Thrive: Chapter 10

Every once in a while, it’s good to let go and let loose.Lesson of the Day:

Mikka

Jay’s guilt ran deeper than his fun-loving side, it ran deeper than his charm and definitely deeper than Jax and Brey could see. I suddenly found myself wanting to defend him, even if that meant wedging myself between him and his family.

‘So,’ I announced loudly. Brey’s eyes sliced over to me, the green in them a sharp contrast to her dark eyebrows and long dark hair. ‘I’m Mikka. I’m Jay’s PA. Not his flavor of the week or month or year.’

‘You’re Mikka?’ Brey asked as if something finally clicked in her head. ‘You’re…’ She looked at Jay, then shoved him in the shoulder. ‘You said she was a ‘friend.”

‘She is.’ Jay balked and then hurried on. ‘She’s not that type… Jesus, Brey. I just got back.’

‘Yeah, I know. And I hate to assume, but it has always been the norm, Jay.’

‘It isn’t always the damn norm, woman.’ He looked at Jax. ‘Is she always this pissy?’

‘Watch it.’ Jax growled, as he wrapped an arm around her waist and settled his chin on her head. He almost swallowed her up and yet she stood there like a freaking queen, her presence so magnetic, I could swear the whole bar was watching her.

She looked up at her husband and whispered something. He smiled and let her go. Then Jax slid right in next to his brother. Those two next to each other in a booth nearly did me in. When Jax wrapped his arm around Jay and grumbled, ‘Missed you and your dumb ass. Don’t make me come out there to LA and babysit you,’ I about cried.

‘Yeah, yeah. Missed you too, man.’ Jay caught me tearing up. ‘Let’s get you another drink because I can’t have you crying before the night begins.’

Brey sighed. ‘I’m normally not this direct and rude, Mikka,’ she confessed as she curled the ends of her hair, trying to explain herself.

She waited for my response, but I didn’t have one yet. She might have been Jay’s best friend, but I was protective of him. None of them knew the extent of his addiction. They hadn’t found him in the compromising places I had over the years. They hadn’t wiped coke off his counter or bathroom or nightstand.

So, I waited for her to continue. Or to not. I didn’t have to make the effort. Jay and I were fighting through this month together but I couldn’t trust that anyone else knew how to fight that fight with us.

‘So, okay.” She slumped a little. “I apologize if I came off the wrong way. Before he was ever really my brother-in-law, he was my best friend, the only family I ever really had. I need to know if he’s okay, and I expect him to tell me when he’s here. We’ve always been that close.’

‘Baby girl…’ He let the nickname roll from his lips for her. He sounded dejected, apologetic, and simply charming.

I nodded. I scooted over for her, pulled my leather bag to the other side, and patted the booth as I said, ‘Well, I’m here to organize his priorities. So maybe it’s my fault.’

I shifted the blame because I felt his thigh tense against my leg. Above the table, though, he was smirking, leaning back and nodding like he was completely okay with her words.

Brey stared at me like she was assessing my intentions, and Jax took that moment to drag his brother to the bar with him.

That left me with her, this phenomenon of a woman who I knew was very protective of my friend. I’d never met her over the years. I knew that was because Jay normally flew back to visit them instead of them coming to us. From what I’d read, I respected her for the life she’d lived. Still, I sat there fiddling with my leather bag instead of making conversation.

As soon as they were out of earshot, she drilled home her point. ‘If you’re taking the blame for him not calling me, I commend your effort but my best friend has fingers. He knows how to dial my number with or without your consent.’

I shoved my leather bag more into the corner of the booth so as not to snap at her. I pointedly turned her way and rested my forearm on the table.

Didn’t she understand her friend at all? He’d never just call them up and ask for help.

No one wants to be a burden. Yet, sometimes life makes the hardest moments the ones you would never expect them to be. Admitting his failure, admitting his addiction, facing it down over and over in this town would be one of those moments.

“He needs to worry about himself first.” I replied and held her gaze.

“Did you discuss his road to recovery with his therapist?” she inquired and I wasn’t sure if she was genuinely curious or was about to blurt out that I didn’t have a say in what he should worry about.

“I’ve been updated through our agency on his progress and how well he’s done with therapy.” I nodded. The doctors and therapists all loved him, thought he would do well, weren’t even sure that we needed random drug tests. I filed away their praise as part of Jay’s likeability. I had to. Someone had to be strong enough to enforce things for him.

“So.” She cleared her throat and busied her hands with scraping at a part of the table. “How can I help? I’m not helping now. I realize that. I’m hurt and it’s selfish. I know it but I can’t help it. He’s always been my rock and to see him crumbling without my knowledge gutted me. And he’s going through more. So, I’m only telling you this. I will be strong and I’ll do whatever I have to in order to keep him healthy.”

