X: The king of consent

《 ELIAN PHOENIX 》

I had my first kiss here. It was at the end of my first unofficial date with Levi, after I had used up all my money to get us tickets for the rides and to buy cotton candy for Levi and popcorn for myself. We weren't dating, but he was the cutest guy in our year and I was determined to change our status.

I had planned this big, grand finale where I kissed him at the top of the ferris wheel. Only it seemed that everyone in the city had grown an interest in that specific ride at that specific moment and I grew impatient.

We stood in the line forever, while Levi bitched about his dad’s need to always be right, like Levi himself hadn't inherited the trait from him. His dad had coaxed him into getting glasses and now that he had them on he was seeing better. And to prove my point, he was more pissed at being wrong than at the fact he had to wear glasses.

As it had gotten later, the families with screaming, snot-nosed children were replaced by teens and young adults holding hands. Levi and I weren't quite there yet, but at least he was in no hurry to leave. So, I leaned in and kissed him, right there in front of a group of snickering teenagers.

I know, I know, I've never been the king of consent. Fortunately for me, that time, Levi kissed me back and by the time we separated, he had forgotten all about his dad. His smile was dazzling and I thought I was going to die at how handsome he was. When we got into the ferris wheel, we kissed the hell out of each other and the week after that he was my boyfriend.

And now I've had my first kiss after Levi here as well. It wasn't necessarily better than my kiss with Levi, but it was definitely something. Aspen is an exceptional kisser, just to get that out in the open. When he kissed me, it was like he was rearranging all my bits and pieces, until all that was left was his lips on mine and how I never wanted to let go of him.

It occurred to me that everything that had happened, from the disappearance of money to Gold fever turning me into gold, was leading to that moment. Without all that crap in between we would have never ended up in the same circles.

Aspen was the rich soon-to-be soccer star with a cute, nerdy girlfriend, and I was a train wreck who despised capitalism and crashed his ex’s car. Aspen isn't Charlottean, so the odds of us ever walking past each other or me having a chance to spit on his rich boy boots just wasn't all that high.

For a brief moment, I entertained the idea that if I got Aspen out of all this, it was going to be worth it in the end.

Anyhow, before I get completely carried away: the kisses were a nice surprise, but to have Aspen here and finally getting to communicate with him was a jackpot. He knew now that I wasn't gone and he was going to tell that to Najwa and the others as well.

They were going to stay in the cottage, where I needed Aspen to maintain the connection. I gave them instructions to get in contact with me and to actually listen to the signals I was giving them. I did a great job and I gave myself a pat on the shoulder for it. Only.. Was I forgetting something?

Already the memory of Aspen and my talk had begun to fade. I could still recall the kisses, clear as day, and hoped to Mother Earth I was never going to forget them. I could also remember most of the things we talked about, but..

The waves crashed against the shore, fuzzing my mind further, and I breathed in a lungful of the fresh sea air. The evening sun was warning the sand and coddled me into a warm, comforting cocoon of drowsiness. I gave in to the heaviness of my eyelids, because nothing could actually be all that important, right?

Just as I started to fall asleep, I felt someone nudging my shoulder. I opened my eyes, but there was no one around. I sat up and gave my head a shake much like a wet dog makes to dry himself up, my overgrown hair flying around my face. Then, a soft whisper carried from the sea: Come on, Phoenix. I need a little help here.

“Uh.. what?” I gawked at the sea, my heavy limbs warm and ready for a nap. The waves crashed louder, drowning the voice, and I was starting to think that the sea was trying to keep me from hearing the words.

Just.. music, now.

“Oh shit, fuck, fuck, fuck.” I swore, stumbling up to my feet and rushing towards the amusement park. Aspen was trying to contact me, and he had said something about time moving faster on the real side. Had it really been over a month there? If so, I had to get to the loudspeakers before they got tired of waiting for my sign.

I chastised myself for almost falling asleep at such a crucial moment as I coaxed my legs to move faster. As soon as I could hear the music, I focused my attention on it, while simultaneously thinking about Aspen. I pictured his eyes, the sound of his voice and how his lips felt against mine.

Then, Rio's voice carried from the loudspeakers, their words hurried like they were afraid they couldn't possibly say everything they needed before the time ran out. But all they said was all I needed, making my lower lip tremble. If I thought my poor little heart couldn't handle that, it got worse when it was Rain's turn to speak.

It's not the same without you, he said, and I found myself nodding my head. Had we ever been apart this long since we got to know each other at that infamous science project? We must have, rationally speaking, but it didn't feel that way and he was right, nothing was the same without him.

This hoarse, whiny sound escaped my lips, and without my notice my cheeks had turned wet with tears. But if hearing Rio and Rain telling me they missed me was bad, Najwa's words destroyed me completely.

We need you, babe.

My knees buckled and I fell to the ground, laughing and sobbing like someone at their witch's end. But the tears were out of happiness, mostly, and I was so grateful for Aspen to make it happen that I wanted to tackle him to the ground and pepper his gorgeous face with kisses.

“Thank you.” I muttered, wiping at my eyes with the backs of my hands and wishing there was some way to let Aspen know just how grateful I was. Almost like he could hear me, his magic warmed my skin, making me forget how alone I was on this side.

Way sooner than I would have hoped for, the music returned to its normal, melancholic tune. I rested my forehead to the ground and sniffled, at a loss now that I was alone again. But I wasn't alone for long, before someone pulled me up to sit on my knees and wrapped their arms around me. Asking me what was wrong. Birdy.

“Oh my god.” I gasped into the crook of Birdy's neck, likely puzzling her even more. I pushed her to an arm’s length, with my palms on her shoulders and gaped at her. “Oh my fucking god.”

I had forgotten to tell Aspen about Birdy. Then, I had forgotten about forgetting to tell him about her. For whatever reason, the memory of Birdy being there had been swiped away from my mind the second I had an opportunity to tell Aspen about her.

“Did something happen?” Birdy asked and knitted her eyebrows, mouth opening to a confused o. There was so much I needed to catch her up on, that I didn't know where to start.

So, instead I started with something else entirely: “In theory, could this place make me forget things to, like, I don't know, keep me here? Or is it just me being weird again?”

“Of course it can.” Birdy stated and shrugged one shoulder like it was something I should have known from the beginning. “What would be a better way to keep you here than making you forget you were ever supposed to be anywhere else?”

“But.. this is just a place.” I reasoned, but it came out weak and unconvincing. Birdy stood up and dusted her dress, all the while shaking her head like she couldn't believe I was suggesting something so absurd.

“Sweetheart.” Birdy reached out a hand for me to pull me up from the ground. She craned her neck to look around in the amusement park, pulling off a look that was both concerned and joyful. “This is so much more than just a place.” Then she leaned closer to whisper in my ear: “I even think it has feelings, so be careful what you say.”

“Oh come on.” I groaned and threw my hands in the air. When Birdy just shrugged again, I grumbled: “It so does not have feelings.”

“So, what did it make you forget?” Birdy asked with a meek smile, ignoring my dramatics. Oh for fuck's sake, I almost forgot it again.