Chapter 19

"Is the coast clear or I have to come back again tomorrow?" Lisa asked, holding a white handkerchief on her hand and waved it inside Chaeyoung's half-opened door.

"What one earth! Come in, you silly!" Chaeyoung said from inside her office. She stifled an awkward laughter. A good omen, Lisa hoped.

"About time!" Lisa exclaimed as she stepped inside Chaeyoung's small office. "You know, if you still wouldn't want to talk to me today, I would have seriously break down your door and barged in, whether you like it or not. How are you?" Lisa demanded before looking around at all the mess that Chaeyoung created and halted on her steps.

There were balls of crumpled papers scattered on the floor, around the half-empty tin waste basket at the corner. Her table was unorganized, the little plant that Chaeyoung have nurtured was dying and Chaeyoung, herself, was a mess.

Her hair was dishevelled. Her clothing was unmatched. Dark rings were visible around her eyes. She haven't even put a makeup on. And she looked sad, exhausted and embarrassed.

"Okay, don't answer that," Lisa said and walked towards Chaeyoung's table, where a huge sketch pad was lying open, showing Lisa an unfinished artwork of a flower that seriously looked like an eyeball from another angle. An empty cup was placed next to it, surrounded by pens and pencils of different colors.

"Why don't you sit down, Lis?" Chaeyoung suggested, pointing at the empty chair in front of her table. Even her voice sounded exhausted and hoarse.

But Lisa walked towards the small, red sofa on the other side of the room, barely a couple of meters away from Chaeyoung's table and flopped herself on the soft upholstery.

"Thanks, but I'd rather sit here. I love this sofa," Lisa said, intently looking at Chaeyoung, trying to catch her bestfriend's eyes.

"Of course, you do. You bought that, anyway," Chaeyoung responded, rolling her eyes.

It's been a week since Lisa saw Chaeyoung. A week after the scuffle that took place inside the Orange between Chaeyoung and Jisoo.

Chaeyoung have been intentionally avoiding Lisa. She would always have an excuse not to see Lisa when Lisa would pay a visit in her office, in the bar or in her residence. She did not even bother replying Lisa's messages and answering Lisa's calls.

"What have you been doing lately?" Lisa asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Thinking, I guess," Chaeyoung answered, staring at the white ceiling. Her interlaced fingers were resting above her abdomen.

"That doesn't look like you were just thinking," Lisa said, pointing at the balls of crumpled papers on the floor.

"What do you want me to say, Lisa? Repenting? Regretting? Lamenting? Because that's actually what I have been doing exactly for a week now and it still hasn't done me any good, to be honest," Chaeyoung said in a boring voice.

After Lisa went out to talk to Jennie before they--Jennie and Jisoo left that night, Lisa went back inside the bar to talk to Chaeyoung. But Chahee and Jiyeon stopped her, telling her that Chaeyoung wanted to be alone. That even Chahee and Jiyeon and everyone were told to leave her alone.

"I was actually wondering why you're avoiding me, Chaeyoung-a. Were you mad at me? Are you still mad at me?" Lisa asked, sounding hurt and pleading. "Is that why you can't even look me in the eyes right now?"

The strain on her voice was enough for Chaeyoung to stop staring at the empty ceiling and look at Lisa with wide eyes.

"Don't be silly, Lisa. You know I can't be mad at you," Chaeyoung said.

"Then why? Why are you shutting me out, Park Chaeyoung? Why are you shutting everybody out?"

Chaeyoung sighed and stood up. She walked towards the sofa and sat beside Lisa.

"Because I'm still mad at myself, Lis. I'm mad at myself for losing my self-control that night, for allowing the alcohol and my emotions to take over my sobriety. I'm mad and embarrassed of myself for what I did. Don't you get that?" Chaeyoung explained and sounded so exhausted, it made Lisa feel heavy in the chest. She had never heard nor saw Chaeyoung so sad and tired before, the sight of Chaeng now was new to her.

"Then why shut me out? Me, of all people, Chaeng? I'm supposed to be your bestfriend, remember? We made a promise, didn't we? About not shutting the other out?" Lisa confronted the issue that had been bugging her for a week now. Because, while she, too was taking the blame to herself about what happened, she couldn't understand why Chaeyoung would chose to deal with all these alone.

