34. memories during lockdown

HEYYYY READ THISS FIRST FAMMMMM AND I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!!!!

For those of you who have social media and have seen the video above and didn't recognize the very cute boy in it, I am proud to tell you guys that that angel that sounds almost like Shawn Mendes (Doe Shawn is still my number 1) is our very own Noah, Zach Herron, so yeah. Be proud. ^^^^

21/09/20 note: If only I knew how relevant this title would be in 2020 back then :(

Chapter 34: Memories during lockdown

Kelsey's POV

*****

"Wait, don't I get a say in this?" I asked with a huff as they all started discussing the details of me being locked in a room with Ethan.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be alone with him, it was more because I was afraid of what would be said between us. Our relationship was going great, and I wanted to keep it that way for a while. I kept questioning myself whether we would end up getting in an awkward silence upon entering the room, or if we would end up in a fight of some sort. I never seemed to be able to shut down my mind, and the only things that ever went through it seemed to be negative ones.

"It's not your dare Kels, so no," Meg grinned, earning a high five from Jake, making me roll my eyes at them in order to try and hide the strange feeling in my stomach at the thought of being locked in a room alone with Ethan for an hour.

"Would it bother you Kels?" Ethan asked me, sincerely interested in my answer.

I smiled, finding it sweet that he asked for my opinion as soon as he realised that I might not be okay with the idea. Evaluating everything, I made the decision to push back all of that negativity at the back of my mind, allowing myself to let loose for once in my life. Ethan and I were good friends, and I was sure that we could spend at least an hour without fighting or somehow ruining our friendship.

"Well, I guess not that much. We're best friends, we can hang out together for an hour," I smiled as Ethan's face lit up, clearly happy with my answer.

I knew that if I were to say that I didn't want to, he would have respected my decision, but he would also have been hurt by it. I didn't want to give him the wrong idea, especially not after he heard me talking with Noah.

"Alright, what room?" Jake asked.

"Guest room?" I asked Ethan, knowing that I would feel more comfortable if I were to be in a room which was very familiar to me.

Ethan nodded in agreement as he stood up from the floor, offering me his hand to help me up. We walked up to the guest room, Meg and Jake trailing behind us with mirroring smirks on their faces. As we stopped in front of the door, Meg went over the rules, reminding us that they would let us out in an hour, and asked me for my key so she would be able to lock the door.

I hesitated slightly before handing her the key, unable to understand why she had to lock the door. It wasn't like either one of us was going to escape, but I gave her the key nonetheless, knowing that Meg never changed her mind whenever it was set on something. She didn't waste any time before pushing us in the room and closing the door behind us, the sound of her and Jake snickering audible even from inside the locked room.

"So what should we do?" Ethan asked as he sat on the floor, right in front of the bed, his arms resting on his knees.

"Well, how about we play the question game?" I asked, sitting next to him. "You want to see yourself as my best friend, but I'm sure that you don't know a lot of things about me, and the same goes for me," I explained as I noticed his raised brows, showing that he didn't know what I was talking about.

"Alright, what do you want to know?" He asked, looking directly at me, clearly amused at my idea.

I gnawed at my bottom lip in cogitation, glad that Ethan was giving me the chance to get to know him better. I could never be with a person whom I didn't know enough about, and if I was going to give Ethan a chance, I wanted to get to know as many little things as I possibly could.

"What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done when you were little?" I asked with a grin on my face, trying to imagine all the crazy things a goof like Ethan must have done.

There were a lot of rumours about Ethan going around the school, all of which included some type of weird or embarrassing thing he had supposedly done. I was never one to believe every single rumour that reached my ears, unless I had proof of it being true. Ethan let out a huff beside me before turning away from me, facing straight ahead of him.

"Damn, you start with the tough ones huh," he chuckled as I nodded with a proud grin on my face. I doubted whether he would have considered answering the question, but seeing him think so profoundly about it gave me hope.

"Okay so, I've never told this to anyone, not even Jake. You have to promise me that you won't tell a soul," he said, before I pursed my lips together and pretended to lock them up and throw away the key, making him chuckle slightly.  "Gosh, I can't believe I'm about to tell you this. So I was about 5 years old and my mom was out in the backyard, so for some reason I decided to lock her out and run around the house naked, like one does. My mom was having guests that day, so when the doorbell rang and I opened the door butt naked, one can only imagine the look my mom's boss and his wife gave me."

I burst out laughing at his story, unable to handle the image of his mother's boss coming face to face with a naked five year old Ethan.

"So you were a bad ass even when you were five, good to know" I laughed.

