Sidelined Love: Chapter 31

The next morning, I wake up slowly and peacefully. There isn’t a blaring alarm from my phone or someone banging on the front door. It’s just me naturally waking up after a full night’s rest.

It’s strange, yet I love it.

I open my eyes and I notice I’m not alone. Given where I am, it doesn’t make sense that I would be.

I turn my head until my eyes land on Levi, who is still sleeping beside me. His chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm, and it seems as if the demons he’s fighting when he’s awake allow him to rest when he’s asleep. My fingers are itching to play with his messy hair, but I refrain, not wanting to disturb him.

I watch him silently, taking in the strong lines of his jaw and the faint stubble. Deciding that I can’t spend my time just staring at him while I wait for him to wake up, I slip out of his bed and manage to not wake him up.

I make my way into his kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. I can’t help but look through what he has in the way of coffee, and I’m mildly impressed. He has a selection that would make most coffee shops envious, beans from all over the world neatly lined up in mason jars with handwritten labels. I must have missed this last night when I was distracted by his drunken state. I pick out a blend that promises notes of caramel and chocolate because I know it’s going to be good.

When did he get this? Not that it matters.

I settle onto a barstool at his kitchen island, the mug warming my hands. I’ve barely taken my first sip when I hear footsteps against the hardwood floor. Levi comes into view, and I can’t help but stare at him. He’s definitely still half asleep but looks much better than he did last night.

“Morning,” he says, the huskiness in his voice sending an unexpected shiver down my spine. “Not going to lie, I’m surprised you’re still here.”

“Good morning, and there was no way I was leaving you before I confirmed how you were doing this morning,” I reply with a small smile. “I hope you don’t mind, I made myself some coffee. I didn’t know you had this fancy set up.”

He smirks and pulls a mug down from a cabinet. “I didn’t until recently.”

“Oh really?”

Levi’s smirk grows into a full-fledged grin as he pushes the hair from his forehead. “Wanted to impress a certain coffee barista I know as well as make her feel more comfortable at my apartment. Figured coffee might be the way to her heart,” he admits, pouring himself a cup and taking a seat next to me.

I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face. “Well, you were right,” I admit, taking another sip of my coffee. “This does make me feel more at home.”

There’s a comfortable silence between us as we both enjoy the peacefulness of the morning. I’m struck by how cozy this all feels, and although I want to tell him this, I fight the urge to break the silence.

“So,” he starts, breaking the silence as he turns to me, “about last night…”

I put down my mug, preparing to listen to whatever he is willing to say. “What about it?”

“I just wanted to say thanks. Not only for coming to Asher’s but for sticking around afterward. You didn’t have to, and I know that.” He runs a hand through his hair, pausing as if he’s searching for the right words. “Having you there, it meant a lot to me. After having to deal with my father putting me down again, it felt good to have someone there that I felt was there for me and only me.”

“Your father is what led to you spiraling last night?”

Levi nods. “I had a bad game, and he was determined to make my evening worse, so I decided to get drunk enough that I didn’t have to think.”

I stare at him, hoping that he’s telling a joke that isn’t funny. He’s going to say that he’s just kidding right?

Wrong. He doesn’t say anything to take it back.

“You don’t know how much I want to storm over to your parents’ house and speak my mind.”

“That won’t help much.”

“You never know if you don’t try it. Sometimes I like to watch things burn before asking questions,” I say, and I mean every word.

Levi gives me a dry chuckle. “I can see how that would work to your advantage.”

“Regardless, as I said last night, it’s no big deal,” I say, but it’s more so me being nervous about where this conversation could be going that has me trying to put another wall up.

This time he leans over to touch me, allowing his hand to hold onto mine. I’ve quickly learned this is a comfort thing for him. “And as I said, you say it’s no big deal, but it is. You didn’t have to come last night when I was in the midst of… whatever that was, but you did.”

He’s right, I didn’t have to go to him, but I did. And I’m finally willing to admit that.

“Okay, it was a big deal, mostly because I left the warmth and comfort of my apartment to go to you.” I wait a beat to see his reaction and when he shakes his head and smiles, I continue, “But seriously, it’s a big deal because not only did you want me in your time of need, but I also wanted to be there for you.”

“That means more than you’ll ever know. Because I needed you last night. More than I’ve ever needed anyone else.” His hand squeezes mine gently.

I don’t pull away or mask my feelings with sarcasm. Instead, I let the connection we share remain because it makes me feel whole. I think it’s helping him too.

“Just so you know, all of this is frightening to me. This is supposed to remain a casual thing, Levi.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean things can’t change if we want them to.”

Once again, he’s right, and while I’m not too keen on the thought of change, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try. I hesitate before I finally gather enough courage to say the words on the tip of my tongue. “Is this something we want to do?”