"I think that's exactly the point, Lis. Because you're my bestfriend and I chose the perfect time to act like a demented loony in front of your friends. I'm too ashamed of myself that I can't even look at you, Lisa. I did what I did and I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of the person I was that night. Do you get me?" Chaeyoung said.

"You know what, Chaeng? I'm supposed to be mad at you. I was mad at you for a fleeting moment back there, to be honest. Yes, you embarrased me in front of them, Jennie and Jisoo. They were my guests. I brought them in that night because I wanted you to meet them. I wasn't expecting you'd hate them that much. Jisoo, especially," Lisa said.

"But, Lisa! I don't--!" Chaeyoung butted in but Lisa waved her off.

"No, let me finish. Because I'm so done not talking about what happened, Park Chaeyoung," Lisa continued. "I did hate you, a little. And I badly wanted to ask you why. Why you did what you did? Why were you so furious that night, that you kind of went like a loose firecracker or something? But, seeing you now. Talking to you now? I'm just...glad you're talking to me again. Because I missed you, Chipmunk. You can't go on like this forever, you know?"

"I know. And I missed you, too. I'm so sorry, Lis. I'm sorry for that night and I'm sorry for shutting you out these past days. I was just too ashamed and scared that you might not want to talk to me again," Chaeyoung said, she started crying.

Lisa scooted over and pulled Chaeyoung closer for a hug.

"But we all make mistakes, Chipmunk. I make a lot of mistakes, like, all the time. But I still choose to see you and talk to you and laugh with you about it because you're my bestfriend and I cannot not talk to you, you know?" Lisa said while hugging Chaeyoung, her hands running up and down on Chaeyoung's back. Comforting and assuring.

Chaeyoung tilted her face up and looked at Lisa incredulously.

"Who are you and what did you do to my Lisa?" she asked with a contorted face.

"Oh, shut up. I'm serious, Chipmunk. Let's just move on from it, alright? The girls are missing you," Lisa said.

"I missed them, too. I haven't talked to any of them," Chaeyoung said. She was still engulfed inside Lisa's embrace.

She missed that. She missed the warmth that Lisa's hug could give her. The assurance that Lisa was hers alone for the moment. God, how much she loved Lisa. How much willing she would give up her own happiness for Lisa's sake.

"I know, silly. Chahee told me," Lisa said, pinching Chaeyoung's cheek.

"So, you've been talking to them behind my back? How rude," Chaeyoung pouted.

"Don't be stupid. I talk to them everyday. I drop by here everynight after I close the studio, asking about you and giving a hand running your business while you're hiding in here trying to shoot a ball of crumpled paper on a waste basket," Lisa said and sniggered. "I didn't know you fancy basketball, Park Chaeyoung? You were never the athletic type, were you?"

"Shut up. I've been trying to write a song, actually," Chayoung said, her arms were still around Lisa's waist.

"And have you been successful?"

"No. I was too sad and angry at myself that I couldn't even think straight," Chaeyoung answered. "Hey, have you talked to Jennie and Jisoo lately?" she asked nonchalantly. As if Jennie's name won't inflict another wound to her heart and Jisoo's name won't stir the embarrassment inside her.

"No. I haven't seen any of them for a week now. Why?"

"Nothing. I'm just wondering," Chaeyoung hesitated. "But why, though? Jennie, especially? I thought you like her?"

She felt the need to ask that, Chaeyoung realized. Maybe that was all she needed for her to slowly but fully accept the reality. Lisa's confirmation. It would hurt, obviously. But she couldn't just deny herself the truth. She wanted to hear it straight from Lisa.

"Well, I just--hold on, Park Chaeyoung! How did you know about that?" Lisa asked, bewildered and red in the face.

"What with the two of you flirting all night that night? You both couldn't even keep your hands from each other. It doesn't take a genius to realize what's going on between the two of you, actually." There, she said it finally without sounding bitter.

But it was painful, Chaeyoung thought. Beyond words. Beyond her imagination. Beyond every lyrics and melodies. But she had to act like the bestfriend that she was to Lisa. Never mind that talking to Lisa about her feelings for Jennie was slowly but surely killing her on the inside.

"Really? But I haven't yet told Jennie that I like her, though," Lisa said, sounding unsure.

