Thrive: Chapter 21

And sometimes the reward is greater than the risk.Lesson of the Day:

Mikka

Jay grumbled under his breath, surely annoyed with my workload back in LA. He didn’t understand that I couldn’t rely only on him, even if I wanted to.

Except for now. Right now, I had dropped everything to go with him and get away from my problems. They would catch up to me, to both of us. Dougie’s call was a reminder that we needed to face them eventually.

I looked toward the festival and let the lights and crowd swallow up my worry. The folk music mingled with the rustling of the trees, like they were harmonizing. They whispered to me as though they knew every secret I had, like they’d blow them away in the wind and we’d never have to speak of them again. It was comforting.

Soothing.

Addictive.

Delilah ran up to us with her wholesome smile and bright red cheeks, so happy to see me that she basically hit me at full speed to give me a hug. I stumbled back but caught us before we fell, something I wouldn’t have been able to do without my new sneakers on.

We both laughed at her enthusiasm. “Is the pie stand that bad already?” Jay asked as he looked at us.

“It’s crazy. And Rosie tried to sprinkle cumin on top of Lorraine’s pies.” Delilah’s eyes were wide like she couldn’t believe it. “I didn’t think she’d go to those extremes.”

Jay pulled her in for a hug. “Lorraine would go to the same extremes, I’m sure.”

I stood up for her because she couldn’t speak for herself. “She absolutely wouldn’t.”

Jay chuckled. “She would, and you would too. This is the biggest competition of the year. You wouldn’t let someone else beat you.”

“I wouldn’t cheat.” I stomped my foot. “I would win, though. Just like Lorraine is going to because she put in the damn work.”

“That’s right, I did put in the work. And that wrinkly old hag is going to hear from me about that cumin.” Lorraine and Brady walked up behind us, no pies in hand. When she saw me looking around, she said, “We already parked the truck, and Ray’s unloading the pies.”

“Ray does a lot for you.” I leaned in to say as we all started weaving through the crowd. Brady walked up next to me and mumbled another hello. Jay eyed the two of us like he had a claim on me as his friend or employee or something more, I wasn’t sure which.

“Of course he does. He never got over the fact that I left him after he looked at another woman. He’s hoping I’ll gift him with my presence again.” She tapped one red nail against her chin as she thought about it. “I might. He was good in bed.”

Delilah groaned, and Brady took that moment to tease her. “Delilah, come on. You gotta hand it to Lorraine—she’s getting more than most of us.”

Delilah glared at him, and I saw her face get redder than usual. “Lorraine’s generation of men is much better than ours in Greenville, Brady. This town is full of duds our age.”

Jay stumbled at her proclamation. “Are you kidding me? I’m a gentleman.”

Delilah nodded. “Sure, but you left me in Greenville with men like him.” She sighed and now it was Brady’s face turning red. “Maybe I should move.”

As she said the words, Sandy strutted toward us and I almost groaned. Tonight was about to turn into something I knew I wouldn’t like. Delilah leaned over to whisper to us before Sandy was within earshot. “Another dud. Brady, you and her would be perfect together.”

Jay laughed. “He’s been there, done that.”

“As have you,” Brady threw back, but Jay shook his head. Brady shrugged. “Alright, well, we know what’s in store for you tonight then.”

Part of me wanted to remind Jay this wasn’t a partying scene. Kids nipped past our legs and families were playing carnival games for stuffed animals down each dirt aisle we walked. As Sandy slid her hands around Jay’s waist and pressed her whole body to his to whisper in his ear, though, I knew I couldn’t. They weren’t drinking or doing anything illegal. They were on a date, just as I was with Brady, not doing anything wrong.

It only felt wrong in my heart, in my gut, where the ball of jealousy grew and festered into something ugly, competitive, and mean. I wanted to lash out, to accuse Jay of making me feel like I meant more to him than I did.

I turned to Brady, grabbed his hand, and announced, “I want to ride the worst ride here and then go vote for Lorraine’s pie. Who’s with me?”

Delilah and Lorraine whooped like I’d made their day. I didn’t wait for Jay to answer because I wasn’t going to let him and Sandy ruin my night. Sure, I was his PA, but I wasn’t his keeper and I needed to enjoy this night just as much as the next person.

Lorraine’s eyes jumped between Jay and me and, before I knew it, she was speeding ahead, telling me to go find a ride and then come to her pie stand. “The pie tasting isn’t ready yet, but they’ll all be good. You’ll enjoy them, I promise. Some of those women cook almost as well as me.”

