Sidelined Love: Chapter 14

“This is such a bad idea.”

Although I can’t see her face, I can feel Jade rolling her eyes at my statement. After all, it is the fifteenth time I’ve said those words since we left her room.

The moment I step into the off-campus house, I want to go back home and do literally anything else. I immediately regret agreeing to this, but for some reason, I can’t tell Jade no. So I’m here at a college party because it is her idea of fun, and she thinks I need to let loose.

As I navigate through the living room turned dance floor, the bass pounds in my chest like a hammer. I try to keep up with Jade as I push past a cluster of laughing students. If I’m being honest with myself, I feel like an outsider even though here it’s kind of hard to be. The room is a circus of students caught up in themselves and lost in the buzz of alcohol.

I wish I had said no.

My inner voice is drowned out by the thumping beat that surrounds me. I’ve never felt at home at these wild college parties. To me, they’re nothing but a noisy pit of chaos and a waste of time when there is never enough time in the day. I don’t judge anyone who loves attending parties, but it just isn’t my scene.

Just as I consider making a quick escape, a guy in a fraternity sweatshirt barrels into me. His drink sloshes over the rim of his red Solo cup and I just manage to miss getting soaked in beer. However, the beer that has fallen on my hand needs to be cleaned up as soon as possible.

“Watch it!” I snap, the annoyance evident in my voice.

He barely acknowledges the near collision. I hear something fall from his lips—perhaps mumbling an apology—before he vanishes into the crowd. With a roll of my eyes and a sigh, I make my way toward the kitchen, hoping to salvage what’s left of my dignity and get this beer off me with some paper towels.

Somehow, Jade hears my outburst over the loud music because she turns around with a confused look on her face. “Are you alright?”

I nod. “Some asshole almost soaked me in beer, but I’m okay. I did get some on my hand though so I’m hoping to wipe it off.”

Jade rolls her eyes. “How hard is it to be a decent person in this world?”

“I ask myself the same question daily. I’m going to find the kitchen and I’ll catch up with you.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod once more. “Yes, because it’ll only take me a second. I’ll catch up with you. Don’t leave without me.”

Jade squeezes my non-wet hand before I walk away and try to find the kitchen. As I find a hallway, I pass a couple practically devouring each other’s faces, almost blocking the doorway. I shove myself past them and I hope the minor inconvenience that I caused by pushing them ruined their night. Is that rude? Sure, but I’m feeling a little petty so it’s whatever.

In the kitchen, there are several guys and girls taking shots and cheering. They are standing near the sink, so I change directions to grab some paper towels and wipe my hand. While it would have been nice to actually wash my hands, I don’t want to bring attention to myself.

I toss the paper towels in the trash just as I’m planning my escape route back to Jade. I hope she is somewhere near where I left her in the living room or else it will be hell trying to find her. I turn to leave the kitchen when the noises surrounding me dips. It feels like the universe is deciding now is the time to turn things down a notch, giving me some space to breathe.

But it only lasts for a second.

That’s when I spot him. Of course, Levi is here. Why should I be surprised that he’s here? The team is known for their hard-partying ways and he’s not the exception. However, he is standing in a corner of the room all alone. He’s staring out the window like he’s lost in another world, far away from here. It’s weird seeing him in this state. The confidence and charm that normally radiates from every pore of his body isn’t there. What’s in its place, I can’t fully describe.

Everything in me is yelling to let him be, but curiosity has me taking one step after the other toward him. We’re not friends, even though he might beg to differ, but right now, he’s the only familiar face I see. Not to mention, seeing Mr. Hockey Captain looking as thrilled to be here as I feel is kind of refreshing.

Misery really does love company.

“Levi?” I say softly.

When he turns to look at me, a small smile appears on his lips. “Hey, Hailey. Fancy seeing you here.”

The text message he sent me earlier today is now at the forefront of my mind.

Damn it. I hadn’t been expecting to see him tonight and now this is awkward.

“I got your text message. I was going to respond but got distracted by all of this.” I gesture to my outfit for… whatever reason.

“I get it,” he says as he studies my body.

His reaction flusters me. I feel slightly guilty about not responding promptly, but there is nothing I can do about it now. The awkwardness I’m feeling is outshined by the look on his face. There is no doubt in my mind that there is something going on with him. “This isn’t really your scene either, huh?”

Levi leans back against the wall and shakes his head. “Nah, not tonight. Sometimes all of this is too much.”

