chapter 12: alone

I felt myself shutter. It went through my whole body and that's what woke me up. My eyes opened but very slowly. They were so heavy! I had been dreaming...What a terrible dream! I shuttered again, staring up at the ceiling.

The room was lightly lit. If that was a dream, then that meant Kale never really came back. As the realization hit me, I groaned. My eyes shut again. I moved my hand, wanting to bury my face in it. Someone had been holding my hand, they let go at my sudden movement. I opened my eyes, Jake was in the bed next to me. I turned my head and stared. My eyes widened. It wasn't a dream? It really...

Zero was looking at me. He looked completely miserable. His blue eyes glowed, even in the dim light. But the dark circles under his eyes were still there, only darker then before even though his wound was nowhere to be seen. It was gone now, fully healed. But he was a mess.

His hands were at his sides, balled into fists. His jaw was tight. He never looked at me long. He glanced at me periodically, trying his best not to meet my eyes. I reached up, feeling at my neck. I touched something soft, spongy, cotton maybe? Whatever it was made out of, it was a bandage. My answers were confirmed.

I tried to sit up. But everything felt so heavy. He very hesitantly hooked his arm around my waist, helping me sit up. I could tell he wanted to move away. As if touching me was making him uncomfortable now. But he stayed right where he was.

I stared at my arm, then at his, then at mine. He was much paler then me. Shouldn't I be just as pale as him? Well, maybe not right away, I guess. I thought a moment, remembering Shane hugging me naked. I felt the heat rush to my face instantly. That should be impossible! I turned my head, glaring at Kale. He didn't meet my glare.

"Why did you stop it?" I asked angrily. His eyes widened. I gasped. He was looking at me now as if shocked. "You can stop it." I whispered. It wasn't a question, more of a statement but he nodded anyways. Then he frowned and his whole body tensed.

"Of course I stopped it!" He gave me an angry look that he's never given me before. "I knew I was going to hurt you!" He hissed, disgusted.

I reached up to touch his face. He turned away from me. He kept his arm reluctantly around me as to keep me propped up. My hand fell. My heart was feeling heavy now, but it was rejection that weighed it down.

"I can't stay here." He spit between his teeth. "I can't be with you."

"What?!" I gasped.

"I can't can't control myself." He shook his head. " I even love you but it seems that's just not enough."

I felt him shake for a second before he was suddenly standing beside the bed. I was leaning against the wall now. I pushed myself away from it and stumbled to my feet. He stared at me, not having any intention of moving again unless he was leaving. My body was still much too heavy, which was ironic considering how light headed I was.

"Kale..." I tried to say but no sound really came out. My lips moved and on the e of his name a sound did come out as a squeak. My legs gave way, he caught me in his arms.

"Don't do this to yourself. You just woke up." He whispered at me.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked into his chest.

"Three days." I glanced up. He winced. "Longer if it would have spread."

That gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'just woke up.' He pushed me away from him, setting me on the bed. He turned around.

"You promised, Kale," I spoke so quietly that if I didn't know better, he couldn't hear me. "that you would never leave me," I continued. "and yet here you go once again." Tears sprang to my eyes. "How many times are you going to promise it before you actually keep it?!" I shouted with way more strength then I thought I had or actually even had for that matter.

He flinched at my words. I didn't mean for them to be so cold. I stood, too angry to notice the heavyness. I shoved my hands into his back with force that might have moved him even slightly if he were human. He stayed the way he was. I might as well have been shouting and shoving the stone walls.

"Go then!" I hissed, sobbing now. "Stop stalling and leave me already! Go play your stupid game of cat and mouse with Dante, Zero!"

My shouts were echoing and I knew, if there was anyone upstairs or in the house or in vampire/wolf hearing distance, everyone could hear me.

"You didn't hurt me, Kale." I could only whisper now, I couldn't shout anymore. He spun around finally, looking down at me.

"I didn't?!" He snapped. "Look at you! You can't pretend, I see it!"

"Well maybe you're hurting me now--"

" 'Make it stop!' Do you remember that? 'Make it stop!'" He interrupted me, glowering. I knew that was going to come back to haunt me. "I-I can't stand to see you like that again." He told me in a small, pained voice.

" 'Don't you dare blame yourself' Do you remember that?" I fought back a sob.

His jaw was tight again. The look in his eyes made me let out a gasp.

"I miss you already." He breathed.

I lunged forward but it was too late. Of course it was! I was still human! I wasn't like him, I was never going to have his world! At least he kept one promise, sort of. Once again I groaned in agony. It turned into a scream. The burning was back and so was the heavyness. The door flew open. A pair of cool hands picked me up off the ground.

"She needs more rest." His quiet voice spoke. But it wasn't his quiet voice, it was Jacob. I began to sob again.

"Kale!" I groaned until his name made my mouth dry.