Lorraine complimenting others meant one thing: she was distracting me.

The tightening in my stomach, in my soul, in my heart was there.

I shouldn’t look back.

It was going to hurt. Jay was a friend, but my heart had placed him in another category too. The competitive person in me, the one that wanted him for more, needed all the facts. I needed to catalogue everything, even if it ripped me apart.

I glanced back as our group left Jay and Sandy behind. She was kissing his neck, the spot I knew smelled just like him. It was the place I wanted to nuzzle in, the place I felt safe always. My only safe place.

Maybe the way I looked at him broke him, or maybe it was just his way, but his blue eyes poured out sympathy and pain as if he wanted to take away mine. “Meek!”

I spun around and gripped Brady’s hand tighter. “You better find me the best ride, Brady. I need some fun tonight.”

“Don’t worry. The Twirling Fury is either going to make you hurl or scream. Either way, I got you.” He winked at me, and a little spark of hope flickered. His easygoing way along with his classic good looks could entertain me through the night, better than a mini wand, although mine was a workhorse. And his company was much better than Jay’s with Sandy on his arm.

Lorraine split off from us and Delilah went with her, quiet and reserved as she glanced back at me and Brady.

“Is there something between you and Delilah?” I asked.

Brady tilted his head as he steered me toward a stand with a baseball and bottles stacked in a pyramid about fifteen feet away. “She’s the one that got away, I guess.”

“How so?”

He paid the man who then handed him five balls. “I dated her one summer in college and didn’t really commit.” He shrugged and pointed at a bottle pyramid. He threw his ball and knocked them all down. “Two more to go.”

“So, you cheated?” I pried.

“Not really. We never set those boundaries, but I hurt her. I’m not proud of it. She’s all I ever wanted, but I didn’t know it at the time. I was young, stupid, and reckless. Lesson learned.”

I smiled at his candor. Brady and I would get along, even beyond whatever type of date this was. “And that lesson is?”

“Grass isn’t greener anywhere unless you work at it and make it flourish. We would have been good together, but now she won’t come near that idea with a ten foot pole. She’s too nice to act like I’m a leper, but I see the way she looks at me. She wants nothing to do with me.” He threw another ball and knocked down all the bottles but one. He winced. “You’re distracting me, Mikka.”

“By asking you a serious question?”

“We’re supposed to be on a date. Not talking about a woman I used to date.”

“It’s not a date,” Jay said from behind. I jumped at his voice. “Mikka said we were all just going together. So, here we are.”

Turning to face him, I noticed how good he and his date looked together. Jay clearly belonged in a small town with his worn jeans and faded t-shirt that hugged his chest. He only had to throw on some boots and kick up a corner of his mouth and the whole female population swooned. He made millions in rom-coms because he’d been born with that charm.

Sandy fit the beautiful blonde bombshell stereotype, leaning into him like she belonged there. Her jeans molded to her long legs, and her white blouse billowed out in the breeze, making them as picturesque as a small town romance movie.

Together.

Without me.

A couple of screaming kids approached Jay and Sandy. A teen girl asked for his autograph, and it was a stark reminder that, while most of the time in Greenville, Jay was just Jay, he was also an international celebrity.

I didn’t belong here, not with the magical rustling wind, the hyper kids, the autumn air, and the townsfolk who knew each other inside out. Greenville was an exclusive little town, and I felt like an outsider again.

Brady pulled me close. “Of course it’s a date. She just has to be convinced of it. I’m willing to work on our grass, Mikka.”

Sandy squinted. “I don’t get it.”

“Because it’s an inside joke, Sandy.” Brady rolled his eyes and lifted his chin at Jay. “You going to let me throw or you going for it?”

Jay walked to the bar that separated us and the bottles. He didn’t stop to aim or focus on the target. He wound up on his last step and let the ball fly straight into the other bottles. They all fell.

The stand employee smiled. “Sorry. Your friend missed this one, so no stuffed animal today.”

“All good, Johnny.” Jay put down an extra tip on the stand’s table. “Thanks for letting us play.”

“Well, I messed that up,” Brady murmured to me. “I’ll get you something by the end of the night. Want to head over to the Twirling Fury before the teens come out and it gets too busy?”

