chapter 18: loved

Three months passed. I still wasn't used to my new life. The first time I looked in the mirror, I was in shock. I stared at myself for the longest time. Dark circles were under my eyes and I was sickly pale. The purple wound in my neck seemed like it should have hurt even worse then it actually did. My lips were white. My eyes were bright green as usual but my hair was even darker then ever before.

To my surprise I was afraid of myself. I didn't look in the mirror again for a long time. The next time I did, I was in shock again. I almost became angry as I stared at Kale's arms around the beautiful creature in the mirror, until it really sunk in that it was me.

Everything was the same as the first time I looked in the mirror, except my wound was gone, there were no dark circles under my eyes, my pale skin was breath taking rather then sickly and my lips were actually red.

Jake and Shane tried to spend as much time as possible with me. But me and Kale were never too far apart from eachother. They had a hard time not flirting with me. It always ended up in a fight between the three of them.

Now that Dante was no longer a threat, Zero's clan moved back to the caves. I'm sure they were just tired of hearing us destroy our room every morning. We got a new bed, but it was pointless. It was destroyed within a day. So, only Shane, Jacob and Jared decided to stay.

~~~~~~~

"I have to go take care of something." Kale told me as we got dressed. The sun had just gone down, it was time for us to get up.

"You're leaving?" I grabbed his arm, staring at him. We hadn't really been apart since the last time he left and that was when I was still human. He shut his eyes. "Kale?"

"It's important. Don't look at me like that or I'll never be able to leave you."

"That's kind of the point." I muttered.

He grinned, grabbing my arms and easily finding my mouth with his eyes shut.

"I won't be long. Don't follow me, curious one." He pulled away.

He almost opened his eyes but changed his mind. He spun around and disappeared out the window. I was about to follow but the door opened suddenly.

"He left?!" They both asked excitedly in unison.

By this time I had gotten used to them. It seemed they had too. Best friends, practically conjoined at the hip. An impossible friendship that shouldn't have been slightly possible, but it was. I glared at both of them.

"It's not everyday he leaves!" Jacob grinned.

"You can't blame us for being excited, Jamie!" Shane spoke right after him. They knew eachother so well, it almost scared me.

"I guess not." I sighed.

"It's so strange..." Jake began.

"Very strange." Shane nodded.

"What?" I raised my eyebrow at them. They looked at eachother.

"How exactly the same you stayed after you were turned..." Jake shrugged.

"Almost like you're still human. Minus the blood and heartbeat." Shane seemed to continue Jacob's sentence.

"What exactly happened to make you two so close?" I asked, changing the subject on them. They both shrugged.

"Your fault." They said in unison.

"Always my fault." I muttered. I glared at them again. "How's it my fault?!"

"Because we both fell for you, we were forced to either become enemies or friends," Shane spoke then Jake finished;

"We figured you'd be alot more happier if we didn't kill eachother, so we agreed not to."

"Have you two given up on me yet?" I asked hopeful.

"Not a chance!" They told me in unison. It's going to take me awhile to get used to that.

I started to get more and more anxious the farther Kale's scent got from me. The emptyness got worse. There was a knock on my door. That was a surprise, Jared only came to talk to Zero and that didn't happen often. He was holding a white box.

"Hi Jared." He still intimidated me.

Shane and Jake stood on either side of me, looking at him in wonder. He came over and held out the box.

"Put this on and meet me downstairs." He ordered quietly. I nodded obidiently. He left. All three of us looked at the box.

"What the hell?" Jacob breathed out.

I shrugged, pushing up the lid. I opened the white parchment paper. From the box I pulled out a short pink silk dress that had a straps to go around my neck like a V.

"Put it on!" Shane begged.

"Get out then!" I laughed.

They muttered under there breath but they left shutting the door behind them. This was very curious. I hesitantly put the gown on. I looked in the mirror to brush my wild hair with my fingers. When I was somewhat satisfied I headed downstairs.

Jared was holding a black piece of cloth. I wasn't sure what it was.

"Why can't we go?" Jacob glowered at Jared.

"Just stay here! Stop making my job so difficult!" Jared snapped.

"But--" Shane was beginning then looked at me. Jacob turned to me too. They both stared at me.

"Where are we going?" I asked, ignoring them. Jared sighed.

"I can't tell you. You're just going to have to trust me."