That was one of the most endearing things about Lisa, Chaeyoung realized. The way Lisa was unsure of almost everything in her life. Her passion, her capabilities, her emotions. Maybe that was why Chaeyoung have fallen so hard for Lisa. Because Lisa needed someone to guide her, to tell her that she was good enough. And Chaeyoung was there.

"Trust me, Lisa. She's probably work that one out already. So, why didn't you talk to her?"

The pain was slicing her into pieces. It was still right there. Staring at her straight in the face. But she had to accept and embrace it gradually. Because not embracing it would only mean that she needed to escape from it again. And escaping it would mean it would take her longer to heal, to pick up her broken pieces and to be whole again.

"Because, 1. I still don't have her number. 2. I don't know her address. And 3. I was waiting for you to talk to me again," Lisa explained.

"But why? I mean, the number 3? What does talking to me again have anything to do with you stalking Jennie again?"

She should maybe start keeping her hopes up. That Lisa might have realized during their one-week hiatus that it was really her that Lisa wants. But then again, Lisa would never ever crossed the boundary. She knew Lisa too well.

"I don't know. I just thought that if you don't want me to hang out with Jennie or Jisoo or the both of them ever again, especially Jisoo because you obviously hate her, then I won't. I can't lose you, Chipmunk. You're my bestfriend."

Chaeyoung wanted to say something dramatic. Something that she had been rehearsing on her head for a confrontation like this. But she was so taken aback by Lisa's assumption that she hates Jisoo, that it made her mind do a double flip and forgotten what she was about to say.

"Okay, first of all: I don't hate Jisoo," Chaeyoung said.

"Of course, you do!" Lisa insisted.

"What? I don't, okay? Why would I even hate her? I barely know her," Chaeyoung reiterated but suddenly looked unsure of herself. "Do I look like I hate her?"

"Let me see: You were sarcastic to her all night, you smashed your bottle before you tried to climb and crawl on the table to get to her, when you can just walk around it--less hassle. Plus, you were mocking her all the time. So, yep. You did look like you hate her," Lisa said, nodding her head.

"I don't hate her, Lisa. Honest!" Chaeyoung insisted and looking pissed all of a sudden when she remembered something. "But why does she have to be that beautiful, though? It's so annoying!"

"Oh, is that why you hate her? Because she's stunningly beautiful?" Lisa asked, laughing.

"Lisa, for the fourth time, I. Don't. Hate. Jisoo! Well, maybe a little. But that still don't validate why I did what I did, though," Chaeyoung said, looking morose and remorseful all over again.

"Okay, enough of that already," Lisa said before Chaeyoung would start crying again. "Hey, are you up for a little walk?"

"Walk where?" Chaeyoung asked.

"Outside. I have to show you something," said Lisa and stood up, holding both Chaeyoung's hands and tried to heaved her up from the sofa.

"Okay, sure. But let's not go too far. I have a lot of things to do here," Chaeyoung said

"Liar. You weren't even doing anything important when I came in a while ago. Unless you count staring at the ceiling," Lisa sniggered.

Chaeyoung squinted her eyes and kick Lisa on the shin. Not hard but enough to cause Lisa to stumble on her steps backward, grimacing in pain.

"Ouch! That hurts!" Lisa whimpered but was laughing. "But at least you're back to your old self now. So, truce?" Lisa said and offered her hand for Chaeyoung to shake.

Chaeyoung rolled her eyes at Lisa. She took Lisa's hand and shake it and said, "Truce. But no more teasing! Or I will kick you again."

"Okay, fine. No more teasing," Lisa said who chose to stand behind Chaeyoung and placed her palms on Chaeyoung's eyes.

"Lisa! What the hell?" Chaeyoung protested but Lisa shushed her.

They walked slowly to accomodate Chaeyoung as she waded her way through the narrow hallway that would lead them to the main hall. And when they reached the centermost part of the Orange's floor, Lisa released her hands on Chaeyoung's eyes and said, "Ta-dah! What do you think?"

"Lisa, what's goi--OH MY GOD!" Chaeyoung exclaimed while she was looking around the transformation of the Orange.

A large disco ball was hanging in the middle of the ceiling, surrounded by small light bulbs and series lights. Heart-shaped red and black balloons were randomly scattered all over the  ceiling while red and white balloons were scattered all over the floor.

