Thrive: Chapter 19

Don’t dim your light just so someone else’s can shine brighter.Lesson of the Day:

Mikka

I shouldn’t have made a scene, but my blood was boiling over. Sandy was the perfect woman to catch Jay’s eye and he hadn’t even turned her down in front of me.

Not that he should have.

We hadn’t established anything between us. I knew that. I knew we probably never would.

Still, I deserved a little respect. And maybe my heart wanted a bit more than that.

Add to it that he teased me all through the store and then had the audacity to compliment my Type A nature after.

I was getting whiplash and he deserved to lose because of it. The audience was icing on the cake.

And, man, it felt good to win, even if it was something so small. The clapping and whooping and chanting of my name had me smiling. One person even let out a whistle, as if this was the best entertainment they’d had all week.

“I knew you were amazing even in stilettos,” Delilah announced. She hugged me while Ray went to get me a celebratory drink.

“We were just fooling around,” I mumbled, not sure how to take the compliments for such a small victory, one that was really just a joke. I’d been first in my class, won a state spelling bee, and graduated with two majors and a cumulative 4.0 GPA. My mother might have patted me on the back. We didn’t have a crowd. There was never cheering or clapping.

Delilah leaned in. “No, Mikka. This is your official initiation into the town. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it now, but you just became one of us by putting a Stonewood in their place.”

I brushed the grass off my knees and acted as if her words didn’t shoot straight to my little lonely soul. I knew I was leaving this small town soon. So, fitting in here shouldn’t have meant anything. Yet, it meant everything. “If you say so. We got all the materials for the pie in the back of Jay’s truck. We should get to it, right?”

Delilah nodded and waved Lorraine toward the vehicle. “We better start baking if we’re going to feed this town.”

“My pies aren’t going to be the only eats at the festival, Delilah,” Lorraine said, but it was through a knowing smile.

We hurried over to the truck, and I picked up a few bags. Jay met us there and grabbed the rest quietly. I lingered so that I could walk with him. “Sorry I had to beat you in front of all your friends. But if it helps ease the pain of losing, I’m happy to help you open a jar or two here and there in the next few weeks if you’re ever having trouble.”

He chuckled, not at all the sore loser. He appeared to look even happier. “All in good fun, right? Not like you’re really going on that date with Brady, right?”

“Of course I am,” I replied. “He was nice enough to ask and I’m not cancelling now.”

“You’re kidding me.”

I shook my head and smiled at his jaw working and his biceps flexing. “It’s just a date, Jay.”

“God damn, just a date,” he grumbled and then tilted his head to the side so fast his neck cracked. “You’re driving me insane. You know you’re not supposed to be doing that. You’re supposed to be helping me.”

I shrugged. “You wanted to push your boundaries and see what you could handle.”

He glared at me, but I saw the hint of a smile crossing his lips. “You’re ruthless, Little Pebble. When do you work out? I never see you doing a damn thing.”

“I do it at night before bed sometimes. Mostly yoga,” I admitted. “I need it to relax. I used to get really bad anxiety when I was at school. In high school, I started to have panic attacks. My mother researched what I could do about it and called enough therapists in. We found yoga worked for me.

“Your mom always pushed for what was best for you, I see.” He said thoughtfully.

I nodded. “And I’m thankful she did.” I knew for a fact it was a good thing. “I don’t say it much, but she’s shaped me into who I am. I have a lot of flaws, but I’m proud of what I can do. And you never know what you can do until you push yourself hard enough to break.”

It was true. I was still standing next to Jay, still walking down the village sidewalk, smiling from ear to ear, even knowing I’d survived a terrible couple of months with Dougie.

Jay slid his hand around my elbow to slow me down and rubbed the inside of my arm as he said, “Sometimes you need to know when to walk away from the pushing through, Meek.”

I turned my head from him, let my hair act as a curtain to hide my face. I didn’t want him to see that I struggled with the fact that I was leaving Dougie for this very reason. “My mom always taught me that you fight, bleed, and remain strong enough to conquer whatever you’re afraid of or it will conquer you.”

“I know.” He dropped his hand from my elbow and I felt the loss immediately, but then he pulled me close by my waist and didn’t let me go. “I’ll have to show you that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is walk away, love. It’s not always your job to be the best or make something perfect. And once you figure that out, you’ll be even more wonderful than we all think you are now, which is already pretty damn close to flawless, woman.”

What he said dug down deep into my bones and burrowed there, making a home in me, making me want to build myself a better foundation than before to prove those words belonged where they’d set up shop. “I appreciate you, Jay.”