A pair of warm hands stroked my hair. Another warm hand rested against my face. Yet another rubbed my arm as a cool hand held onto mine. When my own voice died down, too tired to cry or say anything repeatedly, I finally understood what the other voices were saying. If I consentrated, I could tell them apart.

"We'll have to get the story from her. He took off too quickly." Jake whispered.

"Bad idea." Jason said now.

"Terrible idea!" Shane muttered.

"Oh, come on! How will we know what happened? He's not going to tell us!" Jake hissed quietly.

"Jacob, I don't think she'll want to talk about it." The only female voice said, the only one that was almost soothing, Anya. "Besides, it's none of our business. Even so, I just know he didn't do it intentionally." She continued. I'm pretty sure she was the one stroking my hair.

"There now, let her rest." Jason whispered. His hand left my arm. The hand that rested on my face took the place of Jason's hand on my arm.

"Maybe we shouldn't leave her." Shane spoke as Jake did;

"I'm not going anywhere."

"That's alright, both of you stay. We need to prepare the pack." Anya sounded as if she were smiling. Jason sighed. A moment past. I heard the door shut quietly. Both hands were still touching me. I was glad. I didn't think I could be alone right now.

"Don't leave me." I seemed to beg quietly, not able to control it.

Both hands tightened where they were. I felt either side of the bed move slightly. I was between them now. I didn't feel so alone, but my heart felt heavy, it ached even. Although everything else was heavy as well, I felt completely hallow.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz.....

I slept once again. For how long, I wasn't sure. All I knew was I was never alone. They both had gotten better at "sharing" and "taking turns." I don't think they fought much. Sometimes I could hear there voices or feel one of them beside me. The temperature of their body always gave them away. Hearing there voices was how I knew I was awake, because I didn't dare open my eyes.

"Let's wake her up then." Jake insisted. I woke up this time in the middle of one of their conversations.

"No, let her sleep." Shane was the one beside me.

"Two days is more then enough time to sleep."

"You know better then I do what she's been through." Shane growled. There was silence. For a long time it lingered.

"And you know better then I do that she's still human and she needs food and water." Jacob finally answered.

I groaned, not able to help it. Still human. They both were instantly quiet. Then my stomach growled for a long time and my mouth felt dry. I didn't want him to be right, but he was. I also felt dirty. I needed another hot shower. I groaned again.

"Jamie? Are you in pain?" Shane asked me anxiously. I groaned once again, not really meaning to as before.

"She's in pain." Jake stated. He reached for me now.

"No..." I breathed dryly. "I'm fine." I whispered.

"Liar." One of them muttered.

My eyes opened, not as heavy as before. I glared at both of tehm since I didn't know which one said it. My stomache growled again.

"Let's get you some food." Shane moved a little. I groaned. He stopped, glancing up at Jake who glared at him. I shook my head.

"I've been laying for too long." I informed them as to why I just groaned.

Shane didn't move. I looked up at him. He was terrified to move me, he wasn't going to do it. I sighed the best I could, looking at Jake now. He reached over, lifting me into his arms swiftly. Shane sighed. I bit my lip as I was set on my feet.

I moved my fingers first and it took a couple minutes before I could move every part of my body. Everything was sore, my neck was the worst. Jake helped me up the stairs and into the bathroom. I cringed during the first few steps or so. I shut the door behind me, heading slowly to the shower, listening to the muffled conversation out in the hallway.

"Why do you do that?" Shane sounded angry.

"Do what?"

"You give her whatever she wants."

"What are you talking about? I do not."

"Bullshit."

"I don't!" Jake snapped.

"You're hopeless Jacob Nesskey..."

Jake muttered something. I couldn't catch it. I winced, of course my human ears couldn't hear it.

"How do you figure?" Jake spoke a little louder.

"You give her everything, even at the risk of her suffering."

"She may be human but she's not that fragile. Jamie is stronger then that." He began to get louder.

"She's also good at pretending she's not in pain, though no one really believes her." Shane whispered hastily. A long silence passed before Jake spoke now.

"How could you not give her everything?" He asked.

"I actually want to protect her!" Shane hissed.

"And you think I don't?!" Jake whispered loudly. "Maybe I misunderstood how you feel about her!"

More silence.

"We can't all love her like this, we'll end up destroying eachother." Shane spoke very quietly.

"I know." Jake breathed. "It isn't fair for her or any of us."

"And right now I think she could really use friends after the way Zero left the way he did." Shane whispered even quieter.

I shut my eyes and moved further into the water. I couldn't hear them anymore. I didn't want to. Zero was gone. Kale was gone. I had to get out of this house. I needed to escape, go somewhere where I was too busy to be reminded of everything.