The tables and chairs were pushed on the sidelines and on the stage was a huge banner with a "HAPPY VALENTINE'S!" printed on it in bold letters.

"Chahee and the rest of your crew wanted to ask you for this year's concept. But since you were too busy doing a Stephen Curry, shooting crumpled papers inside your office, I had to take over as your reliable bestfriend," Lisa said.

"I don't know what to say," Chaeyoung whispered.

"How about: Do you like it? Do you not like it? Do you want to change it into something contemporary?"

"No. No, I like it, Lis. You know I love Saturday Night Live. But I didn't know that it could be a concept for a Valentine's Day special. I mean, I was thinking of a laid-back, chill night of accoustics and wine kind of Valentine's in here but this is more interesting!"

"So, you better prep up for tonight's show, Chipmunk. Ji-In said they already prepared a set list for later and they want to rehearse with you later at two. I was tasked to deliver that message," Lisa said.

"Thank you so much, Lisa. For this. For taking care of everything when I wasn't around. I owe you, big time. But where's everybody?"

"Outside, handing out flyers. Chahee wanted an 80's theme. So, expect people to show up tonight in big hairs and bright, colorful clothes. It's going to be fun!"

"Will you be here later?" Chaeyoung asked.

"Of course! I can't miss the party. I'm bringing my cameras," Lisa said with a grin.

But Chaeyoung suddenly looked somber. She held Lisa's hand and looked straight into Lisa soft, brown eyes.

"Hey, Lisa. You do know that your happiness means so much to me, right?" Chaeyoung started.

"Look, Chaeyoung. If this is about Jennie again, just don't push it. Okay? I mean, yes. I like her. A lot. She makes me happy in ways I can't even fathom. But if it makes you uncomfortable..."

"No. I can see that you're happy with her, Lis. It's all over your face when you're with her. And I want you to be happy. Like, really happy."

"Chaeyoung-a, I know you will never admit it to me. But I know what you feel. I know you're jealous of Jennie. I can see it in your eyes. It was written all over your face that night. The thought of it still haunts me on my sleep, to be honest."

"Lisa..."

"I hurt you and I'm taking all the blame that night. But I want you to know that I love you so much and you will always be my bestfriend, Park Chaeyoung. And no one, not even Jennie or anyone, can ever replace you on that role."

"I know, Lisa. I'm your bestfriend but it doesn't give me the right to interfere with your happiness. I mean, if you really like Jennie, then go for it. I will support you all the way," Chaeyoung said.

"Really?" Lisa asked.

"Really. So, if you're coming tonight, you better bring Jennie along with you. And Jisoo, too. I have to apologize to them in person."

"But, I don't know were to find them," Lisa groaned. "Besides, they might even have a date or something later. I heard that mat-seons are in-demand during Valentine's," Lisa said with a shrug. "Anyway, will you be okay here? I need to get going and open the studio. I have a list of clients who want their pictures taken today."

"Oh, sure. Yes. Don't worry about me," Chaeyoung said.

"Call me when you need anything. Okay?" Lisa said as she was heading towards the exit.

"I'll be fine, Lisa," Chaeyoung insisted. "Besides, Chahee and the rest might be coming back anytime now."

"Right. I'll see you tonight, then. Bye!" Lisa kissed Chaeyoung's cheek before heading out.

The distance between her studio and Chaeyoung's bar was reachable by foot. So, Lisa decided to just walk and stopped by a shop to order choco milk.

When she reached her block and took a turn, she saw a red car parked outside her studio, reserved for her client's vehicles.

"Oh, shit! I'm late," Lisa whispered to herself and started to jog. She was never late for a photoshoot.

As she jogged closer, she noticed the familiar car logo gleaming under the 10 AM sun.

Lisa smiled widely. Her heart was racing with her feet. And when she finally came to a stop, she felt her heart lurched forward, missing a beat by a second.

Sitting inside the car, behind the wheel, was Jennie. Her hair was tied in a high bun, her ears decorated with big, red earrings, her lips was full red. She was wearing a red turtle neck, looking beautiful as ever.

Jennie didn't notice Lisa because she was busy typing away on her mobile phone.

Lisa softly knocked on Jennie's window.

Jennie looked up and instinctively smiled widely at Lisa. Her gummy smile was showing off again, making Lisa's heart skip a beat again.