Chapter 34

"So where do you disappear off to at lunch sometimes?"

Lisa stiffened, in the middle of pouring the contents of an energy drink into her mouth, causing some to completely miss her mouth. Grumbling in frustration, she wordlessly grabbed a napkin from Jungkook's lunch tray and dabbed her chin dry.

"Hey, my napkin!" Jungkook complained.

Lisa ignored him and looked over at Chaeyoung. "Uh, I dunno, I've just been studying in the library the last couple of weeks."

Chaeyoung folded her arms across her chest, unconvinced. The three of them were sitting in their new lunch spot under the stairs at the end of one of the hallways, a replacement for their old outdoor one.

"Then why didn't you say that in the first place?" Chaeyoung questioned.

"I didn't think you'd be so interested in my studying habits," Lisa deflected. She played with the tab on the top of her energy drink can. She enjoyed being around Chaeyoung, but the girl sometimes pried too much.

On the contrary, what did Lisa expect? A good friend would naturally take interest in your personal life, especially if it seemed to be bothering you.

"You know, you can just tell us that you're hanging out with Jennie."

Lisa was a bit taken aback by that. She gave Chaeyoung a confused look, opting to just play dumb. "Huh? Why Jennie?"

"Because we're not blind, Lisa!" Chaeyoung persisted. "We see you with her all the time!"

All the time, huh? Lisa wished that were actually the case, as she felt like she hardly got to spend time with Jennie at all. And the past couple of weeks, whenever they did hang out, the honour student always looked on the verge of falling asleep. It made Lisa hesitant to ask to spend more time together - she'd feel guilty knowing she was cutting into time Jennie could use to relax.

Even so, it made sense that even spending time with Jennie during lunch once a week seemed like a lot to her friends. Hell, hanging out with her at all would seem like a lot.

Chaeyoung picked up on Lisa's troubled expression and let out a sigh. "Look, we're not gonna judge you for who you hang out with. I'm not Jennie's biggest fan, but if you guys are close then it's none of my business. You agree, Jungkook?"

Jungkook nodded, engrossed in devouring his sandwich.

"Yep!"

After that whole situation with Nancy, Lisa had decided not to mention Jennie's involvement in it, so her friends were in the dark about pretty much everything that happened after that (including, obviously, the two of them dating). So, it was natural that Chaeyoung would hang onto her old perceptions of the honour student.

"She's actually a really good person," Lisa explained.

"She's...just going through some stuff right now."

Maybe we could all eventually hang out some time."

"Man, I can't even imagine what the ice queen does for fun," Chaeyoung joked.

Ice queen...been a little while since I heard that nickname, Lisa thought with a half-smile.

---

Lisa's midterm grades turned out to be better than normal. Whenever Jennie was unable to talk or hang out, Lisa would just opt to spend time studying instead of thinking about it. Otherwise, she'd just be sitting around at home and her mother would have an excuse to bother her.

Still, Lisa just wanted these exam reviews to be over so she could meet Jennie after school that day. Her stomach turned with excitement at the prospect of being able to see her more now that midterms were over. Or, at least, that's what she hoped. The first month of their relationship had been hectic, for sure, so relaxing and getting to know each other better was what Lisa was really looking forward to.

Unfortunately, that idea was getting off to a bad start once Lisa received a message from Jennie after sixth period ended.

Jennie: I can't meet today.

It was a rather simple and cold message, and Lisa could feel her spirits instantly dampen after reading it. She swallowed her aching disappointment and typed back, leaning against a wall in the hallway.

Lisa: Did something happen?

Lisa walked to seventh period as she waited for Jennie to text back. But she didn't respond after class started or even after it ended. She didn't respond at all. Lisa started to get worried as she exited the classroom.

I don't remember what her seventh period is, or I could've gone and tried to catch her, Lisa thought, disappointed.

She shook her head. What am I thinking? She probably just got caught up in something! Nothing to go following her around for.

But something about her first message seemed off.

Usually Jennie, being the responsible person she was, would immediately explain why she couldn't meet up. She'd done that any time she was late or couldn't make it at all. Or, at least, she'd done that any time she wasn't upset.

What could she be upset about? Did Lisa say something the last time they talked? But why would she get mad about it only now? Did something happen with Kai? Did she get sick?

All these scenarios swirled around in Lisa's head, and none of them were particularly good. But she did her best to reign herself in for now. There was no evidence that anything was wrong at all. She didn't want to seem like she was clingy, so she'd just wait a little while and see how things played out.

---

Lisa woke up the next morning without having talked to Jennie at all. Needless to say, she was starting to get worried. She hadn't replied to yesterday's text message, and she didn't reply to Lisa's good morning message either. Even when Jennie was swamped with homework, she would text Lisa and let her know.

Never had there been this sort of radio silence since they started dating.

Lisa tried her best to keep her cool and not overthink things, but she couldn't help feeling extremely unnerved. She thought about waiting longer but came to the conclusion that it wasn't overly clingy to just drop by her class after home room. It was the only class in Jennie's schedule that Lisa knew the exact room and teacher, so it was her only chance.