"The worst thing was that my mom's boss brought his daughter with him. She was like six years old, and very, very, scarred by what she saw," he said, laughing along with me.

"Oh my God! That poor girl!" I laughed, struggling to breath as I let out a snort, my face turning red at the noise I had just made, despite being unable to laugh.

"Nice laugh you got there," Ethan teased, making him push his shoulder lightly. "Okay, my turn," he said, clapping his hands before rubbing them after we both finished laughing.

"Sure, ask away," I replied, not knowing what to expect out of him.

He could have asked anything, and that thought scared me, yet I knew that I could trust Ethan. There were already things which he knew about, and which he had never judged me for. I gulped as soon as I caught sight of his smirk, an amused glint in his eyes which had locked with mine. No matter how ready I was for his question, I certainly was not prepared for the one which he actually ended up asking.

"Why do you have a picture of me and you on your collage?"

I looked at the collage which I had on the wall next to my bed, my face instantly going red as I noticed a polaroid of me on Ethan's back. It was a picture which Meg had taken that day when we all went to the beach, which she had captured right when I was on Ethan's back during a game of chicken fight, both of us with huge grins on our faces.

The picture in itself had come out really nice, and I hung it up there when Ethan and I started becoming closer friends. I wished that I could say that I had forgotten I had it there, but I couldn't. I often found myself looking at it before going to bed, bringing a smile to my face every single time at the innocence of it.

"It's a collage about me, my family and my friends. And you're my friend so you're up there," I explained, hoping that he wouldn't read too much into it.

"Then why is there a heart drawn on the bottom?" He asked with a smirk, clearly enjoying the fact that I had a picture of him on my photo wall.

"Erm, Meg drew it," I lied, despite knowing that he wouldn't believe me.

My voice and face always betrayed me whenever I lied. It was always either my face turning red, or my ears. It had always been easier for me to tell the truth to my father whenever he asked me about something I didn't want to talk about.

"It's a pretty cool collage. Is this you?" He asked as he pointed to a picture of me and my mom, making me smile fondly at the memories.

"Yeah, it's one of the few photos I have with my mom," I replied with a nod.

Her having died when I was at such a young age made it nearly impossible for me to have any proper photos with her. Phones didn't have built in cameras back then, and it would have had to be a special occasion for my father to carry a camera with him. I treasured the ones I had, which weren't many, but which I loved nonetheless. That was why I loved taking photos so much. I knew that by time they would become some of the most important memories for someone.

"Bet you miss her huh?" He asked, looking at me with one of the most genuinely innocent looks I had ever seen on his face.

"More than anything. I can't forget how she used to read me stories before I went to sleep cuddled up with her. How she used to make me feel better about everything, if I was worried about something I could go to her and she'd make me feel better, she made me feel safe. She made me laugh like no other person.

"I just wish I could tell her that I love her just one more time, lots of people don't realise what they have, what their mothers are worth, they just shut her out when they grow older, they don't realise that their mother, being a good one, is the best thing they could ever have. It's funny how I was only three years old but I still remember all of that. My dad says that I look just like her. Sometimes I feel like she's here with me," I replied a tear sliding down my cheek.

Ethan wiped away my tear, looking at me intensely, his hand never being removed from my cheek. "She'll always be with you Kels, no matter how much time passes, no matter how many mistakes you make she'll always be with you to help you get through things and help you feel better. She still loves you more then anything, she's still your best friend. Your guardian angel," he said before hugging me, resting his chin on the top of my head which was resting on his chest.

"That's what my dad used to say," I said smiling at Ethan.

"I could totally make a dirty joke with what you've just said, but I won't because of the wholesome conversation we were just having," he said, making me shove his chest as he let out a chuckle.

"But seriously, I'm really sorry Kelsey, I'm sorry for judging you that first time you came to stay here. I told you your life was perfect without knowing what you went through. I've already apologised, I know, but I truly am sorry," he said with a sigh.

"It's okay Eth, you're here now, and now is all that matters," I said before he hugged me even tighter.

"I've always had my dad with me, to make me feel safe like my mom did, and he had always been the only one to be able to make me feel that way, until you," I said without thinking, burying my head further into his neck as soon as I realised what I had just said.

I didn't like talking about my feelings, especially not to the person to whom they were directed. The fact that I was even talking about that with Ethan showed just how comfortable I had gotten with him, and even if that scared me, it also made me really, truly, happy.

"That's what I'm here for princess," he said, taking my hand in his and intertwining our fingers together.

I instantly looked down at our hands, feeling my face heat up and my heart beat rate increasing. Ethan looked at me, his face as red as mine probably was, yet he didn't take his eyes off of me.

