Thrive: Chapter 23

Finding someone that loves you more than they love themselves is hard and necessary.Lesson of the Day:

Mikka

Jay took me home on a belly full of funnel cake, pie, beer, and fried food.

The tennis shoes had provided me with comfort when he spun me around while a local played the banjo and dipped me in front of almost everyone in the town. They’d cheered us on like they’d accepted me. They’d smiled at me like I was one of them. They’d hugged me goodbye like I’d always been a part of their town. I fell for the love they gave me that night. I found something I’d always missed growing up and didn’t ever want to let it go.

As the texts rolled in from Dougie, I hit ignore. I found my concern was overpowered by the sudden comfort that there may be another place for me to belong.

Jay held his arm out for me to take on the walk home, and I stared down at my white sneakers, now dirty from the dust of the festival. ‘Shouldn’t we wait for them to crown Lorraine the pie queen?’

‘It’s not a pageant, Meek. She gets a ribbon, not a crown.’ His bicep flexed under my hand, and I squeezed it like it was mine to do with as I pleased.

‘Are you correcting me?’ I was about to tell him to shove it when my phone pinged again.

‘You should turn your phone off,’ Jay said. He didn’t follow up with an explanation, and my body heated, wondering what he might have in store for me, wondering if he wanted to continue what had happened in the fun house as much as I did.

‘It could be the job.’ I shrugged, knowing that it wasn’t.

‘If it’s the job, they can wait until tomorrow. If you want, give me a cup and I’ll piss in it tonight so you don’t have to worry about them bothering us,’ Jay said like the test was the easiest thing in the world.

‘You say that like it’s a piece of cake.’ A breeze blew over us, reminding me of how cold it got here and how quickly the seasons changed. ‘You’re doing it, Jay. Recovering like so many can’t. It’s freaking amazing.’

He stopped on the sidewalk, and the streetlight shone down on him, tinting his dark hair golden and bronzing his skin. His hands slid under my sweater and grazed the skin at the small of my back. His feather light touch and the wind in my hair, the way the light spotlighted him and me—it made a feeling I couldn’t put my finger on rustle into my heart and snuggle up there.

‘Woman, I’m not doing this alone. I have therapists and you. You do all the hard work. So, I appreciate you being here with me.’

Most of my life had been spent pushing to be the best, and Jay didn’t push for that at all. He never took the credit unless it allowed for someone else to step onto the pedestal with him. ‘Appreciate me being here with you because of the fun house or…’

‘Oh, the fun house is what I’m most appreciative of.’ He folded the arm I was holding in and pulled me close enough to tickle the crap out of me. ‘I’d appreciate more of that too in the future rather than you dragging me out on dates with other men.’

I wiggled under him, and he finally let up so that he could hold me close. We walked in silence the rest of the way to Lorraine’s. When we headed up the stairs, my heart pounded with each step. I wanted him to follow me into my bedroom and keep me in the bubble we’d created.

Somehow, here, in this little town, we worked. We lost our baggage, our jobs, our expectations of what we should be, and held on to what we were in front of one another. I turned abruptly and pressed my body to his. ‘Sleep with me?’

‘Pebble, no sweet talk?’ he teased me.

‘I can use my mini wand if you aren’t interested.’

‘Brought to my senses by a little device put up against me.’ He motioned toward my room. ‘Lead the way.’

I backed up to my door, keeping my eyes on him as I turned the knob. ‘This doesn’t have to be any more than tonight. It doesn’t have to mean anything.’

‘It means something,’ he said matter-of-factly.

My heart pitter-pattered and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was falling for him and this town too quickly. I’d failed with Dougie, and if I failed with him, I wouldn’t recover. Dougie had been the man I thought could be my forever, but Jay was the man I wanted to be my forever. The devastation of losing him would be much worse.

‘No,’ I corrected and spun to try to weed through the mess we were going to make by doing this again. ‘I’m trying to tell you it’s okay. I just want the night and let’s not worry about the repercussions. We can go back to being friends tomorrow.’ The wind nearly whooshed out of me as I said the words like someone had grabbed my soul and ripped it away with the thought.

‘No, we can’t,’ he said again, so dispassionately that I wondered if he was really taking in what I was saying.

