Chapter 32

Heather

I guess I was going to have to do it. I didn't want to talk to a therapist but I know it will help and frankly I'm sick and tired of being the one that is afraid, and not having the utmost love for Gabriele because I have anxiety and the nightmares keep coming back.

I walked up to the steps to the floor on which the office was. Tristen gave me his card this morning and said he had all morning open. I know one session won't solve my problems but I needed to start somewhere and just see the glimmer of hope and work from there.

I went up to the receptionist and she said I could go in.

I knocked on the door and a voice from the other side told me that I could come in. A man in his early thirties was sitting at a desk, he wore a pair of glasses and looked up. He stood up and was much taller than I realized, he walked to me and stretched out his hand.

"I'm Joshua Stein you must me Tristen's sister-"

"Heather" I answered. He shook my hand and released.

"Let's begin."

He took a seat on a chair on the one side and I took a seat on the other. I was nervous and I was already feeling sick, this flu sucks.

"So what seems to be the problem?" He asked. I tried to explain to him how I felt and about my nightmares, I was amazed at how I even managed to tell him something so intimate. After I explained to him what happened he took a few seconds and just looked at me as I just shifted in my seat.

"You still have anxiety because you can't let go of what happened. When you feel the pain again, I want you to scream and cry. Cry for as long as you want, days or weeks, until you feel like you can let go. You have talked to Gabriele right?" I nodded, I have and it wasn't a great conversation but he understood.

"Go back to him after the break and after you've felt what you needed and tell him that you love him. Yes, this may seem strange but feeling his love would ease what you feel if you let it. It might take some time but after you decide that you are not your own prisoner then you are free. You may feel like you aren't supposed to be alive but  you are and I think that reason is Gabriele- you were made for him and is here to help him." I urgently stood up and asked him where the bathroom is.

I rushed to the bathroom and I threw up again. I hate being sick but this is just ridiculous.

I wiped my mouth and walked out casually back to his office. Yikes.

"Are you okay?"

"Other than what we just discussed, I think I have a stomach bug." He raised his eyebrow.

"Oh, well you should be getting home, my last piece of advice is to let it all out and then let all the good in. See the love around you and take it." He ushered me out the door, I felt better after what he said and at the same time, everything that happened came rushing back.

I went home and as soon as I entered the door, I broke.

I started crying and rushed to my room locking it.

For three hours I cried and cried. I felt so stupid but this has been bottled up for months. Somewhere along the lines, I felt serenity, like I was done crying and I could face the world. I stepped out back into the living room where Tristen was working on his laptop.

"I took the day off." He stated and looked at me worriedly.

"How did it go?" I gave him a small smile that I hadn't given anyone in a while, a happy smile.

"He helped a lot, I admit the accident left scars and that I've been having anxiety issues lately but the scars are healing, one thing he did say changed my outlook."

"And what was that?"

"That I'm alive for a reason and perhaps it is for Gabriele and Luca." Hopefully, things could just get better from here.

For the next two weeks, I screamed and cried some more and eventually, I could admit I have problems but I'm also working through them.

I just landed and I was walking to the exit where Luca came rushing to me.

"Mommy!" He stormed me like a soldier and slammed into me clinging to my legs, I dropped my baggage and picked him up.

"I missed you." He whined and pecked the cutest kiss on my cheek.

"I missed you too buddy." I ruffled his hair and Gabriele strutted towards me and hugged me as I released from Luca. He kissed me. I pulled back breathlessly.

"I missed you so much." He smiled and kissed me again but this time he pulled back.

"I can't believe it was just two weeks, it felt like a year."

"Yes it did my dear, I want to ask you something." He picked up my bags and I took Luca's hand as we walked to his car.

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking that two weeks without you was killing me and I don't want to spend another day without you as my wife, so... can we get married in two weeks?"

"..and before you say no, and that we agreed we could wait however long, I think that  a month is more than enough time to be engaged."

"Yes, let's do that." He looked at me shocked.

"You..you agreed, I thought you would freak." I shook my head, it's not like we were rushing into marriage and if it is even possible to plan a wedding in two weeks I'll be so happy to have him as mine. I'm taking the therapists advice, feeling the love and welcoming it.

"I don't think I have to freak out, I mean my mother basically started planning my wedding as soon as I said yes and I'm thinking your mother has been doing the same."

"Yes she has, so buddy I see you're getting a mommy in two weeks." Luca looked at me confused.

"But she's already my mommy." I smiled and awed as Gabriele opened the door for Luca after he put my bags down.

"And she's already my wife but a wedding is in order first."

As soon as I was home I called my mother and Gabriele's mother. Gabriele was a little peeved because after two weeks he wanted some 'us' time. They came rushing to the house with binder and ideas, they chatted with each other and they were so excited. I snuck away when they were comparing color schemes.

I frankly didn't care about what the color was or the flavor of the cake or even where we were getting married, all I care about is that I am marrying Gabriele.

I entered the room where Gabriele was busy working on his laptop, Luca wanted to go to his Grandfather's since he didn't like being here with our mothers cooing about him and every time he walked by pinching his cheeks so he wasn't home.

I knocked and Gabriele looked up.

"Hi, beautiful." He gave me a lazy smile.

"Hey." He pulled back his chair and I sat on his lap, staring into his beautiful brown eyes.

"If you really still want to wait we can." He said.

"I don't, a wedding is merely a formality, our mothers have everything organized basically. I only gave them the colors I liked and that I want to choose my own dress and they are doing the rest.

"I missed you so much." He rested his head in the crook of my neck, I inhaled his deep scent and everything inside me came alive, I felt a hardness press into my leg.

"I can feel you did." He chuckled and his eyes darkened slightly.

"That's not exactly what I meant but that too, you know...if our mothers left we would have the whole house to ourselves."

"I think it's time they left."

I got back downstairs and they already had a list they were working through.

I rested my head on my mother's shoulder like I did when I was little. She smiled at me.

"I can't believe my little girl is going to get married so soon."

"Uhm I'm really tired." My mother smiled.

"Okay I think we have our action plan ready, tomorrow we'll go order flowers and then I'll book the ceremony hall and the reception. After that, we're going dress shopping. Gabriele will have to help pick the menu tomorrow and the DJ." With that both of them parted, the next two weeks are going to be busy but it will be worth it.

I went back upstairs and Gabriele was changing into his pj's, he stopped when he saw me and then like lightning he threw the pants he was dressing into on the floor and picked me up and placed me on the bed.

"I have a surprise for you."He took out some rope and slowly undressed me, this time he tied my hands in front of me and smiled.

"This way you can touch me too." He tore open the foil package and put it on, he slowly started moving inside of me, I gasped at how my body warmed up and my heart was beating out of my chest. This time he didn't bind my feet and only my hands, we've talked about other positions but they started playing on the line I didn't want to cross.

He moved faster and I pulled him closer with my bound hands, he pulled out suddenly.

"Why did you stop?" I gasped in a moan.

"Because I have something to add." He got out a bottle with purple gel, on the bottle I could read 'self-heating intimate gel' He squirted some in his palm, he pulled my legs apart, he slid his two fingers down my sweet spot and just like promised the heat started rising, he took this opportunity and enter me again.

This time it was just soo much more, it was so hot and sweaty. This night was going to be long.