“Sure.” I looped my arm in his and tried my best not to make eye contact with Jay. His presence as he followed behind us niggled like a tiny little insect that shouldn’t have been so detrimental to my fun but took all my attention. It buzzed around, and if I tried to wave away the idea of him with her, it buzzed back more furiously.

The Twirling Fury lit up as we approached, and the little carts attached to some flimsy-looking chain spread out as the spinning got faster. Then the cart started swirling with the couples caged in.

“This is a joke,” I whispered.

“No, this is Greenville, love,” Brady responded. “It’s fun. I promise.”

“I don’t think those chains are that secure.”

Sandy shrugged beside us. “Mr. Herman has been running this little rollercoaster for years. The chains are old but unbreakable.”

The little man stood by the gate and pushed a lever that made the spinning death traps start to rise up over our head. The music was loud, bouncy, and a little psychotic. You had to be crazy to go on it. Or on drugs.

I turned to Jay. “No.”

His smile was slow, like he’d been waiting for me to look at him. “Baby girl, you got this, and when it’s over, I got you.” My heart dropped so fast I almost lurched at the shift in weight. A part of me knew right then that Jay was all I wanted that night, but I tried my best to ignore it.

I closed my eyes and clutched Brady’s arm. He was supposed to be the one I was here with. “Let’s go.”

Mr. Herman, balding and frail, smiled one of the liveliest smiles I’d ever seen as I walked up with Brady. “You’re new. I remember all my riders.”

I nodded. “I’m new to town.”

“I know. Mikka Chang, PA to Jay, and a few of us think you might be a little broken too.” His assessment and intense gaze caught me off guard.

“I… I’m not broken.”

“No. Someone broke your spirit, though.” His dark eyes squinted at me and then he lifted a knobby, wrinkled finger. “Ah, yes. I can see the guilt. Don’t worry; Greenville will fix you. This ride might break you, though.”

He cackled as he lowered the carts and slowed their spin. Clearing my throat, I tried to ignore his eerily accurate assessment. One of the couples that passed us on their way out looked especially pale. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

Brady pulled me along. “I’ll take care of you.”

Jay grumbled from behind us. “Watch your hands, Brady.”

Tunnel vision was setting in, my palms were starting to sweat, and I wasn’t thinking about Jay’s words properly. “What can happen to our hands? Do they need to stay inside the cart at all times? Oh, God. Do I want to know any of the horror stories?”

Mr. Herman came up to check our seatbelts, which pulled tight over the waist. “There’s not one horror story, little lady. But, yes, keep those hands inside the cart. I don’t want a horror story tonight.”

He laughed at his own joke and slammed our cage shut.

Just Brady and me. Jay and Sandy went into their own enclosure. “Any last words?” the man sitting across from me said.

“This isn’t safe. If we die, everyone should mark my words. There should be a vest seat belt or one of those bars that go across you at amusement parks.”

“What’s the fun in that?” Brady practically vibrated in his seat; his adrenaline was getting the best of him. As the music started up again, I wondered if I could die of a heart attack before we even started spinning.

He gripped my thigh and said, “Scream your head off.”

The spinning started, and then the cart started flipping. I saw all of Greenville whip past as my hair flew everywhere. The ride raised us so high that if we flew off we’d all die.

Lights and trees and screaming, so much screaming. Then I realized it was me screaming. I was sure those were my last moments.

I closed my eyes and spun away to where all my problems disappeared, too scared to really grab any of them and hang on. The beauty of sheer fear, of being whipped around on a metal chain, was I realized I was so damn fragile but so amazingly strong in the same moment.

My life was like that. Dougie had shown me strength and weakness.

And I had survived it.

As the ride started to slow and we lowered to the ground, I found I had survived this too.

“That was…” I waited for Sandy and Jay to come over as we left the ride. “Amazing!”

“The fact that you could scream that long is amazing,” Jay retorted.

Sandy laughed as if he was making fun of me, but his blue eyes twinkled as he looked over her head at me.

He lost his smile when Brady’s arm went around my shoulder, pulling me close so he could kiss my cheek. “You’re a hell of a date, woman.”

I nodded and looked away from Jay. Just my “friend with benefits,” I reminded myself.

Next, Brady insisted we get funnel cake before pie because I’d told him I’d never tried the fried mess of dough.

“Jay, you think my mom would have raised me to eat funnel cake?”

“No. Well, maybe if Wren offered, but I’m guessing he didn’t.”