‘Jay.’ I snapped my fingers at him because his blue eyes had darkened and perused my body like he was contemplating which piece of clothing to take off first. ‘Are you really hearing me? We need boundaries. I don’t want to lose our friendship.’

‘There are no boundaries. We annihilated them in the fun house.’

‘Well, then, we need to establish new ones.’ I crossed my arms and popped out a hip. ‘Until then, we shouldn’t be doing anything. I don’t want to ruin—’

He stalked toward me and started to unbuckle my jeans before I could complete the sentence.

‘I… You…I don’t want to ruin our friendship,’ I stuttered out. He nodded but slid his hands down my lace panties and pressed a thumb to my clit as his fingers worked out how wet I was for him. ‘I’m listening, Meek. Set all the boundaries you want.’

His middle finger slid so far into me, I grabbed his shoulders to keep from falling. “Oh, God.”

He dipped his head to suck on my neck.

“Jay, wait.” I tried to form a thought about boundaries, to find some semblance of logic, but everything was melting away.

He dragged his nose up my neck and murmured, “I’ll wait forever if that’s what you need.”

I shook my head. “Don’t. I need you.” My hesitation had rolled away. The light kisses on my skin were like whispers that my body leaned in to hear more of. His touch against me was like a fire lighting my coldest night. He was bringing me back to life.

His hands slid up under my sweater to lift it over my head. I stared at him as I slid my jeans off, leaving me standing there in lingerie.

The smile he normally had was gone, the charm, the laid-back side of him nowhere to be found. He took a step back and drank me in.

His jaw tensed. “You’re perfect, Meek.”

“I’m just me,” I whispered back.

“And that’s all I want you to be. Always.”

He reached out to grip my ribs where the bruises had faded but where he knew they’d been. He rubbed his thumbs over each bone. “I’m going to show you how you should be cherished, Little Pebble.”

My breath quivered as he knelt down and kissed each rib with a feather light touch. “Jay, you don’t have to—”

“I do.”

He picked me up by my hips, and they automatically wrapped around him like they knew this was my home, this was safety, this was where we were supposed to be.

I stared down at him, my arms atop his shoulders and my hands in his hair. “This is going to ruin us.”

He shook his head as he leaned his forehead into my neck. “Nothing can ruin us, little one. This is where we’re supposed to be. New ground rules?”

I waited for him to tell me.

“No boundaries. You’re mine. I’m sure of it now.”

His words shined a light on a dark part of my heart I didn’t know existed. My hands drifted to his cheeks and I crashed my mouth to his, not sure where we were going from here but sure I was going wherever it was with him. I kissed him and felt the light dim on every other love I’d felt before.

Everything he did felt new, like smelling a flower for the first time, like silk across your skin when all you’d known was sand. He laid me on the bed and threaded his fingers through my hair. Over and over he combed the strands as he ran a finger up and down my stomach.

“Jay,” I whispered, not sure I could hold back the buildup of emotion.

The only time I had ever been cherished like this was when Dougie beat me so badly he felt the need to make up for it.

Jay did it without being prompted, like I was worth it always, like I deserved it for just being me.

The first tear slipped as I realized he was right.

I lifted up on one elbow to grab his neck and pull him down to kiss me. I wanted to taste the man who did this to me, to memorize his lips, the way his tongue curled around mine, how he held me close as I moved under him.

I pulled his shirt over his head and undid his jeans. He kissed down my neck and across my chest, his hands finding their way to the back of my bra and undoing it with ease. Just as my hand dipped into his boxers, he lowered his mouth to one of my breasts.

I hissed when he grazed his teeth over one nipple. I gripped him tighter, feeling how thick he was in my hand as he brought me to the edge of ecstasy.

“Meek, you ready?” His azure eyes searched mine, mouth wet and jaw tense like he was holding back.

I wasn’t sure I could respond, but my body did for me. My legs spread, willing and wanton for him. He slid a hand down my stomach and rolled each finger over my clit before he tested how wet I was. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.”

I stroked him as he did me, keeping his pace. “I’m sure I have an idea.” I moaned and arched my back when he sucked a nipple into his mouth.

“Jay, I’m close,” I admitted between panting and moaning. I warned him so he could take me, so we could go over the edge of oblivion together. Yet, he worked me faster and grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand out of his boxers. He lifted it above my head and continued to trail kisses over my chest.

