Chapter Four

Louis had sent him an address almost across to the other side of London in Hertfordshire. Surprisingly, he'd managed to sleep through most the night and Harry at least felt that the tiredness he'd first felt arriving in London was slowly ebbing away.

It was 8:57. He'd never been fond of being late, unlike someone. But he'd been sitting in his car across the street from Louis home for the past five minutes, his body refusing to move. His knuckles clenched against the steering wheel, and it was a conscious effort to relax them before they turned white.

He was nearing twenty six, are a world famous musician who's performed in front of millions, have been faced with countless media hounding's and impossible deadlines but somehow, sitting in front of his semi-bandmates' house, who also happened to be his ex-boyfriend, brought on more fear than any of that.

He was being silly at this point. Things hadn't ended in a fight, there had been no drama between the two of them, just heartbreak. The last time he'd seen Louis was at his 2016 X – Factor performance, and he'd come yes to see Louis, but mainly to support him through losing Jay, and they'd be fine. In fact, Louis had even pulled him in for a tight hug and whispered thank you. There was no reason he should be considering driving out of the city and forgetting all responsibilities he has. None.

And with that final thought he opens his car door and steps out into the frigid air. At least the rain had held off for today he thought to himself as he plunged his hands into his large sweater which acted more as a blanket than a real protection from the elements.

Louis' house was exactly as Harry thought it would be. Two stories of an elegant, yet comfortable styled home, much different than the three properties he owned across London but he liked it all the same.

A locked gateway greeted him as he wandered towards the property, he hesitated only briefly before pressing the buzzer and waited. There was a click and the sound of an electronic lock being moved when the gate light flicked from red to green and he gave the gate a gentle push.

There was a small pathway which lead up to the main house, as the property was slightly north of London, there was a lot more space for features such as a front garden. The neighbouring houses were over a fair lot, and judging from the garden which wrapped around either side of the house, there was also space behind the house for a backyard.

All of this flashed through Harry's mind by the time he'd made it across the pathway and up to the front door. He fought the slight shake in his hands as he pressed the doorbell and stepped back decisively from the front door.

Immediately, the sound of barking and scattering paws could be heard from inside. Growing louder as two large shapes' shadows appeared behind the thick coated glass either side of the main door.

"Oi!" A muffed shout could be heard from inside. "Fuckin' rude of ya." An all too familiar northern voice mumbled from behind the closed door and Harry honestly wanted the ground to swallow him in this moment. He could hear Louis' footsteps nearing the door but it did little to prepare him for when the door swung open and Louis stood there before him.

He'd changed, well... hadn't, but he looked... older? More mature? His hair had grown since Harry had last seen him, the brown locks falling to just below his ears and appeared to have had hands brush through it numerous times. Louis was still just as heartachingly beautiful as he'd remembered but seeing him actually in person was like a direct punch to the gut. He thought he'd spend the rest of his life with the person before him, but he felt for a moment like he was standing in front of a stranger. Louis is wearing a simply short sleeve black top and grey joggers, exactly as he always had when he was comfortable at home.

He restrained himself from physically shaking his head to clear his thoughts. He was past this. Them talking this morning was much needed clarification, not for his traitorous mind to take in every part of Louis that he missed desperately.

The moment the door had opened, and he'd been given a brief glance of Louis, he was quickly brought out of his daze by two bundles of overexcitement bounding into him. He laughed down at the two dogs. One with curly black fur and white splotches across his paws whilst the other dog was slightly smaller, with curly dirty blonde fur.

"Hi." Harry said, his own voice sounding low and slightly uneven, even to him.

"Hi yourself." Louis said back, and whatever inner turmoil Harry was facing, Louis seemed unaffected. His eyes were clear and there was the smallest hint of a smile on his face. Harry wondered for a moment whether it was the right thing for him to hug Louis in greeting, even a fucking handshake, but the moment passed before he could make up his mind with Louis stepping aside from the door to let Harry inside.

