Chapter 3

8 years ago

As the school bell rang, announcing the end of the day of Hayland Elementary School, the children gathered up in lines to be led outside to go back to their homes. Carter and Josh hurried to the bus to sit next to each other before all the seats got taken.

"You guys! Wait for me!" was heard behind them. The boys turned to where the voice came from and saw a girl with short, blonde curly hair running after them.

"Hurry up, Alyssa!" Josh said before the three of them continued running to the bus. They managed to find two seats behind each other, Carter and Josh sitting next to each other with Alyssa sitting in the seat behind them.

"You know, Carter," the girl said, "you're really girly. You always wear such girly clothes."

Carter gave a glance at his shirt upon hearing her comment. He always wore light-colored shirts with prints on them. He could understand if people thought it looked girly but he liked them.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that, is there?" Carter heard Josh's voice. "I like his clothes," he said.

Carter felt himself smiling at his friend's words and his cheeks got a little warmer. It was nice to know that he liked his clothes.

When the bus arrived at Port Hayland, Carter, Josh and Alyssa got out to make their way to the docks. Alyssa was the only one besides Josh and Carter who also lived in Port Hayland, the seaside village of the town of Hayland.

When the three children got to the docks, Josh took the lead until he suddenly stopped and pointed his finger in front of him. "Here is where I'm someday going to place my own boat!" he spoke loudly.

"A boat?" Alyssa said. "That's boring. Why not a house?"

"Because!" Josh called out. "I want to sail the world someday! And fight pirates!"

Carter let out a chuckle while Alyssa bursted out in laughter.

"Well, as long as you take us with you," the girl said and she nudged Carter with her shoulder.

Carter raised to his feet and put a hand over his left eye. "Arr! You will never steal the treasure away from us, Josh the Mighty!" he said before running away.

Josh laughed playfully and ran after the other boy. "I will defeat you, Captain Carter!" he called out, reaching out in attempt to catch Carter.

Alyssa ran after them, her golden curls bouncing up and down as she went. "You guys! Wait for me!"

Now

Carter stared at Josh, his lips parted but no sound being produced by him. Josh had taller. So much taller. His body more masculine and his shoulders a lot broader. His covered the top of his forehead before it slightly went up into blond waves. And even though his face had gotten more manlier, his eyes had remained the same. Almond shaped eyes, colored in the blue of the late morning sky. He was, needless to say, beautiful. It was only now that Carter started to pay attention to how pretty his aesthetics were.

Though Carter couldn't read his expression. Blue eyes staring back at the brown ones for the first time in five years, and he had no idea how to react. How should one react in a situation like this? He just saw Josh practically making-out with Alyssa. Their Alyssa.

Josh stared back at Carter, eyes wide from surprise yet for some reason, they were also hinted with sadness. Carter could not perceive the sounds of the outside world around him. The only thing he heard was his own beating heart as he looked at Josh.

After what seemed to be an eternity of silence, Josh's eyes left the other's and he gave a quick glance at Alyssa. His Adam's apple moved up and down as he swallowed, staring at the wooden outer wall of the shack.

"Alyssa? Could you give us a moment? Alone?" Josh asked the female. His voice had gotten lower as well, with just the slightest rasp in it.

Alyssa gave a slow nod. "Sure..." She flashed a faint smile at Carter before she walked away from them, leaving the two boys behind.

Carter felt the urge to run towards Josh and embrace him, though he stayed frozen to his spot. How he had missed him all those years. How he had felt so lonely, not having the person he considered the most special person of his life right next to him. He had thought that upon seeing the other again, he'd be able to hug him again, to hold him close and to be with him. Though now, it seemed that that was not possible.

"...Carter," Josh said, so softly it was almost a whisper. "So, you're really back."

Carter gave a soft nod, wondering why Josh wasn't looking at him anymore. "I am," he said. He felt like asking about him and Alyssa, though it was already obvious that he was the boyfriend she had mentioned earlier. Unless she was cheating on him with Josh. Carter wasn't sure which one he found worse, in all honesty.