"Erm, s-so we have another half hour here, and I still have questions to ask," he said awkwardly as he released my hand, making me miss the feeling of his warm hand in mine.

"Go ahead," I replied, not wanting him to know what I was thinking.

"What's the one thing you've always wanted but never got?" he asked.

My lips parted slightly as I was about to answer, before realising that I hadn't thought about that for a while. There were a lot of things which I always longed for but was never able to get because my father couldn't afford them. There was, however, one thing which I could never have, not even with all the money in the world.

"Well, my mom always used to wear a locket with a picture of her, me, and my dad. I loved it so much and I always wanted one just like it. It was the most beautiful thing ever and mom never took it off. I asked my dad for one but he said that I was too young. After my mom passed I never found her locket, and by time I just forgot about it I guess," I replied.

"Wow, I honestly thought you were going to say something girly like expensive make up or a Nintendo 3DS or something," he chuckled.

"Well that's rude! You know I don't like make up and my phone is perfectly fine. Plus I'm pretty sure the Nintendo 3DS didn't exist when I was like 5," I replied.

"Alright sorry," he chuckled. "You sure are something different. Not everyone is like you." (pssstt guysss this is a reference to chapter 7 for those of you who remember ;))

I decided to take his words as a compliment, despite not knowing if he was making fun of me. In a way, his words made me happy. I always wanted to be distinct from everybody else, and I hated whenever people compared me to someone or told me I was just like a person they knew. I was my own person, and I had always wanted that to come through.

"Erm, what's one thing you've never told anyone," I asked, before realising that maybe I was intruding a bit too much in his life. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I quickly continued, wanting to make it clear that he didn't have to answer if he didn't feel comfortable doing so.

He sighed before speaking, seeming to think about what he wanted to say. "Okay, you're probably not going to believe me," he started off, "but I have never slept with anyone before. I'm still a virgin."

His cheeks reddened as my eyes widened, his words stunning me. Noah had said multiple times that Ethan used to bring girls home, and a lot of girls from school would be heard bragging with their friends in the bathrooms about the amazing night they spent with him, none of which were things I wanted to be thinking of them doing with him in that moment.

"But Noah said you used to bring girls here all the time" I said in confusion, wanting very much to believe him.

"Yeah, that is true, but I swear, I never do anything with them. I would never take advantage of someone, especially not when they're drunk. I used to just give them some water to sober up and let them sleep next to me, but that's it. They're the ones that turn the story the way they want," he said, catching me by surprise.

I didn't know what to say. The boy sitting next to me had just shown me what a respectful person he was, and I found it horrible that those girls would objectify him like that. What he did was really sweet, and I knew that people like him were very rare to find.

"Alright, moving on," he said, still clearly flustered from the previous question. "What was the worst thing you've ever done to get a crush to notice you?"

"One time I threw an apple at this guy's head during lunch but it accidentally hit him in his nose and broke it," I replied, the memory making me laugh.

I was stupid, and thought that if I were to 'acidentally' hit him with my apple, I could have walked over to him and apologise about it, which would have eventually gotten us talking, yet it ended very badly.

"You broke a guy's nose to get him to notice you?" He laughed. "Wow, remind me to notice you all the time princess, I like my nose."

"Oh please, like I'd ever wanna get your attention," I teased, making him roll his eyes.

"Oh really?" He smirked. "That collage says otherwise," he winked.

I rolled my eyes at his comment, not wanting to admit that I did like it whenever Ethan was beside me. There was never a dull moment with him, I probably never laughed as much as I did whenever he was around.

"Don't beat yourself up for it, Billy needed to get a nose job anyways," he said with half a smile.

After Billy broke his nose, the reason for it was the talk of the school. Out of embarrassment I never admitted that it was me who threw the apple, even if a lot of people had already figured it out.

"What about you, what's the worst thing you've ever done to get a girl to notice you?" I curiously asked.

Ethan's eyes flicked up to my own as soon as I asked the question, a sad yet fond smile playing on his lips. "Well, this was one was certainly a stupid thing to do. When I was like 9 years old there was this really cute and adorable girl I liked and I wanted her to notice me so I spent the whole night making a card for her asking her if she wanted to have a play date with me.

"The next day at school I climbed a tree to be cool and when she walked towards me I jumped down but accidentally pulled her skirt down while jumping." My eyes widened at the story as Ethan's looked down at the ground, clearly not wanting to meet mine.

"So that card was for me," I said finally realising it all. I was so mad at Ethan for pulling my skirt down that I never talked to him again after that. "Everyone made fun of me, I thought you did it on purpose."

"Well now you know," he awkwardly said as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, the topic clearly an uncomfortable one for him.

