Chapter Thirty Two

Willow, their tour choreographer sighs at them as she watches on for the tenth most time that morning the five of them stumble around the stage. As uncoordinated together now as they once had been. Being back on stage with four other lead singers is a strange dynamic for him, he's so use to commanding most of the attention on stage now from being a solo artist that now he has to go back to fitting in around others is odd.

They won't be beginning stage rehearsals at Wimberley till four days before opening night so for the time being they've been rehearsing on a makeshift version of the actual stage in a smaller, closed off venue in downtown London.

It's their fourth day in the studio, their final stage design having passed two days ago and they're now mid way through the setlist choreo. Remembering the places they had to be in was similar to running a mind marathon each time they ran through what they'd created so far. They'd at least, whilst doing tour promo, finalized all their parts in each song so that was one less thing they had to focus on. Instead he fumbled his way across to stage left, in time for the second verse of Walking in The Wind.

"Louis, I swear to everything that is holy, if you don't get your arse over to that box..." Willow threatens though her tone is light and teasing, Louis flips her off before darting over to the little 'x' marked out on stage, one of the hundreds that is.

In the two weeks since they'd returned from PortMeirion everything had gone better than he'd hoped. The five of them had caught up every couple days, either in studio rehearsing over each of the songs and transitions with the band, or going around to one another's houses to do so. He'd gotten to know Michael better as well, the guitarist, though quite was someone he'd come to quite like and had enjoyed having them around. Having Sandy rejoin them had also been great, certainly now that he brought his kids round every so often which was some of the best days without a doubt.

Undoubtedly however, the best part of the past few weeks was the time he'd spent with Louis. He couldn't help but feel especially draw to him now that they'd opened up about so much. They spent most nights or afternoons together now, not yet venturing out into London's streets but tucking away inside, sometimes watching movies or otherwise simply talking. They still hadn't progressed further into any sort of relationship, but they'd spent long nights hanging around one another, lazily strung out in either of their living rooms catching up on everything they'd missed in each others lives for the past four years. It had been so aching familiar and comforting that he'd not minded that neither of them had suggested going any further just yet. They were still finding their feet around one another and even just learning the most basic things about Louis, or his family's life in the time they'd been apart had been a blessing for him.

"I swear this is like herding cows, why on earth did I agree to come back to this?" Zayn says though only half serious and Niall wanders over to him, throws an arm around Zayn's and declares promptly, "Because you love us and have coped terribly in our absence."

They all snort at that, even Willow cracks a smile not able to resist Niall Horan.

Rehearsal continues for another hour or so before they are finally all walking out to their separate cars. Calling goodbyes to each of them he slides into the driver's seat of his car and pulls out onto the mildly busy London streets.

Pulling into a parking space in mostly quiet street he locks the car behind him after grabbing his coat to ward off the slight chill in the air still evident from the last remaining shreds of winter and heads for the café perched on the street corner. He doesn't really know where he is, only that he needs a coffee otherwise he doesn't know how he'll make it through the merchandise meeting he has later this afternoon.

The café is only half full, an older couple perched happily by the window front and several others dotted around tables elsewhere. He keeps his head down, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair and walks towards the front counter.

The woman behind it is perhaps a couple years younger than him and her hands come to a blundering halt where she was busy scribbling down notes from an open workbook, a uni student then. Her head tilts up when she notices him walking towards her and he sees the moment her eyes widen as she recognizes who he is.

She's friendly as he orders, dutifully smiling at him as he hands over a few pounds for his latte and goes to take a seat near the back of the room. It's artsy in here, a dozen or so abstract photographs hanging on the walls and wooden shelves lined with candles, books and potted plants.

His phone dings in his pocket and a message lights up his screen once he's pulled it out.

So you're aware, Clifford doesn't approve.

Louis' message reads and he laughs as he opens the image Louis had sent through with the text. There's Clifford laying with an unamused expression on Louis' football pitch in his backyard, a green scarf which Harry recognizes instantly as his from years prior wrapped around Clifford's ears.

Shame, it suits him. Green always looks good in dark curls.

He sends back before he can think better of it, knowing very well how much Louis had once appreciated those head scarfs. How or why he still has one of Harry's scarves is beyond him, though he can't say he minds it all that much.

"Excuse me?" A slightly shaky voice asks and he glances up to find a fifteen year old stood apprehensively before him. He usually notices quickly when people are coming up to him but he'd been to distracted by the picture of Clifford to have done so this time. He smiles at the young girl who is wringing her hands uncertainly. "I'm really sorry to disturb you...