"Nice place." Harry murmured as he made way into a large open room with a simple yet smart arrangement of living room furniture on his right, a medium sized kitchen to his left and a huge ground level veranda before him which, sure enough opened up into a huge field with a large amount of space for two football goals to be set up and a small cluster of trees which hid the property from the neighbouring land. And it was all just very Louis. From the simple, yet upmarket layout of the house, to the football field, to even the clustered frames of various football matches, artistic photos describing each, and a mess of random family photos spanning several years.

"Cheers." He vaguely registered Louis replying to his comment as he headed straight for the kitchen but Harry paused as his eye caught on several of the photos strung across the photo wall. Half of them where the five of them together, only one without Zayn. All in which they were smiling like fools, private moments still somehow caught on camera over the years. Even one he knew had been taken as the five of them had piled on top of one another on their very first night in the X – Factor house. But there, amongst the photos of Louis with his family, and even the ones of the other boys, was a single photo of Louis and Harry. He couldn't picture in his mind where exactly the image was, but there was Harry, perhaps three years into the band when his hair was just starting to get longer, arm casually thrown around Louis' shoulders as he beamed at the camera, his eyes bright with happiness. And beside him, tucked right into his side, was Louis. But he wasn't looking at the camera, his head was turned. And he was looking directly at Harry.

He fought the rising tightness in his throat, turning away from the picture which conveyed so much more and briskly walked to the kitchen bench.

"Congrats on the album by the way, s'fuckin amazing!" Louis says from where he was rummaging through one of the drawers and Harry just wasn't ready for that. He'd listen to the album, already? Well shit.

"Thanks, it's nice to have it out there you know." He replied instead, pulling out one of bench chairs and setting his keys and phone down atop the bench. Anything to keep him distracted from the fact that he was actually here, after four years, he was sitting in Louis' home attempting to sort through whatever this was.

"Gemma sent me a recording of it you know." Louis says, his back mostly turned to him but he swears he catches the brief uplift of his lips before his face is fully hidden from view. And oh, he was gonna get Gemma back for that later.

"Did she now? I didn't realise you two still kept in contact." He adds, as an afterthought under muted breath.

Louis didn't respond, instead he turns back round to face him and sets down a steaming cup of tea down before Harry, his own cup gripped firmly in his right hand. He hadn't had a Louis made tea in over four years, and at just once glance of tea that had just a dash of milk and he guessed half a teaspoon of sugar, his stomach dropped.

"How you feeling about everything, next year I mean." He asks, attempting to move the subject away from the fact that almost his entire album was inspired by the very man before him. He's trying to be friends, after all these years apart from Louis' life, there's so much he needs to learn about the man he'd been so enraptured with before he can even begin to feel at ease around him. And if sitting here now, having what in any other scenario would be a normal conversation with someone, but with the air practically static around them, he soldiers through it. Normalcy. That's what he's fighting for. Even if that means giving the very conversation they so desperately need to have to progress to that point a wide birth, cause Harry is just not ready for that. Not when he's only just coming back into Louis' life. In whatever way that currently is.

"Excited really, I mean, s'gonna be weird innit? Touring with everyone when we've spent so long apart." And Harry tries not to think of the other meaning, tries, and fails. So long apart indeed.

"Yeah we've all changed a fair bit, getting back into being on stage with you lot is gonna take some time to get used to again." And this is fine, he can totally have this conversation.

"You decided which of your songs you're gonna perform?"

"I wanna see how the meeting goes today, and perhaps a few of the ones next month before I really decide. Still feels a bit surreal coming back together when we've spent so long now as solo artists."

"Yeah," Louis says bringing the cup to his lips and staring almost dazed out into the football field, "I know what ya mean." There's a heavy pause before, "Niall would have me head if we didn't come back though." And Harry has to look away at the fond smile that lights up Louis' entire face. "Still, will be nice having Zayn back with us."

"What?" Harry blunders out without a moment's hesitation, his head whipping back around to Louis'.

"Didn't you know? Spoke to Zayn this morning, he's gonna be there today, flew in t' London last night."