“Let go, little one.” His words were so soft I almost didn’t hear them. My orgasm hit like a wild animal that had been caged forever. The way he made love like he worshiped me, the way he took his time to bring me to the edge, the way Jay was Jay roused something foreign in me.

I thought I knew love. I thought I’d felt butterflies in my stomach. I thought Dougie had shown me what there was out there.

I was wrong.

Jay watched me with adoration in his eyes, with something new sparkling there. “I think I found my new addiction.”

I shook my head, trying not to fall down the rabbit hole of love without at least grasping for a handhold. “It’s just different when you do it with someone you know, Jay.”

“Is that all, Meek? This just like being with someone else you know?”

I tried to tell him it was. I tried to keep a level head, but the smile that spread across his face was a challenge. Then he dove down to kiss me like I was all he could ever be addicted to. He kissed like he was a junkie and I would deliver the fix, the high, the rush.

Except I felt it too. He was bleeding into me, pumping into my veins to intoxicate every part of me. He slid his hands to hold my jaw open farther, so he could taste every part of my mouth.

It wasn’t soft anymore. His hands were rough, his touch desperate, he was everywhere as he wedged himself between my legs and pushed into me.

I arched and took all of him in. I hissed out his name; I clawed at his back; I bit his shoulder, not sure what marks I would leave. I wasn’t nervous about the repercussions; I wasn’t thinking about how he’d react.

With Jay, I was safe. With Jay, I could do anything.

We fell over the edge together, and the fall was just like the moment you drop from the top of a rollercoaster ride: you scream for your life, wonder if you’ll survive, and then experience the ride of a lifetime. There isn’t a feeling more invigorating in the world than the moment you think you might lose yourself, only to come out of the experience hands shaking and adrenaline pumping. I felt like I could do anything, and as I came down from our rush, I realized that was because he believed I could too.

And that pinpointed the shift from what I was before to how I would be going forward.

Jay’s forehead leaned onto mine. “I misjudged you.”

“Huh?”

“I thought you were just a pebble, but you’re a wrecking ball. I’m wrecked for other women now.”

I chuckled at his automatic charm, but his mention of other women shattered the idea of having something more with him. I started to sit up. “Jay, I need to shower and you need to go to bed.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. I mean, you can’t stay in here,” I stuttered out.

“Why not? What if you need some more fun tonight?” He rolled onto one of his elbows and dragged a hand up my stomach.

I quivered, and my nipples stood to attention.

“You might need more fun right now,” he said, staring at them.

I jumped up and grabbed the sheet to wrap around myself. “I don’t. You need to go before Lorraine gets home.”

“Lorraine would love to know we’re fooling around in here.”

“Jay!” I stomped my foot. “Come on.”

He slid out of bed, languid as ever, and I noticed he was growing hard as a rock again as he grabbed his clothes and pulled on his jeans. He bunched up the boxers and shirt and put them under his arm before grabbing the sheet to pull me close. “I’ll be sneaking back in tonight.”

“For what?” I asked but tilted my head to give him access to my neck as he leaned in.

“For you, Wrecking Ball.” His lips tickled over me. “I want to be destroyed, and you’re the woman to do it.”

“Jay, this probably isn’t a good—”

My phone went off and we both jumped at the sound. Everything in me tensed. The safe place we’d created in this bedroom was gone with that sound.

I shook my head as Jay started to say something. “Go to bed, Jay. We’ve had enough fun for the night.”

He snapped his mouth shut. His jaw ticked as we listened to the ring over and over again. “I’ll break that phone one day.”

“Not tonight.” I grabbed his arm and shoved him toward the door. He narrowed his eyes but let me steer him out.

After picking a few things out of my suitcase to wear to bed, I walked to the shower, trying my best to ignore the call. I jumped about a foot when the text message notification beeped. I don’t know why that sound brought tears to my eyes. Maybe I wanted to forget what I had back home, or maybe what I’d done with Jay finally brought it all to the surface.

I grabbed the phone to see a text from the man I didn’t want to hear from.

Dougie: I thought about you tonight.

Dougie: I thought about how good it was to have you home. And how you’re ruining everything.

Dougie: I want to show you how I’ve changed. You owe me that. Can’t you at least have the decency to let me show you? Or don’t you have the strength? I thought you could do it all, Mikka. Why can’t you do this?