I looked at him for a long time.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Jamie wait. I'm not sure if this is a good idea." Jacob interjected.

"Something doesn't feel right." Shane added.

"It'll be fine." I assured them.

I grabbed there hands for a moment then turned to Jared. He pulled the cloth over my eyes. A blindfold.

"Why do you need that?" Jake hissed at him. Jared let out another annoyed sigh, grabbed me and took off.

"Try not to sense our surroundings. Don't think about anything or you'll ruin it." Jared ordered.

I bit my lip. Was I really trusting him right now? But I did as he said. Because I didn't try to follow where we were going it seemed to take forever. He ran for a long time. I was becoming impatient. Then I was becoming anxious.

He stopped abruptly, set me down easily, ripped off the blindfold and disappeared without saying anything. So he just left me in the middle of nowhere? This was confusing. My eye suddenly caught movement. I looked down.

It was familiar and even more beautiful then I remembered it. The colors were brighter then in my memory. The movement was just like dancing and twirling. The flowers were beautiful too. They smelt so sweet. I hadn't been here in so long.

I was at the northern lights that were much more amazing then the actual northern lights. I was on the same branch too. In a flash he stood beside me. I turned but he wasn't standing for long. I knew this moment was coming but not this soon, which was why my hand flew over my mouth in shock. He grinned up at me from one knee, holding out a small white box.

"I love you Jamie Luna Lamberg. You mean more then the world to me and I want to be with you for the rest of my life..."

"You already know my answer." I interrupted through the lump in my throat.

"I want to hear you say it. So let me ask." He tried not to laugh.

I bit my lip, trying to let him have this moment. He waited a second then opened the box. I gasped. Why did he have to go to extremes? It was then that I noticed his tie and how clean cut he looked tonight. He was even more beautiful then I could have thought he could be. I met his eyes now, those incredible icey eyes of his! His smile widened.

"Jamie, will you marry me?" He breathed. I nodded slowly, completely tounge tied. He was waiting.

"Yes!" I finally forced myself to speak. "I love you, Kale."

He jumped up as soon as I said yes. His arms wrapped tightly around me. He smothered me forever before pulling back. He grabbed my face and kissed me for so long I might have died if I were still human. He never gave me a chance to breath.

I gasped when he finally let our lips break. The whole world spun and I didn't even notice he already took the ring out of the box. He took my hand. I gazed at his face as he slid the sparkling trinity ring onto my finger. It wasn't a typical engagement ring but we weren't a typical couple. He was glowing. He kissed my hand and looked down at me beyond happy.

"I'm glad you got a chance to wear that dress for a little while." He sighed. I looked at him for a moment before understanding.

"Awwe but Kale, you just bought it for me."

"I'll buy you a new one, just like it." He grinned.

He kissed me again, pulling me into his arms. I wasn't going to argue with him. This was definitely worth ruining a hundred of these gowns.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

He gave me his button up shirt, even though all the buttons had popped off. As always, that was my fault. At least it was long enough, going just above my knees. He stared at me. The dress was torn to pieces. I had kind of gotten used to the way we attacked eachother but it surprised us both when the branch snapped.

We both burst out laughing. Everytime we did this, he broke something with my body. I usually bit him and left those little indents in his back. I wanted to wait til the indents were at least somewhat faded from him but he was too excited.

"Don't make me carry you." He teased.

By this time he knew I couldn't stand being carried anymore when I was perfectly capable of keeping up. But there were times when he gives me those looks and I give in. For some reason, unknown to me, he misses it.

"Fine. Let's go." I mumbled. He grabbed my arm as I turned to leave.

"It's going to fly open as soon as you start running." He informed me as if I didn't already know.

"Well, if somebody didn't shred my dress to pieces."

"My fault." He admitted. "But you popped the buttons."

"You broke the branch."

"You bit me."

This always happened. It amused us both to point out exactly what damage was whose fault.

"Even?" I asked.

"Even." He nodded. "Now let me carry you so I don't end up attacking you while we run." He grinned again.

I laughed because he would do that. I didn't have to answer as he pulled me off my feet and into his arms. I glanced at my ring. He was nuts giving me a ring like this!