"He's actually coming back?" Harry asks, still dumbfounded.

"Took a bit of convincing, but I got him round in the end. Made him realise what he'd be missing out on. You know, now we're out from Modest!, s'gonna be different this time round."

And sure, Harry knew that Louis had forgiven Zayn long ago, despite the fairly rough patch they had been through, but he didn't ever stop to think that Louis and Zayn had truly gone back to being close friends, as they had been all along in the band. "That's fucking great news."

"Jeff's still as I remember him you know." Louis says after another pregnant silence.

"You've spoken with him?"

"Couple days ago. He called, said he just wanted to touch base before everything really ramps up, but I reckon he's trying to see how I was feelin', you know, at the fact we'll be back touring together." And Harry knows that the 'we' isn't all the boys, it's that it's Louis touring with Harry.

"We've had four years to move past that, how hard could this be?" Harry tries, but even he can hear how unconvincing his own words sound. It doesn't stop the slow blink Louis gives him, as though he doesn't catch on to the pain in Harry's voice. But it's not important, Louis was the one to end things. And even those his words are a lie, that he is hurting so much right now that he barely thinks he's breathing, he needs to be here. To get through this without falling to pieces.

Louis hums in agreement and doesn't say anything more. Harry uses the lingering stretch of silence to raise the cup of tea before him and take a sip. He doesn't know what it is that makes Louis' tea so special, he's never been able to replicate it and the moment he takes his first sips he forces down the feeling of familiarity and comfort that arises within him. The flood of memories from lazy days spent in bed or curled on the sofa together, writing music, watching films, travelling the length of world time and time again together.

He blinks away the memories, eyes skimming over the text that flashes across his screen from his mum.

"How is she?" Louis asks suddenly and it startles him. At the inquisitive glance he shares to Louis the older man flickers his eyes to his phone screen, "Anne."

"Oh, yeah she's doing well. She flew out to Cali with Gem for the show last week. But she's doing good." Louis nods once, and nothing, Harry thinks solemnly, speaks more about how much time has passed than talking about their families, "How are the girls?" He asks instead.

"Coping, I guess." Louis says and the bright smile that had been there not a few minutes ago was long gone. A spark of pain now lingered in his eye. Because, right. Fizzy. "Daisy has a boyfriend you know," Louis says after a long pause and his lips quirk up just slightly, "Fuckin' arsehole."

And Harry smiles at that, because Louis had always been overly protective of his sisters, and the mere fact that he was using humour right now at least meant he was trying. It had always been a slight coping mechanism for Louis, his humour, but he was trying, and that mattered.

"She's a smart girl, she'll figure him out soon enough. And if he isn't worth it, she'll leave him." He says before properly thinking through his words and freezes the moment they're out of his mouth, because... shit.

"Harry I..." Louis starts, fulling looking at him now, his eyes pained, "I didn't... it wasn't because..."

"It's fine Louis, sorry I just, it slipped out." Because he really, really, wasn't ready for this conversation. Not with this being his first time seeing Louis in person in three years.

They fall back into that tense silence, and Harry positively despises it. With everything that he is, he hates that even though Louis was, is, the love of his life, he can barely be in the same room as him without it feeling so uncomfortable, so unnatural. They'd been best friends before they were together, that hadn't changed when they'd entered into their relationship though. He'd always thought of Louis as his best friend right from those early days of them in the band. The fact that they were sat here now, with what felt like the entire world between them was almost unbearable. How the fuck did he think he was going to manage going on tour with him?

"Me album comes out end of next month you know." Louis finally offers and Harry looks back to him.

"That's amazing Louis, I'm really happy for you."

"Figured it had been long enough in the works."

Harry had listened to all of the limited music that Louis had released. Easily the most memorable was Miss You where Gemma had had to actually confiscate both Harry's phone and laptop from him for an entire week because he'd refused to stop replaying it. And at nearly a year and a half after their breakup, Harry didn't think he'd cried as much as he had that week since those first two months.

