32. Complicated

Chapter 32: Complicated

Kelsey's POV

*****

"Lara look at the sharks!" Ellie squealed as she squished her face with the glass which separated us from the sharks.

In the past hour that we had spent at the aquarium, Ellie had stopped in front of every fish, and every reptile from the reptile section for a whole ten minutes, certainly prolonging our visit there. Ellie had always seemed like a sweet kid to me, and seeing the shine in her eyes every time she laid them upon an animal of some sort continued to confirm that for me. She respected any living being, even if it was just an insect, and I loved how she was more mature than most grown ups in that respect.

"They're beautiful," Lara said, nearly as amused as her little sister.

Seeing them all so happy made me smile, and I was glad that they were all having a good time-that was, until Noah came up to me whining that he was hungry.

"We're almost done from here, we could go to the aquarium restaurant and eat something later" I said, not wanting to have to tell the girls that we were going to have to go. They were observing every single creature in that aquarium and reading all of the information which was offered on them. It was a learning experience for both of the girls, and I didn't want to have to cut it short.

Noah huffed, clearly not happy with my answer, but nodded nonetheless before he walked up to look at the sharks next to his sisters, his hands in the pockets of his black sweat shorts.

"Hey Kels look at this," Ethan said as he waved me over, grabbing my attention.

I went next to him and looked at what he was looking at with a small smile on his face. My mouth opened slightly as I looked at the gorgeous, tiny silver fish all running after one another as if they were playing a game of catch. It always fascinated me just how innocent fish were. They never tried to hurt anyone or anything, and yet people never seem to care about them as much as they care about cats and dogs. Looking at them there, all playing with each other and seemingly staring at me through the glass makes my heart hurt for them. People use them just to either trap them in an aquarium or eat them, and only thinking about that made me feel sad for the creatures.

"They're so beautiful," I said, suddenly having the urge to touch the glass.

"Gorgeous." I looked at Ethan who was already staring at me whilst giving me a small nod at what I had just said, a sweet smile playing on his lips.

I had noticed him staring at me a lot that day, and I couldn't help but feel self-conscious whenever his eyes were on me. Having him look at me always got me cautious as to what I was doing and how I was acting, not wanting him to think that I was weird. I was never very happy with who I was, and would often feel as if people were staring at me and scrutinizing me, even if they probably were not.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" I asked him, feeling flustered.

"No reason," he smiled, making my breath hitch slightly at the softness in his voice.

I was about to say something before Ellie walked up to us, asking Ethan to get her a stuffed animal from the souvenir shop by the exit, making Ethan and I snap our heads away from each other immediately. The way he was looking at all brought a shiver down my spine, and if Ellie hadn't interrupted us, I was certain that my legs would have given in by the intensity of the stare.

"Yeah, let's buy stuffed animals. If we go buy stuffed animals it means that we go out, and if we go out it means that we're done, which means that we're going to eat, so yeah, let's go to the store," Noah said, linking his arm with mine as he dragged me to the souvenir shop, everyone else trailing behind us. I laughed at his reaction, knowing just how much I could actually relate to that.

"What would you like?" Ethan asked Ellie, kneeling down in front of her beside the stuffed animal section.

"I want a shark!" Ellie excitedly said, making me widen my eyes. I would have never asked for a shark stuffed animal when I was younger, mainly because I was petrified of them. As I grew up, I realised that people were much scarier than the sharks, and started loving them as well, but I would certainly not ever want to sleep with a stuffed one.

"Can you buy me something too Ethan? I would love to have a dolphin," Lara asked, the difference between her and her sister making me chuckle.

As Ethan helped the girl choose their stuffed animals, Noah turned to me and begged me to go find a table at the restaurant in the mean time, grabbing my arm and walking me towards the restaurant. I laughed at his eagerness to eat, yet I was happy to see him going back to his old self.

Noah changed when Zack was around. He was always in a bad mood, and would barely touch his food. Any time Zack entered the kitchen, Noah would get up as he scraped the chair back and just walked out, leaving a full plate of food on the table. All of that made me worry about him, because he had always been one to love food, and seeing him barely touch any made me feel like a bad babysitter. I tried as much as I could to make him get back to how he was, but that didn't happen until Zack went out of our lives, hopefully for good.

After telling the others what we were doing, we went and found a table at the restaurant. I laughed as Noah eagerly started looking at the menu', licking his lips at every tasty item he set his eyes upon.

"I want pizza," he finally said with a grin, setting his menu' down and looking straight at me.

"Pizza it is!" I said with a small laugh, glad to see his usual smile on his face. Something I had come to learn about Noah was that he always got grumpy whenever he was hungry, and no matter what you did, there was no way you could see him smile until there was a plate of food in front of his face-something he was similar to me in.

He looked at me for a while, his features suddenly turning serious as he seemed to be pondering on whether he should speak his mind or simply stay quiet-something which he often did.