~~~~~~~~

"Oh! You're alive!" Jacob gasped as if releaved.

"Of course I am." I laughed as Kale cautiously set me down. He kept his arms around me, making sure his shirt stayed closed around me.

"What is that?!" Shane gasped, pointing at my hand. I lifted my hand. Jake gasped now.

"You're getting married?" They both groaned quietly. I looked up at Kale. His smile took my breath away.

"Who wants to be the best man?" Kale almost seemed to tease but I think he was serious.

"Really?!" I asked, excited. He looked down at me and grinned once more.

"Who else can I trust?" He shrugged, giving both of them a strange look. They both looked away from me. I was still in awe that he actually asked them that. He looked at me again. "They are your best friends afterall."

"Oh Kale!" I threw my arms around him.

At this point Shane knew that Zero and Kale were the same person. Kale didn't have a problem with me calling him Kale, especially in front of these two. I very rarely called him Zero now. I wasn't expecting him to even involve them in the wedding, or invite them for that matter.

"Is it going to be a big...one?" Jake asked as if he couldn't say the word wedding. My nose crinkled.

"Yes." Kale answered as I did.

"No."

"No? But you're..." He looked down at me frowning. "a girl. Don't you want a big wedding?"

"Kale." I sighed.

"Jamie." He was glowering at me now.

"It's expensive."

He rolled his eyes. "You're dillusional."

"What? I am not. We don't need a big wedding."

"Sure we do. It's the first and last one for both of us."

I sighed again.

"Jacob..." I complained, looking over at him.

"No, you keep me out of this! Are you trying to get me killed?!" He spun around and took off into the house. Shane sighed, following him in. I glared after them. Kale cleared his throat. I looked up at him.

"Fine." I sighed heavily. "You're so stubborn." I muttered going inside as he followed.

"Are you angry with me?" He asked as I stormed upstairs.

"No." I denied between my teeth. "I love you, remember."

"How did I manage this again?" He almost laughed. I spun around.

"Just because I'm a girl, you automatically assume I want a huge wedding."

"Well, don't you?"

I looked at him carefully.

"Maybe." I murmured.

"You do and you know it!"

I sighed. He grabbed my shirt by the openings, kissing me again.

"This is one thing I know you won't regret." He breathed in my ear.