"It's fine love, what's your name?"

"Viviane."

"Lovely to meet you Viviane, I'm Harry." He says despite having a high suspicion she's well aware of who he is but he introduces himself regardless.

"Yeah, I ahh, know, I'm a huge fan. I know you're probably trying to have some time for yourself and I don't want to keep you long I just..." She trails off nervously. He waits patiently as she finds her words, knowing after much experience that some people struggle to talk to others or find being around him hard to properly communicate what they wish to say. He's learnt to stay silent and wait for them to find their way rather than try with small talk which only ever usually makes them more anxious. "I've loved all of you in One Direction since I was eight, my friends all thought I was really weird for liking a boyband and so I guess I kinda hid it for years. Then when you all went solo and you've gone on to become who you are, I felt like I found a new voice and had someone I could look up too and realise my worth and find who I am. I know that probably sounds really silly but I," She pauses again after her rush of words, "I found the courage to come out to my parents and brother as lesbian because of you. It took a while longer to do so around my friends but I was really scared for years because of what I felt and I didn't know how the people around me would react. I was so torn with what I was feeling until I went to one of your shows in 2017 and I just felt like I was safe and I could be who I wanted for the first time in my life. I'm really sorry for all you've gone through, in the press and stuff about who they've made you out to be because there are thousands of us you'll never meet but have changed our lives so I wanted to say thank you." She meets his eyes for the first time then, certainty in her words and he feels speechless. "I know you really appreciate all your fans but I don't think even you realise just what an incredible impact you've had on so many people. I can't thank you enough for being the one I turned to when I felt alone and scared, someone I could look towards and think that if he can express himself so openly to the world, then maybe I can too."

Blinking away the feeling of tears gathering in his eyes he stands on shaking legs and stops before her. She's slight and he has to almost crouch so that he can see her properly.

"Can I give you a hug?" He asks, a tremor running through his voice and she nods, tears in her own eyes as she throws her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly. "I'm really proud of you Viviane, really, really proud.