I needed to go back. I had to go home and rejoin my human world. Because as much as I despized it, was still was human. I don't belong in this world, this world that i've come to love more then anything. This world that should terrify me. This world that I had to get away from, because this world means nothing to me if Kale isn't in it.

When I got out of the shower sometime later, I could already smell food. My stomach went crazy. I dressed quickly, feeling suddenly light. The warm water did me good. I opened the door. I didn't look at either of them. I couldn't.

"Who's cooking?" I asked, staring down the hallway.

"Anya and Jason, as usual." Shane answered.

When we got downstairs I couldn't look at Anya or Jason either. I ate slowly. I could feel all their eyes on me but after they realized I wasn't going to talk they started there own conversation, which I didn't pay much attention to. I consentrated on my food.

When I was done, I got up and washed it. Of course I was stalling. This was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do. They were my friends afterall. A few seconds went by before I noticed the silence in the room. I shut my eyes.

"What's wrong, dolcetto?" Jason asked. My voice was hard to find but I was finally able to speak;

"I can't stay here anymore." I stated quietly.

"We can leave. I'm not sure where to go but we can--" Shane started.

"No." I interrupted him as quiet as before. My voice was still weak. "I mean, I have to go home. I have to go back to my human life..."

The silence that follwed was almost painful. No one answered me, no one responded, no one moved. I quickly wiped my eyes and turned around. They were staring at me. Shane's jaw was slack, Jake's was tense.

"This is the only way now." I breathed.

Now Shane was frowning, he was about to speak but Jason did before he could.

"Dante is still out there, Jamie. Going back is the last thing you should do right now." He told me gently. I shook my head.

"It's the only thing I should do. It's the only thing I can do. This has to end one way or another. It's time I tried this on my own." I tried to keep my voice solid but it cracked a few times.

"You're going to get yourself hurt." Jake hissed.

"Oh, now you say no." Shane muttered, rolling his eyes. Jake shot him a fast glare then looked back at me.

"You're not going anywhere." He growled through his teeth.

"Jacob," I whispered because I was growing tired once again. I guess I wasn't fully recovered. "let me go. It's what's best for all of you and me and this entire situation."

"Jamie--" Jason and Shane spoke at the same time.

"Let her go." Anya was looking at all three of them, not me. She looked at them as if she were silently telling them something. And as if they understood, they all sighed.

"I'll go get the car." Jacob was finally able to choke out after he gazed at me for a long time. Then he disappeared.

"Car?" I asked, frowning at the others.

"I'm sure it's not so easy for you to rest in our arms as we run." Shane explained.

"But it will take longer..." As I watched his face, it made sense. "Oh." I interrupted myself, thinking for a moment. "Well, okay then." I nodded slowly.

I at least owed them a little bit more time. If this was the last time we were going to be together then I was okay with them stalling, even just for a few hours.

"Are you sure about this, Jamie?" Anya asked me softly.

I nodded once again, not able to find my voice. If I spoke it would be obvious I was lying. I wasn't sure about anything right now.

"Maybe you should take some time to--" Jason began but glanced at Anya, instantly stopping himself.

I was looking at Anya now, remembering the first time I met her. How I thought she was scowling at me. I bit my lip. She saw this and put her arms around me.

"You're an incredible human, dolcetto." She told me warmly. The heat of her body made me warm. It was impossible to speak. "This isn't a mistake. I hope you know that."

I nodded again. Jacob's voice came out all of a sudden.

"Let's go then." He spoke as if holding an emotion back. I pulled away from Anya, turning to Jason. He held out his arms. I moved into them.

"I never would have thought a human would end up living with us." He laughed under his breath. I smiled.

"I feel the same way." I agreed.

He continued to laugh. A long moment passed before we pulled away. I looked up at him one last time. His kind eyes watched me. I finally turned away. I wasn't going to say goodbye and neither were they.

"We'll be back..." Shane's voice trailed off, pained.

I was led out to the car. It was the Scion XD. I glanced at Jake. He did this on purpose. I chose to sit in the back. Both reluctantly sat up front after I asked them to have room to rest. They were quiet and I fell asleep as we drove away from the house that I would probably never see again.

I slept but didn't dream. The next time I woke up, my heart still felt heavy. I sat up. They were silent. Neither of them looked at me.

"I'm not doing this to hurt either of you." I told them.

Shane looked at me now. His eyes were red. Jake glanced at me in the rear view, his eyes were red too. My eyes widened. Both of them looked away.

"Don't," I gasped. I had never seen this before, not from these two. "Shane, I'm not good with tears either." I said behind the lump in my throat.

He shook his head and turned away from me. They were feeling the way I had felt earlier. They couldn't speak. It was too hard to. It wasn't the greatest idea, but I rested my hands on both of their arms closest to me. Shane's eyes closed. Jake blinked a couple times.

"You both have lived your lives without me and you've done just fine. So I'm sure you can do it again."