"So what's going on with you and Ethan?" He finally asked, linking his fingers together as he set his hands in the middle of the table, looking as if he were about to interrogate me.

"Nothing Noah, we're just good friends," I replied, suddenly becoming flustered at the question. Noah and I were good friends, but his brother was not really a topic I wanted to visit with him.

"Just friends?" Noah asks, raising his eyebrows questioningly. "Kels, you and I are just friends. You and my brother, that's more than just any friendship."

I pursed my lips at his words, looking down at the table as I played with my fingers, a habit I had found myself having whenever I was nervous about something.

"Come on Kelsey, it's obvious that you like my brother and it's even more obvious that he likes you too," he said, still looking at me intensely.

I looked at him, biting my lip nervously as I knew that he was not going to be leaving me alone before I told him what I felt for Ethan. In the little time I had known him, Noah had come to learn a lot of things about me, just how I ended up learning things about him, and one of those things was knowing when I was lying. I couldn't lie to Noah, and he knew that.

"It's complicated," I admitted, not wanting to give him a straight 'yes' or 'no' answer. "I don't think I would ever be with someone like that."

It was painful to say it out loud, but I knew that it was true. I was not as confident nor as charismatic as Ethan was, and I was certainly nothing when compared to the multitude of girls who laid their eyes on him. It was only a matter of time until somebody better came along and stole Ethan's heart, someone he could actually be happy with. I was an over thinker, and I often created problems when they didn't exist. I pushed people away, fearing of getting too close to them. I didn't want to make Ethan have to go through my numerous mood swings, he deserved better than that.

"Gee thanks," I heard someone saying from behind me, making my heart stop, as I felt the colour draining from my face.

Ethan and the girls sat down beside Noah and I, and I couldn't get myself to look at him in the eyes. I knew how bad that must have sounded to him, and it certainly didn't sound like I meant it to. Noah seemed to understand my words, and I knew that because of how he put his hand on top of mine to console me, knowing very well how bad my mental health was. Ethan, on the other hand, was not Noah. I never let him in on what went on in my head, and I knew that my words could have sounded like I was saying that he didn't deserve me, which wasn't at all what I meant.

"Ethan, believe me, I didn't mean it in the way you probably think it did," I said, desperately trying to make him realise it.

I liked him, he knew I liked him. He had to know that I liked him. I would never act with a person the way I did with Ethan if it wasn't because I had some form of feelings for him.

"Hey, drop it, it's fine," he replied with a dark chuckle, his eyes not meeting mine, allowing me to see that it was definitely not fine.

*****

"I finally got them all to sleep," I said as I sat on the couch next to Ethan, laying my head on his shoulder.

We had a very busy day. After going to the aquarium, they wanted to go to the park, while there we realised that there was an activity going on that the kids would love so we stayed at the park for about 3 hours. After the park they wanted to go to the movies so we decided to make them happy and took them to watch a movie which Noah had been dying to see. It took a while to get them to sleep after that, all of them still ecstatic with the day they had just spent, but I finally managed to.

"I had to sing Ellie and Lara about two lullabies, but they're asleep," I chuckled, feeling exhausted myself.

"It was a fun day," Ethan said, smiling at me.

"Yeah, it was," I replied, smiling back.

I still couldn't stop thinking about what Ethan had heard me say back in the restaurant. I was upset at the fact that he chose to ignore it, not wanting to talk it out. I was glad that we weren't getting in to a fight, but I wanted him to know the reason why I said it. He had nothing to do with what I said, I did, and I wanted him to be aware of that.

"It's only eight o'clock, do you wanna do something?" Ethan asked, looking down at me."We could text Meg and Jake, ask them if they want to come over here and hang out."

I smiled at the fact that Ethan wanted to spend time with me, and not go straight to bed despite the long day we had. I loved that he wasn't angry at me, even if I was dying to know what was really going through his head.

"Sure," I replied. "I'll call Meg, see if she's with him," I continued, knowing that Jake and Meg had to hang out that day.

As I dialed her number, I made a mental note to ask her about what was going on with Jake. We didn't talk much about him, especially since Meg didn't like to bring things up unless she was asked, something which often made me feel like a bad friend. It was often that Meg would be going through something and not talk to me about it, not because she didn't want to, but because she would think that she were burdening me with it. She never showed her true emotions, and it was always difficult for me to figure out if she was upset.

I could here a small giggle as soon as she answered the phone, making me look at Ethan with raised eyebrows, knowing that he could hear her too due to our proximity. I knew that I didn't need to ask her if she was with Jake, mainly because I could hear his voice from the other side of the line. Meg quickly accepted when I asked her if she wanted to hang out with Ethan and I, and I made sure to tell her that she was sleeping over at the house. I needed to know what was going on between the two of them, and her sleeping over was the only way I could have possibly done that.