I nod because I understand where he is coming from. “The noise, the people pretending to have a great time… it gets overwhelming.”

He glances around before his gaze lands back on me. “I think they are having a good time, if I’m being honest. We’re just the two losers sitting in the corner watching them.”

I snort and Levi raises an eyebrow at me as if he’s confused by my reaction. I brush off his reaction and ask, “Do you ever get tired of it?”

“The party scene?”

I nod once, knowing that is more than enough to clarify what I mean. Awkwardness starts to rear its ugly head as I realize this is the longest I’ve been in Levi’s presence without exchanging any snappy comments with him.

“All the time,” he admits. I’m surprised he’s being honest. I open my mouth to speak, but he continues. “But it’s not just here. It’s on the ice, in class… I’m always on, if that makes sense? I’m always supposed to be Levi Jamison, the hockey captain of the Crestwood Red Wolves. But sometimes, I just want to be Levi, you know?”

“Yeah, I can see that,” I reply. It’s not something I experience on a regular basis because no one really knows who I am outside of serving them at Brewed Beginnings and chess club. But there has to be a certain amount of pressure that is put on a person when they are living in the public eye, even if it is just at Crestwood University.

Levi chuckles, the sound is warm and genuine. “You know, that’s one of the things I like about you. You’re real, no pretense.”

The compliment catches me off guard and I find myself staring up at him, wide-eyed. “Thanks?”

“Don’t look so horrified that I gave you a compliment.”

“I’m not horrified. I just didn’t think you had it in you to compliment anyone that isn’t yourself. Stop it.” There. The truce is over, and everything is back to normal.

“I will when you actually want me to stop paying you compliments.”

“I’ve told you I don’t want⁠—”

Levi leans into me, noting the shift in the air between us. “And we both know it’s bullshit. You enjoy this little tug-of-war game that we play just as much as I do.”

My brain refuses to cooperate given the intensity of his stare. I can sense the change between us and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Our back-and-forth is something I look forward to when he stops into Brewed Beginnings even though I wouldn’t admit it out loud. But this here is something different. Completely different.

My comeback dies on my lips as my eyes meet his. There’s a challenge there, a silent invitation to acknowledge the unspoken tension between us. I know it has always been there and I’ve ignored it because this can’t happen.

I swallow hard in an effort to regain my composure. Finally, I’m able to form words. “You think you’ve got me all figured out, right?”

“Maybe not all figured out. But I’m willing to take my time and learn.”

His words hang in the air, mostly because I’m not sure how to react and Levi is waiting to see what I will do with that information. Before either of us can say anything else, a loud voice interrupts us.

“Levi! There you are!”

We both jump away from each other as if we were caught doing something wrong. I turn toward the source of the voice and see Asher, one of Levi’s teammates. He stands there with a beer in his hand and a smirk on his face that says he thinks he knows what he interrupted.

Levi and I step back from one another, pretending like nothing happened. Levi stands up straight and crosses his arms over his chest while I take a few more steps back, creating even more space between us.

Asher doesn’t seem fazed at all and continues talking as if nothing is wrong, “Hey, dude, where have you been? Come on, let’s go play some pool in the basement.”

Levi glances at Asher before his attention is shifted back to me. “Yeah sure, let’s go.”

But he doesn’t move. It’s like he is waiting for me to say or do something first, and I am eager to get out of this situation as soon as possible.

“I need to head back to Jade.”

With a small dip of his head, Levi walks away without another word or glance in my direction and I do the same.

I find myself weaving through the crowd as soon as I reach the hallway. There are more people here than when I came in, but I can’t focus on what is happening before me. All my mind wants to do is replay my conversation with Levi.

I snatch my phone out of my pocket and quickly send a text to Levi with my schedule. After seeing him in person, I figure there’s no point in waiting any longer. When I make a promise, I intend to keep it.

Once I’ve pocketed my phone, I continue on my mission to find my best friend. I’m so caught up in thinking about Levi that I almost miss Jade who isn’t in the living room anymore and is instead standing near the front door.

“There you are!” she exclaims. “Ready to go? I’m not really feeling this party like I thought it would be.”

“Yeah,” I say as I look over my shoulder and glance at the kitchen once more. “More than ready.”

I zip up the jacket I never got a chance to take off as we leave the party and step out into the cool night. I can’t deny leaving the noise and chaos behind me is a relief. But I also can’t stop thinking about Levi.