“Exactly.” I sighed. “I’ll have one piece.”

Sandy grew on me when she smiled and confessed, “I promise you won’t be able to stop with just one bite.”

It looked like fried brains but tasted like a warm donut doused in oil and sugar. “Oh my god. Why didn’t you get this for me earlier, Jay?”

“Because how was I supposed to know you hadn’t eaten carnival food? Dougie wronged you.”

I nodded, suddenly more solemn than I wanted to be. “He did. But not anymore.”

Jay’s jaw ticked as I said the words, and when I licked the powdered sugar from my fingers, something in his eyes shifted. “Brady, I’m calling dibs on my friend for the fun house. It’s my favorite little part of this festival and I’m dragging her through it.”

Brady shrugged. “Sandy, guess you’re on my arm behind them for it.”

Sandy whined, but Jay had already grabbed my hand and was pulling me along. He murmured something to the employee that was manning the fun house and then we were walking through it.

“Jay, you know I’ve been in a fun house before.”

He grunted but continued pulling me through.

We passed a room that had contrasting colors swirling around and then one where we walked on uneven floors. “We’re not even enjoying it.” I pointed to a wall that was painted in swirly colors but didn’t seem all that astonishing.

He continued to pull me through a room that had a mirror every which way and I saw the determination on his face, like he wasn’t going to stop. Yanking my hand back and stopping both of us, I ground out, “Jay. I’m not even seeing the fun of the house.”

He spun on me. “That’s not the point of me bringing you in here.”

“What’s the point, then?” I put my hands on my hips, ready for him to say something ridiculous.

“Do you see yourself in all these mirrors?”

I turned my palms up as I shrugged. “Sure?”

“Do you see what I see, though?”

I waited because I wasn’t sure I wanted to give an answer.

“I see you, the girl I wanted but could never have. I see you, the woman I had that I’m never letting go again. I’ve never committed to another woman because no one is like you. You had me on that red string since the day I met you. And now we’re walking around as if ‘friends with benefits’ is going to be enough? As if Brady is going to be enough?”

“Jay, it’s just some fun with Brady and I don’t expect anything more from you. You shouldn’t expect more either. We’re both in delicate states. I just got out of a relationship and you just got out of rehab.”

“The timing may be off, but I’m not letting you slip through my fingers again,” he growled.

I groaned. “We’re not ready. We’ve done well the way we’ve always been. You and I are—”

“Don’t say friends.” He stepped up to me. “Don’t you dare.”

“Aren’t we, though? We always have been.”

“I should have taken you the first day I met you on that beach, Dougie or no.”

I shook my head, trying to shake away the idea. “Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t work, we never would have and Dougie was—”

“Dougie is gone, and Brady’s not going to stand in my way like your last boyfriend did.”

“I’m not looking for anything, Jay. I want fun and we’re too complicated, too close. Brady is—”

“Brady is NOT an option. Do you know that since the night I kissed you, you’re all I think about? I don’t want other women. I don’t want a party. I want you.”

I stepped back again, came up against a mirror, and knew there wasn’t anywhere to hide. My breath came faster as he cornered me like he did the night he kissed me.

He gripped my jaw and lifted my face as if it belonged to him. “I just want you.”

Maybe I kissed him then. Maybe he kissed me.

But with ourselves as witnesses on every single mirror surrounding us, we devoured one another. He tasted like sugar and devastation, like dreams and nightmares all mixed into one. I moaned when his tongue tangled with mine, not sure I would ever be able to forget his kiss, forget the way he felt against me, forget the idea that I could have him to myself like this.

I shoved him and tore my mouth away. “I can’t do this with you. You’re my place, Jay.”

And he was. My mom pushed me to be everything; Dougie had made me feel like nothing. LA swallowed me up until I had to claw my way out, and this small town gave me the illusion I was something even though I may never be anything to them. I didn’t have close friends. I didn’t have any place to feel home.

Except for Jay.

“You’re my friend,” I whispered and dragged a finger across his lips because I knew I’d miss them, that they deserved to be treasured, and I wanted to be the only one to do that.

He gripped my finger and dipped it into his mouth. He wrapped his tongue around it and sucked off what little bit of sugar may have been left as he closed the gap between us. He pulled me from his mouth and pushed his hips against me. I felt the length of him, knew I was a goner as he said, “More than friends, Meek.”