The tables have shifted slightly. I feel more vulnerable by asking the question because I’m afraid of his answer.

“So, I talked to Asher yesterday… before everything happened at his place.”

I nod and wait for him to continue.

“And he asked me if I would be okay with things between us remaining as they are.”

“And? What did you say?”

“I told him I would because if that’s the only way I could get you, then that would be enough. But that was a lie.”

I swear I can hear my blood pounding in my ears. There’s no doubt in my mind he’s going to say that he wants more than just a casual relationship with me.

He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I’m saying that I care about you, Hailey. A lot more than I ever planned to. And I don’t want to keep pretending that this is just a casual thing between us. At least on my end.”

I’m stunned into silence as I process Levi’s words. Is this really happening to me? The sincerity I see in his eyes tells me it is as he waits to hear what I have to say in return.

Part of me wants to pull back, to retreat behind the walls I’ve built around my heart after having a front-row seat to my mother abandoning her family. But I don’t want to run and hide anymore. I owe it to myself to explore this and if it leads to my getting hurt in the process, at least I can say I tried.

“I agree that what’s going on between us isn’t casual anymore.”

Levi raises an eyebrow at me. “Does that mean you’re agreeing with me, and you want to see where this goes? On a more serious basis?”

“Yeah. I mean, I can’t promise it’ll be easy. My issues with trust and commitment won’t just disappear overnight.” I pause, chewing my lip. “But I want to try. With you.”

Levi reaches out, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “That’s all I’m asking for. We’ll take it one step at a time. But I need to do this first.”

He lets go of my hand and pulls the stool over so that my legs are now between his. He leans forward and lays a searing kiss on my lips, leaving me breathless.

As we break apart, he rests his forehead against mine.

“I’ve wanted to do that all morning,” he says.

“But you’ve only just woken up,” I reply.

“And I’ve been wanting to do it since I cracked my eyes open.”

I can’t help but laugh at him. “Well, I’m glad you finally did. And I’m glad we finally did this,” I say, gesturing between the two of us.

“Me too. You know what the next step in taking this one step at a time is?”

“What’s that?” I ask as I’m wondering where this is going.

“Ordering breakfast to be delivered. Let me grab my phone,” he says as he reaches for the device that either he or I must have put on the kitchen counter when we got back last night.

“So is this what boyfriends do?”

Levi pauses, his hand hovering over his phone on the counter. A slow smile spreads across his face.

“Boyfriend, huh?” He licks his lips. “I like the sound of that.”

Heat rises in my cheeks. I meant it casually, testing the word out, but it hits me that I just took a running leap over the ledge into relationship territory.

Levi grins but doesn’t try to save me from myself. In fact, he continues staring at his phone, searching for some place we can order from.

“I mean, we don’t have to put a label on it yet if you don’t want to,” I backtrack quickly, wondering if I took a step too far. Hell, I only threw it out there to see how I liked the sound of it and didn’t think before I said it.

“You know,” he pauses as he looks up for his phone, “every time I think I’ve got you figured out, you surprise me in the best possible way.”

Levi steps closer, puts his phone down in front of me, but gently cradles my face in his hands. “It’s okay. I’m all in on this, Hailey. One hundred percent. And yeah, boyfriend does sound nice.”

My heart flutters hearing him say it outright like that. I try to play it cool, shrugging my shoulders.

“Oh, alright then. Boyfriend it is.”

Levi laughs, drawing me in for another long kiss. When we finally break apart, he keeps his arms wrapped loosely around my waist.

“As your new boyfriend, it’s my duty to make sure you’re fed. Pick what you want and I’m going to run to the bathroom real quick.”

“Sounds good to me,” I say as I grab his phone and he leaves the room. As I’m scanning the menu, Levi receives a text message from a group chat called Ice Kings and it doesn’t stop going off. Part of me knows I shouldn’t do it, but I click the notification anyway.

Group Chat: Ice Kings

“Did you figure out what you wanted to eat?”

I jump two feet in the air at the question and place my hand on my heart. “Make a little noise, why don’t you?”

“Sorry about scaring you,” he says as he sits back down in the barstool he’d abandoned.

“And I’m sorry that I checked your text messages. One of your group chats was going off and making it hard to concentrate on ordering food.”

“Which group chat?”

“One labeled Ice Kings.”

Levi shrugs. “Typical.”

Since I’m clearly on a winning streak, I continue. “Your teammates know I’m here.”

“Is that a concern for you?”

“I’m not sure if I’m being honest.”

Levi places his hand on my knee before he says, “Their opinions don’t mean a thing to me. Only you do. Now let’s finish ordering food.”

His nonchalant attitude about the whole thing put me at ease and that is all I can ask for at this moment.

And some food.

Definitely some food.