Chapter 12

IMPORTANT:

who likes vampires and werewolves

ROCCO

"We're over. " Mallory ripped the curtains open.

I groan as pain spiked through my eyeballs. "Well, duh. "

Mallory turned back to me, silhouetted again the grey light of the window.

Her face crumpled. "What? You're - you're dumping me? "

I sat up and shielded my eyes. "Oh, Mal - "

"Haha, jk. "She shrugged. "I'm dumping you. "

I sighed and hauled myself to a sitting position. "Ok." I rubbed my face. When I looked up, she was gone. Moments later, the front door slammed.

I raised my eyebrows and grimaced, then dragged myself to the shower.

It was already nearly lunch - I had barely slept last night, laying silent and still in my bed. I had watched a sliver of moonlight stretching across the wooden boards as it travelled slowly across the floor through the night - it had slipped in through a gap between my curtains. Curtains which covered a window which Wilson had once climbed through -

I squeezed my eyes shut. But behind my eyelids I still saw his face, looming over me in the darkness as he stared down at me.

Gay.

Jax Wilson.

I was gay.

I whispered the words out loud into the dark. Jax Wilson.

Wilson.

Jax Wilson.

Jax Wilson.

Jax Wilso-

I turned the shower on, letting the freezing cold hit me in the face as the water warmed.

I concentrated on the sound of the pouring water, dunking my head under the stream so it was all I could hear, letting my mind go blank, forcing it to go blank.

When I went downstairs half an hour later, it was eerily quiet. I went into the kitchen. My mother sat on a barstool, head in her hands, still as stone.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I stared for a few moments, feeling as if I was dreaming again. My mother raised her head slowly. Her face was pale but her eyes were dry. I could only stare wordlessly - I knew what had happened.

She cleared her throat, then said distinctly, businesslike,  "You knew?"

I was frozen for a few more seconds, then nodded. "Since last night, " I said, my voice hoarse.

She looked down at her hands. "Ok. "

We were silent for a few moments. Then again I got that feeling, that urge - maybe just because it looked like everything was going wrong, and whatever I did couldn't possibly make it worse.

"I'm gay, mom. " I said.

Her head snapped around to scrutinise me, and I am flooded with thoughts of her rural upbringing, her ultra-religious parents, the cross in her room, the cross in my room -

Nothing. Then -

"Anything else you want to tell me? " she said, impenetrable.

I shook my head, scared to say anything.

She looked down and I thought I saw her cross herself quickly.

Silence reigned.

"What happens now, Mom? " I said quietly.

"I don't know, " she replied. She got off the bar stool, grabbed her handbag, and was out the door.

I stood there, adrenalin shooting through my blood, as I heard the car start in the driveway. None of it mattered - I was riding the high of telling someone again.

I was gay - otherwise I wouldn't have been able to say it.

-----

JAX

I lay on my bed, aimlessly scrolling through Instagram. Literally everyone who was following me was either a fuckwit or a brainless bitch. I clicked on my own profile.

No posts, just my name and a profile picture, and a few posts my mates had tagged me in. Even with an empty Instagram I still had about a thousand followers.

I grinned. That was Jax Wilson for you.

I wondered if there was anyone else who had racked up a following as large as mine in a town as small as Ambicton. I kept scrolling aimlessly, and then I had a thought - the one other person who could get that many followers and I stopped chewing my gum for a second. I hauled myself up on my elbows. I paused for a second, then before I could stop myself I was looking up his name.

I found his profile, and clicked on it. He had one hundred more followers than me - I guess because he wasn't an asshole to everyone like I was. Although, him and his girlfriend had just broken up - a massive fight that everyone saw in the cafeteria. I was a little pissed that I hadn't got to tell him I slept with her while they were still together. Well, I hoped she had told him and that was the reason they broke up.

He had 11 posts on his page, and had been tagged in way more. All of the football team liked to act like pussies on Instagram and post about a hundred times a week. I scrolled down and clicked on his last post.

It was a picture from a football game. A bunch of dudes with their arms around each other, in their football uniforms, grinning at the camera. He stood in the middle (of course he would be in the middle). His arms were slung over the shoulders of the guys next to him. It was nighttime, and their faces were lit up and their irises were red  - clearly from the flash of a phone camera. His face was gleaming with sweat, two bold streaks of black face paint across his cheeks. His teeth - his teeth were white as fuck, I had to give the fucker that. His hair was fluffy from the game. His mates looked directly into the camera, but his eyes looked slightly to the left, as if something or someone had distracted him.

I stared at the photo.

I stared at his arm slung over the dude next to him.

How would it feel to have his arm over your shoulders?

Would it be heavy? Warm?

Would he wrap his hand around your outside arm and pull you into his side, or would his arm just rest there?

I chucked my phone across the room and it thudded into the wall. I let myself slide off the bed and lie on the floor, staring at the ceiling. I rubbed my face with both hands, hard.

I was disgusting. I was fucking disgusting.

I rolled over and slammed my knuckles into the floor over and over.

I-

was-

not-

a-

fag!

I buried my face in my hands, breathing hard. I wanted to punch someone in the face. The clock on my nightstand ticked. I reached up to grab it then threw it against the wall, where it broke and bits of glass fell to the floor.

I touched my lips.

I wanted to punch him.

I rubbed my eyes until I saw sparkles, trying to make the image of his grinning mouth and distracted eyes disappear from behind my eyelids.

---

ROCCO

I looked up, pulling one earbud from my ear.

My mother stood in the doorway. Her face was impassive - nothing new there.

At that moment, I didn't feel scared about what she was going to say. I almost let a smile slip onto my face - I had a weird urge to laugh. I felt like I had something on her, like I was above her and whatever she was going to say - even though I didn't. I had no argument, no explanation for why I was what I was.

We stared at each other for a few more moments, then something about her relaxed. She sighed, and came to sit beside me. She held her arms out. Surprised, I didn't move.

"My boy, " she said, and wrapped her arms around me. "Nothing you ever say could hurt me. "

My mother. Glad to hear she was the same - unchangeable, untouchable. She was far more relaxed about this than I thought she would be. I hugged her back - but her choice of words made me confused.

"What do you mean, ma?" I asked after a while. "I'm not saying it to hurt you. "

She pulled back a bit. "What? Of course you are, " she said, chuckling slightly.

I moved backwards. "Why would I want to hurt you?"

She laughed again, almost uncomfortable - she was rarely uncomfortable. "Teenagers, ya sabes? Because you can't - you can't be... " She gestured at me. She couldn't even say it. "You're just a boy. Just confused  - it's very normal. A phase. I mean, you play football! You can't be... You don't look... " She trailed off.

I frowned. Was she right?  "Did you go through this phase then?" I have never talked about this stuff with her.

She glanced sideways, wiped her hands on her pants. "Well, no, but - but I know it is common. You just haven't met a nice niña yet. Perfect timing, because I have invited - you know Chun Hua? She's Chinese, from my firm? She has a daughter who is very very beautiful. They're coming over to dinner tonight. "

My eyebrows shot up. I was kind of annoyed - I hated it when people sprung things on me, and I hated it when my mother tried to set me up with girls. It's happened before, twice, and both times have scarred me for life.

"Just meet her. Maybe it will change your mind. " From anyone else it might sound like a plea, but from her it was a command.

I raise my eyebrows. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was just going crazy from lack of sleep or something and I wasn't actually gay. I would meet the right girl and this would all be some weird dream - I would laugh at myself later.

"Ok, mom. " I said. "Fine. "

She smiled wide and mussed my hair. "Good boy. Come, I made paella. "