He dove in to kiss me again, but I made a last ditch effort. “Brady and Sandy are going to be coming up behind us very shortly. We need to stop.”

“I paid the man in charge. No one comes in the fun house. Except you. You get to come in the funhouse, baby, and I’m going to provide the fun.” He grabbed my hips and dipped his head to suck on my neck. The spot was so sensitive, it hardly registered that his hands were unbuttoning and lowering my jeans. When his fingers touched my bare skin, I didn’t hesitate. I kicked off my shoes and pants.

“I’m going to hell for doing this with kids waiting outside,” I mumbled as I gripped his dark hair.

“No one’ll know. The electricity goes out on this thing half the time anyway. That guy shuts it down for maintenance most of the festival.”

“Brady and Sandy will know, Jay.” I yanked at his hair so he’d stop for a second to consider what we were doing. He lifted his head from my neck. His lips glistened, his smile popped with a dimple, and his voice held confidence as he replied, “I’m aware. Brady can go fuck himself. Or Sandy for that matter. I don’t care.”

There wasn’t a way to stop myself if Jay didn’t have any restraint either. I unzipped his jeans and grabbed the whole length of him, ready for him to work me better than any man ever had.

Biting my lip, I lifted my leg to wrap around him. “So, we’re doing this?” The question was a last ditch effort to save what was left of our friendship. We’d fallen over the edge into something more and I knew we couldn’t go back, but fear festered in me.

I could lose him.

But the fighter in me, the competitor that knew I didn’t lose, told me I would never lose him. I’d fight harder for this man than I’d fought for anything ever before.

“I want you, Meek. You ready for me?”

Maybe it was my vulnerability that made him ask, but I didn’t want him to treat me as fragile. Dougie would do that after a fight: cherish me like he hadn’t thrown me around just moments before.

“Don’t you dare hold back and make me ask for it, Jay. If you want me, take me.”

He pushed into me before I could get any more words out. I gasped at his speed, at how he switched from the charm he showed everyone else to the ferocious desire he only had with me.

“No more obstacles, Meek. I’m finding that even a small one like Brady is making me crazy.”

He slid in and out of me, and I closed my eyes, nodding as he did. With his large hands on my hips, holding me to his rhythm but not giving me any room to hesitate, I couldn’t reply. Time stopped, planning stopped, my heart stopped. I was his and didn’t know what else existed as I clawed at his back and moaned his name.

Nothing made sense. I was supposed to be in the big city getting ahead in the film industry, not starting to enjoy small town life more than I’d ever enjoyed any other place I’d lived. It felt like my life was in a snow globe and Jay was shaking it all up.

Purposely.

Deliberately.

And with an end goal in mind.

I wasn’t sure I could handle the outcome, but getting there was getting me off faster than I’d ever imagined. I screamed his name as I climaxed, and he pounded into me more swiftly, finding his release a few moments after.

Our breaths came rapidly, but his smile was even quicker as he pecked my forehead and cheeks and then bit my bottom lip. “You taste as sweet as I remember, and you fuck better than I could ever imagine. And I imagined it, Meek. Many. Times.”

Lowering my legs, I tried not to let the compliment bring a smile to my face. “We need to get back out there.”

“Sure you don’t want another go? I paid good money for this fun house.”

My mouth about dropped as I glanced down to see he was ready to go again. My eyes widened. Before I could even think to be nervous about what we’d find outside the fun house, I started laughing. “You’re crazy.”

“You’re hot, and that little home you got between your legs for me is damn near impossible to stop thinking about.” He waggled his eyebrows like he was going to get some.

Even rumpled and completely disheveled, Jay looked like he belonged on a magazine cover. Maybe more so than usual. And the fact that he was still trying to charm me into sleeping with him after we had done just that proved he was the same old Jay.

He started forward, but I shook my head at him. “Put it away, Jay. Think of something else. We have to get through the night before we do anything else. Think bad thoughts.”

“I am.” He chuckled but zipped his jeans back up.

The post-high of my orgasm had gone to my head. A curl fell over his forehead as he straightened his shirt and pockets. Running my hands through it now would have been asking for a repeat. One I wanted but was sure I shouldn’t.

Jay Stonewood had finally cracked the shell of our friendship and broken through to something more. I wasn’t sure if I should cry for the loss of that safe little haven the shell provided or be elated we had the freedom to finally explore the world of our lust. I knew I had to try, though. I knew I’d try just about anything for him.