“I love your little, strong-as-hell ass too, Meek,” he mumbled into my hair. As we walked to Delilah’s, I laid my head on his shoulder, finally feeling like Jay and I were back to our old rapport. This was the friendship I couldn’t live without, the man I couldn’t live without, the relationship that would withstand basically anything.

I hoped I would find that in my next boyfriend, but I was happy to at least have found it in a friend.

Ray jogged over to us just as we were about to walk into Delilah’s. “Here’s your vodka soda.”

“Thank you.” I took it from his hands. “No one is judging me for drinking this early, right?”

“Of course not. They’d judge you if you turned down a drink from me in this town.” He winked. “Are you helping Lorraine bake all those?”

Jay held up the bag of extra pie crusts. “We’ll be there all night.”

“I’ll bring more drinks over later,” Ray announced loud enough for Lorraine to hear as she pushed the glass swinging door open for us. He smiled brightly at her and she returned it with a sultry look. I swear the woman had every older man in the town wrapped around her finger.

She waved us in. “Delilah already has the first batch in the oven and is working on mixing spices into the cinnamon. Jay, we need you to fill the crusts and pass them to me. I’ll work on the pie top and caramel topping.”

The woman buzzed about the industrial kitchen as if it was hers. Delilah let her own it too. They worked well together, moving around one another like they’d done it for years. “How long have you all made these pies?” I asked.

“Delilah’s mom used to do it with me here when she first opened the shop. How old were you, Delilah?”

“I think five? My mom thought this town could use a bakery and I was her pride and joy. So I got the name.” She smiled fondly to herself as she stirred some nutmeg into a large metal bowl. “Somewhat fitting since I inherited the shop when she passed.”

Lorraine didn’t let us dwell. “Right. So I told Delilah she better let me make my pies here. We’ve expanded a few times with our earnings from the pies and her treats in shops throughout the state. The festival is the most fun, though. We have to make enough to feed an army.”

On that note, we got to work. We worked hard for hours. Lorraine had me stir brown sugar in three sauce pans until it melted. A dash of cacao was added right before the concoction changed color. Then I was to watch it brown as I lowered the temperature. At that point, I called Lorraine who would dash over and grab it right as it turned a golden color every time.

It was masterful and almost scientific how she worked so precisely. Every single one came out smelling as fantastic as the one before it.

And Jay kept us upbeat while we worked, sliding in next to me every now and then to bother me. He’d ask me a question like, “What do you think I should wear tonight?” or “Do you think Bob is still hung up on that secretary at work?” or “Remember the time we were listening to that song on the way to the beach? What was that song?”

I responded with one-word answers. I could barely concentrate.

He kept on. “Do you really think the scene where I dive into that lake needs to be shot from under the water? It might be better from behind me.”

Normally, I was extremely good at answering questions like that. I could multitask with the best of them. I prided myself on it.

But the caramel was finicky, so finicky that I’d burned one batch when he’d taken my focus from it ten minutes earlier. “I don’t know, Jay,” I huffed.

“How can you not, woman? You study every angle when you read it.” He was leaning against the counter, his hip brushing mine. And just when I thought I would be okay if we were only friends, if he went on his date with Sandy, he dipped his finger in some of the cooled caramel that had been set aside and wrapped his mouth around it to lick it off.

I should have scolded him but I was distracted. My eyes were laser focused on one thing and it was him being so close with his soft, pillowy lips sucking sweet-as-heaven caramel off his calloused finger.

“Meek,” he whispered.

I hummed, still in a trance.

He turned toward the saucepans and put his hand on the small of my back as he took the spoon from my hand. He whispered in my ear, “You keep letting your mind go where it’s going, you’re going to burn the caramel again.”

I jerked back from him and glared. His lips were pursed in an attempt to hold back a grin. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I swiped back the spoon. “The caramel’s fine.”

“If you say so.” He shrugged. “So, what do you think?”

“About what?” I practically yelled. He was distracting me on purpose, I knew he was. I stirred the caramel faster, trying to defuse my frustration at not being immune to him. “Can you please back up?”

This time he outright laughed at me. “Woman, I haven’t gotten near as close as I want and you’re already quivering. Village Fest is going to be a riot.”

“At Village Fest, I’ll be standing as close to Brady as I can get,” I threw back at him. “Just like you’ll be next to Sandy, I assume.” If he wanted to irk me, I’d do the same to him. “I haven’t gotten anything good in weeks and I’m sure he’ll give it right up.”

“You baiting me, Meek?” he growled.