I smiled, kissing the part of his neck that I could reach and he completely lost it.

~~~~~~~

"Anya's my maid of honor, but you still don't have a best man." I crossed my arms.

Everything was running pretty smoothy, except for this small detail. I refused to be the one to choose between Jacob and Shane, he knew I couldn't. It was starnge because it seemed he couldn't either. He sighed.

"Are you sure you want me to choose between them?" He asked.

"I don't think there's any other choice." I shrugged. He gazed at me for a moment in thought.

"There's always Jared..." He muttered quietly. If I was still human, I wouldn't have heard him. "I mean, it's not like either of them are happy about this. Maybe it wouldn't be good for either of them to be the best man."

I really wante one of them to be. But he was right. They've both been pretty miserable since they found out. And Jared had always been loyal to him.

"This is your decision, not mine."

He sighed deeply now. "This isn't just my wedding."

"And this really isn't a big deal. It shouldn't take two weeks to choose. They're all going to be in the wedding anyways." I shrugged. He nodded.

"So, Jared it is then, I guess."

"Right. And you can tell him." I grinned, standing up in one smooth motion.

Since we always broke the beds we just kept a few blankets and pillows on the floor. Not that we needed them, but I kind of liked to be reminded of what it's like to be human. Just in that sense. The sun had gone down over an hour ago. Neither of us wanted to move. Of course I had to now. He was at my side in seconds.

"Do you really have to go tonight?" He complained as I searched for the nearest pieces of clothing that wasn't torn apart. I didn't turn around.

"You know I do." Just thinking about leaving him was making me miserable. "I won't be gone long. Anya is quick at everything she doesn, and lately I have been too." I grinned at my own pun. Before I could really do much, he spun me around. Our eyes locked.

"Kale." I groaned.

I didn't have the intention on even looking at him before I left. By the expression on his face, he knew this. I shut my eyes. His lips met mine. Then there was a knock on the door.

"Jamie, come on. Dresses aren't going to buy themselves." Anya's voice came from the other side of the door. I sighed.

"I have to go."

"No." He pleaded, holding me tighter. I laughed.

"Yes."

There was an impatient sigh from the other side of the door now.

"The sooner you let her go, the sooner she'll be back."

He shook his head. I reluctantly pulled out of his arms, still surprised as always that I was strong enough to do that.

"Put some clothes on. I'll be back before you can miss me."

"I'll just end up tearing them off when you come home." He smiled slyly.

"At least out some pants on. You don't want to freak Jared out when you talk to him."

"Fine." He muttered, pulling a pair of dirty pants on within seconds. "Love you, my Jamie." He grabbed me once again and kissed me just enough to last maybe an hour or so.

"I love you too. Miss you already." I let out.

It was a little hard to speak, harder then I thought. I didn't mean to say it like that but I guess I couldn't do much about it now. I spun around. Anymore time I stayed would make it harder to leave. I was just glad I was coming back.

"Took you long enough." Anya grinned as I met her in the hallway. I smiled back at her and we headed downstairs.

"Wait! Can we come?!" Jacob and Shane were in front of the door in seconds. It was really cute how it was always Jacob and Shane together and never just one or the other. Me and Anya both laughed.

"This is a girl thing, boys." Anya shook her head at them.

"Stay here with Kale, please." My eyes were locked with Jake's. He glowered at me.

"No fair." Shane muttered. Maybe it wasn't fair that I used Jacob doing anything I asked from him to my advantage but I only did it when the occasion truly called for it.

Once we got past them, we were running. I had no problems keeping up with her. But we didn't run long. Her car was just down the road. I think she loved running as much as I did. We couldn't go to town running. She sped off as soon as we jumped into the car.

"Are you nervous?" She asked, glancing at me. I shrugged.

"I'm sure I'll find something."

She laughed, shaking her head.

"No, I mean are you nervous about getting married?"

"Oh," I bit my lip then nodded. "I am."

She smiled again, looking at the road now.

"I was too."

Strangely, for the first time, I noticed the diamond ring on her thin left ring finger. It looked brilliant against the tan-tone of her skin. I really didn't pay enough attention to detail. How did I never notice it before?!

"I was so nervous. I almost didn't go through with it."

"Really?" I asked shocked, trying to imagine Anya without Jason or vice versa. But she nodded.

"I'm glad I did it though. Best day of my life."

"Getting married is a big deal..." I said quietly.

"Especially since you're so young, in many aspects."

"He's so much older then me. He's ready for this."

"Are you?" She raised her eyebrow. I took a moment to really think about it.

"I think so."

She was looking at me again and smiled.

"You'll be fine, Jamie."

I nodded. I was more nervous then I had been before. I hoped I was ready. I loved him, more then anything. I loved him so much but I never imagined myself getting married, even when I was little. The more I thought about it, the more I just wanted to run away.

~~~~~~~~~

"What do you think?!" Anya asked, grinning beside me in the mirror. I was speechless, looking at myself in this actual ballgown made everything even more real.

"I think this might be the one." Our consultant laughed almost nervously. She had been on edge ever since we first showed up, as if she were intimidated. Maybe even as if she knew what we were but that was impossible.

"Jamie? Is this the one?" Anya asked. Her grin was swaying now.

The consultant swallowed loudly, well to us it was loud. I was surprised I could be this close to a human. I thought the blood lust would take over but it was surprsingly easy to avoid. I nodded as if I wasn't even paying attention to the question.

"I think this is it." I breathed absent mindedly.

Even when we got back into the car, a little more then three hours after we entered the store, I still could barely speak. She glanced at me a couple times as we drove.

"Are you okay, Jamie?"

"This is really happening, isn't it?" I finally spoke. She was still smiling.

"You looked beautiful. Kale doesn't stand a chance. You're going to take his breath away."

I definitely would have been blushing at this point.

"Good thing he doesn't need to breath." I muttered sarcastically, although I really couldn't mutter. She could still hear my saprano voice very clearly. She laughed.