I swear the wind was blowing through her hair as she said the words. It was impossible—we were inside—but I felt the earth move with her statement. Her fierceness to protect him knocked down the guard I had up.

I shifted in the booth. “I think we’re going to need a lot more alcohol to get through this month because between you and Jax and me and this town, Jay’s going to be exhausted. He’s going to make it through okay, though. He’s Jay.”

She smiled. “Isn’t he the best?”

“Yeah, he really is.” I searched for him at the bar and when I found him, I caught him staring back at me. He didn’t glance away, just winked and settled in on his arm as he leaned on the bar. A woman was talking his ear off and he nodded but his eyes stayed on me as he mouthed, “You okay?”

I nodded and motioned at our empty glasses. He chuckled and turned back to the bar. Seconds later, the guys were making their way back over.

“You ready to meet the town?” Jay asked, one eyebrow raised, like he truly thought I might say no.

I wanted to. Everyone was judging me. I knew they were considering my designer shoes, and shirt, and jeans. I almost face palmed when I saw that most of them dressed for comfort, not at all worried about making a fashion statement. The stilettos I wore always made me feel secure in my own skin but in this small town, they made me stick out like a sore thumb.

The four of us downed our drinks and circled the bar. Jay willingly engaged in being welcomed back. If they didn’t bring up his stint in rehab, he did. Every single person we talked to knew him and had something to say even if they needed to be prompted.

I pulled him to a corner at one point. “This is like a beating, Jay.”

He scratched his jaw and scrubbed up and down like he was trying to scrub away the fatigue. “It’s necessary.”

“Why?” I practically shouted at him.

“The media can be just as bad,” he countered.

“I honestly am doubting it at this point,” I replied. One of his high school friends had just asked him how many lines he could sniff in one sitting. The excessive amount of curiosity would have probably caused someone less controlled to lash out.

“That’s the thing about this place, Mikka. They say what they mean and mean what they say. If they’re wondering, they ask. And then they share. And they will definitely share. So, I’m nipping the gossip in the bud now.”

“I just feel like it’s overkill at this point.”

“It is,” he admitted. “It’s good practice, though. It’s a good way to become desensitized. The media’s been doing the same thing.”

The headlines about the drugged-out Stonewood Brother had me buying dozens of magazines while standing in line at the drugstore and then throwing them all away. I had called numerous publishers and worked tirelessly in the past two months to curb any news outlet that tried to come for him.

We’d done great damage control. For his movie, though, they wanted more. They wanted him through rehab and here.

I was frustrated for him even though he seemed to be handling it all very well.

Just when I figured the night couldn’t get much worse, my phone started ringing. Jay glanced at it before I could silence the tone.

“Don’t answer it.”

“Jay.” I sighed. “He still needs me. I still need him in a lot of ways too.”

“I’m not arguing that. You should know there’s a time and place to talk to him though. Tonight at a bar with me isn’t a great time. You both agreed to getting space.”

He was right. I let the phone go to voicemail. I didn’t face the music because it was easier to silence it and forget. I was putting a strain on Dougie just by being here with Jay. I’d let Jay kiss me and, as I stared at him, I knew my feelings for him went beyond friendship. Of course Dougie had a right to be mad, to be prying and calling.

I didn’t know what steps to take to make it right and so I followed Jay back to Jax and Aubrey where we let the small town consume us late into the night instead. He caught up with family and friends and let his genuine smile shine through much more than I’d ever seen in LA. I watched him as I drank more and more alcohol.

By the end of the night, I wondered if I was the bad influence on him or he was the bad one on me. He shouldn’t have been out this late after just getting out of rehab and I shouldn’t have been this drunk, lusting over him.

Had he even had a drink after the first? My fuzzy memory of the night was proof that I needed to slow down.

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to stand when I get off this stool,” I confessed to Aubrey.

She eyed the mason jar in front of me. “Did you drink that whole thing?”

I closed one eye to try to align my view with hers. I saw more than one jar, but maybe the jar was just swaying a little bit. “I definitely drank some of it.”

“Jay!” she yelled over my head. “Mikka drank all the moonshine. She’s going to need some help.”

“No.” I shoved off the bar, and from somewhere Ray’s voice said, “slow down.” I rolled my eyes. I’d had some of the best and strongest cocktails at bars in California. “A little moonshine never hurt me.”

Jay’s arm wrapped around my waist and I snuggled in close to him. “You okay to walk home?” he whispered in my ear.

“Are people staring at us?” I asked.

I heard him chuckle. “People always stare at you, woman.”

He turned to his brother and best friend to say goodbyes.

They were truly the most beautiful couple in the world.

Aubrey laughed and then hugged me. “You said that out loud.”

“Oh, God.” I was starting to see the room spin. “I need to go to bed.”

