he knows its sympathy shinning back at him, he doesn't want sympathy, he wants the thought of communicating with his ex, touring with him, being back in a band with him, practically living with him, to feel normal. To feel as though he's not drowning. Not when it hasn't even started yet.

But Gemma, amazing, beautiful Gemma, does exactly what he asks, promptly changing the subject. Telling him all about her new design ideas for her business and where she plans on travelling to when summer finally arises. Carefully avoiding any mention of the tour shows she'll no doubt come too.

They spend two hours in the restaurant, the first time in two months that he's properly been able to catch up with his sister before she finally tells him that she has a meeting in half an hour and needs to leave. They part ways at the entrance to the café, thankfully the rain having eased right off sometime during their catch up. He walks over to her car with her and with one final hug goodbye, he watches as she climbs into her vehicle and drives off.