Part 36: Confession

She looked at his phone. She didn't needed any proof now to know that he was innocent. She had already realized what a grave mistake she had made.

She was scared of his reaction, of his anger. Though he didn't do anything there were chances he would do now.

Will he throw her out of his house now? He will divorce her maybe.

Hours passed with her sitting in the same position looking at the balcony. Her tears had dried down. The tears of guilt, shame, and anger. She was angry at herself for projecting her insecurities on him.

She couldn't believe she was becoming that one person she hated. She thought Rayaan would be like him but she realised she was the one who was like him. She had not realized that she become like him in her marriage - ignorant and selfish.

Everything was repeating in her mind from her childhood to the marriage and the life after marriage.

It was Rayaan who was taking every step in their marriage, even if she didn't acknowledge he would do so much for her. He tried to make space for her in his life but she never did.

Each and every memory of them was mocking her. Everything was so beautiful between them a few days ago and now it was all ruined. Just because of her.

There was no chance this marriage was going to survive now. All because of her stupidity. He would leave her now. Her thoughts were haunting her. Every worst thing possible was in her head.

The noise of the door opening grabbed her attention, he entered in the same state he left earlier. Locking the door, he started making his way towards her. Every step he took raised her heartbeats. He didn't spare her a glance or make an effort to talk to her unlike before.

He chose to silently lay down almost on the edge of the bed. It was hard to guess if he was respecting her wish or if he himself didn't want to get touched by her now.

Again, moments of silence passed, but neither of them tried to break the silence. They were lost in their own world.

Gathering some leftover courage, she whisper-asked, "Are you angry?"

She was only met with silence. Tears pooled in her eyes again but she knew better that she had hurt him badly. Really badly.

She knew she messed up, and now she was left with nothing.

"Ra... Rayaan? " her voice croaked. She was looking at his back that was facing her.

His body went stiff. He opened his eyes with a jerk, this was the first time she was taking his name. Her taking his name pulled some strings in his heart, but the situation at hand was not making him feel good.

He was in a dilemma to feel happy or sad about the situation.

He sat up, "I am hurt and disappointed," he whispered, still facing his back towards her.

"I am sorry," she said as she thought of the damage done by her. How hurt he must be. She could only imagine, but he was living that hurt.

"You not only thought that I am capable of cheating on you, but you also thought that I will hit you. Didn't you? You thought so low of me." The pain in his voice was making her even guiltier as if she was any less.

"Please tell me where did I went wrong that you thought such disgusting things of me," he turned towards her. She gasped, looking at his red eyes.

He had cried, and it multiplied her guilt.

He was the one who always tried to make her comfortable, he always tried to make her happy. He was the one who always thought of her. And, needless to mention, he was the one who was taking extra steps in their marriage.

She lowered her eyes, unable to match with him. "You didn't. I went wrong. I am sorry... I am. Sorry," she hiccupped, wiping her eyes and nose with the sleeve of her shirt.

Rayaan's heart ached to see her condition, her disheveled state, her exhausted self.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how they were going to deal with the problem.

He only knew one thing at the moment. His wife was losing herself, and he had to be there for her. Looking at her condition, he knew there was more than a mere misunderstanding.

He shifted a little closer to her to wipe off her tears.

Finding him close, she wrapped her arms around his neck, while he caught her in his arms as a reflex.

"I am really sorry... Please... I am sorry." He could hear her muffled voice while his shirt was getting wet from her tears.

She was having an emotional breakdown, he realized it and quickly tightened his hold around her. He was trying his best to calm her down, but he could only hear her muffled sorry and hiccups in the silence of the room.

He started whispering sweet nothings into her ears while gently rubbing her back with one hand, while the other held her head. "Everything is fine, Meera. I am here with you. I am here."

He kept cradling her in his arms till she stopped crying. She was clutching onto him as if he would go away. It took her some time to calm down and when she did she refused to let him go. They were cuddled up on the bed supported by the headboard.

Rayaan was gently stroking her smooth locks. She was resting against his chest looking at nothingness. His gentle touch was making her feel vulnerable. She accused him, she treated him so bad still he was there for her. He was there to calm her down. He was sitting holding her hand and asking nothing.

If not him who was she supposed to trust?

"She is the most amazing person I know. She doesn't know how beautiful she is. The innocence and love in her eyes can even melt a stone. But I guess her husband is worse than a stone." She slowly whispered.

Rayaan looked at her to find her looking somewhere distant. Her eyes zeroed at him, and it took Rayaan moments to realize she was sharing something with him.