“I’ll see you soon.” Aubrey let me go and then they offered us a ride but Jay must have declined because suddenly the cool Autumn breeze, much cooler than desert air, hit my face.

“Jesus! It’s freezing. We should have taken a ride home.” I tried to snuggle farther against Jay.

“Well, you need the fresh air. We need to get you some winter clothes too.”

“My clothes are fine. I look great in my outfit,” I slurred, but I shivered a little and found myself stopping to make a decision. “Maybe we need an Uber.”

“Meek, I told you, no Ubers around here.”

“Will you be my car then? I’m ruining my shoes.” I thought about that for a second. “Or my feet. Probably, most definitely, ruining my feet.”

As I was finishing my sentence, Jay dipped to swoop me up into his arms. “I’ll be your groom for the night, I guess.”

“A groom always screws his bride on their wedding night. Oh my God, that iron headboard would definitely make a loud declaration of love.”

He halted mid stride. “Your mind this dirty all the time?”

“Hm.” Alcohol had made my lips loose. “I grew up in a porn store. I don’t think I’m a nymphomaniac or anything. The ideas are just always in my head or I see them easily because, you know, porn.”

He jerked his head up and down like my confession made him uncomfortable.

“Is this weird?” I wiggled a little in his arms. “Put me down.”

He didn’t. Instead, he stalked forward, much faster than before. “Don’t share the ideas in your head with me this month.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I pouted like a baby. “Why not? You said we’re being honest and open here. This is the place for it and we’re working through it all together. Blah, blah, blah.”

“We’re working through our problems together, Meek. I don’t need your fine ass creating more by sharing your kinky mind with me.”

“My mind isn’t a problem!” I protested. “I have a healthy sex drive. Did you know the average person is supposed to think about sex eight times a day? Also, thinking about it more is quite possibly good for you.”

He groaned. “I highly doubt that in our case.”

“What’s our case?”

“Our case is us trying to remain friends this month, right? I’m not going to think about anything sexual with you when you’re on a break with Dougie.”

All of a sudden, I felt the bunched muscles in his arms and chest as he walked. I bounced onto his abs with each stride.

Could he feel my skin heating, my heart starting to jackhammer in my chest? Did he see me staring right at the lips I knew were pillowy soft?

“Put me down,” I commanded, our position all of a sudden too much for me.

“No.” He smirked. “I’m going to enjoy you up against me for now, woman. Even if it’s not the way we both want it.”

“That’s not a friendly thing to say.”

“Sharing how you’re contemplating our sex scenes in your bedroom isn’t friendly either.”

“Who said I was contemplating them with you?” I countered.

“Who else could it be when I’m in the room right next door?”

I scrambled because I had thought about it and it was embarrassing. I should have been focused on other things. “Dougie, a guy in town, anyone really. And quite frankly I have a vast array of sex toys to keep me company for the month. I’m fine.”

He didn’t respond as we neared the house. Walking up the front steps, I took in the cool air and darkness that enveloped us. The stars above shone brighter than they ever did in the city and bugs chirped like a symphony of nature.

He lowered me onto the white porch but didn’t step back as he let me slide down his body. “The only person you contemplate anything with in this town is me, little one. Stop lying.”

His voice rumbled into the cool night air, joining the cold wind in sending shivers down my spine. “I don’t lie. I’ve thought about other men,” I proclaimed, sure he wouldn’t ask for details.

“Oh, yeah. Let’s bet. Name one.”

“Wait, what’s the bet?” I asked, stalling so I could rack my brain for an answer.

“Don’t cheat and delay the inevitable.”

“I…Well, there’s…” I blanked as I stared into his eyes. They twinkled like the stars in the night sky and lit up my soul. I couldn’t finish the sentence because all I saw in front of me was the man I wanted but knew I shouldn’t.

I leaned closer and closer to the lips I dreamt about and ran my hand up his chest. He didn’t stop me at first. His hand was at my wrist when I lifted on my tiptoes and took his mouth in mine.

He and I both moaned as we got lost in that kiss. The darkness of the night swallowed us up and let us indulge. I didn’t worry about who would see us in this small town; I only worried I wouldn’t get enough of him.

I gripped him tight and pulled him even closer, nipping at his lip and diving back in. I was feeling brave, like this could work, like we could give in and figure it all out in the morning.

My hand ran over his shoulder, and my core quivered when I felt my leather book bag strap there. He’d always been so thoughtful. I appreciated that about him.

But not when he pulled away.

Not when he said, “Meek, we have to stop. You’ve been drinking. And I…I can’t do this with you right now.”

I covered my mouth and stumbled through the front door. “Oh, God. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want apologies, little one. I want to make sure that when it happens, you’re sober. And it will happen. Mark my words, Little Pebble. That you can bet on.”