Sidelined Love: Chapter 10

I‘m not sure if I’ve ever been more tired in my life.

Having both hockey practice and a mandatory presentation that I needed to attend is brutal. I feel as if I can fall asleep standing up without any trouble and that’s unusual for me.

I’m almost in a trance as I’m walking across the quad to get back to my car. A few people that I don’t recognize wave to me, and it takes all of my energy to wave back to them. Must maintain the image I’ve created because coming across as rude could easily make waves for me at school and on the internet.

After I finish waving at the last of them, I realize something is very different here.

The campus quad is alive in a way I’d never seen before. Strings of fairy lights dance between the trees, casting a soft glow on the faces of students who lounge on the grass. There are food trucks lined up on the street nearby, and I find myself wondering how the hell I didn’t know this was happening.

At the center of it all is a makeshift stage, where a local band is belting out their covers of today’s pop hits.

I’m vibing along with the music, allowing the rhythm to draw me in. I’m exhausted and only plan on staying here for a minute more when something—or rather, someone—catches my eye.

Like a moth to a flame, my eyes are drawn to Hailey sitting on a blanket in the grass. It seems as if she, too, is entranced by the music, but there’s something different about her. Whereas I’m used to her sharp wit and her being completely focused when she is at work, here she looks… lost.

What put that look on her face?

I shake my head, trying to shake the fatigue that is clouding my mind in case I’m imagining it, but I soon realize this is all real. During the times I’ve interacted with her, Hailey has been so put together, with an armor that seems meant to protect her from the rest of the world. But now I see a crack in the mask she shows to the outside world. She seems vulnerable and out of her element, and I want to know more.

I hover around the periphery of the crowd, watching as Hailey brushes a stray lock of hair behind her ear when it falls out of her messy bun. Is she looking for someone? The thought makes me frown. Why do I even care?

I want to walk over there and ask her if there is anything I can do to help her, but another part of me doesn’t think Hailey would want me intruding. I’m torn between acting on instinct and respecting what she might want.

The band switches to a slower tune that the lead singer announces is “Invisible String” by Taylor Swift, but I knew it before he uttered a word. I may have played Folklore on repeat in the months following my brother’s death because it provided relief. The lyrics he is singing are what help me make up my mind. Before I know it, I’m walking through the crowd to get to her.

“Hey,” I say as I approach, making sure that she can hear me over the music while keeping my voice casual despite feeling anything but.

Hailey’s eyes pop open. She’s startled by my appearance but just as quickly as the shock appeared on her face, her expression changes to one of indifference. “Levi Jamison, hanging out with the general population? Now I’ve seen everything.”

“It does sometimes happen,” I say before laughing. Brewed Beginnings has become a regular pit stop for me because it gives me an opportunity to see and chat with her, however brief. But unlike when we usually talk there, her words don’t have the same bite. It’s obvious to me something else is at play. I debate with myself for a split second before I ask, “Mind if I join you?”

For a moment she hesitates, probably weighing the pros and cons, but then she scoots over slightly on the blanket she brought with her.

“I don’t mind,” she replies. I can’t help but feel surprised that she’s letting me do this.

Just like that, I’m beside her. For the first time, I can see the flecks of green in her hazel eyes, all the more reason why I find them stunning. However, I don’t voice that thought. Instead, we sit quietly next to each other, enjoying the music.

After a couple of minutes, I finally break the figurative ice. “Do you come to events like these often?” I ask. The words sound lame to my ears, but they get the job done.

She shakes her head. “No… this is actually my first time. Came here because Jade is trying to get me to step outside of the box I’ve put myself in, apparently. Trying new things.”

That somewhat surprises me, but I decide not to voice that opinion. This is a delicate situation. I’m not sure if she’s letting me in at all, but I don’t want to risk it if she is.

“Also, I’m usually too busy,” she adds, as if needing to further justify why this is the first time.

“I get it,” I reply with a nod. “I haven’t been to one before because I’m usually too exhausted from practice and class.”

Her lips twitch but they don’t form a full smile. There’s plenty of time for that to happen, however. “The life of the star hockey captain at Crestwood University,” she says. The tone of her voice has a bit of her usual sarcasm and I’m happy about it.

“Yeah, well.” I rub the back of my neck. “Sometimes it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

She turns her head to look at me, and our eyes lock for a moment. “I can imagine.”

