Accidental Surrogate For Alpha Novel Chapter 39

Ella I can’t explain it, but for some reason Sinclair’s tender care upsets me more than if he was angry. It’s taken me a while to come back to myself –as the fog of my shock wore off and the utter safety and security of being with Sinclair thawed my frozen senses, I found my emotions slowly returning. Just not the ones I expected.

Do I want him to be angry? I wonder. Why? Because it somehow hurts me that he doesn’t seem to care that I defied him?

Because I feel badly for breaking his rules and want to see that they weren’t all for show? Because I’m so angry with myself for what happened tonight, and I feel like I deserve to be punished?

I don’t have the answers to these questions, though on some level I suspect all my theories have a kernel of truth. Either way, I find myself picking an argument, rather than letting him comfort me.

Sinclair sighs, though he still doesn’t release me entirely. “I didn’t want to worry you.” He explains, his handsome features a hard mask. “There’s only been one so far, and you know I’ve been worried about your stress levels.”

“Is that why you were called away the other day?” I inquire, his sudden disappearance from the kitchen making more sense now.

“Yes.” He confirms, “It was horrible honestly. Almost a dozen dead in broad daylight and twice as many injured. They didn’t smell like the same wolves who were in the alley with you tonight, but I’m sure they were hired by the same person.”

“The prince?” I guess , shifting my hold on the ice pack as my fingers gradually go numb.

“That’s right.” Sinclair nods. “I’ve been searching for them ever since, but I think he’s probably protecting them.”

“Will you search for the ones who came after me tonight?” I murmur, not understanding the sudden bloodlust I feel. It must be my maternal instincts responding to the threat against my pup – I’ve never wished anyone dead before, no matter what they’ve done to me, but I want nothing more than for Sinclair to destroy those cruel wolves.

Sinclair nods. “I will hunt them down and tear them to absolute pieces.” He snarls, letting out more of his wolf than I think he intended.

I’m amazed to realize I’m smiling about such a macabre idea. Frankly I’m amazed I can smile about anything so soon after the attack, even if it is a somber grin. Either way the stretch of my lips pulls on my cut, and soon my smile is a grimace of pain. “Ow, ow, ow.”

Sinclair tsks, “poor, vicious, darling.” He croons, resting his forehead against mine and petting my sides.

“Is it terrible that I wish them harm?” I whisper, gazing into his green eyes, mere inches from mine.

“Of course not.” Sinclair promises, smiling himself now, “you really are becoming more like a wolf every day.”

A painful pang blooms in my chest. He seems so pleased every time I do something he considers wolfish. It might just be that he’s happy the pup is growing, but it really feels like he doesn’t approve of my humanity – as if he wants me to be a wolf and will take any scraps of behavior he can get. I’m getting lost in my thoughts now, but Sinclair soon pulls my focus back to him.

Framing my face in his hands but careful to avoid touching my bruise, he prompts, “Would you like to tell me why you snuck out tonight – after everything we went through the other day?”

I peek up at him from beneath my lashes, “Am I in a lot of trouble?”

“Just answer the question, Ella.” He admonishes. Part of me wishes he’d tell me I am in trouble – if I am it means he hasn’t given up on me. But it worries me when he goes stoic and unreadable. His anger I can handle, his grim contemplation makes me fear he might decide I’m not worth the hassle and void our deal – taking the baby from me.

“I just needed a night away from all this.” I share, gesturing to our surroundings. “I needed to feel human again, just for a little while. And I thought it would be fine since we were sticking to human territories and businesses. I didn’t know about the other attack.”

“Ella, the other attack isn’t what matters.” Sinclair rumbles sternly, pulling my distracted thoughts back to the present. “I told you it was dangerous for you to be out without guards, you promised me you wouldn’t do this again and you broke your word at the very first opportunity.” I can see his temper flaring now, flashing in his eyes as we finally address the events which led up to the attack. “What were you thinking? After everything I’ve told you about the Prince, after everything you’ve learned is at stake in this campaign.”

“But it’s your campaign, not mine.” I argue. “And I’ve turned my entire life upside down, given up my entire identity to support it.

At the very least I think I deserve a night to myself.”

“I will gladly give you a night to yourself.” Sinclair agreed, “but if you’re going to be out in the city, you need protection!”

“I don’t want to have to ask permission just to set one foot out the front door!” I burst out. “I shouldn’t have to have babysitters just to go to the park or the grocery store. I don’t know how anyone can live with those kinds of restraints, Dominic.”

“I understand better than you think, Ella.” Dominic confesses, “I don’t like having to drag around half a dozen people with me either, but it’s a necessary evil. Just think about the baby, if not for yourself, please take these precautions for the pup.”

I push down off the counter, shaking my head as I stride past him. “I don’t think you realize just how much you’re asking of me –

or how difficult this is. A month ago I led a completely different existence and now everything has changed and everything I thought I knew – was wrong. The only thing I have left is my independence, and now you’re demanding that too!”

“I don’t want to take your independence, or your freedom, Ella.” Sinclair insists, “And I know this isn’t how you wanted to have your baby – but it isn’t exactly what I wanted either. I always imagined I would share the experience with my mate and that we’d be a family forever. I never imagined contracts and custody and fake relationships.” Ouch. It’s completely true, and yet the statement cuts me to the core. “So we can make the best of our situation, or we can let it divide us. Now, I for one, think we should be a team. I want our baby to have two loving, united parents, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” I murmur, tears springing to my eyes. I need to get out of here before I start to cry. “And I think we’ll get there.

But right now I just need some time to myself. I’m going to sleep in my rooms tonight.”

I turn to leave, but Sinclair’s deep voice stops me. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I pause, turning back in bafflement, “Why not?”

“You’ve had a traumatic experience, you might have nightmares.” He reasons.

I roll my eyes, turning back to the door. “I’ve had traumatic experiences before and I’ve always gotten myself through them just fine – nightmares or not.”

“I understand that, but you don’t have to get through it alone anymore.” Sinclair counters, his footsteps sounding behind me.

“And I understand that you might not want to let the pup out of your sight after the attack, but if you want me to avoid stress, then I need some space to process this.” I reply, trying to empathize with his perspective.

I can practically hear him grappling for another excuse, before he finally gives up the pretense and commands. “Ella, I’m sorry, but I can’t allow that.”

“Excuse me?” I scoff, turning to face him.

He’s standing a few feet away, clenching and unclenching his fists as the muscle in his jaw twitches with agitation. Something about his behavior makes me think this has nothing to do with my potential nightmares, or his own possessive instincts. I have the distinct intuition that he’s keeping something from me – like the first rogue attack.

Narrowing my eyes, I sidle forehead, feeling an inexplicable wave of intuition that not all is as it seems. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“What do you mean?” Sinclair questions impassively.

“I mean that you were already in a security frenzy before there was ever a rogue attack, and unless you’re a complete tyrant and just determined to control me, all these precautions must mean you have another reason to be afraid. I don’t think you’re a tyrant – despite your spot on impression at times – so what aren’t you telling me?” Now that I see it, it seems so obvious. I don’t know how I missed it before.

“Fine,” He sighs, looking as though he’s about to deliver my death sentence. “I’m sorry, Ella, but there really was someone in your rooms the other night.”