"They're coming over here," I told him as he sent me a knowing smirk as soon as I confirmed that the two of them were together

"What do you think is going on with them? They're always hanging with each other, I hadn't seen Jake in ages before this morning, and I have never seen him this happy," Ethan said, a cute smile overtaking his features at the mention of Jake being happy.

In all of the years I had known Ethan, I would have never imagined him as being such a good friend. He was so caring of everybody he was close to, especially Jake. He treated him like his brother, and I always got to see a new side of him whenever the two of them were alone, without the other friends they hung out with at school.

"I don't know, we could always ask," I replied as we headed into the kitchen to grab some snacks for us before going back to watch T.V.

The doorbell rang about half an hour later, signalling our friends' arrival. I laughed as I saw Meg holding up a box of microwavable and shaking it in front of my face as soon as I opened the door.

"We already had snacks but thanks," I replied as the two of them walked past me and over to Ethan to greet him.

"Are you guys having a party without me?" Noah asked as he came downstairs. "You really are replacing me!" He told me as he clutched his heart.

"Woah, woah, hold up. I'm her actual best friend here," Meg said, glaring at Noah.

"Not according to Ethan," Noah retorted as he glared at his brother, making my face burn red as Meg looked at me with her mouth slightly open, as if she wanted to tell me something, yet opting against it.

"If you want to be with a best friend right now, I could always go get May," Meg grinned at Noah. "Maybe that can make you leave mine alone."

I laughed at how possessive of me she was suddenly getting, reminding me of when we were younger. She would always come to my rescue whenever somebody wanted to pick on me, and she was always very protective of me when it came to guys who liked me. Meg and I had been through a lot together, and looking at her, I knew that we were going to be by each other's side for years to come.

"Sounds like an interesting deal, but you'd still have Ethan to deal with," he grinned.

"I think I can handle Ethan," Meg said with a wink before going out the door, ready to go and get her sister.

"So Jake, you and Meg, what's happening?" Ethan asked as soon as Meg was out of sight, making Jake's eyes widen in surprise. He certainly wasn't expecting Ethan to be so direct.

"Nothing," Jake said with a shrug before he flopped down on the sofa, fixing his hair slightly.

I knew he was lying. There was no way that there was nothing going on between the two of them, and there was no way that he didn't at least like her. Meg had everything a guy could want in a girl, and he would be stupid to not share the same feelings as her.

"I'll believe that the same day I believe that Kelsey and Ethan don't like each other," Noah said as he sat down next to Jake, placing his arm around him.

"Two shay bro," Jake grinned, emphasising on the 'two' before he fist bumped with Noah, oblivious to the mistake he had just made as I stared at the two of them wide eyed.

"You mean touchè dude," Ethan said trying to change the subject with a small cough. His face was almost as red as mine, indicating that Noah's words affected him as much as they affected me.

I could not understand how he could act so cool after he was basically as red as a tomato only moments before. I certainly did not have that kind of talent, and it was always easy for people to find out when I was flustered about something. That was one of the reasons why I was so bad at lying.

If Noah had said anything else before Jake's mistake, I would have laughed too, and tried to correct him like the grammarian I am, but he didn't. He said that Ethan and I liked each other, and frankly, I knew he wasn't wrong.

"Two shay, toosh, whatever man, stop trying to make us look the other way," Jake said with a smirk on his face, giving me the sudden urge to slap it off him.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, where Ethan and I kept sending each other small glances, neither of us wanting to say anything. I was glad when Ethan suggested to watch a music festival on T.V. whilst waiting for Meg and May, clearly wanting to break the awkward silence that had engulfed us. I tried to ignore the knowing smirk that Noah threw my way, and made sure to sit as far away from him as possible. I did not want a lecture from him in that moment.

It wasn't long before the door flew open, revealing Meg and a very sleepy May trailing behind her, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand before looking up at her sister who had just announced that she walked in.

"Why didn't you just let her sleep?" I asked, feeling bad for the sleeping beauty that walked in, looking like she was going to drop on the floor and fall in to a deep slumber at any second.

"She didn't want to when I mentioned that Noah's gonna be here," she grinned as May's eyes widened and her hand flew up to slap her sister's

"Oh come on, it's not like nobody knows that you li-"

"Meg if you don't shut your pie hole I will hurt you," May glared, cutting her sister off.

Her sister nearly exposing her certainly seemed to have woken her up, and I nearly laughed at how the tabled has turned. One second Noah was making Ethan and I feel nervous, and the next, his face was as red as a fire truck.

"Yes ma'am" Meg replied with a giggle.

I smiled at how flustered May got when it came to talking about Noah. It was cute that they both seemed to like each other, and all I hoped for was for one of them to be honest about their feelings. romantic feelings have always been some of the most beautiful, yet scariest emotions. You never know if the person you like likes you back, and when you do, you often find yourself fearful to make the leap of faith.