chapter 44

" He's awake."His brother's words made my tightening chest loosen up a bit. I breathed out as deeply as I could. A little wave of happiness and relief went through my whole body." Go see him. I told the nurses that you have .y permission." He whispers. " Do it now, before my parents come back."I hurried and sprinted towards the doors and entered the room where Yoongi was put into. The first thing I saw was him lying down on the bed, his head resting on top of two white pillows, a white blanket covering him from his chest, down to his toes. His eyes were closed, yet squinting like he was in pain.But when I saw his shoulder, I couldn't help but cry even more. He had a bandage around his shoulder, and some type of a piece of fabric to support it.He opens his eyes and looked at me as I sobbed loud enough for him to hear." What are you doing here?" His tone was as cold as ice, stinging right through my heart.My feet unknowingly walked upto him as I bent down and hugged him from his torso lightly, my cheek resting just on  his chest. Tears stained the blanket but I didn't care. I felt the warmth of his body, his alive body. I can hear the pumping of his heart, his blood passing through his heart. He's fine." I'm glad you're okay." I sniffed. " I'm glad you're alive."" I'm not okay." He pushes me away with his feeble arm.He pushed me away. " I have an injury on m shoulder, what makes you think that I'm okay?" " But you're alive." I retorted, stepping back from him. I stared at his shoulder. A patch of gause is covering his left shoulder all the way to the base of his neck, and as well as his collarbone.I felt guilty again. I felt swallowed up by my own damn self again. " I can't work until I recover." He murmurs. " I won't be able to make money because of this damn shoulder."We both know that this is my fault. If only I had not made him upset. If only I hadn't brought up his parents in the argument. Only if I had shut up and respected his privacy. He wouldn't have been suffering like this." I'm so sorry." Is all I say as I cover my face with both my hands, feeling tears spreading on my face as my palm touches my eyes." You know how working at my jobs means a lot to me. You out of all people." He whispers again, until I hear him sigh slowly, " I can't even bare to look at you right now."" Yoongi, I -" I look up as I reach for him but he holds his hand up, in a gesture of stopping me. " My father was right. I should stay away from you. So listen to me." His eyes looked at me , right through my own eyes. " Stay away from me . Please leave."His words were loud and clear, echoing in both of my ears.Stay away from me.Please leave.He doesn't want me here.He wants me to..... leave.I didn't know that my eyes were capable of crying harder than I already was. I felt my whole body shaking, heating up.  I couldn't dare to look at him again one more time without feeling angered at myself." You've pushed me away from you so much and now I'm on the edge." I managed to whisper as I bawled my eyes out.I gasped for air as I made my way out of his room , running away. I wiped my tears but it didn't help. Everytime I wipe it, new tears made their way out. I cannot handle this. I want to be alone. I want to be locked up. I want to be punished." Hey!" I heard Yoongi's brother call for me from behind but I just couldn't make myself turn back. Not like this.Not now, when my heart has been shattered into a million pieces.                                                                 ♡♡♡