He kept mum looking at her.

"You know, she has always been obedient and a submissive wife, married at 17, she worshipped her husband.

I have seen it with my eyes, she didn't even know how to scold. Once I did a mistake, and she was so scared, she called him and asked what to do with me because she didn't even know how to punish me."

The corners of her lips lifted up to form a smile, a sad smile. Rayaan could only look at her with a heavy heart.

"She wanted to be a doctor but got married when she was just about to take her 12th exams. My grandfather asked her if she wanted to study more but my mother just shook her head. Yes! She wanted to study, but they were not financially that well.

My mother had four more siblings, and three sisters of my grandfather were also living with them, so grandfather had to pay the fees of eight children with his job. He tried to do well and make them all study, but it was not possible. So being the eldest daughter, my mom just let it go for her and let her siblings study.

She was married to the man who didn't have a job. He didn't even feel like having responsibilities"

She lifted her eyes up to find Rayaan looking at her, rubbing her back. "Once she told me that she didn't like the man she was getting married to when she first saw him, but she still chose to get married to him because he was her father's choice.

Just at 17, she became a housewife. Surrounded by taunts and abuse, she would do the work. She once showed me a passport-sized photo of hers that was clicked for a document after I was born. She looked so pale and petite. Even in the photograph, I could see her bones popping out.

Turns out that she was working even when she was heavily pregnant, in her eighth month.

Her husband's family was of animals. They treated her like you treat a thing. The only difference was my mother could breathe and eat.

Her Mother-in-law always taunted her for being from a less financially stable family and not bringing much dowry. Even though it was one of the best weddings at that time of the marriage. My maternal grandfather did everything possible to make it the best wedding.

Since her husband didn't earn a penny, she was always the target of her husband's family. I don't know how they couldn't understand that it was not her fault. When they couldn't help their son get employed, how could she help? "

She looked at Rayaan teary-eyed. He was feeling heavy listening to her every word. He could feel the pain and helplessness in her voice. But unfortunately, he couldn't do anything other than listening to her. He caressed her face trying to soothe the pain she was feeling.

She held his hand closer to her heart, Today she wanted to let everything out of her system. She was carrying her baggage for a long, she needed to keep it down now. She leaned onto his chest again, "A very heated argument broke out in the family asking my mother's husband to earn something. He tried looking for work and got a meager salary job. While at home, the taunts and abuses didn't get any better for my mother.

Another fight broke out between the family when he decided to start his own business. There, people were sure he wouldn't be able to do anything. God sent him a little brain, and he decided to get my mother along with him this time. He did. But people there were afraid, afraid who would take care of them now because my mother was an easy servant for them. She did whatever they liked. They didn't want their free servant to go, so they tried to scare her off. You know, they cursed my mother, abused her.

My mother still chose her husband. She came with him to the city that was a stranger to her. She sustained herself and me with a meager salary. She would tell me once I grew up that how she spent her days that time.

When her husband was not home, she tried to work. She used it for me, for my food and school fees. My father went to the village, leaving her alone in the new city with no money to get the papers done for his business. People in the neighborhood told her he would never come back and had left her.

But she stayed there, waiting for him.

And he came after a few days. Slowly the business grew, and our condition started getting better.

My mother tried to work, but her husband never let her. He said, 'Who will take care of Meera?' But, in reality, he was afraid, of who would take care of him. My mother always treated him like a king. He was the king at home, and she even told me to treat him like a king. She respected him so much, she loved him so much. She was always at his beck and call.

She started going to classes and taking up a few small diploma courses. My maa is so talented, she did every course the teaching center had to offer. She excelled in every course. She would go to classes when her husband wouldn't come home. She did it behind his back, not wanting to anger him, and also tried to be at his service.

When she gained diplomas, she tried to tutor. She started earning that way. She kept classes the day when her husband wouldn't come home. With her salary, she would bring small necessities. Until the time her husband found out. She was again forced to stop working."

Her eyes looked enraged as if she wanted to go back to that time. The helplessness in her eyes, the anger in her eyes were too much to handle. Rayaan squeezed her arms, trying to calm her down. He pecked her tightly clutched fists, melting her in his arms. She closed her eyes remembering those days, Her voice croaked, "Every time, she was there when he needed her. But He was never there when she needed him. He treated her like trash while she treated him like a king. She made him her whole world. But he was always ignorant towards her.

Then, after years, she again tried to work, he would taunt her. He behaved so rudely until she gave up on it.