It didn't take long to get back to the house. Anya was speeding. We weren't far from home when the unfamiliar scent hit both of us.

"Who is that?" I frowned.

"I have no idea." She was frowning too for the first time tonight. It was a vampire for sure but neither of us knew the scent. As we got closer, a tiny hint of the scent became recognizable.

"Anabelle." I hissed as Anya stopped the car in front of the house. My door opened.

"She came back with William. They're only back for the wedding." Kale assured me instantly. He pulled me out of the car and into his arms. I was still frowning.

"Her scent..." I began.

"Is mixed. I know. They've been all over the place, Jamie I missed you!" His sentence ran together quickly.

Before I could speak our lips were locked. Nothing else mattered. I missed him more then humanly possible. It was after we finally pulled away from eachother that I realized he said William was back. Kale rolled his eyes, somewhat irritated when he saw the sudden excitement on my face.

"He's inside." He sighed.

I turned around, poking my head back into the still open car door.

"Thank you for coming with me today, Anya!"

"Anything for you, dolcetto." She grinned. I smiled back, again glad I couldn't blush. I shut the door and she sped off.

I grabbed Kale's hand and hurried inside. Anabelle didn't look too happy at all, to be here or knowing that the reason she was here in the first place was to watch me and Zero get married. William had his arm around her, in a restraining sort of way.

He hesitantly let her go as Kale pulled me closer to him. William gave her a look and she sighed as if knowingly understanding the look. Jake and Shane were eyeing her carefully, both of their arms crossed. No one really trusted her to say the least. William was suddenly in front of us.

"I didn't think it would take you so long to ask her." He teased. Kale shrugged. William smiled at me now.

"How's my little human been?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Just fine. I can't believe you came back again!"

He laughed. "I don't know why you always think I'm never coming back."

I shrugged, glancing at Kale. He looked away as if I said "It's his fault." That's not even what I was thinking. William caught my glance too, mistaking it for blaming him.

"I heard you got your dress today." He changed the subject.

I smiled a little weakly. All this wedding talk was still making me nervous. It really wasn't even bothering Kale, as far as I could tell.

"It's nothing special." I shrugged.

"You don't seem too excited." Anabelle raised her eyebrow. She had a strange smirk on her face.

"Excited?" I laughed almost nervously. "Of course I'm ex—I have to go...change my...shirt...?" I spoke as I backed out of Kale's arms.

I spun around. What was happening to me? I was suddenly terrified of this wedding. My stomach was turning in all kinds of different directions. For the first time since after being turned, I felt sick and it was hard to breath.

I shut the bedroom door, moving over to our homemade bed. I sat against the wall, pulling my knees to my chest and pressing my face into my knees. This feeling would pass. It had to. A moment passed and Kale was sitting quietly beside me. If I was still human, I would have been oblivious to him. He didn't say anything. I waited a long time before looking at him. When I finally did, his expression was anxious.

"I thought you were ready for marriage..." He spoke in a small voice that hurt my frozen heart.

"I'm just making myself nervous. I'll be fine when the day arrives."

There was a long moment of silence. He looked away from me but held his hand out toward me.

"You're not ready." He stated. My eyes widened. It clicked in my head. He was asking for the ring back.

"Kale--"

"Jamie...I asked you too soon. You're only 18. I should have known..." His voice trailed off. He was trembling. Instead of giving him the ring, I gave him my hand. He finally looked at me.

"I'm going to be 18 forever." I reminded him. His fingers laced around mine.

"You know what I mean." He sighed. I did too.

"18 now or later, I don't think I'll ever really be ready. All I know is I really do love you and when I said forever I meant it. Marrying you is the scariest thing in the world because in this era marriages tend to end badly. I don't want to risk losing you." I almost said again but he already looked hurt enough. That might have made it worse. He squeezed my hand.

"Aren't you afraid?" I asked as our eyes locked.

"Terrified." He breathed. Then he hesitated; "Because I don't feel good enough for you."

"You? Not good enough for me? I think it's the other way around." I felt somewhat angry. Now he got an angry look on his face.

"Excuse me?" He seemed to hiss.

"Oh come on Kale--"

"Do you know how many times both Shane and Jacob have said you deserved better?" He was glowering at me.

