Guilt

RORY

The ambulance drives off across the lacrosse field, and I’ve never felt so guilty in my life.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t step up and heal Eddie. Not in front of everyone.

The risk is too great. If people see what I can do, they’ll start asking questions. They’d snoop around, and the secrecy of the pack’s existence would be threatened.

No matter how much I hated seeing the pained expression on his face and no matter how much I felt like I owed him one small kindness, I couldn’t do it.

“You did the right thing,” Freya says, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“It still feels horrible.”

The guilty feeling stays with me the entire journey back to the pack. Everett picks me up and doesn’t ask any questions about my mood.

I don’t feel like talking. There’s nothing else I could have done. Everett can sense how I’m feeling—he knows to give me space.

When we pull up outside the packhouse, I look up at the gray, stone structure. It looks cold. An impenetrable fortress.

My phone buzzes in my pocket.

Freya

Hey girl

Freya

don’t beat yourself up about earlier

Freya

you did the right thing

Rory

thanks

Rory

i just feel bad for eddie

Freya

he’ll be fine

Freya

remember that time you tripped and toppled into him and he fell down a flight of stairs?

Rory

don’t remind me!

Rory

🙈🙈🙈

Freya

he bounced back super quick

Rory

that’s true

Freya

anywaaaaaaaaay are you home yet?

Freya

has ace asked about me? 😍😍

Rory

i haven’t seen him yet

Freya

i can’t wait to come to visit again

Freya

ask your wolfman when i can come

Rory

will do!

EVERETT

Rory has been acting depressed ever since I picked her up.

I want to ask her what’s on her mind, but I can tell she isn’t ready to talk about it yet. I know she’ll open up when she’s ready.

Still, it hurts my chest to see her so down.

When we arrive home, we head straight to our room. Rory is on her phone texting until I shut the door, then she finally turns, ready to speak.

“When can Freya come and visit again?”

Every cell in my body, every fiber of my being, wants to make her happy. But there’s no way the council will allow Freya to make a return visit.

I cross the room and stroke Rory’s cheek.

“We talked about this,” I say. “Freya’s visit was a one-time thing.”

Rory pulls away from my touch.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“I feel torn,” she says. “I used to feel like I belonged at school with my friends, and then I found you. And I felt at home here.”

Her little body is beginning to quiver.

“Now I don’t know where I belong.”

I step to her and take her in my arms. She lets me wrap her up and pull her close to my chest.

“What’s brought all of this on?”

“A boy got hurt today at school, and I couldn’t use my powers to help. I just had to stand there and watch him suffer.”

“I’m sorry about that,” I kiss the top of her head and rub her back. “It was for the best, you know that right?”

“I do,” she says, sniffing. “But I keep thinking once school ends I’ll have to say goodbye to this big, important part of my life and…”

She buries her face in my chest before continuing.

“I thought if Freya could come and visit me here I could hold on to some of those memories.”

“I understand,” I say. “I wish it could be another way.”

“Can’t it?” she asks. Her eyes are staring up at me, wide and glossy.

“You know it can’t. It’s too dangerous and the council would never allow it.”

Rory pushes herself free and steps back. “But you’re the alpha. Don’t you make the rules?”

She’s being unreasonable. I can’t rule with an iron fist and expect respect from my subjects.

“You know it doesn’t work like that.”

She sighs and I see a little bit of light leave her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

I reach out for her hand but she pulls away.

“I’m going to take a bath,” she says, turning to head for the en suite.

She shuts the door behind her and my hands ball into fists.

All I want to do is make her happy, but there are centuries of tradition standing in my way.

Walls of history and custom that I want to punch a hole through.

If only I could.

RORY

Steam rises from the surface of the water. I lean my head back against the edge of the tub, closing my eyes and trying not to think about anything.

But I can’t stop the thoughts from coming.

All my life I felt like an outsider.

School was my refuge. A place where I felt like I could be myself. But it wasn’t perfect.

I was bullied. Made fun of. Put down by my classmates.

Perhaps my feeling of refuge was a lie. Maybe school was simply the lesser of two evils.

I never knew any better—until I found Everett.

But his pack is another matter. As much as they’ve tried to accept me, welcome me in, and treat me like one of their own—I stand apart.

I’m human.

And no matter how hard I study or submit myself to their customs, I will never be a wolf.

My eyes shoot open.

A glaring truth has bubbled to the surface. I’m not human either.

My true heritage lies in a realm I know nothing about. My parents—my ancestors—are mysterious gods.

I’ve been studying Everett’s culture and ignoring my own.

Maybe the answers I’ve been looking for have escaped me because I’ve been looking in the wrong place.

~Aurora…~

I hear her voice in my head. The voice I heard the night of the prom. When I saved Freya, I heard her in the plane between the living and the dead.

I couldn’t see her, but I felt a connection that I couldn’t explain.

~Does she have the answers I’m looking for?~

The only way I know to get to that plane is to die.

~How am I supposed to figure out where I belong if I can’t even get to the place where the answers are?~

~I wonder…~

Maybe there is a way. I’ve had dreams of that place. I’ve heard the voices calling from the mist in my sleep.

What if I could access that plane without dying? It’s worth a try.

Later, when Everett is asleep, I slip out of bed and sneak from our room. I head to the library, trying to make as little sound as possible.

For an hour, I scan the shelves, pulling out books that might have anything to do with other planes of existence and how to reach them.

Around three in the morning, I start to feel like I’m running out of books when I finally stumble across a curious-looking, leather-bound edition.

Stuck between two massive tomes, this book is smaller and looks older than the rest.

I scan the pages, stopping when I find what appears to be an incantation to allow the living to pass into the land of the dead.

~This is it!~

It seems simple enough.

I find a comfortable corner of the library and light a nearby candle.

Sitting cross-legged, I recite the incantation and close my eyes. I can feel my spirit lifting out of my body…

White mist begins to swirl around me…

And then…

A gust of wind through an open window distracts me, pulling me out.

With a huff, I stand and shut the window.

I need to concentrate. One break in my focus and my connection to the other side breaks.

Determined to make it work this time, I repeat the process.

Sitting cross-legged, reciting the incantation, and closing my eyes, I focus all my attention on the sensation of leaving my body.

Gently, I float from my body and into the atmosphere. Mist swirls and puffs around me until I’m surrounded, and finally, I place my feet on solid ground.

~I made it!~ I think, looking around at my familiar surroundings.

I’ve made it here without dying.

But I don’t have much time. I can already feel my focus slipping. It’s taking all the energy I can muster to stay here.

I start to wander.

“Hello?” I call out. “Is anyone there?”

Nothing. Not even the whispers of souls that usually accompany me here.

My head is becoming light. My vision is blurring. I’m worried I could pass out at any moment.

But I keep searching.

“Hello!”

Sweat is dripping from my forehead. I’m about to slip when I hear her voice…

“Aurora.”

I turn to see a woman bathed in light. She’s amazingly beautiful. Flowing dark hair drapes over her shoulders in soft curves.

A long golden robe cascades down her statuesque figure.

I stare at her eyes, and for a moment I feel as if I’m looking in a mirror. They’re the same. Our eyes are the same!

“Aurora,” she says, and smiles.

I take a step toward her…

“Mom?”