He was a selfish man who wanted her to always be at his service. She supported him when he had nothing, and the moment he got everything, he overlooked the fact that she was always there for him.

He would always choose his friends who never supported him in his struggles but were his childhood friends. And some of those friends included his love interests. They were with him only for money. She tried to tell him so many times but he slapped her shut.

I lost my respect the day I saw him slapping my mother. I, the girl who was so excited to be around her father, lost all my excitement that day.

You know, still, my mother loved him. She would act childish around him to get his attention. She looked so innocent. My poor mother, he would not even glance at her."

A tear fell from her eyes, as everything repeated in her mind again. Her palms were shivering, and Rayaan held her palms.

" Meera, you don't have to hurt yourself by remembering it. You don't have to tell me everything. You need to rest Sweetheart, Please don't stress yourself" He pecked her forehead holding her close to his heart."If not today, I won't ever be able to tell you this." He heard her muffled whisper as she continued,

"Even his parents regretted sending her away. Whenever she would go back to the village, she would do everything for them, and they would always look for opportunities to keep her. But thanks to my studies, we did not spend much time there.

None of them deserved my mother. She was too pure for them.

I wish, I really wish my mother was never married to him. I wouldn't have been born, I know. But my mother might have got a husband who deserved her. Who would have cherished her innocence. Who would have told her how beautiful she is.

Not someone like him who told my mom she looked fat even though she just grew a bit healthy from her bone-popping figure. Not like him who never cared if she was sick or in any trouble. You won't believe he thought of ways of getting away whenever she was sick. I saw it all from my eyes.

She did everything, when I say everything, I really mean it. I don't know if I can ever explain it in words, but she always cared for him. She was there for him.

Once he got a surgery, my mother was there with him, every second, every minute.

I don't understand how someone can be so ignorant of their own supporters. He never gave her the respect she deserved, the care she deserved.

People classify some tasks for men and women. Some things are done only by men in the family. But even those things were done by my mother.

She became my mother and sometimes my father too.

He was only interested in my career when I decided to choose a subject for graduation.

He was never emotionally available for me, for her. He gave money to buy me things. He thought only money was enough.

Well, he still thinks women run after money, despite getting such support from my mother.

Just because she stopped him from giving money to his friends who were never there for him when he had no money, he abused my mother. And then he dares to think that women run after money.

I have seen the shine of love going away from my mother's eyes. I have seen her getting uninterested in everything. I have seen her feeling worthless.

I tried to distract her mind, I told her to try new things. She did, but was never able to accomplish anything. She is underconfident.

I have helplessly seen her transformation.

I always thought, why didn't she leave him? She shouldn't care about society and leave him, but when I was exposed to the world, I realized it was easier said than done.

Her sweet face was my motivation to work hard and earn so that I can give her everything she ever desired. I haven't seen her spend on herself much. That is why I want to give her everything she lays even a hand on.

The only thing I can't give her back is her youth. I wish I could.

I want to keep her inner child alive. I just want to see her precious smile, nothing else, her most beautiful smile."

She cried on his chest again. Her eyes watered again. The helplessness was flowing through her as she spoke every word. The hatred for her father was dripping down her tongue.

"I noticed how she caressed the picture of her and her sister's, she whispered in her sweet voice that her sister was loved by all. I asked why she thought so. She innocently said that her sister had everything. She told me that everyone loved her sister and they got her a lot of gifts.

I looked into her sad eyes, most probably she was reminiscing about her childhood days. From that day on I started making her cards for her every birthday. And she would be so happy to receive them. She still kept it in her precious jewelry box. I had just given her a card and she was ready to give everything to me

When I got my first salary from the internship, I gave her a small pendant. She loved it. Her eyes were shining, She was so proud of me.

She is precious. My very precious mother. "

She cried in his chest. Rayaan gulped the heavy lump in his throat. He could never have guessed the lady who was so happy at their wedding was hiding so much pain inside her chest. He wished he could do something for her and for Meera. "Meera" He whispered stroking her back. His heart was aching because of her cries. He desperately wanted to stop her from crying but words refused to come out of his mouth.

"Even in college, I was surrounded by men who were good, but they talked so low of their girlfriends. Slowly, I started believing that once men get intimacy, they do not care about women anymore. They can conveniently cheat if they desire. They cannot commit, and hence I never wanted to marry."

Rayaan's heart dropped, and he felt a deep sadness washing over him. He stammered, struggling to find his words before asking, "W...Why did you marry me?"