"You've given me so much happiness, I hope you're happy too Harry."

~~~~

"Can't believe you still have that thing framed." Louis comments the second he steps through into Harry's living room the following evening.

"You're telling me you don't have a framed copy of this hanging somewhere in your house?"

"Absolutely not!" Louis cries as he steps closer to the framed version of What Makes You Beautiful certifying going platinum.

"Liar." He retorts and at the smile that tugs on Louis' lips Harry knows he's caught him out on his lie.

"So is this an in dinner night kind of thing or are we ordering something?" Louis asks as they both walk into the kitchen.

"You don't remember the last time we ordered food and tried to make it look like we'd actually made it for my mum?" Harry questions, quirking his brow at Louis from across the kitchen as he flicks on the oven to pre heat it.

"Good point." The last time, well the only time they'd ever done that was back in 2014, when they'd both just flown back into London for a week off. They'd both been exhausted and had almost collapsed on the sofas of the lounge in their old house as a result. But Anne and Robin had been coming over that night, the only time it would have been possible to see them both so they'd panicked and ordered take out. Tried to present it like they'd actually made it themselves, or more that Harry had made it as Louis really couldn't cook to save himself back then. Anne had taken one look at the food dished out across the plate and burst out laughing, had known with that one simple look. Safe to say they'd never tried that one again.

It had been his mum's idea for Louis to join them all tonight. Harry had been speaking to her a lot as he always did but had been trying to make a conscious effort to not let slip his and Louis' development as this was still such early days. Of course Anne had seen through his words in a second and had just sighed through the phone two nights ago when he'd last rung, her words of 'Louis better be at dinner or else Gems and I are boycotting' and that had been that.

Louis had faltered only slightly when Harry had rung him the next morning inviting him for the dinner, but had agreed nonetheless.

Anne and Gemma had always adored Louis, and Harry was quite convinced that Anne had never thought of Louis as anything less than her second son.

"So what is on the agenda for tonight then?"

"This first of all." He says pulling a very expensive bottle of red wine from his collection.

"Are you trying to get me drunk Styles?" Louis questions with a smirk and he has to turn away from the look when he feels heat pool inside of him. Really not the time.

"I'd get the tequila out if I wanted to get you drunk Tomlinson."

"Vodka might work better." Louis pours them both a tall glass of red anyway.

He gives a lop-sided smile as he pulls out various ingredients to begin making dinner. He doesn't even bother asking Louis to help him, not trusting for a second that his cooking skills are actually any better than they were for the five years they were together.

"What are you thinking about when this is all over?"

"Haven't even started tour and you wanna talk about when it's over?" Louis remarks swirling liquid around in the wine glass.

"You know how quickly these things go, one minute you're walking out for the first show then the next you're saying the final goodbye."

"I don't know. Haven't really thought that far ahead to be honest." Louis says with a shrug.

"Would you tour your album?"

"Maybe. Or perhaps just start on the next one, think I'll have a few things to write about by then."

"And what about us?" He realises the second meaning behind those words and quickly rushes to say, "The band I mean."

"Dunno. I guess we'll see how tour goes but I'd be keen for another album."

"As a band?" He questions, having not really thought much about making one all together again.

"Yeah, I mean why not? We're all more mature now and it would be one last tribute to everyone who stuck with us."

"What are the others thoughts on this?"

"Don't really know at this stage, I've spoken to Zayn about it and he seems a bit on the fence. Still unsure know he knows who he is as an artist which is fair as I suppose we've all changed a lot, have different styles."

"We came together to do it once before, I think it would be fun trying to mesh together to create an album now we are as we are."

"You reckon?" Louis asks and he nods.

"I mean why not, what have we got to lose?"

"Our sanity and perhaps even our dignities." Louis comments dryly and he barks a laugh.

"Since when have you ever turned down a challenge?"

"Never."

"Exactly."

A comfortable silence falls over them as he continues slicing vegetables and creating a sauce to go with the meat for the others to have. Louis having picked up his phone to connect to his Bluetooth sound system, hardly surprised when he hears Oasis start to play quietly through the speakers in his kitchen. But Champagne Supernova has been his favourite Oasis song since he was ten so he supposes it isn't so bad.

"I met a fan yesterday, in a café not far from the rehearsal studio." Louis looks up at him expectedly, waiting for him to continue. "It's still something when someone comes up to you and tells you how much you've changed their life."

"One of those ones huh?" Louis asks softly, knowing exactly what it feels like to have someone like Avena come up to them and tell them what they've done for them without even knowing that person. It's overwhelming at the best of times, but yesterday had been a reminder of how much he cherishes his life.

"She was lovely, only fifteen or so."

"Still wish I could go back and tell me sixteen-year-old self how many lives would be affected by who I've become." Louis says with a scoff.

"I wish I could go back and tell sixteen-year-old me how much my life would change because of you."

"The contract with Eleanor ends in July." The knife he'd grabbed to begin slicing the chicken clatters against the granite chopping board and he quickly fumbled to pick it up once more.

"What?!" He blunders, "But I thought you were trapped till December..."

"I've been working on getting it to end for months, finally got the all clear from my lawyer this morning."

"Louis..." He says frozen in place and Louis slumps down in the bench chair and gives out a low laugh.

"Finally be fucking free."

"How did you... when do you... are you going to... who else knows?" He finally stammers.

"No one." Louis admits. "Lottie comes up to London tomorrow so I'm gonna tell her then, I'll call the rest of the brood afterwards." In this moment he doesn't think he's ever been more in love with this man.

"What are you going to do?" He doesn't have to expand further with his question, knows Louis knows what he means.

"I'm not sure yet, think I'll just take some time to really figure out how I want to do things."

"Wait so that means you're gonna come out?" He asks, has to hear it directly from Louis.

"Yeah." Louis admits breathily, "Think I've stayed hidden in the closet long enough now."

He drops the knife purposefully this time round. Striding around the kitchen bench only to engulf Louis in his arms.

"I'm so proud of you Louis, so fucking proud." He realises that's the second time in twenty-four hours he's told someone who proud he is of someone admitting to who they really are. And knows he meant both admissions with everything he has.

"I'm really scared." Louis whispers so quietly he almost doesn't catch the words.

"I know you are, but I'm gonna be right here with you the whole time. I'm always going to be here for you, through everything. I know what this means to you and how long you've waited to be free. I'm so fucking proud of how you've become Lou. Watching you grow up from when I first met you at sixteen has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I know these past few years have been shit between us, but you've been my best friend since I was sixteen and nothing is going to change that. I love you Lou and I'm so proud of who you've become."

He can hear the tears behind Louis words when he mumbles a "Thank you" into where his head his buried into Harry's shoulder.

They don't move from there for a long while. He runs soothing strokes across Louis' back as he waits for Louis to settle. He's just beginning to think Louis' breathing is returning to normal when the doorbell sounds.

"Go." Louis says almost pushing him away playfully, an attempted smile on his lips but Louis won't met his eyes and he knows this conversation is one they need to revisit.