Getting up, I walked to my drawer and took out a small box which was filled with photos and mementos from my childhood. I shuffled through it before taking out the piece of paper I was looking for and going back to sit next to Ethan.

"You kept it?" He asked with a small smile as soon as I handed him the card.

"Well, I wasn't sure if it was for me, and since you never did ask me for that play date I thought it wasn't, but no one had ever done that for me so I kept it hoping it really was for me. I was mad at you but the card was still sweet," I said.

I was the kind of girl who everybody made fun of, and no boy had ever shown any interest in wanting to be my friend. I held on to Ethan's card, wanting to pretend that it was for me, even if at the time I was sure it wasn't. Ethan used to make fun of me along with the other kids when he was younger, even if he was possibly the nicest one of the lot, and probably the only one who had ever considered talking to me. I had a lot of horrible things done to me, but Ethan pulling down my skirt hurt me too much, especially since I thought that we were starting to become friends. So many people were cruel when it came to me, and so I didn't think twice about whether he had done it on purpose or not.

"You were hoping it was for you?" He smirked. "So you liked me!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself Ethan, but yes, maybe I liked you just a little bit, you know, before you pulled my skirt down," I said. I was just a little girl, I couldn't be blamed for falling for the only boy who was ever nice to me.

"I'm so sorry for that. You never gave me the chance to apologise though, you just shut me out," he said, a hurt tone in his voice which made me feel guilty about it all.

"I know, I'm sorry, I should have just talked to you about it," I replied.

"It's nice to know you kept my all-night work though," he said, wanting to lighten up the mood slightly, much to my delight.

I smiled as I remembered the number of times I spent reading the message inside the card, deeply wishing that it was for me. It was the sweetest thing that I had ever read up until that time, and I knew that no boy would ever say words like that to me.

"Yeah, the message was really sweet," I said before opening the card.

"I like how your eyes sparkle when you're happy and how you only get a dimple on one side when you smile or laugh and I just want to be the reason for your happiness and your laughter. Will you make me the happiest boy in our grade and have a play date with me," he said, quoting his card. "How could you not realize it was for you? How many girls were in our grade with one cheek dimples?"

"I don't know, not many people liked me when I was little and you know how tough it was so the thought that someone liked me was crazy. And I was 9!" I said, trying to defend myself. For a person with low self esteem, it was always hard to believe that somebody could actually be interested in me.

"You know, I still mean everything I wrote on there," he said as he inched closer to me. "And, I still really, really like you," he breathed out as he got even closer, his eyes flicking down to my lips.

"I still like you too Ethan," I said without thinking.

I didn't know what was happening, but what I did know was that I wanted it to. Our lips were only a few inches away from touching, and my heart was beating so loudly that I was positive he could actually hear it.

"Hey guys your hour is ov- Shit." Jake was stood in the doorway, his hand covering his eyes, making both Ethan and I jump up from the floor and away from each other.

"Erm, yeah thanks man," Ethan said.

"Alright, you guys just join us when you're ready," Jake said with a wink directed to Ethan before running back downstairs.

I could feel the awkward tension that fell between us, and I couldn't help but shift between my feet as I looked down at the ground, scared to look up at Ethan.

"You know, I'm actually glad we didn't kiss," Ethan said, making my eyes shoot up at him.

"What?" I asked, slightly hurt by his words. I for one wouldn't have minded if it actually happened, and the thought that Ethan wouldn't have felt the same way upset me slightly, even if I knew that after all I deserved it.

"I stole your first kiss when it should have been special ,so that's why I'm going to make sure that our next kiss is going to be something really special, one that you'll remember forever," he said before planting a kiss on my cheek and heading out the room, leaving me standing there frozen.

Ethan Walker, what are you doing to me?

A/N: Hey jellybeans, you thought I wasn't gonna update huh?! WELL YOU WERE WRONG! Here I am fam. I wanna thank you guys for all the 'get well soons' you commented and honestly I do feel a lot better but it was still sweet of you guys and made me feel like you cared. AWW I feel loved for once!

Also, and you're gonna be happy with this. I have the best idea for the next chapter, in fact I'm going to start writing it right now so I don't forget but you guys are going to love, love, love it!.....Hopefully.

But yeah I'm gonna make you guys proud to be a part of the jellybean fam in the next chapter you'll see. Challenge accepted! Do you get the 'Liv and Maddie' reference? HUH??HUH?? No? No one else still watched Disney Channel? Alright then this just got awkward......

YOU CAN NEVER GET TOO OLD FOR DISNEY CHANNEL!

Alright I'm going to stop embarrassing myself now.....Byeeeee.