"They said what?!" I gasped angrily. I was going to kill them!

"And they're right. I left you so many times in the past."

"In the past yes, to protect me, remember? And do you know how long I've had to listen to Anabelle say the same things about me."

"Anabelle is a jealous, evil, ugly--" He began through clenched teeth.

"Ugly?! Ha! You must be blind!" I interrupted him.

"Talk about being blind." He muttered.

I crossed my arms. Sometime in our arguement we had both stood up without realizing it.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I growled at him.

"Have you ever looked in a mirror? Have you ever really seen yourself? Everything you do, everything you say? Nobody, nothing could ever compare to you. Not Anabelle, not me, nobody!" He glared back at me when my eyes narrowed. "You act like I just offended you!"

I rolled my eyes. "No, you're just irritating me, Kalsaban!"

He glowered at me now. He didn't like it when I said his entire name let alone his full first name. He was lucky I didn't call him Kalsaban Nicolas-Troy Vandera! For some reason he hated it. I thought it was cute but I never said it unless I was angry because it truly bugged him.

"Don't be so mean, Jamie Luna Vandera." Now he seemed to have a sudden teasing tone to his voice.

I stared at him. I had never thought about it before. My name wouldn't be Lamberg anymore, it would be Vandera. Hering it come from his mouth made an incredible feeling shoot through me. I loved it! A huge grin snaked it's way across my face.

"I like how that sounds." I breathed out. He grinned now too, all fighting aside.

"So do I. It's been repeating in my head since the day you said yes. It sounds even better out loud."

"And it will sound even better after it's official and we say I do." I informed him.

"I do!" He smiled. I rolled my eyes at him again.

"You know what I mean."

He grabbed my face in his hands, nearly suffocating me with the strength of his kiss.

~~~~~~~~~

Our clothes were destroyed. I had bit him once again. He used my body as a wrecking ball, nothing unusual.

"Now I have to go kill Shane and Jacob." I sighed, laying my back against his stomach.

"Why?" He laughed in my ear.

"They know better then to lie..." I scolded. Wow, did I sound like a mom or what?

He didn't say anything. I turned my head, looking up at him. He wasn't going to say anything. The look on his face told me so. He didn't want to argue again. He didn't like it and neither did I. I smiled at him when his eyes finally landed on mine. He tightened his arm around my waist.

"You might not want to do that until after the wedding."

I grimaced, looking away. I didn't want to wait that long to talk to the about this. He chuckled. I felt his movement beneath me. It made me want to laugh.

"I was going to wait to tell you this..." His voice trailed off until I looked at him again. "I made Jake my best man."

"You did?!" I asked excited. He nodded. "Really?!"

He grinned. "Yes, really. He actually seemed more happy about it then I thought he would be. I think the idea of us is something they're finally excepting."

This made nothing but happiness fill up inside me. Then a thought accured to me and I frowned a little.

"Now we just have to work on Anabelle." I murmured.

"Ha! William the Stray seems to have her under control. If she doesn't except it, we can count on him to have a little talk with her."

"I wonder what happened to make her listen to him so well. He's really good with Anabelle. I've never seen someone be able to handle her like that." I was very curious about the situation between them now. Kale was playing with my hair. "Are you even listening to me?" I forwned again.

"I always am."

"It doesn't seem like it." I muttered.

"Your hair is so soft..."

"Kale!"

"Joking! I'm listening, Jamie. I promise." I didn't say anything as I glared down at the black blanket covering us. "Jamie?" He poked my side. My body jumped slightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say something?" I asked innocently.

"Very funny. I know you heard me."

"I know." I let out a sigh. "We should go back downstairs."

"How about we just dream for awhile. The sun will be down soon anyways. I want you to see my dream I had the other day, about our wedding." I heard the excited grin in his voice. I leaned deeper into him. This could be interesting to see from his point of view.

"Okay." I agreed, resting my head on his shoulder.

NOTE: speaking of Kale's POV I might just be writing some of these chapters in his point of view and maybe from other characters point of views, like Anabelle or Shane or Anya...only if you guys will read them tho. I haven't been getting much feedback so im not sure if anybody would want to read played with chapters? hmm...