"Jamie--" Jake breathed.

"Jacob." Shane interrupted him, giving him a look that surprisingly shut Jake up. He sighed, glanced at shane, then spoke quickly.

"Zero left you but that doesn't mean you have to leave us. I don't know exactly what happened between you two but it shouldn't be enough to make you think you'd be better off alone."

Shane rolled his eyes.

"I'm not changing my mind, Jacob."

"You should." He muttered. "This can only end badly..."

"I'm not your problem anymore."

"Why do you always think that?!" He hissed at me. "You're a problem to no one! If we felt that way, someone would have killed you by now!" He was very angry.

"You are so stubborn, Jacob Nesskey!" I spoke as loudly as I could. He sped up.

"Stubborn?! If I were stubborn, I wouldn't be taking you to where you don't belong!"

"But it's here that I don't belong, Jake." I said frustrated that he wasn't understanding.

"If you didn't belong here, Jamie--"

"We can keep going on like this. You can keep saying if, if, if. We can continue to fight but every minute we get closer and closer to saying goodbye. No matter what you say, it's going to happen." I interrupted him, almost in tears again. Jake was about to respond.

"Jake, stop it! This is the last time you're going to see her and you're going to spend it fighting?!" Shane practically shouted.

I flinched. Jake didn't move. He became very quiet. He turned towards me.

"Sorry." He muttered. I shut my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I will never forget either of you. Just know that I'll always be thinking about you guys and everything we've been through together."

They both tensed at the same time. We spent the next few hours just talking with eachother. The same way we've always talked. There was nothing new, nothing except the slight pain to each of our voices every once in awhile.

When I was finally able to notice our surroundings, to see the familiar landscape I've seen since as long as I could remember, my heart sank. It still felt heavy and it ached even more then before. The lump in my throat got thicker. All three of us became quiet, even though there was still much to be said. None of us could speak, until it hit me that not even Kale had ever been here before.

"How do you know where you're going?" I asked confused.

"Your scent." Jake told me. "It's so easy to catch, so easy to follow." His jaw tensed.

"Point taken." I mumbled.

I walked right into that one. Another worry came to mind. My apartment. I must have lost it by now. It had been months, so many long months. But I didn't say anything. In the dark we pulled up to the grey building. It was a nice place to live, especially for someone like me. I always liked it. My apartment was adorable. But I could already feel the lonliness. Jake stopped the car, letting it idle. He turned to me.

"Let's go get your key." He finally whispred. I frowned. They both saw my confusion.

"Zero was holding your apartment. He paid your bills every month, made sure he kept everything stocked, just in case." Shane tried to explain.

I stared at him, bewildered. This was the last place I had, but Zero still managed to get sucked into my human world. None of us moved. I guess I had to be the one to do it. I opened the car door. They were both standing in front of me within seconds.

They helped me get my key. We went to the very top floor, at the end of the hall. To my familiar apartment door. I turned to them after unlocking it and cracking it slightly open.

"I guess this is it." I was barely able to whipser.

They both winced. Jacob got to me first. He grabbed me tightly. His cool skin pressed against mine. His arms tightened, my face getting pressed into his chest. He kissed the top of my head.

"I'll miss you, Jacob Nesskey."

"Not as much as I'll miss you dolcetto." He teased. I tried really hard not to blush but I did. I didn't blush when Anya called me it earlier. He grinned at me.

"My turn." Shane interrupted. I smiled. Surprisingly, Jake's grin widened as he let me go.

"All yours." He said, keeping his gaze on me.

Shane took my hands. His warm skin instantly cancelled out the after effect of Jake's skin. His hazel eyes met mine. He kissed my cheek and pulled me into his arms as well.

"I love you, Jamie." He admitted in my ear.

"So do I." Jacob added behind me.

"We will always love you." Shane told me for the both of them.

"I will always love you, Shane." I looked up at him and looked back at Jake. "And you, Jacob." I bit my lip. Shane took a step back.

"Keep yourself safe." Jake ordered.

I nodded, smiling.

"I'll try my best."

They both sighed. I took one last, long look at both of them and forced myself to go into my apartment. I shut the door as they said goodbye in unison. I listened but heard nothing. I practically ran to my balcony that looked over the parking lot. The car sat there for a moment.

"I'll miss you both." I lipped to them. The car sped off with sudden, dangerous speed. I watched for seconds before the car was out of sight. It took me awhile to go back inside.

He didn't just keep things stocked, he bought me furniture such as the new grey couch against the wall and the big screen tv across from it, the new glass table and black chairs and stools. It was homey now but it still felt completely empty.

I was officially alone. Once again, alone for the first time in months. I hated it. I knew it wasn't going to hit me right now. I sat down, turning on my new tv and stayed up as late as I could. That first night alone, I didn't dream.