“Would you classify what you’re doing to me as that?” I shot back.

“Only if it’s working.” He quirked a brow innocently.

“I’m contemplating pouring this hot caramel on you,” I said under my breath.

“I’d take it if you promised to lick it off.”

That time, my stomach clenched along with my thighs and I felt my body practically beg me to give in to him. Goosebumps skittered across my skin and Jay dragged a finger along the ones up my arm. “This is just the start of us, little pebble. Don’t think I’m going to bed you and then let you forget about me. Not after the night we had together.”

I glanced around to make sure Lorraine and Delilah weren’t listening. “We got carried away. Neither of us was ready for something serious. We saw that when you didn’t shoot down Sandy at the grocery store.”

“Is that what all this is about? Woman, it was so far from my mind, I didn’t think to shoot her down. It was never an option. I got you in front of me. I don’t see anyone else.”

“Jay.” I sighed, his words melting me just like the caramel in front of me. “You might think you’re ready to commit, but I think we need to play it by ear. See how things go. I can’t have expectations this early on. I’ll push you too hard. I’ll ramp up my Type A drive to make it the best relationship and I—” My hand shook as I lifted the back of my wrist to push my hair from my face. “I can’t fail again.”

He crossed his arms and shook his head at me. “Little one, it’s not a failure when you get out of a bad situation. It’s a win. And you really think ‘friends with benefits’ is going to work for us?”

I shrugged. “Why not? You don’t have to commit and I get my iron headboard banging.”

“What about Brady?”

“It’s just a date.”

His eyes narrowed. “I’m beginning to hate you saying it’s just anything.” He sighed. “You want to play the game with Brady, fine. I’ll play. And I’ll win.”

He pushed off the counter and called Lorraine and Delilah back in before I could respond.

He resumed his charismatic attitude and charmed all of us the rest of the night as we worked.

At one point, a rap song came on the radio and he actually danced and sang every single word to Lorraine like she needed them enunciated to her.

“I looked up this song,” Lorraine told us. “I wanted to know what a WAP was. Guess what, I have one and every man who has been with me loves it.”

Delilah’s cheeks turned pink and her eyes bulged. “Lorraine! Mikka is going to think you are…”

“What?” Lorraine asked. “She worked in a porn store her whole life. Haven’t you heard?”

“Lorraine!” I mimicked Delilah’s tone. “Didn’t you tell me you weren’t a gossip?

Jay chuckled as he took some pie bags out. “She lied.”

“Proud of it,” Lorraine retorted and went back to pouring caramel. “And speaking of whores, because Delilah was about to call me one, Sandy wants to come help set up the pie stand at Village Fest tomorrow.”

At the mention of her name, I turned the stove burner up a bit. We all knew why she’d jumped on the bandwagon to help.

“She’s excited to be all over Jay,” Lorraine continued, and Jay turned his back on me so I couldn’t see his reaction. “And Jay, I’ll have you know that she is spreading around her status with you like wildfire. You intend on doing anything more than you already have with her, you better be prepared for the town to get a play by play of it the next day.”

He carefully pulled pies out of the oven and didn’t look up or respond to her at all. I wanted him to acknowledge her words, to say he didn’t want anything to do with Sandy, to shut down the gossip mill about him with anyone other than me immediately.

He didn’t do any of that, though.

I wasn’t sure if this was part of the game.

And I wasn’t sure I wanted to play. It was dangerous, potentially catastrophic. I was starting to realize Jay had a piece of my heart and it was the piece that didn’t compete well. It was the piece I wasn’t sure could withstand seeing him with someone else.

It was the piece that loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone else before.

As I curled up in bed that night, I considered my toys and thought about Jay licking caramel off more than just his fingers. All the fun from the day died, though, when my phone rang.

Dougie’s name flashed across the screen, and I silenced the ringing. I’d silenced it more than a few times over the past week.

A text came through.

Dougie: You know I hate the silent treatment.

Dougie: I’m getting impatient.

I laid there for ten minutes, not responding. I got up and started my exercises, carefully breathing in and out. I stretched to the sky and tried to push the negative energy away from me. After it seemed like he’d given up, I turned on my yoga app to start working through a routine that would get my blood flowing.

As I hit the start button, another text came through.

Dougie: What do I have to do to get some of your time? I’m sorry I’m being pushy and I’m sorry to be reaching out. I miss you. Please tell me you miss me too.

He was trying so hard and pushing all my buttons. He wanted my guilt to override my decision to end us.

I’d given in to him for so long that I almost texted back.

Almost.

Much later, I wondered what would have happened if I had.