Lisa left her own homeroom early to head over and catch people leaving class.

Do I seem like a stalker? She thought as she walked quickly down the hallway.

The bell rang and Lisa could see people filing out of the classroom ahead. She hurried over and waited kind of near the door against the wall, trying to look casual.

Her heart began to sink as most of the kids had left the class and she didn't see the honour student among them. However, a familiar face emerged through the door, locking eyes with Lisa.

"Jisoo? You're in this class?"

Jisoo raised her eyebrow. "Is that surprising? It's just a regular homeroom."

"Uh, no, I just..."

Jisoo smirked, stepping closer to Lisa. The smell of her perfume invaded the tall girl's senses. "Oh, you're looking for Jennie, aren't you?"

Lisa wasn't exactly sure how to deal with this situation. She knew that Jennie wouldn't like it if

Jisoo found out they were dating, but at the same time, Jisoo was already aware that they hung out with each other. Surely it wouldn't be strange for a friend to ask about another friend who went A.W.O.L.

"Uh, yeah, kind of," Lisa replied finally, scratching her cheek and averting her eyes. "I was just wondering if she's in class since I have to talk to her."

Jisoo's eyebrows knit together. "She didn't tell you? She's not here today."

Now that definitely threw Lisa for a loop. Jennie? Absent? She was never absent! The only time she'd been gone from school was when she had to file for that protection order. Did something like that happen again? Lisa couldn't even imagine Jennie staying home when she was sick.

"Is she sick or something?" Lisa asked, dumbfounded.

Jisoo shrugged. "I have no idea. She just wasn't in class today."

Lisa was visibly worried, and Jisoo seemed to immediately take notice. She grabbed Lisa's upper arms gently and offered a smile that was almost completely genuine.

"I'm sure she's just burnt out from midterms and had to take a day off," she assured. "Now get to class. And come talk to me during Spanish every once in a while."

Lisa raised an eyebrow. "You're never in Spanish class."

Jisoo laughed, playfully swatting her arm. "You're right. I just can't drag myself out of bed that early in the morning."

They said their goodbyes and Jisoo headed off down the hallway. Lisa watched her, thinking about what she said about Jennie. She was probably right, after all. Jennie was probably so burnt out from her studies and all the things she's been having to deal with that she just collapsed at home and took the day off.

It was a logical conclusion to make...but Lisa still felt like something was off about the whole thing.

---

Lisa didn't press the Jennie issue further by bothering the honour student. She decided it was best to let it be, as much as she wanted to figure out what was going on as soon as possible. She even debated visiting Jennie's house to make sure that she was okay, but decided against it, thinking it might be too much.

Lisa wasn't sure how much of her desperation came from being worried about Jennie or being starved for attention from her. Even in absence, Lisa's feelings for the other girl grew to an extent that was more than Lisa could have imagined. And along with those growing feelings came a growing fear of being hurt by them. Needless to say, Lisa was in a rather neurotic state.

But patience was a virtue, and a virtue that Lisa would force herself to inhabit, lest she overwhelm Jennie and possibly jeopardize the relationship.

However, that was easier said than done once the next day rolled around with no word from her new girlfriend. No text messages or calls or indications that she was at school. Lisa pondered visiting her class during homeroom again but decided against it. She was sort of afraid of actually finding Jennie there, present at school, but ignoring Lisa's attempts at contact.

Lisa was quiet during most of the day, to the point that Chaeyoung and Jungkook didn't even try to get her to talk during lunch period. She was grateful - it's not like she could properly explain the situation to either of them either.

The school day came to an end, and Lisa felt a sort of hollowness in her heart as she headed towards the back parking lot.

Resigning to looking forward to an evening of being stuck in her thoughts, Lisa was surprised when she approached her car. The cool wind was blowing the hair of a familiar brunette, leaning against the trunk of her sedan.

"Jennie?" Lisa asked, a bit shocked.

Jennie looked up at her, but her expression was completely blank in a way that Lisa had never seen it before. In spite of the emotionless state of her face, Lisa could see little traces of red around her eyes, as if she'd been crying.

"Hey," she said in a monotone voice, "I need to talk to you."

The honour student didn't wait for Lisa's invitation and just walked over to the passenger door of her car, climbing in once Lisa unlocked it. Lisa's movement to follow her in the car were slow, as she felt a palpable pit form in her throat. A 'we need to talk' after a period of avoiding someone was not a good sign at all, but Lisa did her best to keep it together.

She sat in the driver's seat and closed the door.

Silence filled the room like a suffocating force that stole Lisa's breath away. She didn't dare say anything...she just waited, staring blankly out the front windshield.

Suddenly, she heard a sniff by her side, and when she looked over, Jennie was sobbing into her hands.

Completely caught off guard, Lisa switched into a mode of concern for the girl she liked.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, leaning towards Jennie, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Despite looking like she wanted to absolutely cry her eyes out, Jennie managed to keep some level of composure in the face of her own pride. Her sobs were relatively quiet, and she wiped tears away the moment they emerged from her eyes. She took a second to find an opportunity to speak through the choking breathlessness of crying.