It’s not something I want to get into right now, much like I’m sure she doesn’t want to explain to me what is wrong in her life. I leave her comment hanging in the air and allow the music to speak to us until I find something else I can ask her.

“Do you like this song?” It’s another silly question, but this one is an attempt at getting our conversation to focus on something neutral.

“It’s okay,” she admits with a shrug. “I preferred the last song they played.”

I nod. “Yeah, that one had a good beat to it.”

I watch as her foot starts tapping against the grass unconsciously, and I can’t help but mirror the action. Our movements sync for a brief second before she notices and stops abruptly.

“So how’s hockey going?” she says out of nowhere.

I tilt my head to look at her, somewhat confused. Not so much by the question, but the fact that she’s the one asking. “Pretty good, I can’t complain. Why? Planning to come to one of my games?” The question slips out before I can think it through. It is bolder than I intended it to be, but I can’t take it back.

I need to expect the unexpected when it comes to her. Her bluntness is something I don’t usually have to deal with. It’s refreshing, but I also love the way she challenges me. She’s not about to kiss my ass, but I also need to defend the sport I love. “Hockey is not just about aggression, you know. There’s a lot of skill, strategy, and⁠—”

“Grace?” she interrupts with an eyebrow raised, clearly not buying it.

“Exactly, grace. You might be surprised by the amount of grace it takes to do what I do.”

Hailey’s skepticism is written all over her face. “I’ll take your word for it.” She shifts her gaze back to the musicians and I can feel the barrier between us growing once more, and I’m stuck wondering whether I want to push my luck further or not.

My eagerness soon wins out. “What’s stopping you from coming to a game?”

“Sports aren’t really my thing.”

“Might be something adventurous for you to check out. Like this,” I gesture to the local band we’ve been listening to.

“Would you get me tickets so that I can sit as close to the sidelines as possible?”

I can’t help but chuckle. “Sidelines? We call it rinkside or the boards.”

Hailey holds her hands out in front of her. “Oh… but see what I mean? I don’t know the first thing about hockey outside of it involving ice, a puck, and a hockey stick. But there’s more to my reluctance than that.”

“Tell me. I want to know.” I really do.

I’m prepared for a sarcastic response, the usual from her. What I get, however, is once again, something I’m not expecting. Hailey turns her head slowly to look at me and something flashes through her eyes that I can’t quite explain. “The hoopla that surrounds all of it. I’m sure you realize how popular you are. Don’t deny it.”

That last sentence falls out of her mouth when she sees me getting ready to speak to defend myself.

“You and I live in completely different worlds that just happened to collide when you walked into Brewed Beginnings that day.”

I chew on her words for a moment, but I’m not sure I completely agree with them. We’re both students at Crestwood. While I might not be in the same clubs and have the same interests that she does, we still attend the same school, and I’m sure we have other things that connect us. “Excuse my ignorance, but I don’t understand what you mean.”

Hailey’s lips part as if she’s about to speak, then close again. She gathers her thoughts before her gaze meets mine once more. “You’re in the spotlight. People love you and they celebrate every goal you make and every game you win. That’s your world.”

“And what’s yours?”

She leans her head back and looks up at the sky as if it holds the answer to my question. “My world? It’s quieter. It’s learning about the ways to protect the environment, shifts at the coffee shop, and running the chess club.”

I don’t let on that I already know she is president of the chess club. That piece of information has been sitting in my pocket since Wilder told me about it. Now the more I talk to her, the more a plan is forming in my head about how best to use it.

I nod as I get what she’s saying. “I see your point, but maybe our worlds aren’t so different.”

“Maybe or maybe not.” She stretches her hands over her head and says, “Listen I have to go. Long day ahead tomorrow.”

I watch as Hailey stands up and I follow suit to help her gather her belongings. Once we’re done, she starts to walk away before I call out.

“Wait. Did you drive here? Let me walk you to your car.” It’s the gentlemanly thing to do, after all.

“I didn’t drive because my apartment isn’t too far from here,” she gestures behind her. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m good.”

“Okay then. Good night, Hailey.”

“Night, Levi.” And she turns and walks away.

I’m left staring after her for a moment before I head to my car to drive home. While I’m still tired, the time I spent with Hailey energized me in a way I can’t describe. Having her let me in, ever so slightly, felt wonderful, and lets me know I haven’t been imagining our chemistry.

Chatting with her helped me come up with a plan for how to show Hailey that she and I aren’t that much different after all.