"You read through the email Liam's manager sent through last night about offering song options?"

"Yeah, I went through it a bit last night, was doing so when I got your text after I tried ringing you actually."

"Any thoughts?"

"Hey Angel and Infinity were always two of my favourites, especially to play stadium shows so I put those in me list." And Harry seriously has to grip the edge of the kitchen bench because those were the exact two songs he'd been mentioned not two days ago. "Other than that, I reckon I'd like to do at least half of the songs from AM, the album that is, and only two or three from the others. But with all our solo music out I don't reckon we're gonna get the stage time."

"It's gonna be hectic that's for sure." Harry says with a small smile.

"It's us five boys, when has it ever not been hectic?" Louis says, that same bright smile returning and Harry swears his heart clenches at the sight.

"Good point." Louis' smile falls after a moment and there's a long moment where it's just the two of them staring at each other.

"I get we've been outside each others' lives for a long time now but it honestly just feels really fuckin weird you sitting here and it's like we're strangers to each other."

"Yeah that's honestly how I'm feeling right about now."

"I just... if we want this not to be weird I think we should probably become friends again you know? Not that we weren't ever its just... do you get what I'm tryna say?"

"So that we aren't sitting here awkward as fuck with each other when we were once together for five years?"

"Yeah." Louis breathes out with a small laugh and it's the first time he's heard anything remotely similar to Louis' laugh in years. "Just like, where have you been, what've you been up to you know? Just, stuff we should know about each others lives?"

"I went back to Jamaica." He starts, and that stills all of Louis' movements, his half-drunk tea momentarily forgotten in his hand. "I wrote my first album there, needed to get away you know? I have a pretty fucking awesome band too now, you'd like them. This tour is gonna feel kinda weird without them, I'm pretty close with two of them in particular, Mitch and Sarah. First solo tour was absolutely terrifying, spent most of the first several shows shaking in all honestly, it got easier after that though. But it was just so strange without you guys up there with me."

"You mean you miss the ripped skinny jeans and band tees we always wore?" Louis says in a deadpan voice, and Harry cracks a smile.

"Don't forget the water fights."

"Fuck you remember when Liam almost broke his dam back when he jumped onto one of those platforms?" Louis continues and Harry definitely remembers.

"I distinctively remember your and Niall's games of hide and seek on our toilet breaks."

"Hey! That Boston show was not my fault, I fucking swear Paul was in on it, bloody traitor."

"Louis you searched almost the whole backstage for him and missed half of the next song before you realised that Niall was actually back onstage."

"He still didn't fuckin' win that one, he cheated." Louis says with an actual pout on his face and Harry thinks he might just melt right there. "Anyway, we're getting distracted, you were saying?"

"Well I spent a lot of time in LA after that, guess I just wanted some real time away from London. But I've been back here a lot recently, think I'll stay over this side of the Atlantic once we're finished with this tour."

"You're not gonna solo tour Fine Line?"

"Not like I did with my debut. I feel like I'll be ready to write my third album by then. I've already talked to management and Jeff about doing small, solo performances even whilst we tour, think Niall's thinking of doing the same thing. We're gonna discuss that today I think, what with my album out, yours next month and Niall's latest one coming soon enough. Makes sense. Otherwise, I think I'll need a break, some time to cool off after coming down from tour you know?"

"Yeah, I get that." And of course Louis does, because they'd spent five years together. He knew how draining touring and performing multiple times every week was and how it just exhausted you, despite how much you might love it.

He's about to continue when the shrill sound of a phone rings. He glances down at his own, his mums message the last notification on the screen and realizes it must be Louis'.

"Sorry, I really gotta take this." Louis says glancing up from the phone he's pulled from his joggers' pocket.

"Course."

Louis disappears from the main living space, headed for the small corridor behind the kitchen which he assumed lead up the stairway and to the second floor. Louis' voice becomes more distant, his thick northern accent slowly ebbing away as his footsteps can be heard making their way upstairs and Harry is left in relative silence.