"I-I know it's stupid," she began, her voice wavering.

She didn't look at Lisa, instead opting to stare into her hands.

"But it's just everything all at once. I feel like I'm going crazy..."

Lisa moved her hand from her shoulder to her upper back, rubbing it gently to soothe the brunette. "It's not stupid at all. You've been going through a lot."

"Everything's just falling apart," Jennie choked out, Lisa's soothing appeared to fall on deaf ears.

"I'm sleep-deprived, a stalker might be watching me at all times, and now I'm not even good for studying anymore."

"Not good for studying?" Lisa asked, confused. "What do you mean?"

Finally, Jennie turned her head to meet Lisa's eyes.

They were a blue ocean of defeat and hopelessness. "I lost my top spot on the honour roll."

"What?" Lisa exclaimed, a bit loud. But she couldn't believe her ears. Jennie always seemed to claim first place like it was hardly a big deal at all.

"I got a C on my chemistry midterm," Jennie explained, her tone disturbingly level. "So, the best I can get is a B in the class. I probably won't even be in the top ten at this point.

To Lisa, a C was a disappointing grade, but nothing that would really ruin her week. She'd probably take it as a sign to stop messing around in the subject and study a bit more. So, Lisa didn't exactly understand what Jennie was feeling. But regardless, she knew that Jennie had been a straight A student since middle school, and the rank was extremely important to her.

"There has to be some extra credit or something you can do," Lisa said, a bit desperately.

"Everyone slips up now and then, and with everything that's going on, it's ridiculous for them to expect perfection."

"There are some options that might be enough...but I'll just do badly again if I don't change something."

Jennie's voice cracked at the end of that sentence, and she turned her face again towards the passenger window, wiping tears away.

"Change something?" Lisa echoed.

Jennie was quiet for a few seconds, but she wiped her tears once more and turned to look at Lisa again with an entirely broken expression.

"All I've had on my mind lately is you," she began "There's no room for studying or sometimes even worrying about what's going to happen with Kai. So, whenever that stuff tries to cram itself in my brain as well, I just kind of shut down. There's just too many things going on, and most of them are outside of my control. So, I have no choice but to change the things that are in my control."

Lisa swallowed dryly. As she began to see where this was going, a strange sense of calm numbness washed over her body. It was like the moment before your brain processed the heat of your hand on a stove.

"Are you...breaking up with me?"

"I just...it's not like I want to...I don't exactly-" Jennie fumbled over her words, as if she was afraid of sharpness of the point she was trying to get at. But Lisa wasn't in the mood for dodging around the subject.

"Give it to me straight, Jennie," she commanded, her voice colder than she intended. It was like a defence mechanism to prevent all her emotions from spilling out at once.

Jennie flinched at the harshness of her tone but didn't break eye contact with her. Her voice was hardly above a whisper, wavering to the point that her answer almost didn't come out right.

"Yes."

Lisa clenched her jaw, trying her best to keep control of herself. "Why? Was I doing something wrong?"

"No!" Jennie retorted immediately. "No, it's just...with the whole restraining order thing and the schoolwork...it just isn't working out, being in a relationship right now."

Lisa didn't know how to respond - it felt like a rock was caught in her throat. She felt tears pricking at the edges of her eyes, but she blinked them away, trying desperately to keep them from falling.

"So that's it?" she finally choked out. "You don't want to figure out some sort of solution?"

"I already thought about a solution for hours, Lisa," Jennie fired back, tensing up a little. "There's nothing that isn't going to end up hurting one or both of us."

"Well, how come you didn't try to include me in finding that solution?" Lisa asked, her voice raising.

"You were too busy avoiding me, weren't you? As if this relationship doesn't involve two people instead of just you!"

Little by little, the situation was spiralling out of Lisa's control. All the emotions she'd held back were spilling out one by one, ready to explode.

It seemed like Jennie had lost her grip on her emotions as well, as she immediately put up a defensive glare and raised her voice. "Am I not allowed to have some time to think by myself? Most of this stuff doesn't involve you at all!"

"How could you treat me like an outsider after everything you've told me and confided in me for?" Lisa yelled. "Let's be honest, you're just doing this because I'm distracting you from your schoolwork and it's easier to just cut me loose than to try to figure out how to fit me into your life!"

"There is no way to fit you into my life right now!" Jennie exploded. "And especially not when you act like this!"

Before Lisa could fire back, Jennie opened the car door, stepping out into the autumn cold and slamming it shut behind her. As she stormed off, Lisa found herself boiling with too many emotions to even process - torn between wanting to chase after her, wanting to just drive away, and wanting to break down and cry.

This couldn't be it, after everything...it was all so sudden that Lisa didn't even know how to react.

As if it was all just a bad dream.

Completely overwhelmed, Lisa sat in her car until the parking lot was almost entirely empty and the sky began to turn orange. And finally, after so long of simultaneously mulling everything over and being unable to think anything at all, Lisa broke down, leaned against the steering wheel, and just cried.