"What was... that?" Carter asked. "Are you and Alyssa...?" He was almost afraid to ask, knowing that whatever answer Josh was going to give him, it was going to hurt him.

Josh reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the ground. "Yes," he said. He cleared his throat. "We're dating."

Carter felt his heart practically sinking in his chest at those words. He swallowed, the sudden urge to run away coming up. "But I thought you were..."

"I'm not," Josh said almost instantly. "I'm normal."

Carter stared at him in disbelief upon hearing his words. What did he mean by that? He thought back of the times they were together, of the things they shared and what they had done the day Carter moved away."Normal?" he asked aghast. "You're calling being gay abnormal?"

"I'm not gay!" Josh nearly yelled, looking up at Carter. "I'm not...!" His expression was somewhat angry but Carter felt that there was more than just that. Though he just couldn't read it. "Look..." Josh sighed and his eyes left the other's. "I know I probably gave you... ideas... before you left. But that's not me, alright? Not anymore, at least."

"So, what? You're hiding who you really are?" Carter asked, feeling a sudden sense of disgust.

"I'm not hiding, Carter," Josh spoke and he looked back at the other. "Listen, whatever you thought I was those years ago, that's not me anymore, alright?"

Carter bit his lip as he looked up at the other, almost not believing the words he was speaking. He took a deep breath and tensed his jaw. "You changed, Josh... this is not you. I know you. The real you."

"I didn't change. I grew up," Josh spoke loudly, his eyes meeting Carter's again.

Carter shook his head and looked away. "That's not called growing up," he said. "It's called lying to yourself." With that, Carter walked away in a fast pace, not wanting to hear this any longer. He couldn't look at Josh anymore. This was not his best friend, this was not the boy he fell in love with. This was a stranger. This was some sort of forced persona. A lie. A heartbreaking lie.

"Carter!" he heard Josh's voice calling out behind him. Carter's steps turned into jogs. He ran away from the shack, back towards the village and away from the shore. He didn't want to face Josh like this. He didn't want to see him kissing Alyssa, pretending to be someone he is not. Carter ran up the hill, back to his house.

He felt sick. This wasn't at all what he had expected. He had thought coming back would be a good thing. That he would be able to be with Josh again like they always wanted, and like they had promised each other.

When Carter reached his home, he went straight to his room, not bothering to tell his mother what had happened and closed the door. He panted as he stared at the wall of his room before he slowly let himself slide down against the wood. When he sat onto the flooring, he pulled his knees to his chest, processing what he had just witnessed and heard.

He didn't understand it. He didn't understand why Josh was acting the way he did. Carter swallowed, suppressing the urge to cry as he absent mindedly looked out at his room. He shook his head and bit his lip. "I don't get it..." he whispered and rested his cheek against his knee. His eyes traveled up his nightstand to look at the photograph of him and Josh when they were twelve; one year before Carter moved away.

Something happened in the five years he was away. Something that caused Josh to suddenly change like that. Carter clenched his fists and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He wanted to know what happened. He needed to know. This couldn't just have happened without a cause.

It was then that Carter heard his phone going off from his nightstand. With a soft groan, he got back up on his feet and walked over to the bed and grabbed his phone to see who was calling him.

It was Alyssa.

Carter stared at the screen of his phone for a moment before he picked up.

"Carter?" he heard Alyssa's voice on the other end of the line.

Carter took a deep breath and sat on the edge of his bed. "Hey," he said. "What's up?"

There was a moment of silence before Alyssa started talking again. "Can you meet up with me?" she asked.

Carter didn't really feel like seeing anyone at the moment, but he figured he did need to talk to her. He wanted answers from her as well. He looked outside his window before he answered her. "Sure," he said. "Where?"

"Can you meet me at the docks? Where Mr. Dunham always ties his boat," Alyssa spoke.

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you there in a bit."

Carter hung up the phone but stayed on his bed for a moment. He clenched his fists again and shook his head as he stared at the flooring.

No, he refused to let it stay like this. He wasn't going to let Josh live a lie. He needed to bring his true self back. He promised him, after all. They had promised each other. And Carter refused to break his promise.